WhatWeThink

Encountering risky situations with compassion If you had some unplanned risky situations (e.g. bare without prep), it makes a huge difference how you react on it mentally. In most cases people (that do not want consequence like HIV) feel guilty and ashamed. And then they punish themselves with thoughts like "Why did this happen? Why can't I just take my prep?".. In the long run, people feel exhausted and eventually give up. I can recommend another approach that has helped me a lot: In case I have unplanned bare sex without prep, I try to be kind and loving to myself after the sexual arousal is gone. I mentally hug my fear of infection with HIV: It has happened. But I am there for you. I will get tested and afterwards take some prep again. And if you (the fear) wants to stay, it is ok. I am there for you. This might seem weird to some. But it has helped me to get back testing and take prep. In contrast to this, self punishment leads to the opposite. So my advice is: Love yourself. Especially when you are afraid/ashamed because risky situations have happened.

Here is mine:

The purpose of this thread is to collect/share measures for those who: 1. Have risky-sex fantasies (e.g. fucking bare without prep, bugchasing, etc.) 2. Don't want the consequences that are associated with an HIV-infection My background on this topic 1. I have had thoughts to fuck bare without prep for a long time. - And I also do not want the consequences. So I have developed measures to successfully encounter my risky sex fantasies. Maybe they do not work for everyone, but it is worth sharing them. 2. For me and others it needs more than the "just go/stay on prep" advice. The roots for our fantasies are much deeper and not everyone can get it. Here is what I do to encounter my risky sex thoughts Measure 1: Accept risky sex thoughts as something natural instead of feeling guilty. Scientific research is very clear about risk: Risk taking was very advantageous for our species through its evolution. In times of scarce ressources, those groups survived who have tried to eat a new fruit/entered some new area or have had sex more risky. And there is a part of our DNA that encodes something about our risky behaviour: The DRD4 Gene. Which can even be different between humans. Of course the evolutionary advantage of our risk-arousal is not valid today. Theworld has changed. But our DNA has not adapted yet. References: Goldstein S., Wired for Risk: The Genetic Roots of Bold Behavior Garcia et al., Associations between dopamine D4 receptor gene variation with both infidelity and sexual promiscuity. Measure 2: Talk with people outside your risky-sex bubble. I can highly recommend to talk about your risky-sex fantasies and fears with a trustworthy person outside your bubble. This can give you a feeling of being accepted and not alone. Of course it is not easy to find one that listens without judging. But you shoud give it a try. They can be your hero that guide you when you get crazy in between arousal and fear. Measure 3: Still allow risky sex fantasies. You can still have risky sex fantasies / roleplays. You can imagine/talk about risky sex but it does not mean that you do it in real life. Many people play with these fantasies in a way that does not have unwanted consequences. Measure 4: Go and stay on Prep. Of course I list this measure. But it can never be the only one. Because if you do not encounter your risky-sex thoughts in other ways, you will probably start "missing some Prep pills from time to time"... For those wo are lucky, the long acting Prep is a better option. Unfortunately: Not available/affordable in many countries. Please feel free to add your measures. You are not alone. If we share what we know, we can help each other 🙂

Here is mine: