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A sigma male aka the lone wolf is a confident, self-reliant, charming, mysterious, and introverted man. He’s not ready to commit to anyone and only has a few friends in his life. He’s almost the same as an alpha male but he doesn’t have a pack following him. He loves risks and adventures and is a self-aware man Does this sound like you ? Look forward to hearing your thoughts Have a great week Carlos 😀
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I'm a senior in college at the moment. I'm an honors student, highly respected among my peers and professors, and will be applying to top PhD programs this autumn. I'm also a total slut. As much as I love academics, I love getting fucked bareback just as much - maybe even more. I love getting bred. I love getting bred a lot, and by a lot of different guys. Every time I feel a new guy sliding into my hole, or when I slide into someone new, I feel totally amazing. This, in essence, is the source of my internal tension. I have always been told that I am very smart, and that I have a bright future ahead of me (not to sound arrogant, hopefully), and I legitimately believe that I could do quite well in my field (philosophy). However, the degree to which I am slutty (which is quite high) leads me to engage in risky sexual practices on a regular basis. And, quite in fact, the risk in and of itself does not bother me; quite the contrary, I rather enjoy it. It is adventurous, energizing, and invigorating. On the one hand, my life is spent in the abstract, dealing with the nature of thought, and issues of philosophy which are (seemingly) divorced from the carryings on of the every day. On the other, I engage in behavior that is reckless at times, living in the moment and experiencing everything through sex. Sex which is risky, dangerous to my health - and by extension, possibly, my future - and yet I cannot go without it. I am not on prep, and I often do not even ask about status - for the most part I do not care. Despite how thoroughly I enjoy both of these aspects of my life, there seems to be a tension between them. My academic life is where I feel most free, and it is what I wish to spend my life doing. My sexual life, however, remains indispensable. The sex may very well adversely affect my academic life, and yet I could not do my academics without my sexual life. I suppose I just wanted to post this, and see what you all think. Most of my peers would probably be appalled by my sexual choices, and tell me that I'm throwing away my life for the sake of "mere" bodily pleasure. While I am not insensitive to this (and quite frankly, I would agree with them to some extent), it is not enough for me to stop, despite the tension that I feel. I feel like an academic, and I also feel like I am a total slut and whore. Have any of you ever experience anything like this? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
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Several months ago, I posted a thread in the General Discussion section in which I shared some of the internal tension that I had been experiencing. On the one hand, I had (and still do have) a strong desire to go to graduate school and pursue academics. On the other hand, I am extremely slutty, and the riskier the sex, the more that I enjoyed it. There were some very thoughtful responses, contributions, and input from many of you, and as a consequence I decided to begin PrEP. This post is an update... I started taking PrEP, and all was going well for the first month or two. I was having sex as usual and getting bred as much as I could. The more that time went by though, the more dissatisfied with the sex I became. The sex just didn't seem to excite me in the same way that it had used to (even though I was more or less having the same amount of sex as I had been before). It just seems as though there is something about very risky sex that energizes me in a way that I can't really explain (and maybe don't really understand either). I had been feeling that way for the past several months, thinking that the feeling may just go away - but it didn't. Basically, I've decided to stop taking my PrEP now (in reality I stopped taking it a few days ago). The sex that I had since stopping was fantastic, and I just feel amazing after. I know that what I am doing is extremely risky, but it is beginning to look like I need that sort of risk to feel fulfilled and satisfied. While it will probably sound silly, I do a substantial amount of demanding work which can be quite stressful; the risky sex that I have been engaged in has always been a source of release for all that tension and stress, and I was not able to find an outlet for it while on PrEP. Essentially, I think part of the secret to my success academically has actually been my risky, slutty sex life - and I think I need to embrace it. So, again, I've stopped taking my PrEP now and honestly I have to admit I'm a lot happier because of it. I guess, part of me still wants to know what you all think though: am I being ridiculous, or selfish? Can any of you think of any alternative explanations, or maybe other outlets? I'd honestly appreciate your input again, as I really appreciated it earlier when I was struggling with all this.
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Last night I did. this guy in the dark room was stumbling and I asked if he wanted to sit down. He said no he was fine. Then he falls but gets up, he was doing poppers and I think he was spilling them because the room smelled like them. Then he fell for a third time and I told him he should go. He was belligerent and I told him I was gonna tell the manager because he was gonna fall and hurt someone. Then he grabs me and he had retard strength. I pulled away and leaving the room he pushed me into people walking by.in the hallway. One I just grazed but one I bumped into but I told them I was sorry that someone pushed me. He seemed to be drunk, high, doing poppers and in a psychotic episode. Probably a meth head. Then I went to the front to see if I would find the manager and I realized I didn't know what he looked like since the room was mostly dark with the only light coming if from the doorways. then I saw someone leaving and realized it was him by the way he was walking and he had this creepy sneer on his face. So I went back and he had mostly cleared out the room. I was gonna stay but it was late and I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to run into him and have him hit my car with his if he was driving. then I waited a little while and left and as I was leaving I saw him coming back in, I could tell it was him because he seemed angry and crazy, I don't think he noticed me. I bet he snuck back into the club. I learned my lesson. If I saw someone stumbling I would still ask if they needed help or wanted to find a place to go sit down, but after that if they fell again I would not say anything to them, I would try to identify who it was and then call a manager or another person who worked there. -
So I did it. I went on vacation (9 days, 8 nights) and didn't take my PrEP. It feels weird going out, taking loads, and then not taking the pill that night. I wake up every morning wanting to get pozzed, but at night I'm tired and doubtful. But can't say I've got any major doubts – it's more like a nagging feeling to do the right thing. So far Fantasy Fest has been pretty slow and I've struggled to get loads. I was hoping to get 100 loads this week, which would have required I get 13 every day. But after 3 days I've only gotten 14. I'm confident things will pick up, I'm just not sure how much they'll pick up. I've never been to Key West before. The gay community here is a lot smaller than I expected. I can imagine living here you probably see the same faces all the time, but then a cruise ship or two will come in and you get fresh meat. It's like here the world comes to you. Whereas NYC just has the world all the time. But in Key West you can openly fuck at the bars. God, I wish that were more the case in NYC. I was also hoping there might be a way to attract straight guys, but the straight crowd here is pretty out there sexually. I'm seeing guys fuck women and women giving blowjobs at the gay bars. I'm sure there are straight bars where there's activity as well. Point being, if the women are putting out, the horny straight guys don't need a gay guy to service them. So far I've gotten most of my loads at Saloon 1. I even got fucked right at the bar yesterday, though that seemed a bit too public so I took the guy to the outdoor patio to continue to fuck. But I've also gotten fucked on the top deck at New Orleans House / Bourbon Street Pub. And then my buddy and I had a gangbang early evening on Monday and Tuesday. The one on Monday went well – at least for me – I got 5 loads from 4 tops, my buddy wasn't so lucky (the guys who came were a mix of 1-on-1 guys for me, and gangbang sign ups that mostly wanted to play with me, not with my buddy). But then no one came to the gangbang the next day. Sunday night pretty much every guy that fucked me at Saloon 1 came in my ass (and pretty quickly too). But last night I had gotten fucked by 5 guys and still hadn't taken a load. Then they started happening in rapid succession. After the 3rd load this guy was fucking me and I guess he went too deep and my douche failed. I was really frustrated since I was on a roll, but had to go home at that point. Cleaning out has been difficult. Trying to clean out after a 3-4 hour plane flight plus a 3-4 hour drive isn't easy. I think I fucked up something in the process and my hole got really sore (in a bad way). The next day (particularly after the gangbang) I was so sore I was worried I might have to stop getting fucked, so I did take it a bit easy that evening when I went out "only" 3 dicks (and 2 loads). But last night things seemed a lot better, so hopefully those problems are behind me. But my diet is all fucked up. I'm basically just eating when I go home at night and then the next morning. So there's not a lot of food in there. And things aren't coming down normally. Yesterday I went to clean out and I was actually pretty much clean. I'd stick my long dildo up there and it kept coming out clean. So I invited a guy over, but he would up going to the wrong Hyatt. And just as we were figuring that out, more came out and I was actually sorta glad he hadn't come over. But then I checked and the dildo was continuing to come out clean. So it wasn't like that was part of something more. And then of course, things "failed" when I was actually out getting fucked. So yesterday was tough in that regard. One good thing about Key West is that it seems a lot of the guys are only into oral. So when I'm willing to get fucked I get a fair amount of attention. It's not like I'm competing with a million other bottoms who want cum in their ass. And the age skews pretty old here, so the bottoms I am competing with aren't hot young muscle guys – meaning I've got an actual chance to get loads. We'll see if that continues into the weekend though. Bottom line, I'm hoping things get a lot busier this weekend, and the soreness of my ass goes away completely, and I've gotten into a groove with douching – 'cause I really need a lot more cum in my ass!
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So I started taking random loads before PrEP came out. And then just around the time that it was approved by the FDA was when I finally got comfortable with the idea of being a cumdump, taking any and all loads, and eventually getting pozzed. I went to a few sex parties, bent over and took loads from anyone who'd fuck me. But then I realized I could be a cumdump and stay neg if I went on PrEP, so that's what I did. That was the spring of 2013 – nearly 5 years ago now. But I gotta say there's something really anti-climatic about PrEP. I miss the risk – whether I'm taking the risk or the bottom I'm fucking is taking it. And honestly, when you get to the point where you're OK with converting, that grows on you over time to the point where now I actually want to be poz. I'm not to the point of actively chasing – more like I want to take significant, calculated risks. A few weeks ago I saw an article on Poz.com that, among other things, mentioned that there was still >90% protection a week after people stop taking PrEP. That got me thinking… I had a trip scheduled to Key West at the end of October – maybe I should just not take any PrEP with me. I'd be down there for 8 days. So based on the data, that means I'll still have about 90% coverage. BUT, even now, I don't take PrEP every day. So my protection will be a bit less. And it turns me on that I don't know how much less. My goal for that week is to get 100 loads of cum up my ass. Give at least one load a day. And manage to get a fist up my ass. (And workout, go to the nude beach, etc.) Basically I'm there to be a slut. I'm a little worried about the 100 load goal, so I might start my week early by going to a bathhouse the day before I leave. In that case if I can get at least 5 loads at the bathhouse, I'll skip PrEP that day too. That put me up to 9 days skipped. And then I was thinking if I've taken PrEP within 24 hours of having sex, then I'm not really "off PrEP" when I'm taking those loads. So I'm tempted to skip another day, but I'm thinking 10 days is more risk than I'm comfortable with. On top of that I posted a #neg4poz gangbang party ad on BBRT for the last night of the trip (in Ft. Lauderdale). I'm telling guys to pretend their toxic even if they aren't so I don't really know what I'm getting up my ass. I figure that should give some anonymity to the tops who really are toxic. If there's lots of poz talk and everyone is saying they're blowing a toxic load and infecting me, then the truly toxic tops can mix into that and there's plausible deniability for them – that they're lying just like everyone else. But the idea of taking toxic loads when I'm 8 or 9 days off PrEP is both a turn on and a worry. A small part of me is saying "life is good, why are you doing this?" but the bigger part of me is just sorta numb and wanting it to happen. I want this to be a reoccurring thing – once or twice a year I go somewhere to be a slut and don't take my PrEP with me. I'm in the 2 week period before going where I should be taking Truvada every day and getting my serum drug levels up. But I've already skipped a day or two. I'm telling myself I only get PrEP when I do significant exercise (a half hour + of weights or cycling). But the last 4-5 days I will take it every day regardless. So the plan is in motion. Who knows? Maybe in a month I'll have fuck flu. But more likely I'll still be neg. I like not knowing… [I'll try to keep blogging during this whole adventure. I want to log my thoughts and feelings…]
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10 days ago I started in Gilead's Discover study for the drug Descovy as a new PrEP drug. There are 5,000 men in the study. I haven't seen anyone else on here that's mentioned it and wondering if there are any others. It's a "sister" drug of Truvada with a change in the concentration of the active ingredients to reduce long term side effects regarding bone density and kidney function. Many (most) poz guys on Truvada have been switched over to Descovy I believe. It's not currently approved as PrEP which is why it has to be studied, and I'll be in the study group for about 2.5 years. There's a 50/50 chance I'm on the test drug, or the placebo which is Truvada. Kind of wondering what to call my "status" on bbrt and other hookup sites. I changed it to Neg + Other on bbrt. Might put "ask me" instead. Don't really wanna do something that will decrease my chances of hooking up, but I'm pretty upfront and all about repeat fuckbuds and building some trust. I plan to be a good test subject and not change my sex habits. Anyone else on it?
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Hello my friends, At first, the risk of getting pozzed is my secret fetish. But at the same time i'm really afraid of it, because it would destroy my life as med student and sportsman. Three weeks ago, I went to a young czech hooker. She had had a brace and looked a little bit sick to me. She had a thin man directly before me and no chance to clean herself in between. Aroused by that, I payed her for a bb blowjob and kissing, but didnt plan to fuck her bb. We kissed naked, I got really turned on, and she signalised me that she wanted me to fuck her right now, without condom. i couldnt resist. The chance of getting Hiv from her or from the sperm of the guy before still insight of her made me cum in seconds, but made me hard again directly. I fucked her pretty long, she gave me a short BJ and was riding me. She didnt use artifical lumbrication i think. At the end my dick was completely red and hurt for the whole next week when touching. I washed my dick in the shower with soap, and 1 hour later at home with desinfection (octenisept). Now three weeks after, i have a little cold, and a small open spot in my mouth. I usually dont get sick very often. How would you consider the risk that i got pozzed? I'm really afraid (with a boner at the same time). But seriously, pls share your experienced evaluation with me. thank you in advance
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So I've been reading through these stories and have decided to tell some true stories about my experience as a swinger, married to a very slutty girl, and the parties we used to go to. All of this happened in Vancouver, British Columbia and Seattle Washington, some of it in swing clubs, some of it in private homes, and some in our own apt In Gastown. Names have been changed to prevent anyone from figuring out who we are, but every single word is the absolute truth. My wife divorced me three years ago after she found out I was exploring my gay side behind her back. Ironically, she would have been okay with it if I had been honest with her, but there were also other stresses in the marriage, none of them to do with sex, which was always great. She's a tall girl, 6'2" (I'm almost 6'5"), and she's also quite slim. Think volleyball girl with curly black hair and you're on the right track. Perfect A cup itty bitty tittys and a tight little ass with a flat belly and broad shoulders. She's kept her looks and her fitness as well, which I know because we still meet up once in a while for dinner and a booty call. Currently she's dating a girl, and I am hoping for a threesome. She's the epitome of milf now, her ass has spread a little over the years, but she's still a fucking amazon slut. We met when she was 26 and I was 30, this was a good 15 years ago. I had put a personal ad up on one of the early internet dating sites. She responded, largely because I was one of the few guys on the site taller than her, and we went on a pretty awful date in which I was awkward, she was shy, and it didn't seem like we had any future. But I guess both of us were bored, so we went out again, and at the end of the night she asked if I wanted to come in and fool around. I was a little surprised because I hadn't gotten any vibes from her at all, but I wasn't going to say no, so up we went to her apartment. she walked in, flipped on the lights, kicked off her shoes and dropped to her knees. I hadn't even closed the door behind me, and there she was looking up at me and smiling... I kicked the door closed, and unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my fly. She leaned forward, and sank her mouth down my already hard cock to the base in one motion. I'm long, at an honest 7", and about 2.5" thick, with a big head and she was the first person ever to take me balls deep. She gulped at my cock, making her throat gag onto my cock, and when Tried to pull back a little, she grabbed my asscheeks and kept me all the way in. She made the most filthy noises, all the while grinding her face into my belly and her throat was flexing and milking at me. Suddenly she gagged hard and came off my cock, looking up at me and grinning. Tears were already running down her face, and her makeup was smeared. "I figured you had a big one," she said, in a slightly raspy voice, "but I wasn't expecting it so thick". She started sucking again, grabbing my asscheeks and encouraging me to thrust into her mouth. I got rougher and rougher, trying to see if I could push her too far, but I was in serious danger of cumming. I stopped. "Why did you stop?" she gasped, and her face was a slippery mess with drool soaking into her blouse. "I was about to cum". She laughed, and said "Good... I swallow" and leaned forward and opened her mouth. That was all I needed. I grabbed her by the hair and began to fuck her mouth in long slow strokes, making sure to leave it parked in that amazingly active throat at the bottom of each thrust until she was struggling to breathe. I could feel my load building up, that tight feeling that foretold an epic orgasm. I started talking "mmm take that fucking cock you little slut, take it fucking deep and swallow my load!" she was talking back with her mouth full of cock, something that has always turned me on and I twisted my hands in her hair and shot in her mouth. I felt her choke and gag on my cum, and I felt her throw up a little as well, bt she kept sucking and swallowing. Draining every drop into her belly and keeping my cock in her sloppy face as my orgasm subsided. She looked up at me with her mouth stretched around my still hard cock and slowly pulled back. "My turn?", she said? We spent the next couple of hours fucking and sucking, never any mention of condoms and her cunt got two more loads, and then I went home. When I got there, a message was waiting on my machine thanking me for the night, and setting up the next date, where we would be skipping the movie. I have a bunch of stories I can tell. First time we did an MFM threesome, first time she did MDMA and got gang banged, first strangers cum, the four girls on me for my birthday present... Why don't you pick one and I will tell that one next. Or ask questions.
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Chatting to a friend (with benefits!) and we were talking about doing raw and who was more at risk, a neg top fucking a pot bottom or a poz top fucking a neg bottom. I thought the second is the larger risk, but what is the sort of likelihood that a neg top is taking compared to a neg bottom if the counterpart is poz?
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Hi, I started on PrEP a week ago so I hope to start freely barebacking soon. I used to only top as I don't like to use condoms and a top has less risks of getting infected, but as that limit is being taken away, I hope to start getting fucked and take loads as much as give them. Now I've got a question about the risk for my partner who's not on PrEP. How much risk is there for a neg top when he bare fucks a bottom who has already poz loads in his ass from earlier hook-ups? As I love sloppy seconds and hope to do that a lot now, I'd like to know the risk for the other guys. For safe only guys it's easier to loose the condom when they have sex with a guy on PrEP so I don't want to give my sex partners a false feeling of security by accidentally infecting them thrpugh sloppy seconds. Thank you in advance for your response! Ps. Love hearing your stories on sloppy seconds (and thirds ect.) as well!
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Tops: Let's Be Honest About "staying Negative"
donkeyboy posted a topic in HIV Risk & Risk Reduction
Hey bros, I made the decision to bareback in 2011 and well, as they say, no way back. Been barebacking ever since and I've noticed how pretty much nobody uses condoms right now. I was fucking a poz bottom dude for a while last year. Got tested recently: negative. Have met a lot of total tops who bareback and none of them are poz, really! I only know vers and bottom guys who are poz. I can be a very aggressive fucker and the sessions gets as raunchy as the bottom is willing to it get. Keep on reading articles about how risky bareback topping is but anecdotes from guys I've met and going through forums, chat, etc. Tells me it really takes a while for a top to go seroconvert. Each time I get tested I'm not all worried about the results. It's just routine. How could I be surprised or unsettled by a positive result if I've been barebacking for so long? Also, all the poz guys I know just take their pill(s) and that is it. They don't even get a cold. Have not met anyone having all those "horrible side effects" people (especially sex counsellors) talk about or post on the internet. So what's your story if your a top barebacker and have remained negative for long? Also, some poz guys I've fucked have not been on pills so their viral load I can guess is not "undetectable." Is it the vaseline? I use vaseline a lot. I was wondering if it becomes a sort of coat protecting your cock's skin. I know I can fuck or jerk off for hours using vaseline and not get irritated at all which is something that doesn't happen with water-based or silicone-based lubricants. I am not immune and this is not about being a top because you remain negative or whatever. I don't care. I'm just wondering and I've become quite suspicious about medical articles claiming bareback topping as high risk. HIV counsellors usually try to alarm saying all kinds of stuff. So I wonder about the gap between clinical literature and the sex experts' discourse on HIV infection risk and what I've been living and the people I've met, and so on. What's your story? What's your opinion? Have to say it again. This is not about feeling good about being a top and remaining HIV negative because of that and of course this should not be taken as any sort of put-down to bottoms or versatile guys who are HIV positive. I've fucked plenty of HIV positive dudes and I don't mind. I don't mind HIV, I just wonder about the top/bottom HIV risk discourse sustained by the healthcare establishment and STD counselling, etc. Also wondering what could be it about remaining negative for long and am curious to hear more stories similar to mine. Thanks! -
Had a situation a couple weeks ago that has been bothering me so kind of talking through it here. Was traveling to visit family but on my last night I was able to get away to hook up with a guy off Grindr. My Grindr profile lists (in three places) that I'm POZ / undetectable. So before we met up this guy and I were chatting and I'm sure he said he had read my profile (but, this was Grindr, there is always a chance that was a different chat that didn't pan out). I don't remember saying I'm positive in the chat (but may have done because I usually do). While we were chatting we exchanged pics. One of the pics I sent was of me getting fucked bare. He picked up on it and said he liked bareback also. So I got to his place, not much chatting... just right to me sucking him. Once he's ready, we adjourn to the bedroom and he fucks me. No discussion about condoms or status. He gets off and we start getting dressed. And then he says: "I'm clean. You are too, right?" I mention that (as my profile says) I am positive but undetectable. He gets upset and says I should have told him before we had sex. I reply that I thought he knew since it is spelled out in my profile. He kept saying I should have said something. I explain that, since I'm undetectable and was only bottom in our encounter, there is really very very low risk. .. And that he could have asked since he knew I barebacked before. Eventually I decided to just leave. Once back to my car, I blocked him on Grindr (at that point I was worried that he might try to cause trouble). This meant that I lost a record of our chat. Since that night, it has been bugging me. He was right... I should have said verbally that I'm positive. But I also think he had responsibility here as well. He should have asked. He knew I barebacked but didn't ask (until we were done) and didn't mention or offer a condom. As my mother would say, it takes two to tango. Or am I just rationalising my behaviour?
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In the Netherlands a new research project with PrEP starts soon. They are going to test two forms of taking PrEP and I wonder if anybody has any experience with the second form. 1) Daily PrEp: Every day, with food, 1 tablet Truvada. 2) Intermittent PrEP: Between 24 to 2 hrs before possible exposure, with food, 2 tablets Truvada, after possible exposure 1 tablet Truvada every 24hrs till 48hrs after possible exposure. (I don't know if it's the first pill straight after possible exposure, so 3 after exposure, or 1 after 24 hrs so total 2 pills after exposure) Since I subscribed for this trial (even though I haven't heard yet if I can participate since there are maximum 370 spots) and the participants can choose themselves which form they choose, I'm really curious if anybody has any experience or thoughts about the 2nd option.
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I've been on PrEP for about 8 months now, and have taken it diligently every day. I would occasionally bareback, usually with friends, and any poz tops were always undetectable (so they said). That said, in the last week I took 45 anonymous loads - a decision I'm not regretting because it's something I've always wanted to do. However, other risks aside (HSV, Hep C, Syph), What are your opinions on how much I can rely on PrEP at this point? I was told that it was up to 98% effective in preventing transmission of HIV. UP TO 98%, which means there's a chance that it could be lower. Has anyone else been on PrEP and still converted?
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I as just wondering how many tops would, or have ever risked their position by gamling over, but the question could also be applied to bottoms. -
I've attached one of the only studies I know that has quantified how risky barebacking really is. When I say bareback tops are nearly as safe as safe sex bottoms - this is the study that backs up those numbers, but it says a lot more than that... Read it over and see for yourself. If you know of other more recent studies that have similar data, let me know. varghese2002-29-1.pdf
