Human Behavior

Well, no shit I was pissed, but you should also hear some of the questionable things I've called him. There are no clean hands here. We've been through some really tough shit and we're both vicious Aries hotheads to boot. He's hardly a racist, man, but I don't expect someone unacquainted with our lengthy, detailed history to understand how I could arrive at such a conclusion. The one N-word per year thing is essentially an inside joke between the two of us at this juncture of our relationship.

Voted "yes, but occasionally I will compromise." I'm versatile but mostly a top. When I bottom, I am definitely not a "any cock will do" bottom. I need to have some sort of natural attraction to the guy. I'm not an "any hole will do" top either. Fortunately, I find a pretty broad range of different guys attractive. But there are also just certain guys that I would have pause about bottoming for particularly if the guy just reads "sub bottom" to me. As a vers guy, the hottest guys to me are the ones I can genuinely see flip-flopping.

Well, I'd personally rather not be called a "nigger" in any context, sexual role play, anger or otherwise. I do find sub/dom name-calling to be a turn on in some contexts (e.g., "faggot", "whore", etc.), but, again, I'm not coming at this from a sub bottom perspective. It would likely be an instant dick softener for me. Therefore, I would greatly appreciate a non-Black person addressing his desire to use the word before the action starts. And I think I know my partner well enough to confirm he's not racist despite using the word a few times in anger over the course of almost 9 years. Relationships are complex and we're both aggressive people, tbh. Neither one of us have had the nicest things to say about each other at our lowest points when we're intent on hurting the other.

I had a conversation with him a few days ago and essentially gave him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to at least try my approach by opening up the relationship or I will consider leaving. I told him that he has no excuse to avoid trying this given his own history and that his insecurities are irrational. I also suggested that perhaps "partying" with a third might ease his reluctance some. He seemed receptive to this idea after letting it marinate for a few hours so we'll see where it goes. Hope this works out as I feel better about myself than I have in years. I'm ready for a return to the kind of sex life that's a more honest reflection of my true self. He should be too. In the interim, I decided not to wait around for him to get on the ball. I received an offer I could not refuse from this young, poz dude the other day. He was a blonde, hipster otter. How the fuck do I turn that down?!? I had lots of reservations about it initially, but ended up meeting up with him and fucking him. It was AMAZING and the guilt I expected to have was essentially non-existent. After all, the other half has already set the precedence here. Little did my bf know that he was the lucky beneficiary of this tryst. I was some horned up the following day that he got a good pounding too. Starting to genuinely feel excited about sex again and hope I'm able to get him on the same page. Not sure if I'm following you here. Unless you're one of the rare souls that's fortune enough to find someone with whom you mesh seamlessly, then you will have to put some work into any long-term relationship.

Yes, I am definitely more comfortable about playing together right now especially since I've already had a problems with him communicating his feelings with me. I would really like to see him become more comfortable around me sexually. Plus, like you, I am genuinely turned on by the idea of watching him get fucked. Sounds like you totally understand my struggle. Like you, I think he fears I will leave him for someone else. But he seems oblivious as to how much he's pushing me away regardless of how many times I've tried to explain this to him.

So here's the update. I talked to him about this almost a week ago and it did NOT go over well. He's generally a very difficult person when it comes to meaningful conversations, but I didn't expect him to react so badly. He was very opposed to the idea of us fooling around with anyone else and cut the conversation off quickly for bed. He kept saying that I just need to end the relationship if I wanted to be with someone else. I told him I didn't want to end the relationship, but I wanted to sleep with other guys together. I also said it's obvious he wanted to sleep with other guys too since he's cheated on me numerous times and pozzed me. He said that he made a mistake (more like many mistakes!) and ended the conversation. I tried to bring it up again when we were partying at a music festival a few days ago since he seemed more relaxed and he immediately shut it down again. He just will not open up to me about anything. Personally, I find him to be somewhat of a fake person which is troubling to say about one's partner of almost 9 years. He's never forthright about anything & it causes major communication problems in our relationship. I do love him and want this to work, but I'm getting a little bored, tbh. I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm starting to get more attention than I have in a while. I finally got him into weight training with me after years of trying and he loves it. We're both looking great and we definitely got some attention from other gay guys at the musical festival we just attended. But I didn't want to pursue anything with him being so difficult. Not really sure where to go from here. I don't really want to cheat either, but not sure what to do when refuses to communicate with me.

I'm a Black guy and I cannot ever imagine being called "nigger" as a turn on. I generally don't use it in my everyday life unless I'm super angry or quoting a song. Maybe its because I'm mostly a top, but it would be an instant turn off during those times I wanted to bottom. My partner is white and the only time he has ever called me that is out of intense anger. I allot him one angry n-bomb per a year. I would encourage anyone thinking of using this during sex with a Black guy to ask if he'd be okay with it well before the action starts. It would be a total deal breaker for me.

I'm really trying to be a good guy although I'm still upset about the situation at times. The HIV diagnosis has definitely been a bit frustrating particularly since I managed to avoid it during my sluttier days before this relationship. I'm 100% certain he pozzed me as he was the only person I slept with for 8 years and we tested neg early on in our relationship. I did get really pissed off after finding out about all this and had oral sex with someone else while I was fucked up. But I immediately told him about it. I wasn't even into the guy, tbh. I just wanted to get back at him, but he seemed to get over it super quick. This leads me to believe that perhaps he's capable of separating love from sex like me. The main problem that I have talking to him about opening up the relationship stems from his inability to be truly honest with me about his feelings. It's bizarre because I'm such an open book about everything including my very active sex life prior to this LTR. But he feels uncomfortable having intimate conversations with me about pretty much everything. He also has strange, prudish tendencies which do not make much sense to me. For example, I've been trying to get him to be comfortable pointing out guys he finds attractive in front of me for years. He still feels a little uncomfortable doing this despite the fact that he's literally cheated on me numerous times, watched porn with me, etc. Seriously, if he should feel comfortable talking to anyone about that sort of thing, it's definitely me. I've even seen caught him searching for "hot latino men" in his internet searches and flirting with the waiter from the Mexican restaurant we always go to on Facebook. No big deal to me except for the deceit aspect of the whole thing. We're a black-white interracial couple but I love Hispanic men too. Sounds like a super hot potential threesome to me. He's also a total bottom and I'm a vers top. Our sex is good, but I would definitely love to get fucked by someone. He's fucked me a few times, but it's clearly not his thing. I just need to get him to come out of his shell & open up to me sexually. I almost had a conversation with him about this last night, but he seemed to be in a mood. I was hoping to get this all off my chest before we head to Bonnaroo later this week. No telling who we might run into there.

Raw Strokes and Machofucker are always great for interracial bb. Raw Fuck Club has been doing a good job with a more diverse selection of guys recently too. As someone who has a cock that doesn't scene to discriminate on the basis of race/ethnicity, I do wish more BB studios would include more interracial scenes. They seem especially rare on the sites that focus on younger jock dudes like Chaosmen.

I can see both sides of the coin on this. I love seeing the internal cumming because it seems more natural, but I also want to see some jizz when I'm watching porn. The best cum scenes are the ones where the top cums internally and leave the bottom's hole oozing cum. But I guess these are difficult to execute. I do agree that the "pull it out, jack it and stick back in after cumming" routine gets a bit old and seems unnatural. I would never do that in my actual sex life. The pullouts don't irritate me nearly as much as watching a BB scene that ends with the top cumming in the bottoms mouth instead of a breeding.

I've been with my partner for almost 9 years now. Last year, we both found out we are HIV+ after he told me he had cheated on me at least four times (he says only 4 times, but I hardly have reason to believe him). Understandably, this greatly upset me since I was faithful to him, but I decided we'll work through it. He stuck with me years ago when I was having issues with alcohol and aggression. Now, I'm wondering how to address playing together with other guys. I'm naturally a very sex-positive person and feel like I've been held back sexually for many years in this relationship. Prior to our relationship, I had a very fun sex life: groups, bath houses, sex clubs, etc. I stopped all of that when I entered the relationship with him and committed to him for years. We never played with anyone else together. However, while we were fucked up, I have felt comfortable enough with him to mention how cool it would be to watch him get fucked or hit a bathhouse together. I've been hesitant to bring it up otherwise because we've had a great deal of problems communicating recently. I didn't want to add to the stress. But I'm still young at 33 and miss the sort of carefree sex I had prior to the relationship. I just want him to enjoy it with me and feel developing that sort of comfort level could actually greatly enhance our relationship. I know he would enjoy some of these activities with me if he would just ease his inhibitions some. Is it stupid of me to think he should be open to this given that he's cheated on me numerous times and we're both now poz? How should I approach this sort of topic with him?