leatherpunk16

Since summer of 2022, I have noticed a gradual decline in my sex drive. Initially, I put this down to depression following IML 2022 when I came home without recording a single video despite many plans to do so. I turned 42 in late July, and was sick with Covid immediately after because of my dumbass roommate. My experience was rather mild - the barest of symptoms for a single day, but kept producing positive tests. And from my bathhouse adventure on July 22nd to December 5th, I had sex with no one at all. I couldn't even be bothered to jack off. It just didn't interest me. Twitter porn was uninteresting to me. BZ stories and bugchasing aroused no energy in me. I was cast to make a video for Steamworks, and I had to force myself to get ready to bottom in it for weeks leading up to the event. 

Last February, I got a boyfriend after nearly a five year widowhood. He is considered attractive by many, and it took a while for me to be interested in sex with him. When we finally did the deed - all two times - I was surprised to find myself not interested in it. I've seen my doctor about this. We thought it might be low testosterone, particularly after I messed with my hormones during an intense anabolic steroid cycle in the 2021-22 period. But my numbers look fine, and are actually higher than expected. So that's not it. And I can still get it up and shoot a load if I choose to. 

I finally did make a new film over IML weekend this year, but that didn't do anything for me, either. My boyfriend finally called me out on it, and said that I'm not sexually attracted to him. And he's right. But with all that sexy male energy at such an event, I didn't feel attracted to ANYONE. There were certainly men who were "my type" at the event, but I didn't do one thing to pursue them or put myself in any situation where I might have a little fun with them. I just couldn't be bothered. Getting load or seeding that hole just wasn't important to me.

And as a porn star, I see this as a HUGE problem. Sex is what we promote, and I ... (sigh) just don't do it. I'm practically celibate. 

Anyone else experience such feelings? Is it burnout? Getting older? Boredom? Maybe psychological? If so, what put me in that spot? A friend suggested I might be in my asexual period. This doesn't bode well for my boyfriend or my career choice. And I need to solve it FAST. Anyone got any good ideas?

Let's speculate a little.

What if one performs the act of docking with a poz man? Let's say we explore the fetish of docking plus jacking off inside the foreskin. There's an open spot for transmission if the poz man cums first, ya? My thinking is that a small amount can enter the other man's urethra, thus completing the transfer.

Is that possible? 

Can't say I do. I hardly ever bottomed back when I was sexually active and barebacking, so the chances of it actually happening would be few. I could only guess at one specific memory, but can't guarantee it was the first time. 

On my 32nd birthday, I visited my fuckbuddies Jim and Donnie. I hardly saw Jim that night, but Donnie definitely pounded my hole. He kept whispering "happy birthday" in my ear while he was nailing me with his 9-inch pole. We had to stand and bend over a sofa to get the right angle for me, and it was a good fuck. When he shoots his load, he likes to say "God bless America", and when he said it on this occasion, I knew what happened. It was a good birthday.

But as I said, I don't know if that was the first time. There might have been another but it doesn't stand out in my memory. 

Although I grew up with an affinity for rainbows and putting on shows, I never made the connection to gay shit until I was much older. But I distinctly remember when I decided I liked boys. In junior high, I had different classes all over my school, enabling me to see many other people during the day. (As a sidenote, I was in the same school as my younger sister for two years and we almost NEVER saw each other there.) And there was this boy with beautiful sandy blond hair. It just flowed freely off his scalp, and he had a sweet face. I called him Evan, but we didn't have any classes together. Passing him in the hall between 3rd and 4th period was a highlight of my school day, he was just so nice to look at. 

Then one day it hit me that I had a crush. I wanted to talk to Evan, but it would be so brief and so random that I didn't find the words. I was 12 - what the hell did I know about cruising? And of course I didn't ever talk to him, and then he was just gone one day. Didn't see him again. I couldn't exactly make inquiries because I didn't have a name and it would draw unwanted attention. But I had discovered I liked boys, and not girls, and when I took to jerking off at that age, I imagined what I remembered of Evan's face. 

And it terrified me. I had always been "different", but this wasn't "natural". I kept such thoughts and feelings to myself for next few years until I figured out what it all meant.

Sometimes, yes. There's also a bar back there, and sometimes there's action behind the fence. Sometimes not. Depends on the night and the crowd.

29 minutes ago, Kinkpiggy26 said:

Thanks for the heads up. I’ll be prepared. Are bears the norm?

Only if one goes on Bear Night. Otherwise, it's a mix. And leatherwomen come here, too. 

They have a back room, and on certain nights, the dress code for that room is enforced. In plain words, come in your kinky gear, whether it's leather or rubber. Touche is a leather bar, and they mayn't let you in if you approach the back room in just a jock or a singlet. Sexy, yes, but leather is the best way to go for it. And no, just leather boots don't cut it. 

I don't see many replies to requests for first-timers in this chat, so I'm going to make a few suggestions on the assumption that no one messaged you privately. 

Depending on the length of your visit to the event, be prepared for getting overwhelmed. If it's just one day, I don't see the harm in that. Longer, however, may leave you hungry, dehydrated, penniless, and completely gassed. Remember to take a break from the partying and fun times, and go recharge your batteries in your room. FOMO is hard, I know, but you'll have a bad time if you have no energy because you skip meals or feel like hell but can't stop fucking or cruising.

There are a ton of official events, but recognize that you may not be able to attend everything. No one can, there is SO MUCH going on all at the same time. I think there are recovery meetings every day for those who are trying to stay sober; there's usually a pup mosh; nightly circuit parties and unofficial events; three floors of the market to cruise and buy stuff; so much to see and do. Bring a camera, and whatever you were planning to spend -- DOUBLE IT. Better to have the extra money and not need it for food or must-have gear or cab rides. Sometimes shuttles are around for non-event things and offsite parties. Say hello to everyone. You never know who you might cross paths with, and who might be a great fuck (if you're looking for action). And these are people you'll likely see only at this event because it's so global, so even one-time experiences can be valuable or memorable. 

If you don't mind the smoke, hang out in front of the Congress at night to meet the cigar daddies and socialize. You'll meet some great guys. Women are about, also, but the majority are men. If you're not attending the contest stuff, one can still go. The contest is OPTIONAL. But get a wristband and market pass from the ground level office of the Congress for a day or a weekend. Bring cash for this - it's recommended although they might have a credit card option now. That's really the first step - otherwise security won't let you into the market, and the hotel staff may eject you if you're caught without your pass (and they DO check). 

For food and toiletries, a CVS store is nearby, but I don't remember them having too much. The hotel has a restaurant, Rafael's, that is missable. Meh food, limited menu, a little overpriced, and (based on my history) a staff that doesn't understand basic English. The other one - I forget its name but it has the booths and glass windows on the interior of the hotel - has an acceptable breakfast buffet. Travelodge (next to the hotel) has a good breakfast place, but it fills up FAST. There's also EGGsperience down the street a little ways, and a few blocks away are Subway and Pita Heaven. Look 'em up if you want something uncomplicated. It's Michigan Avenue, so there's TONS of different places to eat. The hotels typically don't have iceboxes included with the rooms without a fee, so bringing food that requires cold isn't a great idea. Get dry, room-temperature stable food.

Definitely go to the Black and Blue Ball if you can on Monday night. Great party, and there IS a shuttle to take people there. Go dancing, or get nailed in the bathroom or on the balconies, whatever you like. Most everyone has checked out by Tuesday morning and the place is a ghost town. Also give yourself a day to get home and have "event drop". One can be exhausted and emotional the day after, and this is where self-care is important. Your recently acquired memories will still be with you, and depending on your experiences, you might feel more than a little drained. Take this time to recover, especially if you do the whole weekend plus a long flight. 

Control your drug use. Every time I've been, there is always a late night call for an amberlamps and medical crew because someone overdid it, and they get the humiliating experience of being wheeled out of the hotel on a stretcher in front of everyone. You don't want to be that person, and it means you'll spend the night (or next day) in a hospital room in terrible discomfort, and miss the fun of the event. KNOW YOUR LIMITS. 

IML is a great experience for those who just let it be - they go, they meet people, they see things they don't see at home, they collect a few souvenirs, and they go home with memories that will last until the next IML (usually people come back after their first visit because they had such an amazing time). Good luck. 

Yep. Been doing it for years. I've found that if I miss the gym for a day (or longer), I really feel it. Something in my chemistry is off, or I just find myself bored, or like I'm "missing something". I haven't always got the greatest results from my regular devotion, but I'd probably be as big as a house if I didn't take some form of exercise.

I'm in a major city, and I didn't enjoy using BBRT. I met a couple guys on it over a period of two years, and did sex with only one. Dated a couple, but those went nowhere of interest. It was mostly guys I was NOT attracted to in any way, a lot of drug users, and guys who can't reply to any messages or take a hint when I tell them no. Add to that the profiles that are full of obvious mistakes (a young fellow has set his age to 99), and I just couldn't handle it anymore. Really got nothing out of it.

I was in both Cub and Boy Scouts. Don't really remember the former and try not to think about the latter. I don't think I was a victim of abuse, but I sure wasn't treated kindly. Had a harrowing experience when I was selling Christmas trees one weekend and the trailer caught fire. Since I wasn't taught the value of hard work and taking pride in my work, I was totally overwhelmed by the requirements to move up in ranks and earning badges. After summer camp in '92, I never saw my earned badges or friends from the event again, and changed chapters. In my last group, I met a bunch of guys I went to junior high with, but I was too immature to really fit in with them. The only memorable thing from my brief time with this later group was firing a gun for the first (and only) time. I really lost interest when high school came, and never went back. 

I've joked with my boyfriend that he should cover me head to toe in rubber during IML, and parade me around with a leash, and start whoring me out to kinky men. He's not crazy about the idea, but so far, history has shown that people don't want to have sex with me unless they are equally unappealing at these events. I don't know what THAT'S about, but there it is. Some anonymity might be a boon here.

It HURT. A lot. I bled all over a random guy's new perfectly white Martha Stewart bedsheets. And when morning came, I found that my dick was quite bruised as well. Not related to the bottoming, but was definitely part of the overall experience. 

This past IML (in 2022, ya?), I found myself a little vexed when I checked into my room at the Congress Plaza. This is where LeatherWerks put me up for the week at their expense, so I really had to take it. One of the first things I did in that room was check the shower head, and I was dismayed to find that I wouldn't be able to modify it to add my douche nozzle. The equipment wasn't a match for my Fort Troff hose. So I couldn't use it for that purpose, and had to buy a bulb and bottle apparatus from LW. And, as could be expected, I never got to use it. No one filmed with me or fucked me over that whole event. So I brought the hose for nothing, and bought the kit for no reason. 

This is advice for those planning to go to the event and don't know the place beforehand. 

What, no joke about concealing a dangerous weapon on an aircraft? 

God.

Damn.

But the ending made me LOL. A flight attendant??? Very out of left field, but definitely sets up how he's going to accomplish his mission. 

All right. Keep up this intensity and we will have a very dark and entertaining adventure. 

I used to. Nearly ten years ago, I hooked up with this sexy boat captain with surfer-looking hair. He was well endowed, and when we fucked, I was his bottom to start. My dick was SO HARD back then. Total steel. Nowadays, my hard dick saves its energy when bottoming, but balloons right back up when it's time for me to unload.

Some of the parts still work, so there's that. LOL

I have practically the same things every year.

- finding a lover

- career success

- more porn work

- improving my physique

- doing shows (used to be specific operas when I had a performing company)

- new body mod

When I wrote the list for 2023, I realized this was the same list I wrote for 2022 but with worse handwriting. 

The first time I did fisting, I got a nice bloody surprise.

My pig buddy Jim had been watching some German porn (probably WurstFilm or something), and he showed me a fisting video. He asked me if I could do that. I had no experience or even knowledge of it, so I agreed to give it a go. He got on his bed, I covered my hand in Crisco like the guy in the video, and went to it. Jim opened up easily, and I just let instinct guide me. Unfortunately, he was drunk and high at the time, so the most I got was grunts and moans from him. And then silence except for his breathing.

I don't know how much time passed, but eventually my hand began to tire out. I asked him if that was enough, and I got no answer. When I checked on him (with my hand still inside), I observed that he had passed out completely. His breathing was fine as if he had gone to sleep. So I pulled my hand out. Covered in redness. I kinda wanted to beat off with it, but something told me not to do this. It freaked me out, so I went upstairs, and found his partner in the kitchen. I showed him the hand, and he passed me a bottle of Dawn dish soap. We checked on Jim after, and got him into bed for the night. 

A couple days later, I asked after him, and he said he was totally fine. And every time after that, he asked me to fist him again. 

Probably my lack of preparation and overdoing it led to the bleeding. I've got a lot better since then.

Boner: achieved 👍

I can definitely read the excitement in the text. Keep that same level of energy, and it'll be another BZ classic.

Today I shot another film for Treasure Island Media. It was last-minute, so they didn't have a partner for me. We did a solo. I actually lasted longer than normal when jerking. When the time came (lol), I propped myself up on my shoulders, and shot the cum on my face and in the mouth. SALTY! But a good scene, and an easy paycheque. 

Suddenly I'm ready to talk on ALL THE COCKS. lol 

You might get some ideas from a film that Axel Abysse put out recently. He did food in the hole fetish. What a weird fucker. 

Watch: [think before following links] https://bit.ly/3o9PZQ4

Download: [think before following links] https://bit.ly/35X7Nr2

1 hour ago, vladkor said:

I havent really bottomed before, but been meaning to turn into a full time bottom, how do i clean and prepare my hole?

Get a douche from a sex shop. You can get either the bottle attachment thingy, or a shower wand. Or a Fleet enema from Osco if that's easier to obtain. (Follow the directions on the box if that's the case.) If you make the investment in the shower wand, you'll also need an attachment from the hardware store to hook into your shower head. I forget what it's called. When it's running water through the hose, put it up to your hole, insert it a little ways. If the water is still running down your leg, you're not inside, and it won't do more than clean your crack. Put it inside the rectum (only the head, not the whole thing), let the water rush in. Count to five and pull it out. Keep the water inside if you can - squeeze the sphincter like you're trying to hold a poop inside. I like to squat a little and push out right there in the bathtub. Most homes and apartments have decent plumbing to allow for this, but if you're more comfortable making a quick trot to squeeze it out in the toilet, that's also an option. Either way works. (If you do the toilet trot, lay a towel down first or you might fall or drip water everywhere.)

The first couple times may not yield any change in colour, but keep adding water and pushing it out. This can take as much as 5 minutes or 40, depending on your colon. When the poop starts to come, you're doing it right. Keep going for a little while, and you should instinctively know when you've had enough. Exit the tub, dry off, and leave the toilet lid up (not the seat!). Go about your usual business, but don't go far from the bathroom. When you feel an urge to poop, go back to the bathroom, sit down, and let the water gush out. You may have to wait a few minutes for this process to happen. Keep doing it as needed, and when the water stops pouring out of you, then you should be ready. That's no guarantee of a clean hole - one can be surprised, but repeated practice with this will help you figure out how your internal economy works. 

I'm currently preparing to bottom at Steamworks live show, so I'm cleaning out more often these days and stretching with plugs. I'm finding that I'm quite literally full of shit. But when I have tried to bottom and DIDN'T make sure I was cleaned, it either resulted in poop dicks or gritty pain for me that creates bleeding. It's really more comfortable for the bottom if there are no obstructions. Some days it just doesn't work out, and a sea of brown follows. 

Fortunately, when I've had to make films, my hole has cooperated and allowed me to at least give the illusion of being cleaned. The motivating factor to make 100% sure I'm ready is that it will be on camera and people will see it if I did a half-assed job. And I don't need my pay docked because the editing team had to see that and take out a potentially good moment.

When I was a top, and my bottom was messy, it was (and still is) SUPER IMPORTANT to not shame the bottom. No freaking out over a little brown, no comments that could be hurtful or make things more embarrassing, and to be patient with those who trot back to the shower to do a touch-up. My ex was not prepared when we got together at IML, and he went to full panic mode, and it killed the vibe. 

Two things to take away from this:

- Take the time to do the cleanout. If it's impromptu (like at a bar when you hadn't planned to fuck), that's forgivable, and the tops should know this. No different than disclosing one's status.

- If your bottom is dirty, don't fucking shame them for it. It's the butt after all, fudge DOES come from there, and we all do it.