Those who have HIV how do you really feel? there is a disconect....

[norefusal]

i don't understand where all of this is going. of course poz guys are going to say they have no regrets because it's the only healthy and productive way to move forward accepting facts. regrets over things you can't change is counterproductive imho. it's "normal" to feel pride about who you are. 

we all waste time thinking about what we'd do differently if we had the chance to do it all again and the truth is we all did what we did because that's what made the most sense for us at that time. do overs would make us different people in both good and bad ways. not better, just different. 

but at the end of the day, chasing is a 100% personal choice. no one can tell you to chase or not to chase. we each do what works for us. 

[RawRumner]

On 3/13/2012 at 3:34 PM, adam4adam said:

Those who have HIV how do you really feel? there seems to be a disconect between what i read here and what i here fron HIV positive men offline

I was a bug chaser until i met my first HIV+ postive man from there not only did i stop bb but gave up bug chasing...i did mess up once and got bred but i went from getting bred by different men about two 3 times a week, from just poor judgment and once within the past two months...for me that an accomplisment

but i still struggle with the wanting to be poz. i feel once i get it i can finally stop worrying but my questions are

1. Do you regret it? I talked to several poz men over the past month all of them regret it. One guy wants to poz me but he is realistic about the medications and what they do to his body. The medication is expensive (in the united states)

2. Is it really sexually liberating. I would imagine the pozzing fuck itself would be intense. There is someting powerful about truly giving your ass up in the ultimate way. But what about the day after?

3. What happens when a cute neg boy is interested in dating you? LIke i am in this position now. there is a chance that i am poz. So i kinda been putting him off until i get tested again and know for sure.

I have so many other questions but i dont want to bother this forum since i am no longer chasing. I do miss my slutty days but like someone here said i alone can control my destiny, but the thought of taking a charge load still 

I've had similar frieghtening talks with HIV positive men.  

 

Maybe the rest of the world have communities of sex positive, positive and positive-friendly guys.  Not so in canada. Outside the two cities, the stigma, whether fear based or something else, is as powerful and isolating as at the peak of the 1980s hysteria.

 

We're canadian, so of course, no one is rejected for that reason.  No one is rejected at all.  HIV positive men never even get that chance.  They are avoided online and elsewhere. Conversations never even start, because it would have to end with the negative person declining to meet. Perish the thought of honesty.

 

Instead, eveyone pretends to be blind and deaf and when those fail everyone is just too busy... "So hectic.  I have to run now.  I'm late for another friend's birthday party.  5th one today! Can you believe it?   K.  I'll call you when I'm free.  Buh-byeeee".

 

Scenarios like that play out every day and remind everyone living with HIV, "Unless you're good all by yourself, you might as well not exist".

[Cutedelicategay]

This topic is so redundant in today's world especially in the western world. With Prep and DoxyPep and further research bug chasing will get nearly impossible. I am convinced that noone in their right frame of mind would want to acquire HIV just to be "liberated". I agree with one of the posts that at least make your posts to distinguish between fantasy and reality. The bug chasing was something that many from the AIDS Era felt. For them liberating and getting over with was out of desperation.  They couldn't separate from their identity and their sexual needs. They saw friends and partners dying in front of them. Healthy one day and gone the next. This is how this sub community of bug chasing began. However of note is that many even in the 80s stayed negative and gay. HIV is indeed the most misunderstood thing in the community.

[1hornyjohn]

On 10/21/2019 at 1:31 PM, Loveitraw said:

Diagnosed a little over a year ago. Went on meds because it was the best option for me at the time.  So I guess for me its all still pretty fresh.

Was I careful? Not even a little.  Was I chasing? Not really; but before I found out I was poz I had discovered this site and a few Tumblr ones that went into the fetishising of HIV and was starting to find the idea more and more of a turn on.  So its likely that my outcome was inevitable.

I wasn’t shocked put it that way.

Do I regret it.  Yes and no.  Like all things that change your life there are two sides.  How you deal always depends on you as a person.  I’m lucky in as much as in the UK, at least so far, meds are taken care of.  The support offered to me has been second to none and my own pragmatism has meant that its just a fact about myself that I have assimilated.  
How or if you share is tricky. Stigma is real and people will be different once they know.  Decades of negative press and attaching the notions of “dirty” have made people unconsciously assume that all people with HIV revel in filth.  It is something they have done rather than something that happened to them as with other illness.  Whilst this is changing slowly there will always be those that think the worst and you won’t know which ones they are until they know.

Has it been liberating? Kind of. Sure. I still cruise and enjoy hooking up. I have become more open and confident in who I am because once I learned I was poz I had a “fuck it” moment. Its not that I don’t care, but I’m not going to let it be the deciding factor in the rest of my life because I can’t change it.  But I can live with it and I’m going to do so on my terms.

TL;DR There is a thrill to risky sex for sure.  But there are consequences.  If you are the type of person who doesn’t deal with crisis but falls into drama then perhaps stick to a less rocky path.  There are still views to enjoy and memories to make.

I think I could have written thus myself. I live in UK

 Got diagnosed poz back in 2020. Put on meds and am now undetectable.  For me it's just another condition I have to manage along with hypertension, dodgy knee, poor eyesight. 

My sex life has been liberated somewhat without the "worry" of getting pozzed. U = U is very apt. I get 6 monthly checks at Dean St ( or more often if needed!)

It mirrors my life. Wish I'd written it.

 

[ellentonboy]

Unfortunately for those who got it by accident, and did not chase, life goes on with pills, injections and doctor's appointments.  I certainly never fantasized about becoming poz, it found me.  I don't understand why people would intentionally want to do this to themselves, but I don't judge.  I know that BZ offers a "safe place" for chasers so I won't say anything more about that.

It is a manageable disease, I have lived through what I hope is the worst of it.  Doesn't change out it affected my career and life.  For those of you who are long time survivors (pozzed in the earlier 90s) I wish you all luck.  I've been fortunate, not everyone has.