Is it rude to ask a barebacker if he's "clean"?

[uncut23]

I see all these profiles stating "clean only", and I have to wonder if HIV+ men feel put down or discouraged by such phrasing.

[GermanFucker]

Well, I am neg so I cannot claim to know what it feels like to be asked if I'm "clean".

I do believe that everyone has the right to make his own choices and that goes for neg men wanting to have bareback sex with other neg men as well. Whether or not that is realistic risk avoidance strategy is another question. But I do believe that all of us are allowed to make flawed decisions. So I do think that it is absolutely OK to ask and that everyone should be able to deal with the question of serostatus when seeking bareback sex. Ideally somewhat honestly and honorably. Noone should be pissed off by such a question.

HOWEVER, I find phrasing such as "clean" or "healthy" completely moronic and insensitive. As if someone were dirty just because he's got HIV. I've fucked so many poz guys. Some got it from cheating boyfriends, others were tricked, some just didn't know. To believe it couldn't happen to you (even as a non-"barebacker") or me is ridiculous. Maybe it's meant as a euphemism to avoid the bad word HIV. But for fuck"s sake, if it's HIV you ask about, have the fucking honesty to ask about it directly. IMHO directness and honesty is always more respectful than bullshitting someone.

If someone asks me if I'm clean I say I shower regularly. If someone asks me if I'm healthy I answer honestly that I have allergies and a bad knee. - "No, that's not what I meant!" - "Then say what you mean, fool. And yes, BTW, I'm neg.".

P.S.: What's at least as bad as asking if someone is clean is asking if someone "has AIDS" when meaning HIV. It's a fucking syndrome, not the disease per se, everyone should know the fucking difference.

[evilqueerpig]

Vague questions will get vague responses, but not everyone will be honest about their status....not exactly rude, but a foolish way of phrasing the question.

[calrockxxx]

Yes, it's obnoxious. It shows how immature they are if they can't even utter the words "HIV positive." I've gotten very good act clicking the "block" and "ignore" buttons when I come across those profiles.

But the whole "clean" thing is no worse than the guys who say they're neg in their profiles and then say they're poz when they hit me up. What other things do they lie about?

[Pig Bottom]

Clean to me means not getting shit on your dick. It you want to ask about his HIV status you better find another way.

[slowfuck]

As Pig Bottom says, clean to me is to do with having a clean hole, but it's an academic point as I would avoid anyone who says anything like that in their profile.

[Able_101]

great points dude

Yes, it's obnoxious. It shows how immature they are if they can't even utter the words "HIV positive." I've gotten very good act clicking the "block" and "ignore" buttons when I come across those profiles.

But the whole "clean" thing is no worse than the guys who say they're neg in their profiles and then say they're poz when they hit me up. What other things do they lie about?

[JohnnieB]

I find it offensive and a chickenshit way to ask someone's status. I avoid those guys who include it in their profiles.

[joerawma]

I agree with JohnieB. Asking if I'm "clean" is a cop-out. If you really want to know whether I'm poz, ask it. Added insult to injury: asking if I'm "clean" after you've already topped me.

[benny22]

i agree with "slowfuck" in some way,when i read clean only i dont thing about hiv status,i think about being"clean"lol .

[AlwaysOpen]

As a long term ( 24 or 25 yr so far) bearer of the HIV marker, I always have been upfront in my profiles where possible and put out poz in the profile details. I have assumed with that out there and some drooler asking if I am clean, they are asking if I am dripping gonno from my cock or syph out my ass, or maybe they are worried I have crabs, scabies, or some fungal growth -- . well, I make sure I am tested if any symptom crawls out and to the front, so I guess I AM clean !! So I guess it would be correct to reply that I AM CLEAN!! Oh, like a fine mist of Febreeze , pure and perfect ! Uh, unless of course that guy last night or 3 days ago who said HE was clean wasn't, in which case.....

[cumaddict71]

Agree. The word "clean" in this content is obnoxious.

[bbottom26]

So I do think that it is absolutely OK to ask and that everyone should be able to deal with the question of serostatus when seeking bareback sex. Ideally somewhat honestly and honorably. Noone should be pissed off by such a question.

HOWEVER, I find phrasing such as "clean" or "healthy" completely moronic and insensitive. As if someone were dirty just because he's got HIV. I've fucked so many poz guys. Some got it from cheating boyfriends, others were tricked, some just didn't know. To believe it couldn't happen to you (even as a non-"barebacker") or me is ridiculous. Maybe it's meant as a euphemism to avoid the bad word HIV. But for fuck"s sake, if it's HIV you ask about, have the fucking honesty to ask about it directly. IMHO directness and honesty is always more respectful than bullshitting someone.

well put. this is basically how I feel on the topic.

[cumaddict71]

yes, could not agree more

[Inception]

I don't get asked this online, but often will get asked that question at the tubs. If a guy asks I just show him the door. Two weeks ago I did have a guy ask outright if I was HIV negative, and when I said no, he then said "But I guess it's safe with a condom..." like he was talking himself into it since he was into me. I left, not because I am insistent on bareback but because I didn't want to be in a situation where once he came he hd second thoughts about what he had done. This Sat night he was at tubs again and he eyed me a couple times but I avoided him. I think he got the impression I turned him down cause I wanted it only bare.