Ashamed but "adickted"

[wood4me]

Title says it all. I still carry a great deal of shame over my sexual orientation.

From an early age I knew I was attracted to men, and I had the "fortune" of having an older neighbor who knew exactly what to do with me. From the age of 9 to 13 I was his cocksucker. My family moved and I suppressed my feelings/love of cock. I even dated girls through high school and college.

But my senior year I met a wonderful older man on campus. He worked for the college maintenance department.

A rush of feelings, emotions and yearnings resurfaced. A long story short I became his bitch. The first time he re-assuredly pushed me to my knees and I smelled the wonderful scent of his cock through his boxers, I was hooked.

I wrapped my lips around his cock and I felt at home, like it was second nature to me. And the first time he plowed my hole, I knew I'd never date a woman again, and I haven't.

I really love being a sub bottom. Love taking care of a top's needs.

I KNOW I'm a faggot. BUT I still have tremendous guilt sometimes.

How did any of you come to terms with and reconcile these feelings which contrast so called societal norms?

[ronetbus]

Find some gay friends and make your own societal norm. I don't know where you live, so I dn't know how easy this would be, but it is what made me eventually feel proud to be who I am. I was born this way and refuse to feel ashamed.

[Pig Bottom]

How did any of you come to terms with and reconcile these feelings which contrast so called societal norms?

Fuck society, it's your life, live it. Move away from your family if you have to, you don't have to come out to them, only to yourself.

[evilqueerpig]

Put the guilt out of your mind and concentrate on the pleasure you get out of being a gay man.

[pulszer]

i used to beat up other gay guys at school.

[HungLatinDom]

You only have one life. Don't let others ruin it for you, now that you have the chances. Others before us did not have the opportunity, and struggled hard to be free.

[Snarkybitch]

You only have one life. Don't let others ruin it for you, now that you have the chances. Others before us did not have the opportunity, and struggled hard to be free.

This. You know you're attracted to women, not men. Feeling guilty about it accomplishes nothing. Assuming this guilt is religion-based, perhaps finding a gay-affirming church would help?

[thick]

Feeling guilty about being turned on by gay sex is not rational. It is like feeling guilty about liking brocoli and hating carrots. Everybody has tastes they prefer. Allow urself to relax and enjoy the beauty of sex.

[wood4me]

Hey thanks guys for your support.

@ subtenor : I live in NYC a gay mecca. But too much family here. Seriously considering moving FAR away.