The stupid question; Neg, Poz, indecetable?

[Pig Bottom]

It's not a stupid question, there are neg guys who bareback. A friend of mine started seeing a guy and after they fucked he found out my friend was poz and freaked out, he should have asked first, plus the guy had a boyfriend anyway.

[spike-the-cat]

I don't mind at all if I guy asks if I'm poz. And I'll be honest and say yes. I do get pissed off at the guys who ask instead "Are you clean?" If you can't talk frankly about the sex you're having--if you have to use stupid vague euphemisms--then you shouldn't be doing it.

I'm tempted to lie to guys who ask "Are you clean?" (or pretend I don't know what it is that they're too chickenshit to say directly--Hey, I took a shower today). But I don't. The closest I've come is to simply leave the room without answering the question.

[slowfuck]

I don't know if you are being asked that as a top or a bottom. If as a bottom I take "are you clean" as meaning have you cleaned out your ass.

[boywonder]

I couldn't disagree more. Being an adult brings responsibility. For your actions, for your words, for the way you treat people. Especially when you don't respect others. You act as tho the "donor" is a god. Removed from the human aspect of life. As GermanFucker says, man up and take responsibility for your actions. You don't get a free pass just because others may be naive.

Oh, and by the way, Webster states the meaning of emotion as "a strong feeling (such as love, anger, joy, hate, or fear)". So first of all, honesty is not an emotion. Nor is it crap.

Honestly I stopped caring when he said "indecetable," and clearly didn't understand the definition of emotion.

[tallslenderguy]

I think it's cool that there is a discussion like this on a site like this. You'd never find something like this on MH or A4A, etc.. I'm a mostly bottom guy and I honestly have some conflict over this. I do understand and take responsibility for my actions when I get cum slutty. Sometimes I ask, sometimes I don't. I don't want to be poz, but don't want to go without cum either. I think it's a little ironic, at the least, that our sex drives can result in our demise. But I also understand that my desire to be fully taken and had by another guy isn't a simple rational decision, it goes a lot deeper (so to speak) than deciding what shirt I'm gonna wear today. On the other hand, I don't know if I could go so far as to say it's a completely natural part of my make up. Maybe my natural make up on crack? I love getting fucked, but I love affection to and wonder if I could be satisfied by having less of one if I had more of the other? I don't know.

I think most here have the question answered as best it can be. If a guy asks (and you know), honesty is just the right thing to do. If you don't know, it's honest to say "I don't know." If a guy doesn't ask... well, that gets kinda gray, I can see points on both sides, especially if undetectable. There is no set standard for public, say bathhouse or bookstore, fucking where a guy is just bent over taking it... then it comes down to individual choice. The guy bent over is making a choice to take a risk, but the poz guy who knowingly seeds him is also making a choice, but at that point each is individually responsible for their choice.

[slowfuck]

Did I do this right? A top on BBRT had 'Ask me' for his HIV status, and mine is an honest 'Not sure'.

I wrote... "Also if you fancy a fuck sometime let me know your HIV status. I tested neg a couple of months ago but do fuck poz guys bare and take poz undetectable guys, so not sure of mine."

He replied... "I'm undetectable..."

I immediately thought of the post where someone reported a guy said he was undetectable because no one could tell he was poz, and also of the follow up medical history questions needed to qualify the answer of true undetectable, but I kind of lost the courage to persist and engage at that level.

We didn't hook up after all that but I still couldn't be sure whether he was telling me the truth or just what he hoped would get him in my butt

[cam1972]

Did I do this right? A top on BBRT had 'Ask me' for his HIV status, and mine is an honest 'Not sure'.

I wrote... "Also if you fancy a fuck sometime let me know your HIV status. I tested neg a couple of months ago but do fuck poz guys bare and take poz undetectable guys, so not sure of mine."

He replied... "I'm undetectable..."

I immediately thought of the post where someone reported a guy said he was undetectable because no one could tell he was poz, and also of the follow up medical history questions needed to qualify the answer of true undetectable, but I kind of lost the courage to persist and engage at that level.

We didn't hook up after all that but I still couldn't be sure whether he was telling me the truth or just what he hoped would get him in my butt

Speaking from only my experience, I've found that if guys have "Ask me" as their status, they are poz. I've never met a neg guy who put that as their status. But there is always a first for everything.

[NiceHard1]

Poz or Neg (or even "undetectable") is not black or white. But I do think its cool to talk about it and get a sense for how a guy cares about himself and others. Asking a little more than poz or neg, such as --- how often do you get tested for hiv, viral load, or other stds could be a valid conversation. Of course you never have assurance that a person is honest or that his status is still as it was on his last test, but I think that you can get a good feel for a guy in the conversation.

A support neg guys who want to bareback, accept that there is risk, but wish to have a harm reduction strategy to the best of their ability, by trying to fuck with guys who claim to repeatedly test negative or undetectable. A guy who continues to get repeated negative or undetectable test results every 3-4 moths is doing something right to stay that way, and likely a lower risk than a guy who doesn't know his status.

And if someone really is not concerned about becoming poz, or may want to become poz may not need to be as concerned with those questions!

[benny22]

maybe im insecure.................. but i like bareback and prefer undetecable guy........... at least they know their status and they take care of them self ..........for myself the math is simple 80 fuck from the start of the years(all undetecable(i asked)) and im still neg period.

[muscmtl]

Banged 3 twenties (separately, sigh...) this week (24, 25, an 27 yrs old.) It`s a lucky week cause this never happens. They each asked for my status and my answer was: "If you have to ask, don't BB."

They laughed, and each told one me he was poz. This was a surprise since I believed that with the meds, hardly anyone was converting these day. So I asked for more details. All 3 had the same answers: they got it from guys who told them they were neg (which means that a bunch of negs out there still have no idea they are poz.)

In a funny way, all 3 studs were happy to be po and would never go back. Still, can't shake the feeling that if you think you re being a safe barebacking for a top who said he was neg, then you re a fool.

Steve

[tallslenderguy]

Still, can't shake the feeling that if you think you re being a safe barebacking for a top who said he was neg, then you re a fool.

Well, it's a valid "feeling." It is not "safe." Maybe a little safer but can't really measure how much more. There are so many factors that many have mentioned. Here's a few factoids for any who might be interested (keep in mind when you look at stats for HIV you are usually looking at all populations, not just gays, e.g., intravenous drug users, so that skews the numbers).

20% of those infected don't know they are. So, if you get fucked by 10 guys, and ask all 10 about their status and they all say they are negative (and are not knowingly lying), two of them are positive. Of course, even those who know they are neg only know that if they haven't fucked since their last test results.

50% of poz people are participating in ongoing care.

28% of poz people have suppressed viral loads.

There is a 96% reduced transmission rate when viral loads are suppressed.

[slowfuck]

Thanks for the factoids! Re the neg test, it's not only not having fucked since, it's also not having fucked in the window period before the test. No wonder people are confused!

[GermanFucker]

They each asked for my status and my answer was: "If you have to ask, don't BB."

They laughed, and each told one me he was poz. This was a surprise since I believed that with the meds, hardly anyone was converting these day. So I asked for more details. All 3 had the same answers: they got it from guys who told them they were neg (which means that a bunch of negs out there still have no idea they are poz.)

In a funny way, all 3 studs were happy to be po and would never go back.

So it seems that in the end it actually was a good thing to talk about it.

[rivertimber]

I really like that you have brought this topic up. Both sides of the fence are in a way right. First of all, I may make some of you that say negative, or unknown, or ask me upset by me asking, but my thought is when was the last time that you actually updated your profile. Not to mention testing. I have never been tested. Someday I will need to get tested and setup a repetative testing cycle. First if you are Poz then you should at some point before the end you need to state (even if it is in your profile) your status. If someone is really into you and doesn't care about your status, Happy Fucking. For Bottoms, it is ultimately your responsability to ask the right questions. And yes I said plural questions. Now when I was younger, and knew better, I was dumb and not thinking about HIV I was just thinking about sex. DUMB!!! Both sides need to ask and tell there status. But the more I read on here, the more one realizes that negs may not be negs. And these negs may just be more dangerous that those that are Poz (whether they state Poz or Undetectable).

It would be interesting to see some numbers on those who contracted via "Neg" vs. "Undetectable"

[Sobemaster40]

tested by Terros for HIv and Syphilis neg.

next test in 3 months ( no sex until that time)

i always show my papers as proof

profile updated