What you do when someone you don't like contacts you in a sex site/app?

[vrsbbltn]

When I log-in to adam4adam, grindr, etc., it's because I am horny and looking for sex, not to waste my time talking shit with guys I know nothing will happen. So, if anyone I don't like sends a message, most probably I'll ignore him.

I do so not because I'm a bitch or a shallow queen. I do it because no matter how politely you tell most guys, they can't take a "no", or an "I'm not interested", or "you're not the kind of guy I'm looking for", etc. I have noticed that if I reply to them with such messages, chances I'll be insulted are extremely higher than when ignoring them, and then they'll block me and I don't have a chance to insult them back, which is annoying. I am a very nice person, don't care about other's body, race, income, age, looks, etc., but when looking for sex, as all other humans, I have preferences.

We cannot pretend everyone to be nice, polite, professional, with full sense of ethics at such sites. When we log-in to them, we must understand it's very shallow, and assume the risks. It's like a market, you choose what you like, reject what you don't. It's sad, but it's like that, that's the truth about them. I have been rejected many times, and I don't get mad at them, I know I am not the kind of man absolutely everyone is looking for, it makes no sense. I also understand that people react and act different, some will ignore me, some will say "I'm not interested". Insulting someone because he ignored you in such sites denotes you have a very low self-esteem, getting mad at someone you don't know who was not interested in you.

I am starting to wonder what should I do, maybe block them right away if I'm not interested to avoid being a victim of their angry, bad temper?

I'd like to know your impressions on this, what your experiences are, what you do when this happens to you, do you tell them you are not interested, ignore them? Do you think it's not ethical ignoring them in such sites despite the risk of being insulted, do you take the risk?

[bbzh]

Chat sites can bring out the worst in people unfortunately. I say just ignore the guys. And just shake it off if someone is rude. After all, they don't know you so why take it personally.

I am noticing how chat sites seem to be a big waste of time. After a certain amount of time, you've probably hooked up with all the guys who you want to hook up with anyway. I see the same guys over and over which is why I travel around the world to have sex with different guys.

I rarely get into conflicts online because I assume that if a guy visits my profile and doesn't say anything or leave a footprint or oink or something, then he's not interested. If I happen to express interest and it's not returned, I don't sweat it. And I don't chat up guys just to pass the time. I have real friends for that. So it's all about the hookup. If we are not fucking after 5-7 exchanges then we both need to move on.

The older I get the more I prefer the bar scene. You know right away who likes you if you know what to look for and there's no time wasting. I am talking about bars with darkrooms. Hehe.

Edited October 23, 2012 by bbzh

[AlwaysOpen]

I think it is only fair to send them a thanks back for the interest- and a simple msg that you are in a rush and cannot chat , but wish them best of hunting and good luck. Call it Karma coins- but at least then they know they are NOT going to be inhaling your exhaled air anytime soon, and they still have a trace of self worth intact. Most guys prob will read it as a No Thanks, but it is delivered in a gentle manner and the guy has some self ego left

[youngslut]

If it's a decent sounding guy who I'm just not attracted to, I send a quick "sorry not interested" response, or a "bad time right now" response if I might be interested sometime in the future.

If it's some idiot who can't write a coherent sentence and is probably drunk or on drugs, I don't respond and block him. Yes I'm a kinky slut, but that doesn't mean I belong to any dumbass with an internet connection.

[TigerMilner]

Don't like? Hmmm. That would be some guy who has already fucked me and either was not what he said he was, couldn't shoot a load, or smelled bad. Other wise, I'd be taking his load. lol. In that case I just take forever to respond, or don't open their emails at all, since they know when have. It helps to have two profiles too. I have my mr nice guy looking for a nice bullshit profile that I use to chat with aquaintences who I don't fuck with and I have one called Gangbanghole that gets so much more interesting responses and leads to getting fucked all the time.

[NLbear]

I had a few who became abusive when I did not want to meet them and started calling me names etc. Had a guy who told me I was not his type at all and he did not find me attractive but if I wanted him to fuck me he was "willing to do so". WTF? Why contact me in the first place? Told him I was not interested. He then started sending me abusive responses. I blocked him.

If I am not interested in someone who contacts me I just send a "thank you" note back (always the polite guy....). Some see that as encouragement and don't see that as a rejection and start messaging me. If those send something back again, I simply don't reply anymore or reply with very short replies. They usually stop then.

If I contact a guy myself and get nothing back, or just a short note, I just leave it at that as he is clearly not interested. End of story.

[GermanFucker]

I am starting to wonder what should I do, maybe block them right away if I'm not interested to avoid being a victim of their angry, bad temper?

I'd like to know your impressions on this, what your experiences are, what you do when this happens to you, do you tell them you are not interested, ignore them? Do you think it's not ethical ignoring them in such sites despite the risk of being insulted, do you take the risk?

Victim, really? A sticks and stones thing comes to mind here.

I, personally, am completely self-assured. I don't get insulted easily (not on chat sites at least, I do have my honor, i.e. if e.g. some I respect calls me a liar, I do get insulted. Just not by chicken-shit.). If someone lacks the self-esteem to deal with rejection, that is his problem, not mine. If he starts to send angry messages, I don't worry about them one nano-second.

I do believe in karma, so I try to be as open, honest and friendly - in one word: sincere - as possible. I might use sentences like:

"You are an attractive guy and I'm sure you'll find plenty of other tops here. You're just not 100% the type I go for instinctively."

"I find you sexy, but I'm looking for something different, specific right now."

"I read in your profile that you like sex while being high. I don't do drugs - ever. I respect your preferences, I just don't think we'll "click". Sex should be enjoyable for both of us and I'm sure you also will enjoy it more with someone else who shares your tastes."

"I won't force you to do anything, but I do know what I want (i.e. bareback, seeding your ass etc.). You seem unsure about what you want, so I have got the feeling this will lead to nothing. Feel free to contact me again once you know definitively."

"Sorry, but I'm on my way to the gym"

There are exceptions of course:

If someone doesn't make the effort to at least let me know what he wants from me, I can be curt.

If someone contacts me for the 10,000th time, I usually get sardonic ("As always: Thanks, but no thanks")

[pigskintop]

I'm a dominant leather top and have ads all over the web and get a lot of replies.

I usually advertise for cumpig slave wanted.....cumdump, raw, poz pig, etc... and what I'm looking for.

If someone contacts me to just hookup or say they like the picture of my hairy chest, I just say thanks.

Just be polite and move on. If someone contacts you just to kill time and start bugging you, then block the person if you can.

[CherryHole]

If someone takes the time to send me a message I always try my hardest to reply, if it's an annoying person who isn't serious about hooking up or I can tell they're just fooling around I will just ignore them. But if they are honest and say they just want to chat or whatever, I'll accommodate if I'm not busy. Especially if they are shy and inexperienced. Sometimes the young shy tops fuck so hard.

[GermanFucker]

If someone takes the time to send me a message I always try my hardest to reply.

I think that is the most important point: If someone puts some effort into writing you a personal message (i.e. not a standardized message sent out by the hundreds), it's only fair to reply in kind. Just ignoring a basically nice person because he isn't your cup of tea sexually is kinda dickish.

[NLbear]

I fully agree with you. But sometimes you get messages from people you know you sexually will not connect with. For instance sometimes I get messages from guys who want to have sex and then it turns out they are bottom too. What's the point in contacting me? If I want to get fucked I am not looking for another bottom....The reply usually is "we don't have to fuck, we can do oral too". They can be very nice guys, but if I am looking for just a hookup (I am not looking for a marriage partner) I want cock up my ass, not just in my mouth (preferably both!). I try to let them down gently, but some can be very persitant. I had one recently on Gaydar. I sent him a message back that I was not interested but wished him good luck with the search and he immediately blocked me. Why that? Guess same goes for total tops contacted by other total tops (unless one is looking for a partner to double fuck a bottom or something like that).

[einathens]

i don't understand how you can call yourself a nice person and then be annoyed whwn men you're not interested in anyway block you before you get a chance to insult them, but anyway....

i'm a southern male and a believer in fuck-karma; polite but firm is my default approach. first message from someone i'm not interested in, i reply 'no, thank you.'

second message, 'i'm really not interested. happy hunting.'

third message, i block them.

and sometimes if i see something i like in a profile, i will send a message like 'i see that we're not sexually compatible, but i just wanted to say that you have a beautiful hole' or 'i like the way you express yourself' or whatever.

it doesn't take any more time or energy to be a gentleman than it takes to be an asshole.

plus, that hot pig you want to hook up with could be best friends with that schlubby nerd you were rude to last week, and they could compare notes.

you never know.

[Totop]

i don't understand how you can call yourself a nice person and then be annoyed whwn men you're not interested in anyway block you before you get a chance to insult them, but anyway.....

lol... exactly what I was thinking. I see no reason to insult the guy back and escalate it to an insulting match. Serves no purpose and benefits no one.

When I respond depends on how he initiates contact.

If he complements me on my pic, I'll say 'Thanks.' and I don't return to complement. Lots of guys get the message and some even reply with a 'you're welcome'. If he takes it as an invitation to converse further I'll first ignore it. If he is persistent then I'll reply with very short uninteresting responses and not promptly without asking any questions in return. Eventually he will get the message that I'm disinterested.

If it starts with a 'hey' or 'sup' I'll ignore it and usually they don't come back. If he is persistent I'll answer with short responses. If he makes a comment that he wants to meet, I'll reply with a "I'm sorry but we aren't a match" (note the apology and the use of 'we' rather than 'I am not interested in you'). Some have even responded with a "Thanks for replying/being honest" message!

If you are a nice guy then let it come across as you are a nice guy. Crapping out his mood could result in him crapping out your mood and helps no one.

Now if someone went on the offensive and messaged you with an unprovoked insult and for no reason at all, then that's a different story.

Edited October 27, 2012 by Totop

[Guest slobbvers]

If after I've said no thank and they persist, then I block them. Have a fuck bud who had to keep changing his screen name because one guy kept after him.

[aznbttm]

If it starts with a 'hey' or 'sup' I'll ignore it and usually they don't come back. If he is persistent I'll answer with short responses. If he makes a comment that he wants to meet, I'll reply with a "I'm sorry but we aren't a match" (note the apology and the use of 'we' rather than 'I am not interested in you'). Some have even responded with a "Thanks for replying/being honest" message!

Maybe it's just me but I tend not to apologize when I don't mean it. Instead I'll say something like "unfortunately, not interested, good luck hunting" or ignore them. I do say thanks if they compliment me and I don't want to return the compliment. I just feel weird apologizing when it's essentially "fake".

But good call on the "we" part.