Stupid Profile Statements

[rcc226]

There are some things guys put in their hookup profiles that make them seem like idiots... Please add to this list. I'm curious what others think is stupid - hey, even if it's this post.

1. "clean" - WTF does this mean? (I know what it implies) but talk about perpetuating stigma. Unless you mean you just douched.

2. "Looking for a neg BB top/btm" Nothing like a guy who will bareback but insists you tell him you're negative. I actually posted an ad on CL that specifically said I would only bareback. The guy never asked my status, but I told him I was poz (I know, stupid right). His reply, "no thanks, I'm neg and wanna stay that way." After I fell off my chair laughing, I simply wrote him back and told him "good luck." Although I doubt he got that I was being wry.

3. "____ to the front of the line" Line?! sorry but this one particularly takes the cake - or at least a big piece of it.

4. "considered to be good looking" By who's estimation? ugh, please get over yourself with your false modesty. Just post a pic and let me figure it out for myself.

5. Any profile that obviously attempts to be witty, spiritual and/or claims to want a connection before fucking...on BBRT.

6. "just checking things out" even though the profile is more than 3 months old.

7. "into everything but blood, scat and pain." I don't even know what to say about this. Ok, THIS one takes the cake! Why on earth single *those* things out for what you're not into?! I'm not into vomit and ferrets, but don't think it's necessary to post it.

8. "not into _____ [insert ethnicity here]" Ugh, why post this? Just makes you sound like a racist butthole. Better to just say what you like.

9. "hot 4 hot" or "picky" - You're calling yourself out as a totally shallow and judgmental guy. yeah it's only fucking and by it's nature shallow, but you sound like a prick. I just pass over these profiles, I can't even deal.

That's all I can think of for now. More to come, I'm sure. BTW, I'm not a grumpy person, just noticed some patterns in profiles that I thought needed calling out.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Good points. It is difficult to make such a post without sounding like its a rant. You did well.

[pisstopper]

A personal not-so-fav of mine is the old "thanks guys for all the woofs and compliments but I just don't have the time to get to everyone" comment. Who is this directed at really?

It is perhaps the only thing less attractive than those profiles that berate readers with some sort of reprimand for the anticipated lack of response the Reade will have to author's initial expression of interest towards them

[rcc226]

@ pisstopper - LOL. that and the "if I don't respond it means I'm not interested" because replying with a polite "thanks, but for me we're not a match" is just too taxing.

[mspButtMunch]

Good Job rcc226, I must say I totally agree with you and many times wondered, WTF when I read profiles on BBRT and other websites... OMG, I better take a quick look at mine .. LOL..

[rawTOP]

Some of those actually make sense to me - or at least I think they're useful…

3. "____ to the front of the line" Line?! sorry but this one particularly takes the cake - or at least a big piece of it.

Some people do have lines - or something similar. Trust me. What it really means is the person may go out of their way to hookup with you if you match those criteria, but don't expect much effort on their part otherwise - which is useful to know.

4. "considered to be good looking" By who's estimation? ugh, please get over yourself with your false modesty. Just post a pic and let me figure it out for myself.

9. "hot 4 hot" or "picky" - You're calling yourself out as a totally shallow and judgmental guy. yeah it's only fucking and by it's nature shallow, but you sound like a prick. I just pass over these profiles, I can't even deal.

Of those two #4 is at least being modest (sorta). Sometimes a face pic isn't an option.

As far as Hot4Hot - that's useful to know - because it tells me they're more about appearances than good sex. So I like seeing #9 - it helps me avoid people who are going to be bad lays.

6. "just checking things out" even though the profile is more than 3 months old.

I get this one. They want to, but probably won't - at least not yet. You gotta be patient with people like them 'cause give them time and they'll get into it. Plus, like hot4hot it's useful to see so you won't waste too much time on them.

8. "not into _____ [insert ethnicity here]" Ugh, why post this? Just makes you sound like a racist butthole. Better to just say what you like.

Don't try to understand sexual desire. Some guys just will never be into you. Better to know it upfront.

[topblkmale]

Excellent post.

The stupid profile I see is as follows:

NO smiles, winks, oinks, nudges, etc.

And why not, I might ask. Its just a quick friendly way to see if we might be compatible. If you no lie-key, delete it.

[PhoenixGeoff]

NO smiles, winks, oinks, nudges, etc.

I gotta say, I'm one of those who disables the winks if I can. I understand that we're looking to hook up here, but I do appreciate some evidence that you've read and understood my profile and that you're at least willing to invest the thirty seconds or so that it takes to come up with a message that will hopefully appeal to me.

I don't use the canned messages on BBRT for the same reason. If I message you, I'm going to take the time to point out similar interests and ways I think we might have fun together. That first email is supposed to be something of a sales pitch. Making me feel like something other than the 20th guy you've messaged tonight in the hopes of hooking up is going to get you a lot farther with me.

@ pisstopper - LOL. that and the "if I don't respond it means I'm not interested" because replying with a polite "thanks, but for me we're not a match" is just too taxing.

Yeah, I generally try to reply to everyone who messages me politely. The one place I cut guys a little bit of slack on this is with free members on BBRT, where you have a limited number of emails per day.

9. "hot 4 hot" or "picky" - You're calling yourself out as a totally shallow and judgmental guy. yeah it's only fucking and by it's nature shallow, but you sound like a prick. I just pass over these profiles, I can't even deal.

I dislike this sort of thing but for a different reason. It's completely and totally meaningless. What's "hot" for you may do nothing for me, and vice versa. Among other things, I love my big, older, hairy bears. To me, they're hot. Among other things, I'm usually not into 18 year old, skinny, hairless kids. Yet porn tells me that I'm in the minority on that one.

I understand that some guys are into only certain physical types. Just please tell me what your type is so I don't waste my time if I don't have a shot. And please give me enough information about you so I can figure out if I'll be into you too. Just calling yourself "hot" doesn't cut it.

8. "not into _____ [insert ethnicity here]" Ugh, why post this? Just makes you sound like a racist butthole. Better to just say what you like.

I can understand why some people might get offended by this. Hell, now that I'm over 40 I find myself ruled outside the upper age limit that a lot of guys have, which can be annoying. And once I started broadening my own horizons of men I found attractive a bit in terms of race, I found that I'd been missing out on a lot of fun.

But you know, like I said above, it's good for me know know up front that I don't have a shot with you. And as our host mentioned, we don't really choose who we find attractive. Attraction just is. Otherwise, what the hell is the point of sexual orientation itself?

---

I guess I should add my own pet peeve. It's those people who have profiles on BBRT or here that emphasize that they're looking for bareback sex. Yeah, it's nice to know that you're enthusiastic about fucking without condoms...I am too. But it's kinda redundant. I mean, if you're into sex with condoms, what the hell are you doing on a bareback site in the first place?

Similarly, the few guys on BBRT who have "oral only" profiles. WTF? The whole point of the website is finding guys who get into fucking each other raw.

Minor things, yeah, but they both just kind of rub me the wrong way.

[bbinbpark]

Yeah, always love the 'front of the line' statement. I want to message them and ask what line they're referring too.

I have the problem I never know what to put in my profile, so the 'checking things out' fits better with me regardless of how long I've been on the site. If I sign in and don't see anything, I've checked it out and don't act. If I do see something, then I act.

I've had a couple of the other lines mentioned and find that no matter what you put up you're not going to please everyone you want.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Pick a day and time and we've probably all had our shot at posting stupid profile statements. I would rather they post something "stupid" than nothing at all. While I acknowledge I've had similar reactions to those types of posts, sometimes I push past that and on occasion, there is a pretty decent fellow behind them. Still, a not unreliable indicator of things to come so like the rest of you, I do take notice of what was posted, and how it was phrased.

There have been some posts, here even which substantially ask "why am I not getting responses....". And when I've pursued it, and gone off to view their BBRT, A4A, MH, etc profile can usually find something in their post that is an easy "turn off". And since they've posted their "why am I not..." post, will directly address that with them. Those that I am recalling made some edits to their profile (leading to an odd notion at the time that there ought to be a profile editor who views all profiles, and then rephrases them into a more attractive advertising piece -- opportunities for Madison Ave firms???).

So far I don't know when/if/how that changed their situation. I like to assume they are now so busy getting fucked they don't have time to post here!

But; our opening post (statements, interests, photos) are just the "flyer" as it were advertising our wares. The first reply to a query is to me more telling than the post itself. So even if they have a great profile and we're all fly's landing on the dung pile; if it IS a dung pile one soon knows it. Those few interactions after the advert achieves its goal are for me THE most powerful part...

[bbzh]

I find really long profiles to be a total turnoff. I'm willing to invest about 15 to 20 seconds. I figure most guys are the same.

I also think guys could be a little more flexible/reasonable/honest on the photo issue. I don't expect you to have photos of your face publicly displayed but I do expect to see them in a private message. I don't think you should ask for my photo unless you are willing to send yours first. And I really wish guys would post RECENT photos in their profile.

As some get older they tend to get a lot less pickier and some of those racial hang-ups tend to disappear.

To the point about excluding people, I think it's much kinder to be upfront about what type of guys you are into than posting a list of which guys had better not contact you (for example no fats, fems etc). The very type of guy you are trying to attract could be repulsed by this.

I bet if guys had to make a video where they read aloud what's in their profiles, they'd probably clean up their act.

[hole2use]

The one that always gets me..."no waist sizes over 32". I haven't been a 32 since high school but generally fluctuate between 36/38. If you're hot, you're hot. Waist size is trivial. I've seen some really hot muscle bound dudes that have waist sizes in the 40's...big deal!

[kpig]

what do you have against ferrets?

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

They're particulaly useful for pulling wires through narrow conduit... So, nothing...

[PhoenixGeoff]

The one that always gets me..."no waist sizes over 32". I haven't been a 32 since high school but generally fluctuate between 36/38. If you're hot, you're hot. Waist size is trivial. I've seen some really hot muscle bound dudes that have waist sizes in the 40's...big deal!

Yeah, then there's the issue I run into...taller guys like me (I'm 6'4") who have a 32" waist are pretty much beanpoles. Totally understand if you want someone who's got everything in proportion, but sometimes you can't assign a number.

I find really long profiles to be a total turnoff. I'm willing to invest about 15 to 20 seconds. I figure most guys are the same.

That's interesting. I've always assumed that more information (complete stats, interests, what you're looking for) is better than less.

I'm far more likely to be less interested in someone who's basically put nothing into his profile. The "hot for hot" type of profile (you see these a lot on CL) are particularly annoying. They tell me that you're not really willing to put an effort into hooking up.

I guess balance in everything though.

I will say that one of the really annoying things about BBRT is that you can't separate your profile into paragraphs. It makes a longer, more complete profile harder to read. If you are going to write a longer profile, you should be able to format it so readers aren't faced with a wall of text.