Do I tell him he's hurting me?

[Blueyedsoul]

If a guy I was sucking punched me in the face I would bite his cock off. Sex is supposed to be fun and consensual for everyone involved, if you're not enjoying it then you are being abused. If a top ever mistreated or hurt me he would regret it. Your not a pussy, he's an asshole. The fact that he called you a pussy shows how immature he is, tell him to grow up or get out. A good top would never hurt a submissive bottom unless they had a prior agreement that the bottom was into pain. Respect yourself and tell him the truth, if he can't understand that then cut him loose. There are plenty of other men that would be honored to have a man like you in their beds and lives.

I agree with this whole heartedly. There are plenty of men who will abide by your rules and comfort zones. Unless your into this severe pain then have him tone it down a tad. Plus, plenty of us would be honored to have a man like you in their beds and lives like Walkerth139 suggests.

[pisstopper]

My question is: do I risk coming off as a wimp and tell him he is hurting me? I don't want to risk turning him off. What if a guy who can't handle him would be a turn off? Yes' date=' I realize that the age difference is factoring in as well since I don't want to come off as too old for a young stud. On the other hand, he has been coming back regularly for nearly five years. At least I don't have any visible bruises. Damn I sound pathetic. Reading this back I sound like an abused woman. Damn that is sick. Why can't I give myself the advice I would give any stranger who asked me what to do. [/quote']

I agree with the other commenters here that you must absolutely say something to him about this if you plan on continuing this interaction. He should respond positively and if not you should move on.

But to return to your original question - Why are you even debating this? At the risk of being intrusive - you allude to parts of the answer in your question by saying you sound like a battered woman and raising the issue of the age difference between you.

As a man in my mid 40s I know I repeatedly and unfairly mark my self worth, at the very least in a sexual sense, by how my partners respond to my performance. This is particularly true if I perceive the guy to be younger, hotter, or more connected than I am in some way. I repeatedly catch myself putting up with all kinds of shit from this group of guys because I feel the need to impress them. But in the end this is really about my own feelings of self-worth. If they are pleased with me I'm validated as desirable in my own mind. That's fucked up, but I believe we all do this to greater or lesser extents.

You're a great fuck and a sexually desirable man. Fuck anyone who can't appreciate that. You don't need to put up with unwanted physical pain no matter what you or your partners age may be. Risk turning him off. If he's worthy of fucking you he should respond without hesitation. Even guys who are into aggression or even outright pain as a part of sex don't accept any kind of pain from any other player at anytime. Make it about your enjoyment. We have nothing to prove to anyone except ourselves.

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

Tiger: vulnerability is part of the chaotic, fucked-up and baffling human condition. So being aware of that is not being a wimp: it's being honest. While I, too, find you sexually desireable, what I admire most in you is your willingness to see you have a problem AND to take steps to rectify it. That's called resilience and you're fortunate to have that quality. People lacking it are in for lotsa unpleasantness.

I hope this situation improves soon.

[TigerMilner]

You guys are all amazing. I really didn't expect this thread to go this way, but I appeciate it. The beauty of reaching out sometimes is that it reinforces what you know is right. All of you have made me realize some things that I know but ignore. I hate to admit it, but it really does boil down to aging and insecurity. It happens to each of us. And insecurity can be a relentless demon. I consider myself smart but will be the first to admit that I know what is right for everyone but myself.

I guess after fucking with this guy for 5 years, I should obviously feel secure enough that I can tell him that he needs to be a little less rough. He usually is not that intense. It seems obvious to me as well that I do want to keep doing this with him but I also know it is not hot to be in pain days later. That is just not cool. I've also been reminded that I am turned off by men who are drunk. A buzz is one thing but a drunk who can't realize he is hurting you is too damn drunk to be fucking.

[Walkerth139]

Glad you realize these things! Nothing sexier than a man with self respect. Plus when a top respects his bottom he is truly a man, not a boy playing a part. When I top, I treat my bottom as though he is giving me a great gift. He is giving me his body for my pleasure, which then requires that I protect that gift and provide pleasure to him as well.

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

I'll add this observation, although it's not directly about FBs: domestic violence among same-sex couples is a tremendous, widely-spread problem which goes largely ignored and, IMO, the discussion of it and ways to confront it and look for remedies against it are perhaps deliberately suppressed.

Not good. Not good at all.

[TigerMilner]

Damn, Walker, U are my dream man. I'm glad to know you are out there. Now I know not to settle. Ok maybe I'll keep practicing, but won't settle. I do prefer a mutually beneficial situation and i should be respected if I am giving you what you need. And you give me what i need. You don't need to kiss my ass or fawn over me, but just knowing it works wonders for me. Just my luck you are on the exact opposite side of the country from me. lol

Glad you realize these things! Nothing sexier than a man with self respect. Plus when a top respects his bottom he is truly a man, not a boy playing a part. When I top, I treat my bottom as though he is giving me a great gift. He is giving me his body for my pleasure, which then requires that I protect that gift and provide pleasure to him as well.

[TigerMilner]

For me, when I wrote the post and realized I sounded just like an ad for domestic violence and why people stay in abusive relationships was all the clarity I really needed. I've actually realized I have issues from being bullied as a child. My first bully was actually a cousin. I was too cute, clean cut, not really a sissy but an easy target because i was small. I learned very young that my best strategy was to buddy up to the biggest and strongest guys in my class. I did that from the first grade. It worked, too. In high school I was not a jock or good at any sports, but was an amazing sports editor for the year book, which gave me clout and made them be nice to me so I would make them look like heroes. Then when I became sexually active, those were the men I wanted. That's pretty deep shit. I let men fuck me or suck them off to keep them from beating me up. I guess I still do it. Well, and because I love it.

I'll add this observation' date=' although it's not directly about FBs: domestic violence among same-sex couples is a tremendous, widely-spread problem which goes largely ignored and, IMO, the discussion of it and ways to confront it and look for remedies against it are perhaps deliberately suppressed.

Not good. Not good at all.[/quote']

Edited October 15, 2013 by TigerMilner

[Walkerth139]

If/when I ever get to Florida, I'll let you know Also, if your ever in Portland I would love to get together.

[Leather69]

Totally agree with Walkerth139 @ 20. A bottom is a bottom.. and as Tiger has said he's been seeing this guy occasionally for some 5 years. The guy really needs to get his act together.. he has a hot guy to play with.. and fuck. he should not need to resort to a level of violence, and should be man enough to realise that he has caused distress.

Maybe I'm old fashioned.. but I'm a lover.. not into causing gratitious violence. If a guy expresses an interest in being roughed up.. well I will discuss what he expects as there are wide variations as to what could happen.. and I will adhere to what was agreed. We all should.

[seaguy]

Does he usually show up drunk or was this just a onetime thing with him being drunk? My experience is drunks tend to be more rough during sex.

[mike258]

Yeah dude, you shouldn't continue to let him fuck if he's hurting you. He just sounds like a tacky fuck if he can't understand that. I get a little rough, but I respect my fuck buds limits.

That being said, if you told me I was hurting you, I'd probably say "why, ya pussy?" and give you a little punch in the gut, followed by a wink. But you'd know I was kidding. That's what a being around a bunch of dudes all your life does to you. Two brothers, playing a bunch of sports through the years, and the military. It makes you a little too "tough" at times.

[TigerMilner]

He and I agreed about 2 years ago that I didn't want to see him when he was drunk. I had a partner who was an alcoholic who kept it going by consuming large quantities of coke. That ended badly (now that I think about it I ended up beaten up then a lot worse than I feel now). That partner actually killed 3 people the night he got his third DUI. And he was not the deadbeat that it sounds like. He was educated, successful, and handsome. You cannot judge a book by it's cover. So I am uncomfortable when a man passes a certain level of intoxication. He asked me over Saturday afternoon and I had no idea he had been up all night doing coke and then drinking. So I kind of got myself into something that I should have turned away from.

We don't usually meet at his house. Usually it's at mine or somewhere else. But if he is drunk he won't come over because he won't drive and he knows my kids and respects that. He won't let them see him that way. Which I appreciate.

I may be the cliche domestic violence poster-child here again when i say this, but he really is not a bad guy. I've gotten an amazing amount of private messages from some incredible men who read these posts, and all of them are telling me to dump him. I hear the reasoning and appreciate the affirmations. But I know how I am. I might make him wait 2-3 weeks, but then we will fuck again. In all honesty, I sucked him off this morning. I was too sore to fuck. Still. We always do.

Does he usually show up drunk or was this just a onetime thing with him being drunk? My experience is drunks tend to be more rough during sex.

[TigerMilner]

Yeah dude, you shouldn't continue to let him fuck if he's hurting you. He just sounds like a tacky fuck if he can't understand that. I get a little rough, but I respect my fuck buds limits.

That being said, if you told me I was hurting you, I'd probably say "why, ya pussy?" and give you a little punch in the gut, followed by a wink. But you'd know I was kidding. That's what a being around a bunch of dudes all your life does to you. Two brothers, playing a bunch of sports through the years, and the military. It makes you a little too "tough" at times.

Mike, the next day when I told him how sore my ribs were and he laughed and called me a "pussy", it was in the spirit you described. He's a young jock who does things like paintball and jet-skis and football. It was just "guy talk". I'm not really tough, but I guess I am a little bit scrappy. Like I said, getting pinned down by him is not a bad place to be. But I do make it a challenge. I just don't always come out so well when it gets intense.

[Blueyedsoul]

By the way, my young man who has a monster cock agreed to fuck me and video things. The who encounter wasn't long but he toned it down considerably which was nice for a change. They are 4 shorts resulting in a cummie hole. Let me know if you want the videos. Email me at Blueyedsoulbttm@yahoo.com and let me know and I will be happy to forward them on to you.