Weird hookup tonight... Feel like shit after. Any advice?

[mike_thieriot]

I'm generally a really gentle person by nature. I had a really hot boy email me a while back and once we exchanged a few emails he started asking about S&M play, with me being his master. I was really apprehensive about it but I thought I'd try anything once, right? Well, he just left my place and I feel really bad cause I just couldn't do it. I didn't know what to do, what to say. It all felt really fake and I could see his disappointment just seconds after getting back to my place... Now I feel really bad about the whole thing.

To be fair, I made it clear that I'd never done anything like that before and that I had reservations about it. Should I feel bad about it? Or is it on him for pushing the issue when he should have walked away if I wasn't what he wanted? If it matters, he originally approached me when my profile mentioned nothing about S&M (though I have my own, different, kinks) and listed me as vers/bottom.

I think its safe to say I won't be trying that again, but it sucks cause I was actually very attracted to him. I told him I'd be happy to have sex with him in future and maybe make it a bit rough (I do like it rough on occasion, I just don't like the concept of a power differential), but that the S&M angle just wasn't going to work for me.

[seaguy]

Shoulda given it your best shot so that you could at least fuck him.

[mike_thieriot]

I did try. But trying to keep up something that was so unnatural to me just killed it.

[PissPigBrooklyn]

Hey, both of you tried and it didn't work. That happens sometimes. You can contact him in a day or two and say you are sorry it didn't work and if he wants to get together without that you are willing. Please be prepared for his probably no but at least you will have tried and can move on. It is kind of normal to feel like shit after an unsuccessful encounter so remember that time and more encounters will help. Just be more honest with yourself about what turns you on and act upon that. You sound like a great guy and many men are deserving of sex with you!

[rtpbbcub]

Nice to see the ackwoledgement that rough and S&M are not the same, and that is probably the most important point that anyone can make. Well besides the fact that many S&M guys are more focused on the power play, which becomes the sex, more than the actual sex (at least in my experience) so you were essentially looking for different things. Kind of like the time I hooked up with a crossdresser and learned many valuable things, mostly about myself.

Not to mention S&M is not really something one just does with just anyone. I mean two people into it can probably hookup easily, but otherwise no. Same for things like fisting, etc. One does not simply walk into that, uninitiated, and a leave recounting a great time was had by all.

[pozpig]

Not every encounter will be a success. Especially one in which you have little experience in playing the lead in. Some guys are naturally Dominant and can take on the role quite seamlessly. Others struggle or can't do it at all. It sounds from your description that you were honest and told him that you were concerned. IMO he should have stopped the pursuit once you made it clear that you were likely not what he was looking for. I find most guys that push for a particular scene expect it to turn out exactly the way they want. Unfortunately, in many cases it's the bottom, or submissive that wants a particular scene and pushes that desire in such a manner as to attempt to control the scene to suit their desire. It certainly sounds as if this is the case.

I have to agree with PPB and attempt to contact him at a later date if you wish to enjoy the opportunity to play in capacity in which you are more comfortable.

[mike_thieriot]

Thanks for all your help. I hope he'll be up for something in the future, cause he was 100% my type otherwise. I'm not holding out hope though. He didn't seem to be able to get off at all without being slapped around. I would have been able to get off, but the expression on his face just made me soft almost instantly.

[NiceHard1]

Always important to be yourself. People will appreciate you more for being who you are than trying to be who you are not. Not to say that you should not explore and try things new, but sometimes good to do that in a comfortable safe situation. Your first sentence really says a lot about yourself - in a very good way.

[pigpozdad]

You just need more practice. Hey, my friend who was a bartender told me long ago: if it's not working, then just roll over and get dressed and get out of there. Someday, you may refine your skillset to include S&M

Start to cruise recon.com for ideas