why wont guys just say "no thanks"

[hungry4more]

Why is it so rare for guys who don't want to fuck to just say "no" and instead ignore you? I'm talking about ones that I've met before, had a great time with, and left with them telling me, "keep in touch." We keep in touch but when I try to initiate another meeting, they just don't respond. It'sannoying-- I can see you read my message on BBRT, just respond and say "no, I don't want to play with you right now." Sometimes it's with guys that I'll have played with multiple times, who will then the next week msg me asking if I want to meet up as if nothing happened before.

I am not the most confident guy out there, but I'd rather a guy be upfront and say "not tonight" than ignore my message completely. I understand that to be polite, some guys will say "we'll meet again" or whatever when they don't mean it, but these are guys who DO keep in touch, then just don't respond when the convo turns to meeting to fuck again. Hard to say you're Fuckbuds w/o the "buds" part! I've taken to telling guys "be honest with me, if something turns you off, just tell me" and they all say, "sure, sure," but damn it's annoying when they don't. I know that I'll get guys here telling me I'm probably doing something to turn guys off, but I try to be as honest and upfront with men as possible that I can take their criticism (and I have taken some before, and used it to get better!). These are men who will fuck and fuck and fuck with me multiple times and then out of nowhere seem to drop off the face of the earth. What's the worst is the ones that will send a msg to me to check-in if we haven't seen each other in a while, we'll start chatting, & when I ask if they want to meet up that night disappear. Again, these are not guys who have no intention of fucking-- they're guys I've ALREADY met up with (sometimes multiple times), and am looking to repeat.

tl;dr: don't be a flake, if you don't want to meet a guy just say no.

[Bttm2go]

For my part, I let someone know if I don't have time to meet. I understand your frustration. Some guys just don't know how to tell you no. I don't take it personally, just move on to the next guy. There are some guys who will only meet so many times because they are scared it will turn into more than just a hook up. That's fine, just be upfront about it.

[bigdick4you]

I think guys r just hunters and always r looking for the next best hole...they might mean it at the time but then they loose interest. Just the way guys r. The best way to keep a guy interested is to ignore them couple of times...guys won't tell u what u did wrong.... They just move to next one...I'm same....if someone is lousy fuck I probably will tell u or I won't tell u, but def not hook up ever again! There r no second chances I'm afraid. Specially with the amount of bottoms out there...def. don't ask them if u did something wrong to tell them as that sounds too much like marriage and girly...a true saying is"treat them mean.... Keeps them keen". I know I have fallen for some assholes in the past and still do...the nice ones we r normally not interested in...just go with the flow and have fun with it.... If someone does not respond... Move to next dick or hole...don't take anything personally... Men r generally weird... And the ones that bb r slightly damaged.... Happy hunting!

[Bear4Breeding]

Cause they are all just rude pricks.

[rawTOP]

Eh. Think nothing of it. No answer just means they're not really looking right then, or they're looking for something different. Actually no answer is better than no thanks - with no answer it means you may still be in the running... In other words, you may not be exactly what they're looking for, but give it an hour and they may give up on what they're looking for and have sex with you (e.g. they don't want to completely close off things with you by saying 'no').

Now, if you had said you look nothing like what they describe as the person they're looking for, and they said nothing, that would be one thing. But if they're guys you've hooked up with before, then just be patient. Some days they're looking for one thing, other days they may be looking for you.

[Deaner]

Personally, I used to take the time to give a reply to everyone, even if they were so far off that it was an obvious waste of everyone's time. I found that the ones who were least likely to even be considered were the ones who took that 'no thanks' and used it as a window to still keep trying. (I'm really not picky, but sometimes you get replies that just leave you asking WTF?)

So I'll add a request here... if you get a 'no thanks', please try to be gracious about it and not harass the other guy until he changes his mind. There have been guys who I would honestly consider hooking up with some other time, only to have them completely ruin their chance because they proceeded to blow up my phone or inbox trying to change my mind.

[barefootbob]

What I hate just as much are the bullshit excuses: I have to take my truck to the vet for his shots, I'll call you later : I need to take the dog and have his tires rotated, I'll call you later. Of course later doesn't happen WTF just tell me you're not interested, don't leave me hanging

[fuckboy20]

I agree with Rawtop and others that not saying no thanks isn't the end of the world. I am sometimes on my phone so I can't always respond to guys. And other times I just don't think I'm in the mood whether it's topping, bottoming, or whatever the guy wants to do. Or I just don't feel like talking and responding.

I have rarely gotten a no thanks but yes if you get a no thanks that's it. The guy will more than likely never want to do anything with you. I think the problem is some people get their hopes up and wonder and wait for a guy they want, to respond to their message or unlock pictures. Move along. There's a shit load of guys out there if one rejects you go for another.

I take it when no responds that they aren't interested or just not in the mood. I actually did used to say no thanks when I was younger and I had guys who used to try to hound me too. For some guys if you give communication they see that as an opening. I think there a lot more of problems with online ettiquite than the not responding to someone sending you something. Very minor imo

[kinkygradstudent]

Yeah, I kind of think it's better just not to reply ... it's a lot more disappointing to get a "no, you're not my type" than to simply be ignored - I'd rather not give false hope if I'm really not up for anything.

[bbzh]

No answer IS an answer in my opinion, particularly if you've played with the guy before. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, in this day and age with all of this technology available, guys can pick and choose and there's not much that can be done about it. If it's not your dick or ass, trust me, another one is just a click away. Instead of getting all up in your feelings about it, just go with the flow. Guys who I've played with hit me up too and sometimes I just don't want their ass or their dick in that moment. Tomorrow or next week may be different. I think it hurts a guy's feelings more (this is me projecting now) to say I'm trolling for dick/ass right now, but not YOURS - than it is to stay silent.

Try to give guys the benefit of the doubt. Getting all huffy with them will do nothing but get you blocked or further bumped down the list. There is a lot of competition out here so we unfortunately have to wait our turn and wait for our buds to want what we're offering as opposed to what that guy around the corner or that guy visiting from out of town is offering.

[wood]

Eh. Think nothing of it. No answer just means they're not really looking right then, or they're looking for something different. Actually no answer is better than no thanks - with no answer it means you may still be in the running... In other words, you may not be exactly what they're looking for, but give it an hour and they may give up on what they're looking for and have sex with you (e.g. they don't want to completely close off things with you by saying 'no').

Now, if you had said you look nothing like what they describe as the person they're looking for, and they said nothing, that would be one thing. But if they're guys you've hooked up with before, then just be patient. Some days they're looking for one thing, other days they may be looking for you.

Pretty much. I look a lot, but hook up very little, and rarely have time for indepth conversations. Hell I think my grindr inbox has 60 some messages, its not personal, its just time management, and most of the time, hook up conversations are just not that important.

[Walkerth139]

I don't mind no answer, sometimes I don't see a message until later. I hate rude people, if you don't want to play a simple no thank you is polite. Had a guy on Scruff reply NOT INTERESTED!!!. He was an ass.

[hungry4more]

I guess I'm just the opposite of what some of you are talking about-- if a guy says, "no," or "not tonight" I take him at his word and leave it. It's when they DONT get in touch, especially when I'm high, that I have trouble stopping from messaging too much.

[haireebear]

In the past I've tried to answer back and say "thank you but no thank you" and I get horribly nasty rude responses (mostly from other bears who seem to think that just because I'm not model-hot that I won't turn anyone down).... So I stopped replying when not interested. It's rude, yes, but damn...better than dealing with over emotional spurned drama queens that have are channeling Joan Collins all the time.

I can't speak to the other guys who don't reply to you after you've gotten together previously other than to say that if they're "into you", they're gonna book the next date. I learned quite a bit from the "He's Just Not That Into You" movie.

[bearbandit]

It takes a certain emotional maturity to say "thanks, but no thanks". I was in that position a few years ago: after my partner's death I decided to go celibate for a couple of years so I could work out "the issues" by myself, which I though was better than working them out on someone else. Anyway I ended up chatting with this incredibly horny man who, despite our living 100 miles apart wanted a 24/7. A long time since I'd been bottom for more than the few moments it takes to cum, so I thought I'd give it a go.

As instructed I answered the front door when he arrived wearing just a jock (and that front door overlooked the village green - my eighty year old female neighbour suggested I change my porch lightbulb for a red one...), After I got over the shock of him being about fifteen years older than his profile pics, I decided that, yes I would have anyway and we went for it. I won't lie: he was good sex, but I couldn't forgive the lies (like the fifteen year old photos) that had got us there. So I basically used him as he'd used me. He only stayed a few hours, but demanded that my profile be changed to indicate I was his property by the time he got home. I changed the profile, got him into chat to try and re-negotiate the terms, but they were apparently inviolable. I said "no thanks" and that was the last I heard of him - he even removed his profile (or changed screen names) within days. Coulda been good if he'd been prepared to share his toys: when I'm bottoming I'm too much for one guy?