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My test came back..:(

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I've been reading the comments here and I knew my day will come too. Thanks to this forum I can actually feel calm but my hands are still shaky. I'm a little bit disappointed and regretful. I'm going for a second test at the CDC clinic. What are the chances my second test will return positive? Also, is the CDC gone control my life now?

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I've been reading the comments here and I knew my day will come too. Thanks to this forum I can actually feel calm but my hands are still shaky. I'm a little bit disappointed and regretful. I'm going for a second test at the CDC clinic. What are the chances my second test will return positive? Also, is the CDC gone control my life now?

Theres about a .01% chance it will come back neg.

Its tough but you got to face up to things. Its almost certain you are HIV+ now. You will be fine as long as you get the proper care, and take care of yourself. Find a decent doctor, get on medication, etc, etc.

You still control your life, and it will be a long and full one as long as you take care of things starting now. Your best bet at a healthy life is to start treatment almost immediately.

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The only thing I can say is, don't panic. You're still in good shape, right? Nothing has changed that overnight. You're still you; just gotta take care of it, go to your appointments and follow their recommendations. Personally, I've acted crazy yesterday, I went through the same 'shaky hands' and regretful phase for about a week. Take it one day at a time. You have another appointment to confirm your test results. Until then, keep doing what you're supposed to do every day (work, activities, going out etc). Continue to eat well and sleep. If you don't feel well (depressed, no sleep, etc) go see a family doctor in the meantime. You'll be fine.

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The only thing I can say is, don't panic. You're still in good shape, right? Nothing has changed that overnight. You're still you; just gotta take care of it, go to your appointments and follow their recommendations. Personally, I've acted crazy yesterday, I went through the same 'shaky hands' and regretful phase for about a week. Take it one day at a time. You have another appointment to confirm your test results. Until then, keep doing what you're supposed to do every day (work, activities, going out etc). Continue to eat well and sleep. If you don't feel well (depressed, no sleep, etc) go see a family doctor in the meantime. You'll be fine.

You're right, I should just relax and just follow the regiments. I'm scheduled to see my ID doc tomorrow

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Based on the last few weeks, at times, you may feel like something is physically 'wrong' with you. That feeling gets strong especially before and after an appointment (with lots of questions on your mind). For a week, I had this overwhelming thought that "I have a disease". It kept me up at night. But eventually, you will realize that you're surrounded with proper medical care, and HIV in 2014 is no longer what it was a decade ago (or even 2012 for that matter).

My other advice is to get knowledgeable on HIV, but don't get lost in a sea of information either. I read somewhere in this forum that you should stick to the most recent documentation (discard anything written before 2012) - and I think they're right. There is a lot of outdated info on the internet. If you need to find out more, stick to "current", or ask your health professionals directly. Ultimately, your doctor is the one you should trust most, especially if he's good.

Finally, if I could offer another piece of advice: don't think too ahead of yourself, like I did (for example, prematurely worrying about relationships, disclosure, perception, family news, etc). All of this is toxic for now. You just focus on yourself first -your health, your appointments. Realize that, right here right now, nothing has changed yet. And tomorrow, you'll still be fine.

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You guys know me so well..all day I was thinking about the future. I will let all that worry go and concentrate about the present. It looks like you guys have managed your life well so I'll try to do the same

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I probably ought to get tested, but in a way, I hope I'm not poz. I've taken a lot of BB loads and what I have learned since finding this website earlier this week, I may have had the fuck flu in July 2015 and am indeed, poz. But, I have been fine since then. So, am I actually neg? I know only a test will tell.

 

While I'm not looking to become poz, since finding this site, I know that as a committed bareback bottom, I am going to get converted sooner or later. That is simply a fact of life. One site stated that, on average, after being an anal sub 70 times, you'll convert. I've easily taken loads from 4 dozen guys, so my time to convert is coming. At least one, if not more, have has had to (hopefully) have been poz. Yet some guys state they've taken over 2000 loads and are still neg. Am I poz? Only a test will tell for sure. I say hopefully because, dang, it's time already to join the club!

 

But if I'm still neg, I definitely want to savor the moment of being converted. Instead of taking my toxic load in the doggie position, as I usually get fucked, I want to look into his eyes as he pumps his toxic seed into me, I want him to tell me he is about to impregnate me. I want him to kiss me as he pumps his HLV load deep inside me. I want to treasure the moment in which my mover converted me.

 

This won't be for every future encounter, It will need to be with someone open enough to tell me just how powerful his load is and that it is going to convert me, no matter how resistant I've been up until now. But now, I am actively looking for someone to convert me. While I hope he doesn't, I want to experience this special moment as many times as possible.

 

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like to try to be the special stud who impregnates me. I am ready to convert.

Edited by sse4me

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Be proud of who you are.

 

Welcome to the tribe and never feel down about it. In time, you'll likely come to see the positive side of this.

 

HIV isn't that bad. Throat/anal cancer from HPV can be bad. Syphilis can be bad.

 

HIV has awakened me to be healthier than i have ever been.

 

Don't fear it. Embrace it.

:)

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I am a very new member.....and just starting to read and understand what is posted on this site.   I have always gotten tested every quarter. And, there have been times when I was very much unsure of the results.  Those tests were agony.   The twenty minutes to wait for the oral results seemed to last for hours.  Yet I still feel like I am so drawn to barebacking and accepting the health risk.  I have dealt with Syph and Gono.....but they have effective treatments and do go away.   Where and how do you change from being terrified to embracing the virus as many of you speak of?  Really need to understand how that transition works.

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On 1/30/2016 at 0:14 AM, sse4me said:

I probably ought to get tested, but in a way, I hope I'm not poz. I've taken a lot of BB loads and what I have learned since finding this website earlier this week, I may have had the fuck flu in July 2015 and am indeed, poz. But, I have been fine since then. So, am I actually neg? I know only a test will tell.

 

While I'm not looking to become poz, since finding this site, I know that as a committed bareback bottom, I am going to get converted sooner or later. That is simply a fact of life. One site stated that, on average, after being an anal sub 70 times, you'll convert. I've easily taken loads from 4 dozen guys, so my time to convert is coming. At least one, if not more, have has had to (hopefully) have been poz. Yet some guys state they've taken over 2000 loads and are still neg. Am I poz? Only a test will tell for sure. I say hopefully because, dang, it's time already to join the club!

 

But if I'm still neg, I definitely want to savor the moment of being converted. Instead of taking my toxic load in the doggie position, as I usually get fucked, I want to look into his eyes as he pumps his toxic seed into me, I want him to tell me he is about to impregnate me. I want him to kiss me as he pumps his HLV load deep inside me. I want to treasure the moment in which my mover converted me.

 

This won't be for every future encounter, It will need to be with someone open enough to tell me just how powerful his load is and that it is going to convert me, no matter how resistant I've been up until now. But now, I am actively looking for someone to convert me. While I hope he doesn't, I want to experience this special moment as many times as possible.

 

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like to try to be the special stud who impregnates me. I am ready to convert.

You're in New York in USA.  No reason to not get on PrEP if you don't want to be poz.  

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On 30/01/2016 at 6:40 AM, PozSlime said:

Be proud of who you are.

 

Welcome to the tribe and never feel down about it. In time, you'll likely come to see the positive side of this.

 

HIV isn't that bad. Throat/anal cancer from HPV can be bad. Syphilis can be bad.

 

HIV has awakened me to be healthier than i have ever been.

 

Don't fear it. Embrace it.

:)

This guy speak the truth! Embrace your new status! One of the good things out of my poz status is better sex! Poz guys know how to enjoy sex!

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 I've just gotten the results of my first test. Positive. Didn't really surprise me,  but it's upsetting, nonetheless. 

Part of me wants to curl up and die.  Part of me wants to get fucked! 

Not sure what's going to happen now...

 

 

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learn all about your labs and get a baseline so when you decide to take a med holiday - now get ready for the the best sex life !  the harvest begins...

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10 hours ago, UnknownStatusBtmInSouthNJ said:

 I've just gotten the results of my first test. Positive. Didn't really surprise me,  but it's upsetting, nonetheless. 

Part of me wants to curl up and die.  Part of me wants to get fucked! 

Not sure what's going to happen now...

 

 

don't worry 

there lots of advancement in meds and you will live a long life.

now get there and fuck !

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