Please help: Any places where black guys aren't automatically judged for their race?

[jmarc29]

Im Latino, so its a somewhat different racial situation for us, but I have also found that gay life is very segregated. I mostly just fuck with my own ethnic group and blacks, and that works for me. A lot of guys really like black guys, and lets face it, you guys have sum of the best asses. I would go for guys who indicate they like blacks on their profiles if you are on any dating sites. But I could see how Seattle would be bad for men of color. You should come to Chicago some time, theres lots of black men, and men who love blacks here. For example, the sex party on the S. Side at "that place" only admits men of color. Anyway, Happy hunting.

[PERVERSATILE]

To the white guys who are into BM, stop approaching us with that mandigo crap. We are NOT turned on or impressed. It is ignorant and honestly offensive. We are human beings with feelings just like you and when you approach us with "compliments" like "I just love black cock" it is not impressing us. Trust me, you have no idea how many of us just want to smack the stupidity out of you.

Thinking that penis size, race, age, height, education, etc

is a indicator of what the sex is going to be like,

is not only ignorant

but shows a person w/ very limited sexual experiences,

and that ultimately will be their punishment:

very limited sexual experiences,

having the same kinda boring sex

over and over ad nauseam.

Because sadly you can't fix stupid.

Edited July 27, 2014 by PERVERSATILE

[VersatileBreeder]

As a GWM, you really can not even BEGIN to understand what it is like to be a GBM. Reality is that GBM are at the bottom of the pecking order. It's white, latino, some other light skin race, blacks, then asians. I can not begin to tell you, in my 15 years of being out (32 now), how many times I have been told "sorry, not into blacks". After a while, it takes a toll on your self esteem. Despite the fact that I am 32, in good shape, pretty good looking, educated, great career and overall a guy who has his shit together, that means NOTHING to majority of white guys. All they see is "he's black and I just do not do black guys". There is a reason why so many GBMs are not open to being with white guys. We have finally gotten the message we are not desired so guess what? We just find it is easier to stick to our kind. I am one of those guys. For years I really had a preference for white guys but after getting rejected so many times, I now primarily stick to other blacks or latino. It is much easier to deal with and I do not have to face the constant rejections.

I have come to realize that overall, a lot of American GWMs are just plain ignorant. Their resistance towards black men has little to do with lack of attraction but more to do with lack of knowledge. GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks. Their "lack of attraction" has a lot do with pure ignorance and preconceived notions of who and what black people are.

Do not believe me? How about this. Why is it when I go to Europe it is complete oppsite. I regularly travel to UK, Paris and just went to Germany and getting guys is not a problem. Race was almost a non-issue, esp. in London and Germany.

You are right that you are seeing more race mixing, me too, BUT it is NOT among gays. From my observation, I see a lot of intteracial couples (esp. in NY) among hetero. I rarely see black/white among gay men. Recently I have noticed a lot of white guy/black girl mix.

So to the original poster my only advice is to "keep it moving." The sooner you accept the fact that majority of WM aren't open to BM, the sooner you are better off. Once you start seeking out other brothas and latinos, you will find your sex life far less complex. The day I stopped chasing WM is the day my self esteem started to rise.

To the white guys who are into BM, stop approaching us with that mandigo crap. We are NOT turned on or impressed. It is ignorant and honestly offensive. We are human beings with feelings just like you and when you approach us with "compliments" like "I just love black cock" it is not impressing us. Trust me, you have no idea how many of us just want to smack the stupidity out of you.

AgentColby, you seem to think that white guys (just because we're white) could never understand where you are coming from as a good looking, well put together black man who gets turned down simply because you're black. Honestly, I think more white guys get it and can sympathize with you than you think. For one, I TOTALLY get it.

Now, just because my race may not hurt me in the "pecking order" as you say, that doesn't mean that white guys like me haven't been turned down for other reasons. For instance, a few years ago, in my early twenties (after college), I was carrying a few extra college pounds that I didn't like all that much (about 40 lbs overweight). Thankfully, I've since lost most of that excess weight and my doctor says I'm now only about 10-15 lbs above my ideal weight. BUT, back in my early-mid twenties when I was trying to hook up, how quickly I would get shut down when I'd see an ad that clearly states, "no fat guys" or "no chubs." Or when I would converse with a guy, conversation is going good, and then show him a body pic of me, to which he'd respond, "sorry, not a match." I knew I was good looking, a nice guy and had my shit together too, but there was just that part about me that guys couldn't look past because I didn't meet their standards at the time. So, I feel your pain bro and I think a lot of us do.

You state that you have come to realize that a lot of GWM are just plain ignorant. Yes, there are ignorant gay white men out there, but honestly, there are plenty of ignorant men of all races. Plenty of ignorant people in general, period. By how you state it, it seems like you believe the majority of GWM are ignorant. Again, I respectfully disagree. I think there are a lot more open-minded white men who are in interracial relationships and wouldn't turn down hooking up with a black man just because he's black.

Gotta tell you, your statement "GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks" was a little overstated, I think. For example- I live in a pre-dominantly white neighborhood. I don't choose to live there because it's white, I live there just because I like the town and it's close to work and where I grew up, etc. I wouldn't be adverse to living in a mixed or even black neighborhood. Yes, I have white friends. I also have black friends. Growing up, one of my best friends was black and I practically lived at his house in my early teenage years and our families were good friends too. I appreciate black culture. I love listening to hip-hop/R&B and not because it may be trendy, but because I appreciate it for what it is. I have no problem walking into Doug E's in Harlem for chicken and waffles with friends at 3 in the morning after a night out drinking, even though I am the minority in there. And before I take this anymore off the main topic, I'll bring it back to the main point- I like hooking up with black guys just as much as white or latino, etc. I may not be the rule, but I am definitely not the exception either when it comes to these things.

Your opinions seemed to go straight from "I can't stand white guys who reject us for being black" to "I can't stand white guys who love black guys for their big cocks." There is definitely a middle ground in between those two extremes that I think you just haven't found. And believe me, I know exactly what you mean with white guys and the whole Mandingo fantasy bullshit. I hate seeing profiles on BBRT or ads on Craigslist where guys are looking for "black dick only" or "only hung BBC!" It's bullshit and not even just because it objectifies black guys solely for the stereotype of their endowments or that it takes other white guys like me out of their selection pool, but also because since they have put "BBC" on such a pedestal, they seem to think that their own ass is so special that average or even fairly hung guys of other races (white, latin, etc) are just not worthy of having it.

So, to wrap up, I guess all I'm saying is that maybe not in the same way, I still feel your pain. I know what rejection is. But also, you may be doing yourself a disservice by just completely cutting white guys off because you believe that we're all the same and we're all going to reject you. There may be some really cool white guys out there that you just haven't met yet, that would enjoy hooking up (or more) with you because they like YOU and not just because you might have a "BBC."

[bbbtm20]

Wow, poptronic said it best. Acceptance is a double-edged sword that a lot of people struggle with. On the one hand, we want others to accept us for who we are, good and bad. On the other, we are tasked with accepting other people who may not fit our exacting standards of rightness.

First, every human being is flawed in one way or another, and it's healthy to admit that about ourselves and others. Second, our own self-image is rarely the same image that the rest of the world sees. Different people see different things. A guy may be muscular, good-looking, funny, and financially well-off, but that doesn't make him perfect. He could be prejudiced, or an addict, or have a weird penis, or just be plain crazy. Likewise, a guy might be chubby, poor, and have poor self-esteem, but someone else might think he's a wonderful human being. There's no quantifying the mysteries of human attraction. But you also can't fault people for feeling or not feeling a bizarre psychological and biochemical attraction that most neither understand nor control.

Everyone (even the people who vocally deny it) has preferences when it comes to interacting with other human beings. We know what we know, and we like what we like. Granted, some people take their preferences too far (or state them publicly in an obnoxious fashion), but everyone has preferences and limits. Guys who say they're into all ages probably won't fuck a horny 80 year-old they meet on the bus. Guys who say they'll live in any kind of socio-economic neighborhood probably won't live next to an Interstate if they have a choice. And a guy who is open to all races and types probably won't get with a guy who's borderline, or on meth, or just unappealing in any one of the thousands of tiny things that make up human attraction. Just because a guy says he's open to all doesn't mean he really is. And just because a guy states his limits doesn't mean they're inflexible or that he's a bad person.

Attraction isn't a science, as much as we'd like it to be. We can't control what we like and don't like. Hell, we can't even really understand it most of the time. The best we can do is to be decent human beings to one another, and to work hard at accepting ourselves and others for who we are. Humility helps, and empathy too. Bitterness and frustration never help anyone.

[Guest Pwrfkme06]

In my ass balls deep

[AgentColby]

AgentColby, you seem to think that white guys (just because we're white) could never understand where you are coming from as a good looking, well put together black man who gets turned down simply because you're black. Honestly, I think more white guys get it and can sympathize with you than you think. For one, I TOTALLY get it.

Now, just because my race may not hurt me in the "pecking order" as you say, that doesn't mean that white guys like me haven't been turned down for other reasons. For instance, a few years ago, in my early twenties (after college), I was carrying a few extra college pounds that I didn't like all that much (about 40 lbs overweight). Thankfully, I've since lost most of that excess weight and my doctor says I'm now only about 10-15 lbs above my ideal weight. BUT, back in my early-mid twenties when I was trying to hook up, how quickly I would get shut down when I'd see an ad that clearly states, "no fat guys" or "no chubs." Or when I would converse with a guy, conversation is going good, and then show him a body pic of me, to which he'd respond, "sorry, not a match." I knew I was good looking, a nice guy and had my shit together too, but there was just that part about me that guys couldn't look past because I didn't meet their standards at the time. So, I feel your pain bro and I think a lot of us do.

You state that you have come to realize that a lot of GWM are just plain ignorant. Yes, there are ignorant gay white men out there, but honestly, there are plenty of ignorant men of all races. Plenty of ignorant people in general, period. By how you state it, it seems like you believe the majority of GWM are ignorant. Again, I respectfully disagree. I think there are a lot more open-minded white men who are in interracial relationships and wouldn't turn down hooking up with a black man just because he's black.

Gotta tell you, your statement "GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks" was a little overstated, I think. For example- I live in a pre-dominantly white neighborhood. I don't choose to live there because it's white, I live there just because I like the town and it's close to work and where I grew up, etc. I wouldn't be adverse to living in a mixed or even black neighborhood. Yes, I have white friends. I also have black friends. Growing up, one of my best friends was black and I practically lived at his house in my early teenage years and our families were good friends too. I appreciate black culture. I love listening to hip-hop/R&B and not because it may be trendy, but because I appreciate it for what it is. I have no problem walking into Doug E's in Harlem for chicken and waffles with friends at 3 in the morning after a night out drinking, even though I am the minority in there. And before I take this anymore off the main topic, I'll bring it back to the main point- I like hooking up with black guys just as much as white or latino, etc. I may not be the rule, but I am definitely not the exception either when it comes to these things.

Your opinions seemed to go straight from "I can't stand white guys who reject us for being black" to "I can't stand white guys who love black guys for their big cocks." There is definitely a middle ground in between those two extremes that I think you just haven't found. And believe me, I know exactly what you mean with white guys and the whole Mandingo fantasy bullshit. I hate seeing profiles on BBRT or ads on Craigslist where guys are looking for "black dick only" or "only hung BBC!" It's bullshit and not even just because it objectifies black guys solely for the stereotype of their endowments or that it takes other white guys like me out of their selection pool, but also because since they have put "BBC" on such a pedestal, they seem to think that their own ass is so special that average or even fairly hung guys of other races (white, latin, etc) are just not worthy of having it.

So, to wrap up, I guess all I'm saying is that maybe not in the same way, I still feel your pain. I know what rejection is. But also, you may be doing yourself a disservice by just completely cutting white guys off because you believe that we're all the same and we're all going to reject you. There may be some really cool white guys out there that you just haven't met yet, that would enjoy hooking up (or more) with you because they like YOU and not just because you might have a "BBC."

Thank You for your reply and sharing your thoughts. I think you kind of got my point but not really.

Let me start by saying that I have not rejected or closed myself off to white men. I simply no longer go out of my way to approach them. I no longer wish to hear "not into blacks" or experince rejection based on my race and because of that, I have chosen to not go out of my way to approach white men. If a white guy approaches me, that is fine and I am open to seeing where it goes. Only exception is when I go to Europe. There I am comfortable approaching white men b/c the issue of race is almost non existant. I have had far far more luck in Europe.

To comment on some of your points:

"Weight vs Race": Although I understand the rejection based on race, I can not say that race and weight rejection are the same. One can change their weight. If I were overweight and men did not like it, simple solution would be to lose the weight. Flip side, I can not change my race.

Yes, I stated that white gay men are ignorant but I clearly was not saying all white men. Also, ignorance does not = racism. I do believe that a lot of GWM are in fact ignorant and that is due to lack of awareness and experience. The "preference" rebuttal is nothing more than an excuse. I believe most white men who are not into black are this way because their lack of interest stems from pure ignorance about black people. Their lack of interest is based on preconceived notions and stereotypes of what they think black is.

I think overall you kind of get my point but many points you missed and overstated that i did not say or mean.

The major point I was making is to the original poster. My advice to him was that he should stop trying to get white guys' attention as he isn't going to get it. The day he stops seeking them out is the they he will feel better about himself. White men are not going to be intrested in him so he should save the energy and use it elsewhere.

[VersatileBreeder]

Thank You for your reply and sharing your thoughts. I think you kind of got my point but not really.

Let me start by saying that I have not rejected or closed myself off to white men. I simply no longer go out of my way to approach them. I no longer wish to hear "not into blacks" or experince rejection based on my race and because of that, I have chosen to not go out of my way to approach white men. If a white guy approaches me, that is fine and I am open to seeing where it goes. Only exception is when I go to Europe. There I am comfortable approaching white men b/c the issue of race is almost non existant. I have had far far more luck in Europe.

To comment on some of your points:

"Weight vs Race": Although I understand the rejection based on race, I can not say that race and weight rejection are the same. One can change their weight. If I were overweight and men did not like it, simple solution would be to lose the weight. Flip side, I can not change my race.

Yes, I stated that white gay men are ignorant but I clearly was not saying all white men. Also, ignorance does not = racism. I do believe that a lot of GWM are in fact ignorant and that is due to lack of awareness and experience. The "preference" rebuttal is nothing more than an excuse. I believe most white men who are not into black are this way because their lack of interest stems from pure ignorance about black people. Their lack of interest is based on preconceived notions and stereotypes of what they think black is.

I think overall you kind of get my point but many points you missed and overstated that i did not say or mean.

The major point I was making is to the original poster. My advice to him was that he should stop trying to get white guys' attention as he isn't going to get it. The day he stops seeking them out is the they he will feel better about himself. White men are not going to be intrested in him so he should save the energy and use it elsewhere.

To your point, AgentColby, in this country in particular, there still is a lot of racial ignorance with people. I can definitely say that is true and I won't dispute that. So I am not disagreeing with you there. Europe, as I have been many times, I can say they are quite a bit more advanced when it comes to being open on race. Perfect example is London, which I have been to twice. Interracial couples EVERYWHERE. No one turns heads about it and that's the way it should be.

BUT... Don't think that European countries don't have plenty of their own discriminations. England may not have as many racial issues between blacks and whites, but just ask the English how they feel about the Irish (or vice-versa). From personal experience... At a nightclub in Rome a few years ago, I was talking to a group of young Italians, who seemed like a friendly bunch. As soon as I told them my father's family hails from Sicily, you should have seen how fast they turned on me (Sicilians basically are the "blacks" of Italy). They pretty much wanted nothing to do with me after they knew I came from southerners and not the "superior" north. Throughout the rest of the trip in both Rome and Milan, I tested the waters by telling different people I met "io sono Siciliano," (Italian for "I am Sicilian") and I wasn't very popular with them either. So, in a sense, I DO know what it feels like to be discriminated based on ethnicity, something that cannot be changed. Those few days in Italy, when I made it clear I came from Sicilian blood, I was treated like the inferior race- the dirty, poor, uneducated race.

Your weight vs race argument is a valid one, but keep in mind, people can't just lose their unwanted weight overnight. And when you are trying to hook up, at that moment, you are who you are- overweight. You can't change it right then and there anymore than a person could change their race at that moment. Then there are those who just can't lose the weight, period. I know a guy who has a thyroid problem and is about 80 lbs overweight because of it. No matter how much he works out, eats right, etc, it has little effect. It's so sad and I feel for him, but the fact remains he is going to always have a hard time ever hooking up with anyone because of his weight issues.

And just to touch upon your point that ignorance does not = racism, well... They may not be the same thing, but I think one has A LOT to do with the other. My mother is a perfect example. Very sweet woman, but very ignorant when it comes to people outside of the white race. She swears up and down she is not racist. She was very friendly with my the mother of my best friend I referenced earlier (who is black) when I was younger. But when all of the old white people who used to live on her street started either moving to Florida or dying and their houses went up for sale, black families were buying them up left and right. All of a sudden, "the neighborhood is 'changing'," she says and she wants to move. She doesn't dislike black people, but she feels like she is outside of her "white bubble." One day after I got tired of hearing her bitch and moan to my father about wanting to move, I said, "ma, have you even met the new neighbors? Instead of sitting here feeling outcast because you're one of the few white people left on the block, would it kill you to knock on their doors and say hello?" But she wouldn't do it. Years later, she's still planning on moving and looking at houses. And though I won't label her a racist, her ignorance makes it feel pretty damn close, don't it?

That's my point on ignorance and racism. They're not the same, but the two are pretty relative. Ignorance over time will feed into racism. Ignore the ignorant people. Don't get fixated on them. When I worked in banking, I had some black clients who ignorantly believed that our bank denied them for a loan not because they're credit was completely shot, but because they simply were black. And then furthered that to that I had no interest in helping them get the loan because I was white. Know what I did? Ignored them. It wasn't worth my time. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't go out of my way to help the next black client simply because the last one was using ignorant pre-conceived notions about my race against me.

Just ignore the ignorants. That's all I'm saying.

[bbbtm20]

True, but the better advice would be to change how he views and approaches guys in general. It's not white guys he should avoid, or black men he should stick with, it's DECENT men of all stripes he should be after. Not all white guys are racist fools, and not all black men are princes. It's difficult to do, and it might rob the situation of some context, but try taking race out of the discussion. The white guys rejecting him aren't doing it purely because of skin color; they're doing it because they're dicks. You two should ask yourselves if you really want the attention of someone so shallow that they only see your skin color or dick size. Losing the interest of someone that superficial is no great loss, and you're better off without that in your life. But still, resist the urge to make it a purely black/white thing. It's not. It's a decent guy vs. asshole issue. Good men, and bad men, come in all sorts of packages. It works best if one opens the package to see what kind of guy he is underneath what you first see.

[wood]

As a GWM, you really can not even BEGIN to understand what it is like to be a GBM. Reality is that GBM are at the bottom of the pecking order. It's white, latino, some other light skin race, blacks, then asians. I can not begin to tell you, in my 15 years of being out (32 now), how many times I have been told "sorry, not into blacks". After a while, it takes a toll on your self esteem. Despite the fact that I am 32, in good shape, pretty good looking, educated, great career and overall a guy who has his shit together, that means NOTHING to majority of white guys. All they see is "he's black and I just do not do black guys". There is a reason why so many GBMs are not open to being with white guys. We have finally gotten the message we are not desired so guess what? We just find it is easier to stick to our kind. I am one of those guys. For years I really had a preference for white guys but after getting rejected so many times, I now primarily stick to other blacks or latino. It is much easier to deal with and I do not have to face the constant rejections.

I have come to realize that overall, a lot of American GWMs are just plain ignorant. Their resistance towards black men has little to do with lack of attraction but more to do with lack of knowledge. GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks. Their "lack of attraction" has a lot do with pure ignorance and preconceived notions of who and what black people are.

Do not believe me? How about this. Why is it when I go to Europe it is complete oppsite. I regularly travel to UK, Paris and just went to Germany and getting guys is not a problem. Race was almost a non-issue, esp. in London and Germany.

You are right that you are seeing more race mixing, me too, BUT it is NOT among gays. From my observation, I see a lot of intteracial couples (esp. in NY) among hetero. I rarely see black/white among gay men. Recently I have noticed a lot of white guy/black girl mix.

So to the original poster my only advice is to "keep it moving." The sooner you accept the fact that majority of WM aren't open to BM, the sooner you are better off. Once you start seeking out other brothas and latinos, you will find your sex life far less complex. The day I stopped chasing WM is the day my self esteem started to rise.

To the white guys who are into BM, stop approaching us with that mandigo crap. We are NOT turned on or impressed. It is ignorant and honestly offensive. We are human beings with feelings just like you and when you approach us with "compliments" like "I just love black cock" it is not impressing us. Trust me, you have no idea how many of us just want to smack the stupidity out of you.

You are correct on some of your points but being blunt, you are making a lot of generalizations about all white people too that are not all accurate. I completely understand being frustrated by racial issues, and I would be too, but making generalizations about all white people isn't helping anyone. The mandingo shit is absurd and stupid on so many levels, However again all white people are not like that.

As far as interracial relationships go, they are only on the rise across all ethnicities/races and sexualities, thats a fact.

[PERVERSATILE]

I was at party, and one of guest was a well known SciFi writer (among his many other accomplishments)

When the topic of racism came up,

that brief frisson that all wasp experience when the topic of politics religion or money is brought up in in a social setting

was immediately replaced by a genuine curiosity about

exactly what a Futurist who also happened to be a man of color would foresee.

He opined,

a successful satisfying and healing dialogue addressing the issues of Racism is not even feasible

until every individual has an equal voice with an exact shared language,

where as even the smallest word had a precise meaning without gradation or personal interpretation.

the Hosts' daughter jumped in with,

"if we could have that kinda of conversation there wouldn't be any racism to talk about "

- before she could be asked to elaborate,

a rather dismissive tone says,

"No-not at all -that would mean that we were all robots"-

the author returns with

"No, only some of us would be robots, exceedingly tedious robots I fear".

Edited July 29, 2014 by PERVERSATILE

[AgentColby]

You are correct on some of your points but being blunt, you are making a lot of generalizations about all white people too that are not all accurate. I completely understand being frustrated by racial issues, and I would be too, but making generalizations about all white people isn't helping anyone. The mandingo shit is absurd and stupid on so many levels, However again all white people are not like that.

As far as interracial relationships go, they are only on the rise across all ethnicities/races and sexualities, thats a fact.

I think you should re-read some of my posts as I in now way said ALL white guys. I did say more than average but it would be unfair to say all white guys are the same, as they are not

[jockhrychest]

On ‎7‎/‎28‎/‎2014 at 4:40 PM, poptronic said:

 

Hey guys. We've all been there. Turning down guys and being turned down is all part of it. If it makes you feel better, AgentColby, I've been turned down by white guys because - get this - I wasn't "Black enough".  Go figure.  Keep your head up, and don't let others define your self-worth. 

[Guest nelly26]

On 7/22/2014 at 9:14 PM, AgentColby said:

As a GWM, you really can not even BEGIN to understand what it is like to be a GBM. Reality is that GBM are at the bottom of the pecking order. It's white, latino, some other light skin race, blacks, then asians. I can not begin to tell you, in my 15 years of being out (32 now), how many times I have been told "sorry, not into blacks". After a while, it takes a toll on your self esteem. Despite the fact that I am 32, in good shape, pretty good looking, educated, great career and overall a guy who has his shit together, that means NOTHING to majority of white guys. All they see is "he's black and I just do not do black guys". There is a reason why so many GBMs are not open to being with white guys. We have finally gotten the message we are not desired so guess what? We just find it is easier to stick to our kind. I am one of those guys. For years I really had a preference for white guys but after getting rejected so many times, I now primarily stick to other blacks or latino. It is much easier to deal with and I do not have to face the constant rejections.

I have come to realize that overall, a lot of American GWMs are just plain ignorant. Their resistance towards black men has little to do with lack of attraction but more to do with lack of knowledge. GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks. Their "lack of attraction" has a lot do with pure ignorance and preconceived notions of who and what black people are.

Do not believe me? How about this. Why is it when I go to Europe it is complete oppsite. I regularly travel to UK, Paris and just went to Germany and getting guys is not a problem. Race was almost a non-issue, esp. in London and Germany.

You are right that you are seeing more race mixing, me too, BUT it is NOT among gays. From my observation, I see a lot of intteracial couples (esp. in NY) among hetero. I rarely see black/white among gay men. Recently I have noticed a lot of white guy/black girl mix.

So to the original poster my only advice is to "keep it moving." The sooner you accept the fact that majority of WM aren't open to BM, the sooner you are better off. Once you start seeking out other brothas and latinos, you will find your sex life far less complex. The day I stopped chasing WM is the day my self esteem started to rise.

To the white guys who are into BM, stop approaching us with that mandigo crap. We are NOT turned on or impressed. It is ignorant and honestly offensive. We are human beings with feelings just like you and when you approach us with "compliments" like "I just love black cock" it is not impressing us. Trust me, you have no idea how many of us just want to smack the stupidity out of you.

 

On 7/22/2014 at 6:38 AM, bbzh said:

To the OP: first take a deep breath. It's not that bad. It's never that bad. You have a lot going for you (e.g. youth, looks, mobility, intelligence etc). But you have a lot of stuff you need to sort out. A lot. You are struggling with race, your complexion, the fetishization of black men, being a (black) bottom in search of bb sex and the sexual frustration that entails, your geographical location, feeling excluded etc. Girl, pick a struggle! Just kidding.

Let's talk about what you can't control. You can't change your race or your complexion. You can't control the hang-ups other people have about your race or complexion. Blame the media and blame porn - which are controlled by white men - for that. Please don't waste your time being upset about that. It is unlikely to change in your lifetime.

Now here's what you can control. You can move to another place. You can get out and meet people. You can stop marketing yourself a certain way to a demographic that isn't interested in what you are selling. You can pop a pill and explore being a versatile bottom - you might be surprised by the number of guys who will flip fuck. Perhaps you can travel.

Seeking bareback sex only is going to further limit the number of guys who are interested in you. It's akin to going on a search engine like booking.com and saying I want a five star hotel in a particular city with free wifi, a spa, and parking. Try that and see how quickly your options dwindle. Guys might be willing to bareback with you once they get to know you. But you've got to lose the sense of entitlement. You said, "I'm good-looking, I'm tall, I'm lean." Well that's nice, but pretty horses don't win races, fast ones do.

You didn't mention if you were poz. If you are, that makes things even trickier. And most guys will assume that if you're barebacking, you're poz and that you have no control over.

But if you take nothing else away from this, learn to love and accept yourself and stop looking to others for validation. If a guy doesn't like how you look, there are others that do. Focus on them. And as easy as these apps and hook up sites have made it for certain groups to have sex, you must look beyond those. Get out and talk to people. Let them see you. Travel if you can. Meet people of different social and ethnic backgrounds.

Although I grew up in the US, I have been living in Europe the last 15 years. I wouldn't trade it for anything. There's racism here too but it doesn't bother me nearly as much. Countries that have a history of slavery/colonialism tend to marginalize black men. I do realize that my life has been pretty unusual for a black male from the South. I live abroad. I am very well educated. I speak 4 languages. I have a very good job and an income that allows me to travel the world. But when I travel, I take notes. And I have a very sexy (white) bf who is a versatile top who is just as piggy as me. But none of these things fell into my lap. I made sacrifices, I took chances and I had some very good luck. I didn't sit back and let life happen to me, nor did I wallow in self-pity. I am the master of my own destiny. By the way, I am writing this from Vienna, Austria where I took a couple of loads yesterday, with more to come.

 

Don't know why this was bumped but these are the best responses. 

[muscmtl]

montreal