bbbtm20

True, but the better advice would be to change how he views and approaches guys in general. It's not white guys he should avoid, or black men he should stick with, it's DECENT men of all stripes he should be after. Not all white guys are racist fools, and not all black men are princes. It's difficult to do, and it might rob the situation of some context, but try taking race out of the discussion. The white guys rejecting him aren't doing it purely because of skin color; they're doing it because they're dicks. You two should ask yourselves if you really want the attention of someone so shallow that they only see your skin color or dick size. Losing the interest of someone that superficial is no great loss, and you're better off without that in your life. But still, resist the urge to make it a purely black/white thing. It's not. It's a decent guy vs. asshole issue. Good men, and bad men, come in all sorts of packages. It works best if one opens the package to see what kind of guy he is underneath what you first see.

Wow, poptronic said it best. Acceptance is a double-edged sword that a lot of people struggle with. On the one hand, we want others to accept us for who we are, good and bad. On the other, we are tasked with accepting other people who may not fit our exacting standards of rightness. First, every human being is flawed in one way or another, and it's healthy to admit that about ourselves and others. Second, our own self-image is rarely the same image that the rest of the world sees. Different people see different things. A guy may be muscular, good-looking, funny, and financially well-off, but that doesn't make him perfect. He could be prejudiced, or an addict, or have a weird penis, or just be plain crazy. Likewise, a guy might be chubby, poor, and have poor self-esteem, but someone else might think he's a wonderful human being. There's no quantifying the mysteries of human attraction. But you also can't fault people for feeling or not feeling a bizarre psychological and biochemical attraction that most neither understand nor control. Everyone (even the people who vocally deny it) has preferences when it comes to interacting with other human beings. We know what we know, and we like what we like. Granted, some people take their preferences too far (or state them publicly in an obnoxious fashion), but everyone has preferences and limits. Guys who say they're into all ages probably won't fuck a horny 80 year-old they meet on the bus. Guys who say they'll live in any kind of socio-economic neighborhood probably won't live next to an Interstate if they have a choice. And a guy who is open to all races and types probably won't get with a guy who's borderline, or on meth, or just unappealing in any one of the thousands of tiny things that make up human attraction. Just because a guy says he's open to all doesn't mean he really is. And just because a guy states his limits doesn't mean they're inflexible or that he's a bad person. Attraction isn't a science, as much as we'd like it to be. We can't control what we like and don't like. Hell, we can't even really understand it most of the time. The best we can do is to be decent human beings to one another, and to work hard at accepting ourselves and others for who we are. Humility helps, and empathy too. Bitterness and frustration never help anyone.

Hope part II is on the way!

Whether it's in the high-school cafeteria, the gossipy pews of a church, or the seedy underbelly of gay bareback websites, the most judgmental people are usually the ones who do the worst stuff when they think no one is looking. The kind of guy who'd go out of his way to mock your efforts at HIV prevention is usually the kind of guy who takes loads with impunity and doesn't even bother with PrEP. If he can somehow tear you down for being sensible about your love of bare cock, then maybe he'll feel a little less dirty for doing the same thing without the safety of PrEP. Passing judgment on anyone is wrong. But passing judgment when you're both on a website for anonymous bareback sex...that's just ri-goddamn-diculous!

If you're living a life that's barely in your own hands at the moment, then the last thing you need to be doing is having bareback sex. Hollywoodslut is right to tell you to "get a life" outside of sex. You're going to need something to do with yourself in between fucks and doctor's appointments. I'm no psychologist, but it seems like you're deliberately engaging in self-destructive behavior. Your life isn't in your control, and it isn't what you want it to be, so you're just letting go and letting the fates decide whether and when you contract HIV. Rather than take direct control of your life and your choices, you seem willing to just let (some very bad) things happen to you. Chaser, slut, or otherwise...that's no way to live, kid. As far as what your life will be like with HIV, there is no single explanation. In my experience, life with HIV is like life with any other chronic ailment, and people treat it like any other grievous life challenge: They react to the best of their abilities. Guys who have a circle of supportive friends, who have interests to occupy their minds and bodies, and who have careers that afford them both insurance/paychecks and a purpose in life tend to fare well with HIV. Guys who have nothing to live for but sex, and who define themselves solely on that, and who blame external forces for whatever setbacks they've suffered in life...don't do as well. It may be gravely stating the obvious, but HIV/AIDS will kill you. But only if you let it. The Virus doesn't care about your life, or who you are as a man, or why you ended up a cumslut. It just wants to grow until it kills you. And the only one who can keep you alive is yourself. So to prepare yourself for the day when you contract HIV, ask yourself if you want to have a life worth saving and worth fighting for.

I'm in a similar dilemma as OP, but looking at a different set of concerns. I am fortunate enough to be at the start of a career that will likely provide me with good insurance and a salary to afford HIV-meds (I did a lot of studying and not much fucking). My wariness stems from the social aspect(s) of becoming poz. I'm a naturally introverted guy, and my shyness plus my tall-and-thick build means I haven't had nearly as many dates, hookups, and relationships as most guys in their mid-twenties. I know having HIV will only magnify this. I guess what I'm asking is: In your guys' experience, is social/sexual/romantic isolation based on HIV-status a real thing? And if so, how do you cope with it? I want to be proud of my HIV, and of my sluttiness, but I also want to live the complete life of an adult man. I'm used to being rejected by shallow guys, but will having HIV actually increase that? Or does it give you guys a renewed sense of pride and purpose in life?

Amazing story. Sweet/tender moments do indeed happen from time to time, and they can make good sex unforgettable.

This is a total ripoff of a story from the old bugshare archives. Here's the original (as taken from bugshare.org): Memorial Day Weekend I visited my old Boyfriend, Joey, and his new Lover in Phoenix. We’d split the year before when he moved. In the turmoil that followed, I’d played the field---and got POZZED---while Joey acquired a new Boyfriend. He introduced me. I was impressed. I couldn’t have picked better myself. Ralphie was 26, 5’9” 145, a muscular, slightly feminine jock with shocks of wavy blonde hair so thick I was instantly jealous. I felt my Cock twitch. One of the things Joey insisted on in his Mates was that they be DDF. Smoke Pot, or contract any STD, no matter how minor, and you were out---no If’s, And’s, or Butt’s. I’d been like that till we split; and when I got POZZED, I blamed Joey; although I realized I was ultimately responsible for my Fate. It didn’t matter. My resentment was irrational, but intense nonetheless; and it festered. So it was with contempt that I reviewed the Lab Report from Ralphie’s last HIV Test, and formulated a Plan to pay Joey back for his high-handed dissolution of our once sacrosanct relationship. The next morning, I got up early. While I was still naked and Joey asleep, I awakened Ralphie on the pretext of searching for coffee. I told him I needed to get something out of my car. He accompanied me to the Garage, where I put the make on him, wrapping my arms around him, and kissing him deeply. The drowsy bastard tried to resist, but then Lust got the best of him. I had his shorts off in no time. When I fingered his Hole, he begged me to wait. He went into the house, while I opened the trunk, pulled out my sleeping bag, and spread it neatly, doubled up, on the floor. Mindful of Joey’s eccentricities, Ralphie returned with KY and a Condom. I ripped open the packet, and ostentatiously rolled the Condom over my Dick. I lifted his legs, lubed his Hole, and slid in. I Fucked him for ten minutes before whispering that I really preferred it doggy-style. Ralphie was so hot, he didn’t care how he got Fucked. As he got on his elbows and knees, I pulled off the Condom. I moved in behind him and slid my bare cum-oozing Cock up his Ass. I pulsed slowly at first, but soon really got into it and rammed my Charged Load up his Ass. When my orgasm subsided, I told Ralphie to wait and went to the kitchen. I put a squirt of Ivory Liquid in the empty Condom, and wet a hand towel. I went back to the Garage, made a show of displaying the pseudo-cum-Condom, and wiped the excess POZ Jizz from around Ralphie’s Hole. Just in case he was one of those Dudes who Shit after Fucking, I lay down beside him for 20 minutes, whispering sweet nothings, so my Load would be absorbed in his bloodstream. I wondered how long it would be before Joey inherited the Bug. Two weeks, maybe a month, knowing Joey’s predilection for Sex. Of course they’d tie it all back to me. But the damage would be done, and I’d cheerfully confess. What were they gonna do? Kill me? I’d already done that to myself. Don’t let anybody fool you. Revenge is sweet.

Integrity is an essential part of being an adult, of being a man. You should know yourself, accept yourself and be proud of yourself. If you live your life on someone else's terms, or if you have to lie constantly just to keep someone happy, then you're not where you need to be. As has been said before me, there are men out there who will both love you and indulge you in your kind of sex. Likewise, there are vanilla men who will keep men like your boyfriend happy and healthy...as he wishes. Not only is it unfair to you to have to sneak around and lie, it's incredibly unfair to your unsuspecting boyfriend that you'd consider being so risky. Seriously. You could do serious harm to that boy, harm that might last years or the rest of his life. He doesn't want that life, and he didn't ask for that life. So don't force that life upon him by giving him an STD or HIV. It's OK to be a whore. It's OK to fuck strangers in bookstores, have unsafe sex and be sleazy. It's OK to live with HIV. It's never OK to live a lie or to infect innocent guys.

As in all things related to LTRs, open and honest communication is key. Talk to him about it and tell him what you want and why you want it. Ask him what he thinks is a good timeframe for a monogamous couple to commit to bareback sex. Respect that timeframe and be patient with him, as he's not as experienced as you. You should also discuss STDs and testing, if you haven't already, as that is a huge part of true sexual intimacy. It's only been a few weeks. Slow down and enjoy the initial stages of dating and getting to know this guy. Have you committed to being monogamous already? Perhaps that's why condoms at this stage might be prudent, at least in his mind. If you're serious about dating this guy, and if he's truly boyfriend potential, then you should respect him enough to let him come along in his own way and time. As most guys on here will tell you, good things take time, and sex (bareback or safe) is a thousand times more powerful and memorable if you trust and respect the guy you're having it with.

Not in this society...

I've known this guy on a few sites, though obviously we haven't chatted in some time. He always came across as a rather cocky, rather careless individual. Yeah, he loved to poz up neg holes. But as we can all see here, a little discretion would have done Mr. Boone a lot of good. He also should have chosen his bottoms a little better. To paraphrase from a sci-fi canon, Neg boys and virgins can be succulent...but sometimes they bite back!

MascMountainMan nailed it. Nothing more to say.

Rules are, to a great extent, what relationships are made of. They provide stability and trust, which make the rest possible. Those of us who are in relationships, or at least have some regard for LTRs, understand that. Sorry if a few of you hedonists don't. Would a little honesty, or a little restraint, kill any of you?

I say keep the LTR with your partner first in your mind. It's an eight-year relationship, and it's not worth destroying your man's trust (or possibly health) over some young slut's demands to go bareback. If you let "Rubio" down, you're only out a young fuckbud. If you let your partner down, you're out much, much more... From the sound of things, the safe-only arrangement isn't optimal for you. Perhaps you and the bf need to work out a new arrangement, one that will have you less tempted to go get tested and start breeding whatever piece you may have on the side. In the meantime, save that level of intimacy for the man who comes first in your life!

splitface said what I was trying to say, only he did it in a more constructive fashion. Young gay guys like us don't have mentors who honestly care about/respect our well-being...at least not on this site. When we ask legitimate questions about bareback sex, all we get from a lot of you veterans is the more-fun half of the truth. Why won't you talk about the downside? A lot of us are scared and conflicted about bareback sex. We see the porn, we want to try it and we hear you guys talk about how freeing it is to fuck raw and how 100% wonderful being poz is...but we know that's not the whole story. We need an honest dialogue with honest and unbiased men who will speak the whole truth about what barebacking entails and how being poz will alter our young lives. Some of you talk about what being poz is really like but it feels like the majority of this site is dedicated to sexual gratification, not dialogue. ...but I guess this is the last place a confused young man should look for those kind of answers.

This whole thread is in poor taste. The way you worded the original question is unsettling, as are the many ethically-unsound responses here. There's a very, very fine line between being sexually uninhibited and being a sexual predator. You guys are crossing that line with impunity and it's degrading the site. Having sex, whether safe or bareback, is a personal choice and not something you should attempt to sway for your own benefit. Trying to manipulate impressionable young minds into having the kind of sex you think they should be having is an appalling abuse of your status as adult gay men. This thread makes NO mention of educating guys about the risks of barebacking, nor does it mention the very real consequences of it. Instead, there are jokes about how best to bribe young guys into taking a very grave risk with their health, all so this site can be better marketed and the older men on here can maybe get laid. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. RawTOP, you need to realize that you aren't running a regular website here, but one that deals with potentially life-altering sex acts. Bareback sex is not just sex. It is a very risky act that carries very serious, sometimes fatal, consequences. Young gay men need to understand that, they need to make an informed decision about their sex lives and you guys need to stay out of it. Young people know how to use the Internet better than you do. They will find you if they want to. Preying on the fears and ignorance of young gay men may get you laid by cute boys and it may increase traffic on this site, but you're still manipulating others to get what you want. That makes you predators, which is the last thing young gay men need.

It sounds like you know an awful lot about this guy's sex habits, daily life and even his sex life with his wife. Either this man tells you everything (unlikely, because he's not even honest with his wife) or you're not really two separate people. "I know this guy with a problem..." is the oldest line in the book.

If this is how rawTOP writes fiction, he must fuck like a god in real life...

I'm a prolific editor on Wikipedia. I've written dozens of articles and edited hundreds more, but I can tell you that the open-source nature of the site prevents things like bugchasing from ever being accepted as mainstream. Most people still see it as a perversion and will immediately edit it to appear that way. The only scientific research being conducted on bugchasing is from a negative, paraphiliac perspective. All they want to study is why we're as depraved as they think we are. Wikipedia is right to place emphasis on scientific, peer-reviewed research. It's the most factual. Unfortunately for us, the research currently being done will do nothing but add facts to the stigma that is bugchasing.

Kinda harsh, but somewhat realistic. You play with fire, you get burned...

And the line between rational racial discussion and pseudo-scientific racial stereotypes has now been crossed...