Question For Tops And Bottoms.

[cam1972]

I see a lot of guys, both tops and bottoms, posting how the bottom is only to be used. Only to concentrate on pleasing the top. Never to come during sex... I know for some, this is role play. But I think for others, they always feel this way. My question is this: Is there ever a time when you want to "make love"? And by making love, I mean pleasure for both. Or do you have the mindset that bottoms are purely to be used and only the top should feel pleasure? Role play is one thing.. But I don't think... No... I know I couldn't live that way every time I had sex. I know I'm wired differently than a lot on here... But I just can't imagine not feeling affection during sex at least every once in a while. Hope this makes sense.. I just see have noticed a lot of posts pertaining to this and they made me curious.

[verstoplatin]

I've noticed what you say, it's something cultural, it's not like that in many parts of the world.

Sex in the USA is full of fetishes and fantasies; it usually involves some garment like a jockstrap, or some role playing like dad-son or master-slave. I really dislike the "I'm a bottom and my only purpose in life is to pleasure tops" or the "I'm a top and I only want your tongue in my dick and that warm ass". We are humans with feelings and needs, such mechanical way of thinking is not natural, it is learned. It's something I have had to get used to.

 

I feel such life-long attitudes are not normal, maybe deep inside there's some trauma behind them. 

 

I am more passionate, sex for me is about pleasing myself and my bottom or vice versa. I like no garments, no role playing.

[sinfuljock]

I agree.  I love being fucked/used etc...but being fucked feels fucking fantastic! I love being fucked because it feels great and I usually can come from being fucked...yes it's great to bring pleasure to a top but I guess i'm more selfish than that. I get fucked for my own pleasure.

[seaguy]

I can be submissive but I don't like to go so far that I am only servicing my needs are not even cared about, to me that is giving up too much control and I don't get off that much on being submissive.  So I prefer to have it where we each are in charge of pleasuring the other and making sure that we both are enjoying things and in the end we both get off.

[sarutobi]

I prefer a connection. I can have emotionless sex, but it's much better when both of us are into it. Isn't that part of the whole deal? To feel part of another person? For me, it's important for the bottom to be pleased. If his being pleased is me fucking him balls to the bone, cool. But I don't just want him there thinking that all that matters is that I get off.

[bearbandit]

I switch, though thanks to diabetes I tend to bottom more often than top. While a quickie can be fun, I prefer that there's some emotion there. It might be that the emotion of the moment is "you're a pig here for me to use", and I can get off on that either way round. When I bottom, I'm wanting to give my Top the best I can and hope the the same in return. It's better the second time when you've learned a bit more about each other(s). One guy hit gold with me when he lifted me from my knees to face him by my harness.

When I top, I try to keep track of what gets to my bottom: I want him to have a good time, usually because I want him back. So I note his favourite toys, which positions get to him when sucking cock, or getting fucked, what sort of sex talk does it for him.

Outside of the usual stuff, I expect my Top to remember how I like taking piss, just as I remember how I like to piss on or in my boy. I tend to be more psychological when topping, more physical when bottoming, but the one thing common to both is that "the connection" only adds to the whole experience.

[Bottomhole]

I like both, it really depends on the guy I'm with. With someone I get to meet a few times I become more comfortable with the more personal moments. I'm very tactile, so I'm happy with lots of cuddling if that's what the other guy wants, just as much as I am getting used as a human sex toy. As long as the other guy enjoys it I'm not too picky. 

 

Bearbandit: If you don't mind me asking. How does diabetes prevent you from topping? Is it purely an energy thing, I have to admit I'm not that knowledgeable when it comes to that particular condition. 

[cam1972]

I prefer a connection. I can have emotionless sex, but it's much better when both of us are into it. Isn't that part of the whole deal? To feel part of another person? For me, it's important for the bottom to be pleased. If his being pleased is me fucking him balls to the bone, cool. But I don't just want him there thinking that all that matters is that I get off.

 

This is me. Exactly. I don't like to feel used and I don't want to use. I want that connecction. And I want the bottom to feel just as much pleasure as I do when I'm fucking or I want to feel as much pleasure as the top does when being fucked.. And if there is that connection, then I can gaurantee that both of us will be feeling a hell of a lot of pleausre.

[Leather69]

It depends where I am, eg In Berlin for Folsom.. well that was just fucking as there were lots of bottoms about just looking for cock, but back in London (where I have a fuck buddy).. well that was a long passionate session.. grrr

[TigerMilner]

Nothing is better than making love with a man that you feel some connection with.  This kind of sex can go on for hours for me.  I get into the whole anonymous scene and all it's built-in limitations, partly because it is easier to come by.  That passionate and mutually pleasurable type of sex is not, unfortunately the kind of thing one finds online. 

 

I will say that I get plenty of pleasure from getting fucked no matter what the scene, so I can do the role playing thing and I'm fine.  I love having a man inside me.  Period. 

[FelchingPisser]

I can do both.  If I am in a public sex venue--it's likely to be more about fucking.  A lot of fucking.  But I have been known to stop my whoring and settle down with the "right" man in that type of venue and play with him the rest of the night because somehow we connected.

 

If a guy is in my playroom, it's more likely about exploring the connection.  I can't imagine the two/three hour sessions I do without it.  I love repeats with men for building on that growth. 

 

There are men who need to be treated as objects.  Fine.  I can do that, too.  And some, I would guess, who do it as a defense from having been hurt in the past...

[not_sure_bb]

i prefer being used by tops. i have no use for making love with guys

[Guest KptNLine]

I see a lot of guys, both tops and bottoms, posting how the bottom is only to be used. Only to concentrate on pleasing the top. Never to come during sex... I know for some, this is role play. But I think for others, they always feel this way. My question is this: Is there ever a time when you want to "make love"? And by making love, I mean pleasure for both. Or do you have the mindset that bottoms are purely to be used and only the top should feel pleasure? Role play is one thing.. But I don't think... No... I know I couldn't live that way every time I had sex. I know I'm wired differently than a lot on here... But I just can't imagine not feeling affection during sex at least every once in a while. Hope this makes sense.. I just see have noticed a lot of posts pertaining to this and they made me curious.

Hi there Cam,

 

So this may sound weird coming from a bottom who's locked in chastity, but I totally get where you're coming from. Yes, there are sometimes where I do just want to make love with my husband and there's other times where I want nothing more than to be his cum dump. It just depend. Sometimes, he'll fuck me fast and hard just to get himself off, and other times we have slow, intimate sex. I think a healthy balance is important for most relationships (though every relationship is unique and I of course respect personal choices.) That being said, if you stood in our bedroom and watched us have sex, you might think that he's simply "using me." After all, my cock is locked up and I very rarely get to cum. But that doesn't mean the sex we have isn't as pleasurable for me as it is for him. I've simply learned to experience pleasure in different ways, physically. But I totally understand that need to feel a raw, intimate connection with the guy you're having sex with, and I agree with you. It's the emotional component of my relationship that makes me want to submit, and there's a level of trust you need to have in order to do this, at least in my experience. 

[cam1972]

Hi there Cam,

 

So this may sound weird coming from a bottom who's locked in chastity, but I totally get where you're coming from. Yes, there are sometimes where I do just want to make love with my husband and there's other times where I want nothing more than to be his cum dump. It just depend. Sometimes, he'll fuck me fast and hard just to get himself off, and other times we have slow, intimate sex. I think a healthy balance is important for most relationships (though every relationship is unique and I of course respect personal choices.) That being said, if you stood in our bedroom and watched us have sex, you might think that he's simply "using me." After all, my cock is locked up and I very rarely get to cum. But that doesn't mean the sex we have isn't as pleasurable for me as it is for him. I've simply learned to experience pleasure in different ways, physically. But I totally understand that need to feel a raw, intimate connection with the guy you're having sex with, and I agree with you. It's the emotional component of my relationship that makes me want to submit, and there's a level of trust you need to have in order to do this, at least in my experience. 

 

Actually.. This makes sense to me... You put it in a way that says that even tho he is really wanting to get off, he still cares about you as an individual. A human being. The way the other posters on here sound... It's like their life does not matter. At all.. That if they weren't used to get off a top, then their life is of no importance. I'm very glad you responded. Helped me see that there can be love and dominance in the same relationship. Very cool to know.