Finally On Prep, But Still Afraid And Unsure About Bb

[Pitt1988]

So it turns out my doc appt and everything went well; her in Pittsburgh doctors are very informed about PREP ive been on PREP  for 2 weeks now; and although i am excited to finally let the horny tiger in me come out full blast and enjoy sex to the fullest; im still afraid and unsure the medication can protect me 99% even taken everyday; i just cant wrap my mind around convincing myself a virus ive been deathly afraid of and panicked over for years cannot infect me; its a very difficult and incredible concept to accept; somehow i still feel if there is a what if? or a maybe? i know im sounding paranoid; but i also feel maybe if i just stick to  topping BB i will not feel as scared and paranoid; eventually once i feel more comfortable ill flip flop fuck like there's no tomorrow haha, any of you guys had that initial fear or insecurity as to BB when you first started on the PREP?

[rawfuckr]

Hey there Pitt1988,

 

I think it's important to be aware that PrEP is not 100% effective, nothing is, condoms aren't. The key lies in understanding the risks and being comfortable with them.

 

There's a whole world of difference of risk between going into a bathhouse and getting 10 random loads in your ass every weekend to that of fucking raw with a regular FB that you've talked beforehand about HIV status. PrEP if you take it daily it's terribly effective of keeping you negative, but if you keep pushing your chances who knows what can happen.

 

Personally, I feel very comfortable that I'm going to stay negative being on PrEP with my behavior. Although I do get a lot of loads, I sort of choose to know who I get them from. Ok, I don't have a perfect record, and I've got some random loads over time, but it's the exception more than the norm.

 

For me going on PrEP sort of way the other way around that's happening to you. I felt invincible and that I could do anything, and it's just now that I'm starting to realize that I should be a bit safer. You have to find out what works for you.

[myDNA4u]

I have to agree with rawfuckr.  While is no 100% surety about anything in life except death and taxes, being on PrEP and some selectivity in partners makes the odds of seroconverting extremely low.  This is especially true if you choose to play with poz undetectable men whom you can trust to be taking their meds as directed or other guys on PrEP themselves, and you stay true to taking Truvada daily.  In that case the odds get about as close to zero as possible.

Edited January 27, 2015 by myDNA4u

[bearbandit]

Of people taking PrEP, both "in the wild" (ie in the USA and other territories where it can be got on prescription) and on various trials, no-one who's fully adherent to the regime has ever seroconverted. Get sloppy with your adherence, missing doses and it starts becoming a possibility, just as a PwHIV who gets sloppy with their meds is liable to find their viral load rising and their CD4 count dropping.

If you think about it truvada is two thirds of a standard ARV regime for PwHIV. After a couple of weeks, your tissues all contain the drug, in particular the mucous membranes inside your ass. Last time I got fucked was by a guy who viral load was pretty high. a month or so later my bloods showed VL undetectable and my CD4 was at its second highest count ever (and I've been having CD4 counts since 1989).

Stick to taking the truvada, if you take it in the morning keep it next to your toothbrush, or with the breakfast cereal, anything that helps you develop the habit of taking it. Then you'll know that when you feel ready to get fucked or fuck raw, you're as protected as you can possibly be at our current level of knowledge.

[Pitt1988]

Ive always felt as an uncut Top my chances have always been low, although being uncut supposedly increases my chances without PREP, most guys ive been with always prefer me to top as i really enjoy doing it; but the few times i bottomed was just immense pleasure and boy did i love it, i have always considered just sticking to poz undetectable guys, but my biggest problem with that is; how do i know a guy is not lying about being poz undetectable? i have a friend who was undetectable in 2012, but was no longer undetectable in 2013; how can they prove to me that the are indeed poz undct? most guys lie about being poz as it is; how can i trust a guy that just says "oh yea im poz undetectable" at least a raw top on prep can show me their prescription and meds, what proof can a poz undetectable guy provide? because if there is some doctor papers, or any proof besides just taking their word for it; then ill be more than happy to play with poz undetectable guys.

[rawfuckr]

Ive always felt as an uncut Top my chances have always been low, although being uncut supposedly increases my chances without PREP, most guys ive been with always prefer me to top as i really enjoy doing it; but the few times i bottomed was just immense pleasure and boy did i love it, i have always considered just sticking to poz undetectable guys, but my biggest problem with that is; how do i know a guy is not lying about being poz undetectable? i have a friend who was undetectable in 2012, but was no longer undetectable in 2013; how can they prove to me that the are indeed poz undct? most guys lie about being poz as it is; how can i trust a guy that just says "oh yea im poz undetectable" at least a raw top on prep can show me their prescription and meds, what proof can a poz undetectable guy provide? because if there is some doctor papers, or any proof besides just taking their word for it; then ill be more than happy to play with poz undetectable guys.

 

You just have to trust the guy. But this goes with everyone. Someone could be telling you they are neg on PrEP and they are actually poz with high VL. But you can ask "What meds are you on now?" "any side effects?" I'd think any liar would hesitate quickly and would be easy to catch. Maybe I'm innocent, but the vast majority of guys won't lie if you ask and then you have PrEP for those who do lie. It's just if you were having sex constantly with poz with VL that you would be at risk.

 

Regarding guys who are UD and on meds and their VL spiking up, all the science data we have at hand points that they are just not infectious, even with spikes. The 'negs I don't know' or 'yep, i'm neg' are the real ones to watch out for. They could be poz with phenomenal VLs and not know it. For those you could just either top or if you get fucked don't get their loads.

 

I'm not sure if you are a numbers guy, but it really helps, at least for me, to understand the actual probabilities of all these things to define what you will and will not do. One thing is for sure, on 2015 there is ample opportunity to fuck raw and have very little chance of getting HIV. This was not possible even 5 years ago on a pre-PrEP and pre-TasP world.

[Bottomhole]

Hey Pitt1988, I think that it's good that you are a little paranoid about your health. From someone who has recently been infected with HIV I wish I was more careful about my health and lifestyle choices, and now I'm in a position where I can't turn back. I wouldn't wish this on anyone esp someone who is fearful of the virus like you seem to be. Don't assume it will be 100% effective and play accordingly. If you want to have more adventurous sex then easing yourself into doing such seems like the best course for you, don't jump into anything you might soon regret. Just judging by your considered posts, I think it would be best if you got to know guys a little before you slept with them. That method might fit in better with your personality and help ease some of your worries. That would give you time to talk to your potential sexual partners about sexual health, from there you can gauge whether or not they are aware of their status etc.

 

Good luck, you are very lucky to be living in a country that you can avail of PreP, for some of us it has come just a little too late.

 

Take care. 

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

PrEP efficacy studies continue. Take as directed and you are not going to Poz. No one, myself included will declare 100% since nothing save death is 100% sure. Live by that one exceptional event as your rule of life and you are doing yourself far more harm than good. Buy a lottery ticket when you do total pig play because your chances of converting and winning that lottery are similar. Avoiding pleasurable play to avoid hugely less than 1% chance of acquiring a highly treatable condition is no way to live! Try to relax bud....

[Pitt1988]

Hi Bottomhole, im sorry about what happened to you, and if that is your picture, i must say you are a very handsome guy it saddens me because since 17 ive been scared and so paranoid i became addicted to masturbating; every time i had sex i was worried during and after sex, even if it was protected, i had the misfortune of having very strict religious parents that repeatedly reminded me that hiv/aids was a curse from good to us gays, blah blah blah; then witnessed people slowly die from it in the 90's as i lived in a 3rd world country,(my parents were missionaries in that country) so it traumatized me and made me paranoid; however i want to encourage you to be happy and live life to the fullest, as the meds today have changed all that and you can live a very happy healthy life; also getting "to know" guys better; i dont know if this has happened to you or you've experienced it; but most gay guys are complicated when it comes to sex; for instance ive been trying for years to meet a fairly decent attractive FWB, its futile, everyone just wants a one timer only and they dont even seem to want to relax and enjoy a hookup; ive got so tired of flakes and wasting time on apps and hookup sites, i just give up and masturbate, lol now that PREP is available im hoping i can start to have unafraid sex with real people and not use my hand anymore, btw what country are you living in that does not have prep yet? im moving to eastern europe in 2 years; hopefully by then things have changed.  Hugs and stay strong

[Pitt1988]

hey rawfuckr, you are on point about those "im clean and DD free" assholes; i hate it when they use the word "clean" its fucking disrespectful and something only a douche would say, im "neg" is what everyone should use, but you are on point about them being the most dangerous ones and possibly the ignorant uninformed ones who have a high VL; how do i know this? when i ask them, when did you last get tested and where? do you have the test papers from the clinic? the try to change the subject or disappear, it seems they just go around fucking raw with everyone online and could care less about testing or status, im sure a poz guy is much more responsible and in charge of his VL and health, thanks for your input.

Just noticed you are from Ireland Bottomhole, cheers my ancestry is also Irish, you seem like a great guy; again stay strong and best wishes

[Bottomhole]

Thanks for the kind words, yes that is my mug. I'm from Ireland where Prep isnt available. I'm a little confused by your position. On one hand you say you're deathly afraid of contracting the virus, but you said it yourself that you can live a happy healthy long life. So why the fear then? If it's irrational fear then maybe you do need to relax and enjoy yourself more, if you feel that getting HIV is in fact a big deal and still a huge risk, then taking it slow with guys is the way to go. I have found that about 70 percent of guys on hook-up sites would rather stay at home and masturbate. I've found it so much harder to find a guy who wants to meet me since I've been diagnosed positive though, so that could be contributing to it. However the people who I do tend to hook-up with end up wanting exclusivity, the opposite of what you experience. I guess you have to just keep on searching. 

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Bottomhole, when do you plan to treat your HIV with meds? Before too long you will be undetectable, and a few months after that, you will effectively be unable to Poz another. Look up TasP (treatment as protection). Sadly education amongst our community no matter where on the planet one resides is fraught with fear and misinformation, often fueled by political motives rather than public health. There are a number of UK guys here, my friend bearbandit amongst them. Strike up a conversation with him... He has been involved in UK HIV counseling and education and I submit will be a great resource for you.

Pitt1988, I hope you will take steps to relax into sexual adventures. Our Poz brothers before us undured a lot of experimental treatments which eventually led to PrEP for guys like us. I do agree with you, online hookups can be frustrating... The Internet has done many good things, but one downside was decline of bar life (frought with its own hazards), where in person conversation was used rather than hunt for the perfect fake profile.... In those settings tone of voice, glint in his eye was the powerful profile...

[Pitt1988]

Although it is not available in any part of Europe at this time, i believe it wont be long before it is; the main reason i was and still am "deathly" afraid of it is because ive always wanted to have kids, and still do; and up until last year it was literally impossible for a poz guy to have biological kids, unfortunately i haven't moved in that direction till i own my own home and financially stable enough to bring a child into this world, and also i almost died from bacterial meningitis in 2007; all those needles and nurses and doctors around me 24/7 scared me out of wanting to do clinicals regularly if i was infected, i noticed you are into party&play; that is a very dangerous lifestyle to be involved in; alot of guys have also become poz p&playing here in the USA; i don't do any type of drugs, except marijuana, because as far as im concerned, honestly sex is my drug of choice lol.  Too many guys our age have this notion that you can do and behave as you please and there is no consequences in the end, and it is far from the truth, but hey i don't judge anyone, i just want to put a big smile on people's faces; i didn't know Ireland had the same "flake" issues that i experience here; all the hot sex you see in porn is just a fantasy; as it hardly ever happens in real life; everytime someone is interested its either because they are overweight or older than my dad, all i ever wanted was a couple of lads my age to enjoy a fun, exciting passionate sex life..but it seems as a gay guy that is a little too much to ask....

[wood]

Although it is not available in any part of Europe at this time, i believe it wont be long before it is; the main reason i was and still am "deathly" afraid of it is because ive always wanted to have kids, and still do; and up until last year it was literally impossible for a poz guy to have biological kids, unfortunately i haven't moved in that direction till i own my own home and financially stable enough to bring a child into this world, and also i almost died from bacterial meningitis in 2007; all those needles and nurses and doctors around me 24/7 scared me out of wanting to do clinicals regularly if i was infected, i noticed you are into party&play; that is a very dangerous lifestyle to be involved in; alot of guys have also become poz p&playing here in the USA; i don't do any type of drugs, except marijuana, because as far as im concerned, honestly sex is my drug of choice lol.  Too many guys our age have this notion that you can do and behave as you please and there is no consequences in the end, and it is far from the truth, but hey i don't judge anyone, i just want to put a big smile on people's faces; i didn't know Ireland had the same "flake" issues that i experience here; all the hot sex you see in porn is just a fantasy; as it hardly ever happens in real life; everytime someone is interested its either because they are overweight or older than my dad, all i ever wanted was a couple of lads my age to enjoy a fun, exciting passionate sex life..but it seems as a gay guy that is a little too much to ask....

not really true on a few parts there, the kids part has been false for a long time, If you google "sperm washing" you will see what I mean.  

 

Anyway, FWIW no one is forcing you to give up condoms, or any other protection methods.  If you think they work for you, stick with it. 

 

In my circumstance my adoption of a "free-er" lifestyle post PrEP wasn't immediate.  In fact it was a good nine months before I really went a bit nuts for a bit.  With that said, after PrEP, I didnt worry anymore.    

[seaguy]

If you are ever to truly have a great sexual experience your going to need to stop obsessing over things.  Your on PrEP and have read about it so go have some fun and stop worrying.