Finally On Prep, But Still Afraid And Unsure About Bb

[Bottomhole]

"Too many guys our age have this notion that you can do and behave as you please and there is no consequences in the end, and it is far from the truth" Fair enough Pitt1988, that's probably applicable to my situation.

 

JizzDumpWI: I'd like to get on meds as soon as they let me. I've been told I can go on them when my cd4 drops to about 500's the timeframe they gave me was the next two months. I've done all I can since my diagnosis to learn about what's happening, attending every hospital appointment, talking to their councillor etc. It's not as easy as me telling them I want to go on meds, they have a way of talking to you(as well as the fact that they know more) that would imply that it's a joint decision (bet doctors and I) when I start. They want to ensure that I'm ready for the next stage, which is ultimately taking medication religiously for the rest of my life. 

 

But to stay on topic. Pitt1988, your fears stem from a real place it seems, given your past experiences. Just take your time and don't rush into it. If you are still at a worry after presented with the facts about Prep, then maybe bareback sex isn't for you. I mean you're quick to point out the dangers in me party and playing, what makes you think bareback sex is any safer? There are plenty of sti's you can catch that aren't HIV.

[myDNA4u]

Pitt1988 there is a lot in what you say that I can relate to and as someone much older (and hopefully somewhat wiser) let me offer you some thoughts. 

 

Like you for many years I was terrified of doctors and especially needles.  I would literally faint at merely the sight of them and to this day looking at them makes me very uncomfortable.  I was lucky that I was finally able to discuss this with my doctor a day before a scheduled blood draw.  He completely understood and was great in telling me that this was not an uncommon thing especially in men.  For the next day he had me take a Xanax before hand.  That greatly lower my anxiety going in.  Also he made sure that the all the staff knew of my issue and made sure everything was kept out of my view.  This has become the regular routine for me in the office as I have to go frequently for blood work and injections.  No one makes fun of me (I had had that in the past) and they all work very hard to make sure that I'm as relaxed as possible and always talk soothingly and keep everything out of sight as much as possible. If any doctor is unwilling to go a similar route with you, find one that is.

 

As for finding guys I will agree that the internet is not the best of answers especially if one is looking for more that a one time situation.  Being able to meet face to face and have a conversation is the only way to really get there.  Besides the bar routine which does have its own perils, try gay social and civic organizations.  In those types of settings one gets a chance to actually meet and know someone and see if there is any type of connection.  Remember the first part of a friend with benefits is friend not the other way around.  That's not to say a hook up can't turn into a friendship but I've found that to be pretty rare.  Also as you seem to be looking for guys near your own age, you need to realize that while you are more than legally an adult, the vast majority of men really don't mature into true adulthood until sometime in their thirties.  Therefore you will deal with plenty of flakes and liars.  Much of that is not intentional, it's just part of the growing up process.  Also a young man in his mid 20's may wind up to be someone totally different by the time he's in his mid to late 30's.

 

Like you for years I had huge fear of HIV.  During a period in the 80's and early to mid 90's I lost almost all of my friends to it  I lived in terror that I could be next and even more that I might spread it to someone else.  Fortunately that slowly began to change as I realized that there were effective treatments which have continued to improve with time.  PrEP for me has been a liberating experience.  Hopefully in time it will be for you as well.

 

What your parents did to you while I'm sure it was meant to be well meaning on their part was extremely unfortunate.  We all have baggage like that of some kind or another.  The best advice I can offer is to continue to work on overcoming it.  You have the advantage of knowing exactly where it comes from, and you recognize it is a problem.  You may want to seek some professional help with that. 

[Pitt1988]

Bottomhole is guess there are consequences; but ill admit, sometimes  regret not being more wild, enjoying what i like and not caring, all he paranoia. worrying and worrying about consequences made me miserable and sometimes id go nuts sexually frustrated; so in a sense a least you had the pleasure and fulfillment of knowing you did what you liked and enjoyed it

Hi mDNA4u i guess i just have to do more research and find a few social organizations in my area to find more affable men, and i do prefer older men, i even like the bear daddy types, however ive noticed a trend of larger overweight hairy types that don't qualify for a "daddy" type are the most common in my area and online in general; i like older men; i just don't like older unattractive men, maybe that sounds shallow of me; but im straightforward and know what i want, anyways thanks for your info.

[Guest kazore]

Me too I'm on prep and still unsure about bareback. It is really not easy. I read a doctor said it was ok for 2 guys on prep not to use condoms. ok but 1st how can we be sure that the other guy is really on prep and take it correctly? Also what about guys on prep met online and declare to have mainly raw sex?

[Pitt1988]

hi kazore,that's what i keep thinking all the time; how can you just believe it when someone says, "oh yea im on prep too" just a few days a ago i had some jerk try to trick me online: say's he's on prep; i said well do you have proof you are on prep? oh no im visiting your area for work, ok do you have the prep pills you can show me? oh i don't carry them when i go out, and proceeded to make up all types of excuses as to why he did not have proof he was on PREP! are you kidding me??? this guy really taught he was going to trick me into believing him when he said he was on prep; worse is he was 44 years old; you would think older men would take this stuff more seriously since they experienced the 80s aids crisis; another guys called "thecumdepository" has a blog on tumblr and boasts getting barebacked by multiple tops at the same time; and going around giving sloppy seconds; he literally did not seem to care that all these tops can potentially get infected with cum in his ass, as long as he's on prep; he claims they are adults; its their choice, in other words he doesn't care if the virus starts spreading like wildfire due to sloppy seconds as long as he is protected with PREP; that is why even if someone is on PREP and you're neg you cannot trust them: because they can still have cum in their ass from a previous encounter and when you top them you can get infected from the previous load! and this is why i wish i were straight....most guys in our community don't seem to care or have a concern for their fellow gay brother; gay community? yea right!

[fillmyholeftl]

While I won't argue the point that guys on the internet, or in general may lie regarding status, PReP etc... the scenario of a top becoming infect thru sloppy seconds is REALLY as close to impossible as can be.  I am not condoning anyone's behavior,  just making a statement.  I don't understand why anyone, especially anyone who witnessed the beginning of the AIDS crisis would want to spread HIV intentionally...I myself disclose my status in any hookup internet or otherwise from the beginning.

[Pitt1988]

I understand your point fillmyholeleft; but when a top cums in a bottom that already has poz cum in them; wouldn't their dick suck up the poz cum? or tinny scratches on his dick from thrusting cause entry points? i mean im not 100% sure how it works, but i would imagine it is possible to get infected that way? remember hiv cannot live outside the body but can still thrive if its inside the body; you might know more about this than i would, so i appreciate your info, thanks.

[fillmyholeftl]

In theory, Pitt1988 it sound like an ideal situation. But HIV is very fragile. the scenario has to be just right. a TOP, fucking a unmedicated bottom, still only has a 1:1000 chance of infection. the "old cum in an ass, is going to be much less virulent, and  microabrasions are not really that relevant.  SO, if I had a client (yes I do HIV counseling/outreach/risk reduction) in a similar scenario, I would tell him... don't lose sleep over it.  Yea if you over think it, there is probably some risk, but I would say VERY minimal.

Hope this info helps. PM me if you want to discuss more.  Oh, also "dicks" don't suck up any cum.  there really has to be FLUID to FLUID contact.

[rawfuckr]

I understand your point fillmyholeleft; but when a top cums in a bottom that already has poz cum in them; wouldn't their dick suck up the poz cum? or tinny scratches on his dick from thrusting cause entry points? i mean im not 100% sure how it works, but i would imagine it is possible to get infected that way? remember hiv cannot live outside the body but can still thrive if its inside the body; you might know more about this than i would, so i appreciate your info, thanks.

 

This is very unlikely unless you are in a fuck party or you are fucking someone who just got fucked. Even then it would be a really low risk event and then PrEP would be there for you. If you did this over and over again then you may have a problem, but the occasional one off event it's fine, like in yes, there is the minimal chance of getting HIV even on PrEP but if that chance if lower that you getting killed by lighting you may want to take the risk.

 

The way to get HIV for gay men is taking poz unmedicated loads in your ass that come from the negs, negs don't know, or unmedicated poz. Staying on top and with PrEP is very low risk regardless of everything else.

[rawfuckr]

this guy really taught he was going to trick me into believing him when he said he was on prep; worse is he was 44 years old; you would think older men would take this stuff more seriously since they experienced the 80s aids crisis;

 

In 2015 many guys out there just don't care about getting HIV. It's not like they are bug chasers or anything, they have simply made the decision that if they get it, so be it, 'there are pills for that now'. Specially older guys that age group 40+.

 

It's really tough to ask a whole generation of gay men to have sex with rubbers and do away with the natural way. For guys over 40, they've gone through the first/second decade of the crisis with pristine condom use, but then as we move forward and HIV becomes less of a problem a lot of people are reassessing. PrEP is great! for this people but will take time to get the word out. It's also particularly involved and lots of folks are not going to bother. People will fall through the cracks.

 

In your case. If you don't feel like you can have an honest conversation about this stuff with someone then don't fuck with them. It's a very good attitude to have.

[wood]

Pitt1988, Take this as you want, but i am not sure you are ready to have condomless sex right now, PrEP or not.

 

The thing about random sexual encounters is that you really never know the full true story of what people are, what they may have, their real status, etc.  

 

You can ask all the questions you want, but that isn't always going to make them true.  Additionally for many guys, asking a thousand questions will just get you blocked.  I'm not saying that mentality is right or wrong, but its a fact.

 

Additionally there is nothing wrong if you are nervous about it, but you need to follow what you feel like in a situation like this, not what others are going to tell you.  Nothing about any protection method is 100%, so you need to weigh your pro's and cons yourself and see what you come up with.  The science is there to show that PrEP works when taken correctly, but you have to decide if thats enough for you.          

[FatFuckPigMA]

PrEP seems to effectively prevent HIV, but there are still plenty of STDs out there to be wary of, so it's not a license to be a bathhouse or ABS slut...unless you want that.

What it does allow you to do is casually date, have natural sex if this your want, and enjoy yourself without fear or paranoia. Look at it this way, you no longer have to discuss status during dessert and coffee.

Edited February 8, 2015 by FatFuckPigMA

[Guest kazore]

Hi Pitt1988,

How do you feel now? You still don't have raw sex.

 

I was feeling very anxious about having bb sex. It is getting better and easier little by little. I accept more the idea. It is easier to top and I hope bottoming will come next. I still haven't given and received a load.