Rant Warning: Frustrated With Inconsiderate Tops!

[nastybottom]

What is it with tops who message you out of the blue and expect you to run over and take care of them immediately? Do they not understand that it takes some preparation in order to be fucked? We bottoms can't just pull down our pants and be ready at the drop of a hat...at least, it won't be very pleasant if we do.

I just had to give the brush off to a guy like this, and I'm pissed off and depressed over it. He gives no notice at all, then doesn't get back to you if you try to work with him, and is out looking for other ass while he leaves you hanging. What a thoughtless asshole!

[gaynevets]

I've had the experience of guys wanting to fuck at the drop of a hat and then calling me a poseur when I demur. It's not even about preparing, it's just that life happens and guess what? I may not be able to drop everything, much as I might like to. I get that the guy is horny and wants to fuck now but he's got no call being pissed at me because I've got something I'm committed to doing right now. So, yeah, fuck him, I'm better off with guys who can plan ahead at least by a half day, you know?

[nastybottom]

Exactly. I could even deal with a 2-hour warning.

[bottomforsize]

Funny, I was just about to write a post about having more sympathy for tops. 

 

I've been traveling all this week and have been able to take a number of anonymous loads in my ass, mostly in gloryhole bookstores, but some in motel rooms from dudes off of Craigslist, etc. I ended up having to stay the night in a mid sized town tonight, and I've been trying to pay the load-taking forward some lately, so this evening I posted a CL ad saying I was looking for a cumdump who could host face down ass up for an anon pump and dump style walk-in sperm delivery.

 

In about 4 hours I got replies from - no joke - no fewer than 29 different bottoms. And every single one of them tried to talk me into something I wasn't looking for. Or wouldn't send an ass pic, or a location. Or couldn't be ready until 6 hours later, or tomorrow, or the next day, or next week. Or said that what they really wanted was to suck my dick. The list goes on.

 

I finally gave up, depressed by two things: First, that there were so many more bottoms than tops. (I've posted load-taking ads in this town before and have gotten maybe five or six hits in a single night, max.) And second, that none of the bottoms were offering what I was looking for. In fact, less than half of them even seemed to read my ad to the end. 

 

I have one particular top buddy who keeps telling me that it's easier for bottoms like me who are looking for anonymous tops to hook up than it is for tops like him who are into easy-access bottoms. I used to think he was kidding. But I'm starting to think he might not have it that much better than me.

Edited April 3, 2016 by bottomforsize

[bottomforsize]

By the way, I think some of those 29 were bottoms emailing from different accounts hoping I'd changed what I was looking for since the last time they tried. If that's what tops are running into when posting for bottoms, I'm gonna try to be more patient with them if they seem impatient with us.

[BBPaulZA]

Yup..i need a little time to prepare...but if I've posted an ad, or my my status is "Right Now" then I'm ready!

Edited April 3, 2016 by BBPaulZA

[bbzh]

We all could be a bit more fair play (tops and bottoms) in how we approach sex.

 

I'm guilty of wanting to get fucked, but not fucked by someone in my rotation - or not wanting to drive to the dick - or not wanting to get fucked by a guy in my rotation who has a dick above a certain size. 

 

....in other words...I am running all sorts of algorithms to decide if I am going to fuck when asked. LOL.

 

1) If your dick is in the 6-8 inch range and you are a good lay, I will stop whatever I'm doing to let you fuck me. Guaranteed.

 

2) If you are a hung top, a bit too rough for my tastes and selfish, you are only going to get some pussy off me on the first Tuesday of every odd month and only then if I haven't been fucked the day before. LOL.

 

Seriously, to the original poster, if cleaning out is an issue, it might be worth slightly changing your eating habits and/or taking in a bit more fiber to bulk up your stool. You can get ready in minutes then. But generally speaking, I'm with you. I don't want to be asked for my ass at the drop of a hat and certainly not after a big meal - especially if you have a really big dick. 

 

Again, this is why I'm in favor of looking for sex in a bar or sauna or park. Everyone is focused. Most everyone is ready. 

 

Unfortunately, when we are sitting behind our keyboards, there is an inverse relationship between our requirements and patience. Our requirements ramp up considerably and our patience falls just as rapidly. 

[bootmandc]

Good thread.  I would generally say its a bottom's resp to be prepped and ready for a top, anytime, anyplace.  And, I take real pride in being clean and ready, something I work at.  But reality is - we all know whats going on - prep takes time and effort, and its an ass, not a pussy, that he is sliding his dick into so shit happens ... no pun intended.

 

All week, I've been steaming over an infrequent recurring fuck with incredible top I see at local ABS when I am in town.  Everything about him makes me melt - a big man, with a huge dick, and a bad attitude.  And he knows it and torments me.  It's a long story over past few years, one that could be posted on its own here.  But it's rare that he will fuck me, even though I basically beg him sometimes.  But when he does, its rough and raw, and yeah, stuff we dream about.  But he doesn't cum, and in the end he always freaks because of the lube smell on his dick (it's gun oil, no smell.), or worse if there is any hint of more smells.  He supposedly is bi, lives with a woman who can tell what's going on.  I'm fine with that, whatever, we all have our stories.

 

So same deal this week.  I'm cruising by ABS, really iso a bj for myself after a recent fling ended on bad terms.  He's there, we talk as usual, we end up in booth doing everything imaginable except, this time, he gabs me and tries to fuck me.  I am a proud and committed bottom, but I honestly did not want it, I wasn't in that head space, but he forced it and I assumed my role for him.  I had prepped that day, just in case, which is how I could tell I wasn't in that head space.  But he's basically raping me and I can barely think.  

Yeah, I'm hard now thinking about it, but I wasn't then.  It hurt, things tore, and I could tell things weren't going well higher up inside me.  I finally got him out and realized there was blood and more. He tried to go in again but I stopped him and showed him what was happening.  He freaked, took off to bathroom and left me there, feeling like shit .. no pun intended.  After a lot of thinking, I decided that I just won't engage with him next time.  But like a moth to a flame, I will, we all know that.

 

Bottom line - we're animals and shit happens.  I guess we just have to go on.

Edited April 3, 2016 by bootmandc

[makingwords]

Tops can be impatient yes, so when I'm serious about getting dick I clean myself thoroughly before even posting a CL ad or logging on to a4a. That way I can be ready to rock the second a top is interested. Cuts down on the back and forth and gets to the sex quickly.

[tallslenderguy]

Funny thing about hormones, they seem to have a similar effect on all of us in that they create a sense of urgency to get it NOW, whether we're tops or bottoms.  I often describe myself as a "bitch in heat" when I am horny.  It's a visual that stuck with me from childhood when I saw a female dog that was in heat. There were about 15 male dogs at the front door milling about anxiously wanting to breed, and the bitch would have taken every one of them given the opportunity.

 

Hormones push our buttons and sometimes overwhelm our reason lol. Of course, we're not just animals, most of us are domesticated to some degree, so out come the demands, qualifications, lists. 

 

I get it. I've been pissed at more than a few tops who didn't get it (i.e., the need for preparation), even after it's explained (not something I want to have to do when I know a guy is looking-who wants to talk douching at a time like that?). 

 

My guess is most bottoms know to be prepared before placing an ad or going cruising. Nastybottom referenced the guys who "message you out of the blue to run over and take care of them immediately."  As a bottom, if the guy catches me when I am prepped and looking (i.e., 'in heat'), I don't see this guy as a rude intrusion, but a welcomed suitor. The thing is, it is pretty much impossible to be prepped 24/7 (unless you never eat or sleep or have a life), and that's where the problem happens.

 

Both tops and bottoms  have created the environment and expectation for sex on demand because it often is the case. That's what ABS and bath houses are all about. Hook up sites are a little grayer, some are looking for now, others for later. It seems what we're mostly talking about here is the regular or occasional FB, or really, someone we've hooked with before, who still has out contact info.

 

Those are the guys who I find myself getting frustrated with for the very reason nastybottom states. I have a couple who I really like and this has kind of become the norm.  I've tried to explain, but it just doesn't seem to sink in.  But I kind of get it when I can step away from the heat of the moment.  I think in part, a lot of bottoms help enable this attitude by not expecting consideration. I think a lot of bottoms are afraid they will miss out if they don't make it easy. I end up being matter of fact, if I can accommodate them, I do. If I can't, I say so and say why. It has not driven anyone away. It sounds cliche, but there is truth in the notion that if you do not value your self, others won't either. I think that's a part of the equation.

[nastybottom]

^ Yep, this guy was a regular (or, I wanted him to be). Like you said, I didn't want to give the dirty details about why I couldn't meet right away. And yes, I want to make it easy and be ready as much as I can, but it's not possible without some arrangements being made. Set days/times, or an advanced e-mail saying "I want to fuck tonight" would be perfect.

Unfortunately, I think he was turned off by my not being at his beck and call. He didn't get back to me until a few days later, and only after he had made a CL ad earlier in the day. It seemed like he was telling me to "fuck off", and only using me as a back-up when he couldn't find anyone else.

[VersatileBreeder]

I have a similar situation like that with a top buddy of mine. The thing is, he's a really good top and when you can plan a time with him that works for both of you then it works out great. He's got a great dick and can fuck me for a good long time. Here's the problem:

He will message me early afternoon and say something like "you available to meet at 5:30?" I might say something back like "oh, 5:30 is a little too early, I won't be out of work yet, I get out at 6. Can you do 6:30?"

His answer is ALWAYS, "nope can only do 5:30." He is completely inflexible on time. If the time I can meet isn't EXACTLY what time he is looking for, then it's always a no-go. It's starting to get annoying. I've never had a fuck buddy that's gotta be so precise on the time that works for him.

Anyone else ever have that problem with a fuck bud?

[tallslenderguy]

^ Yep, this guy was a regular (or, I wanted him to be). Like you said, I didn't want to give the dirty details about why I couldn't meet right away. And yes, I want to make it easy and be ready as much as I can, but it's not possible without some arrangements being made. Set days/times, or an advanced e-mail saying "I want to fuck tonight" would be perfect.

Unfortunately, I think he was turned off by my not being at his beck and call. He didn't get back to me until a few days later, and only after he had made a CL ad earlier in the day. It seemed like he was telling me to "fuck off", and only using me as a back-up when he couldn't find anyone else.

Of course, we don't actually know the why of it, we're speculating... but I can relate to both sides. I am not one to plan sex with a guy as a general rule. I'm not horny 24/7 and I have a life in addition to sex. lol, this has evolved over the years, I used to be hornier more of the time and made more allowances for sex to intrude or displace other plans. I've discovered that I may not feel the same way tomorrow as I do now, so I am not very inclined to plan a hook up for much later.  

 

When I am on the prowl, it's because I am horny NOW, and I usually want as much sex as I can get as soon as I can get it. When I am looking it usually a result of edging and building up heat and desire for sex, it's usually a long space of time that I am available because the edging keeps me very horny. So, if a top contacts me at 4 and says "how about 8," I'll usually go for it because I know I'll still be wanting it at that time. But even that has exception. If it's a fb, I am more apt to make a date later, if it's just a hook up, I'll usually say: "get back to me when you're ready" (because it seems more often than not, a hook up does not get back to you or if we've set a date, they do not show).

 

Then there is the dynamic of top vs bottom. I think most bottoms can do a lot more breeding than tops. Most tops cannot breed 5 guys ("breed" not just fuck), one after another, but as a bottom in heat I can take 3x that number.  The point being, if I am horny and can get it now, I'm going to go for it vs wait for a later that may not happen. 

 

We have developed a system of getting sex, often on demand. It benefits us all when we are ready, not so much when we are not. It's easier for a top to be 'ready,' but a bottom can be "ready" for a longer period of time.

I have a similar situation like that with a top buddy of mine. The thing is, he's a really good top and when you can plan a time with him that works for both of you then it works out great. He's got a great dick and can fuck me for a good long time. Here's the problem:

He will message me early afternoon and say something like "you available to meet at 5:30?" I might say something back like "oh, 5:30 is a little too early, I won't be out of work yet, I get out at 6. Can you do 6:30?"

His answer is ALWAYS, "nope can only do 5:30." He is completely inflexible on time. If the time I can meet isn't EXACTLY what time he is looking for, then it's always a no-go. It's starting to get annoying. I've never had a fuck buddy that's gotta be so precise on the time that works for him.

Anyone else ever have that problem with a fuck bud?

lol, yeah, I have encountered this. My guess is you're prolly dealing with a guy who is married or in a relationship. He gets off work at 5 and has a window of opportunity to fuck on his way home from work, but cannot show up home 3 hours after getting off (work).

[bootmandc]

 

lol, yeah, I have encountered this. My guess is you're prolly dealing with a guy who is married or in a relationship. He gets off work at 5 and has a window of opportunity to fuck on his way home from work, but cannot show up home 3 hours after getting off (work).

 

 

x2.  I have several regulars like that .. married or attached to SO.  They are boned, see a 30 min window to get relief before their guilt/denial/SO comes back into the picture.  Do what I can for them, but not always.  

[fieldpussy]

As said above, online there exist too many variables. Some want to meet now, others later, others tomorrow or....

And I must add, that some guys seem that they don't want to meet at all, even if they ask to meet. They message you at 6 in the morning for a spontaneous breeding, at if it should happen that you agree, they propose to exchange pics, ask if you can provide toys, or poppers, or dirty socks and bullshit. These guys are just sitting there and wank to an online program they want you to provide.