falling in love

[tallslenderguy]

warning, I'm processing... this may be long lol

I come from a ultra conservative religious background and era. When i was a kid and realized my attraction to guys, there was no question in my mind that I was "broken" and that having sex with guys was an "abomination to God." I married young, barely 21 and stayed that way 31 years. I started cheating on my wife with guys at age 27 and have probably had a couple of thousand cocks up my ass. I divorced in 2008. It took me awhile to come to terms with all my ideas about "God." I often joke that being a fag saved me from God.  So that's all good, I'm one of the most happy a peaceful people I know, I love my life, even though self acceptance meant being disowned by people I love, losing everything (a substantial amount), and starting over at middle age. 

When I first divorced I was now free to add dating and relationship to my guy encounters. I had long fantasized about having a 'ltr' with a guy, with romance. So I added dating sites to my cruising sites. Sites where I didn't have pictures of my body parts, just a bunch of shots of me living, all very 'normative.'  I won't go into all the gory details of my attempts at dating, but suffice to say it wasn't anything like I hoped for. I got far more hits from women than men, even though I was clear that I was not looking for a romantic tangle with a woman, that I am "gay."  Still, I did go out on dates, many were down right comical with the stereotypical misrepresentations, like lying about age and posting really old pics. But I made the effort, drove long distances, yada, yada. After awhile I gave up on sites like Match, the only one I am still on is OKCupid, and I have made some great friends there, but no sparks or romance... forced or otherwise.

For a few years now I think I've just emotionally resigned myself to not falling in love and have even questioned whether my ideas of "falling in love" even exist in a gay setting, for me, given my age and who I am and my experiences to date. I really have been at peace with all of that, I don't feel any need to be in a romantic relationship and have pretty much given up on pursuing anything, but not at a place where I rule it out. I'm okay either way, but don't have that pulling hope I once had.

I discovered Palm Springs in February. I'd never been, posted here asking for suggestions for a "sexcation" and ended up at a gay resort. Had a blast (for those of you who have never been, I recommend it, it's kind of a gay mecca). I liked it so much that when I got home, I booked another vacation and am sitting at the airport ready to go home from my second visit (it's monday).  I was only here 5 nights, wed-mon. On Friday afternoon I was on a lounge in one of the cruising areas of the resort where I stayed, and this guy approaches me. I had shorts and a t-shirt on, so I saw him stop to put his shorts on before heading over.

If I were on a dating site looking at guys pictures, I would not have selected this guy as attractive to me. Ill let anyone with a cock fuck me, but dating and relationship attraction is a whole other matter to me. We talked a bit, just chit chat, and he got up to go after about 10 minutes, and I pointed to his cock and said "can I have some of this before you leave?"  He smiled and was okay with. I was took his cock out of his shorts and began to suck it (it was a beautiful cock, at least 8" and very thick, a little intimidating... but in a good way), and he pretty much immediately grabbed my hair and worked my mouth on is cock. He then said: "I'm not a very public guy," so I didn't hesitate to ask him back to my room. Back in the room, he sat back against the headboard and wanted me between his legs sucking. At some point I quipped that he had "Dom traits" and it was like giving him permission to express himself. He went almost into Dom textbook mode, coaching me to take all of his cock (it was all progressive, not all at once and not forceful.. he knew what he was doing and was good at it). I have never had a cock in my throat quite like his. I felt like I had it all and he would coach, "a little more, just past that second curve," the whole time saying "good boy,"  with loads of praise in his voice and telling me to look him in the eyes while I swallowed his cock, again an awkward thing to do in that position, but I did.  Progressing along asking me questions while I had a mouth full of cock, like "whose the bottom?"... "whose the top?" Making sure he asked all questions when I couldn't really answer. Again, text book (I can read too, lol). 

I haven't had a lot of experience with Dom guys, not for lack of trying. I know all about FetLife and Recon and am a member on both. But contrary to what many who identify as Dom want, I am not interested in just anyone who says they are "Dom."  Some of the stuff just seems silly to me, but ok, but I hate bullies. To me that is a sign of weakness, not strength. I'm into intellectual types who understand mind fuck.  Ive seen several who were what I like, but so far they were either not interested in me, prolly because of my age. Tops, Dom or otherwise, have so many to choose from, I don't float to the top of most lists. I look younger than my age, so meeting guys is easier in person. Anyway, this guy at the resort was pushing all my buttons. He obviously was getting into me, and I into him. 

I'm not particularly oral, though I know how to satisfy most guys with my mouth because I love to please tops, even if it's not what I prefer. I was beginning to think this was all he was into, but then he said: "its time to have the STI discussion."  I told him my status of undetectable. We also exchanged ages. He was 53 and figured I was about his age and was surprised when I said "60." I'm just at a place in my life where I refuse to lie if theres any chance of something more than a hook-up, and I was intoxicated by this guy.  I was even willing to let him fuck me with a condom, which is saying a lot, though I was pretty adamant that I'm a cum slut... again, complete honesty. He ended up trying to get his hand in me. He was diabetic and said he couldn't chance another chronic disease. But then he volunteered to go out and try and recruit guys to breed me. Lol, holy fuck, another bottom dream come true, eh? And he did, without success, only one guy came back with him and he was a bottom and only wanted to watch. At this point he fucked me with a condom on while this guy watched and came. After, he took me to dinner and we walked to the restaurant. As we walked, he reached over several times and groped my ass, or slid his hand down my crack... it made me crazy (in a good way), kind of a sensuous ownership gesture and I loved it.  

We spent the night together and next day he barely touched me all day. It was like he'd made a decision that I was out, my guess is because he didn't want a 60 year old poz cum slut. We had a fun day together and when I kinda hinted at the sex, he said his cock was sore and that he wasn't always horny.  I get that, but think it was really about a decision he had made, that I just wasn't long term material for him. He flew out to Seattle yesterday and I am flying back to Oregon today. We're FB friends, but I won't be surprised if he never contacts me again. 

Here's the thing, I totally get that we can't make stuff happen, and I'm not gonna be pathetic about this. I could easily have fallen for this guy, but I'm experienced at life enough to know when something isn't mutual, whatever the reason. I was somewhat open about how much I liked him, but stopped when I saw it wasn't reciprocated... though it sure seemed to be initially. I got a lot out of the experience though, even if my feelings are a little bruised right now. I found out that personality can supersede physical attraction for me. I also found out I am capable of having that giddy head over heels feeling towards a real person (vs just fantasies), that such things are possible, even if remotely so. It's kinda encouraged me to get back on the dating horse after several years of not really trying.

 

[Treehugger]

I like what you said about personality superseding physical attraction. It is true because attraction is so much more complex that seeing someone and wanting to immediately jump their bones. 

I can't wait to go back to Palm Springs! Tell us more about your vacation.

[tallslenderguy]

29 minutes ago, Treehugger said:

I like what you said about personality superseding physical attraction. It is true because attraction is so much more complex that seeing someone and wanting to immediately jump their bones. 

I can't wait to go back to Palm Springs! Tell us more about your vacation.

I love Palm Springs... tempted to move there, but I am also a nurse and an organic grower and where I am at is ideal for growing food, not so much in the desert. Nursing is also hard, and getting used to a new work environment makes that exponential. 

It was only my second time there. I stayed at gay resorts both times. I actually end up feeling like one of the younger, better in shape guys (and that's at 60 without a gym body). There's a lot of older gay guys there. 

This vacation was really different from the first, but both were really good. The whole rollercoaster ride of actually falling for a hook-up was totally unexpected. Even though unrequited, I am grateful for the experience. Its kinda funny, I have been having sex with guys for 30+ years, but it's almost always been fb, anonymous hook-up. I have never actually spent the night with a guy in the bed next to me. I am surprised at how much I liked that. Would have liked it more if he had wanted me like he did the first day, but it was still good on other levels. 

[tallslenderguy]

ongoing saga.

I don't want to be the pathetic stalker, so I haven't contacted this guy, pretty much figuring I"m off his list of interests. Until yesterday. It's hard for me to imagine it's only been two weeks, seems like a month or more. It's not like I am obsessed, but when I do think of him, I feel desire and kind of a vacuum.

Yesterday morning before heading to work I texted him on his phone saying: "wish you had been as take with me as I was with you. You're awesome to me. Ah well, so enjoyed you for the brief time it worked for you. Hope you are well and happy."  Was just tired of holding it all in. Even if it is only occasionally that I think of him, when I do it's intense. Then at work I notice I have a message on FB messenger and it's from him: "In [out of the country]. Thinking of you."  I wrote back. "Ah cool, hope you are having a great time. Glad you got my message." He immediately wrote back: " Wait. Are you telling me we messaged each other separately at the same time?!? Mine wasn't in response to you!"  So, looks kinda like we tried communicating at about the same time. Weird, eh? I let him know i was at work and had been kinda pining for him, haven't heard anything sense. 

[Fistulike666]

17 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

ongoing saga.

I don't want to be the pathetic stalker, so I haven't contacted this guy, pretty much figuring I"m off his list of interests. Until yesterday. It's hard for me to imagine it's only been two weeks, seems like a month or more. It's not like I am obsessed, but when I do think of him, I feel desire and kind of a vacuum.

Yesterday morning before heading to work I texted him on his phone saying: "wish you had been as take with me as I was with you. You're awesome to me. Ah well, so enjoyed you for the brief time it worked for you. Hope you are well and happy."  Was just tired of holding it all in. Even if it is only occasionally that I think of him, when I do it's intense. Then at work I notice I have a message on FB messenger and it's from him: "In [out of the country]. Thinking of you."  I wrote back. "Ah cool, hope you are having a great time. Glad you got my message." He immediately wrote back: " Wait. Are you telling me we messaged each other separately at the same time?!? Mine wasn't in response to you!"  So, looks kinda like we tried communicating at about the same time. Weird, eh? I let him know i was at work and had been kinda pining for him, haven't heard anything sense. 

Hope it works well for you Slender, that you find that 'something' that may (or may not) be missing from your life at present.  Let your heart tell you the direction of travel but let your brain find the actual route to take  xxxx

[tallslenderguy]

1 minute ago, Fistulike666 said:

Hope it works well for you Slender, that you find that 'something' that may (or may not) be missing from your life at present.  Let your heart tell you the direction of travel but let your brain find the actual route to take  xxxx

Thanks fist. I'm pretty cerebral, so thoughtful people always manage to capture a piece of me. I'm using this place to process, some cool people (like yourself) here, who can always add some perspective. I am a natural cynic and critical thinker, so I am not used to having my heart hooked to powerfully lol. I love the freedom I have to express what I feel and think though, hasn't always been that way, so I relish it. You are a wonderful guy, thank you for always being so awesome, you have a place in my heart. 

[hungry_hole]

I'm usually cautious with feelings of love for guys I meet in casual settings.

I can fall "in-love" with a stranger I'm having sex with at a bathhouse and I choose to enjoy the experience without making a big deal about the future of the relationship. In many of the anonymous fuck videos you can see how the top after he breeds the hole he starts kissing the bottom's body displaying tremendous love. I remember a long-term fuck buddy who used to call out-loud my name as he would pump his load in my hole.  On my side, as the bottom, I would feel in-love when I heard him calling out my name as he pumped my hole full of cum. He would then collapse and lay on top caressing my body until he would get up and leave, and meet again a few weeks later. I felt in-love but far from a long-term kind of love.

 

[tallslenderguy]

2 minutes ago, hungry_hole said:

I'm usually cautious with feelings of love for guys I meet in casual settings.

I can fall "in-love" with a stranger I'm having sex with at a bathhouse and I choose to enjoy the experience without making a big deal about the future of the relationship. In many of the anonymous fuck videos you can see how the top after he breeds the hole he starts kissing the bottom's body displaying tremendous love. I remember a long-term fuck buddy who used to call out-loud my name as he would pump his load in my hole.  On my side, as the bottom, I would feel in-love when I heard him calling out my name as he pumped my hole full of cum. He would then collapse and lay on top caressing my body until he would get up and leave, and meet again a few weeks later. I felt in-love but far from a long-term kind of love.

 

Hey Hungry, some great thoughts, thanks for sharing.

I can relate to much of what you say. I laugh at myself sometimes when getting fucked and having to bite my tongue to keep from declaring "I love you" to a complete stranger.  There is definitely something about the intimacy of the moment of breeding that can bring a rush of emotions to the surface. I too enjoy such encounters and typically do not make "a big deal about the future of the relationship."

This was a wee bit different for me on several levels. It's impossible to relive the weekend here in writing, but it was more than my usual fuck and go scenario. We slept together, ate together, explored other stuff together during the day... i.e., a lot more than sex going on. I had a chance to experience his personality and interact with him and he definitely wound his way into my heart, intentionally or not.

I haven't lost my ability to be pragmatic, but definitely feeling some new and cool stuff as well. Im not assuming it will go anywhere, idk, but acknowledging the ride.

[bigdick4you]

It's great when there is a connection.before I met my now husband 5 years ago I did at times fall for a sex partner. In fact I have had brief romances with several of my hookups.in fact impetus my husband on bbrt. We have an open relationship and it works out pretty well. I travel a lot for work and hook up with guys when I feel the need too. I prefer the short pump & dumps though. This way I feel less guilty. And I don't hook up with guys that live in our city to avoid certain situations when my husband is with me. It's great to have lots of sex with total strangers, but it's also great to share time and experiences with that special one....im sure that one of these days u will find someone that u can share ur life with. In the meantime have fun!