decades protected

[Guest curiousnegsub]

I've not fucked BB since my last relationship, which was between 15 and 20 years ago. Time goes so quickly that I can't honestly remember how long ago it is.

I went through the 80s and 90 using a condom, and saw the development of AIDS and spread of the HIV virus from the early days. It was something I was very careful not to get, and have always been concerned about possibly becoming infected.

It's only since the internet, and seeing the development and rise of it's Cult that my thinking has gradually been effected... you could say my mindset has been 'infected', rather than effected. As someone who's always felt I never belonged, I started smoking 7-8 years ago, and for an antismoker, it was the darker and dangerous aspect of smoking that attracted me, after being encouraged by a Top. It's since then that I've began chatting with smokers who were also breeders. Chatting with breeders online has really broken down my fear of the virus, and I developed a powerful horniness for becoming converted to what is referred to as the Brotherhood. It's power is obvious, with all it's very powerful, dark and horny potential. Now when I jerk off, my strongest and most intense orgasms at to the thought of becoming bred and converted.

I'm still unsure if this only goes as far as being a very powerful fantasy, or if it is something developing towards genuinely seeking that conversion. The more I chat with breeders, the more sure I'm feeling about the call. I used to be a devout christian, but that all changed after my smoking fetish developed, which took on a whole spiritual aspect. My cock drives my spirituality now.

I'm wondering if others have have this sort of journey, and how it developed. I'm looking for further direction and guidance in this, having come back to this site after I joined a year ago. 

[Guest GoodExercise]

Welcome back.  So,  you already know the satisfaction of indulging some of your deep, dark sexual needs.  You belong in the Brotherhood, and we want you to join us.  Take the next steps.  Your sexual satisfaction will be on the rise, and your true self will emerge even more.  Lay back., get your legs in the air, and spread those ass cheeks for your next poz lover.  Let him penetrate you with his power tool.  Let his power strokes become your sexual heartbeat.  Let him discharge in your wannabe AIDSHole, and thank him for the Gift.  

[Guest curiousnegsub]

7 hours ago, GoodExercise said:

Welcome back.  So,  you already know the satisfaction of indulging some of your deep, dark sexual needs.  You belong in the Brotherhood, and we want you to join us.  Take the next steps.  Your sexual satisfaction will be on the rise, and your true self will emerge even more.  Lay back., get your legs in the air, and spread those ass cheeks for your next poz lover.  Let him penetrate you with his power tool.  Let his power strokes become your sexual heartbeat.  Let him discharge in your wannabe AIDSHole, and thank him for the Gift.  

I tested Neg the last time I was tested a few years ago... as would be expected. I've not done bareback since then, so my 'next poz lover' will be my first. You sure tap into how my mind is now working. What you said is inspiring and encouraging, and sets off all the triggers in my head and cock. I just need the confidence and courage to find that first one and to go through with it.

Thanks for that.

[evilqueerpig]

HIV is no longer a death sentence, just a life sentence.  If you truly want to embrace the bareback lifestyle, by all means, open your heart, your mind and your hole.  Living an honest life and being true to yourself is the best thing you can do.  Ultimately, the decision is yours.

[Guest curiousnegsub]

It would be heart, mind, hole and soul. It's the whole thing for me, if I manage to take that step.

[evilqueerpig]

22 minutes ago, curiousnegsub said:

It would be heart, mind, hole and soul. It's the whole thing for me, if I manage to take that step.

The way you seem to be thinking, it's not 'if' but when.

[punaman]

Be sure and read exactly what having HIV means and does to you. Will you medicate or not? Research the side effects of the meds and the stages of AIDS until death.  If you want to be on meds, can you afford it? AIDS isn't pretty, painful and lonely and once you get it, it's forever.  Maybe PREP for awhile and embrace your bareback desires without the risk of HIV.  Only you can make the choice, so do it wisely.  I've got a POZ b/f, though undetectable who fucked me raw for the past two years.  He's on meds, if hes VL goes up, he's still going to be fucking me every other day.  Love poz cum in me, the most awesome experience ever. 
Take your time and make sure that is what you really want.

[Guest Dickmagnet]

2 hours ago, punaman said:

Be sure and read exactly what having HIV means and does to you. Will you medicate or not? Research the side effects of the meds and the stages of AIDS until death.  If you want to be on meds, can you afford it? AIDS isn't pretty, painful and lonely and once you get it, it's forever.  Maybe PREP for awhile and embrace your bareback desires without the risk of HIV.  Only you can make the choice, so do it wisely.  I've got a POZ b/f, though undetectable who fucked me raw for the past two years.  He's on meds, if hes VL goes up, he's still going to be fucking me every other day.  Love poz cum in me, the most awesome experience ever. 
Take your time and make sure that is what you really want.

Best advice i've heard here punaman, If i were you curiousnegsub i would heed this advice well. As other have also said here it's no longer a death sentance just a life sentence & once you have it there is no going back & again the advice over are you going to take meds or not is sound advice. I know from POZ friends it can be an expensive journey & not everyone can afford the meds & constant trips to the clinic for there labs it all adds up. Sorry to put a downer on it but that i think is a little bit of a reality check. 

[Guest GoodExercise]

Accepting poz seed is the ultimate sexual indulgence, it is not about reason and rationality -- it is about raw sexuality.  It is the triumph of self-aware carnal conviction over self-denying pitiful protections.  Conversion is completion.  Don't fade away an incomplete.

[cman54]

There has been some very good advice here for sure.  Some times you just need to take that next step and get into a situation where it can happen to truly find out just how you feel about it. Hook up with a poz guy and get naked with him and see where it goes. Or just go to a bathhouse and let your feelings go and get some cock there. Those things that you really want sometimes come to light then.

[Guest curiousnegsub]

Thanks for all the comments. I'm in the UK, so meds don't have the sort of cost that they have in the US. I'm registered with a medical practice in Wales, so all meds are free, although I know that situation could change at some point.

I lead a busy life, with my own business, so I don't want to be 'out of action' for lengths of time. That's a practical consideration. If the initial flu symptoms are likely to be the only real illness, then flu is something I could get at any time anyway, so that shouldn't be the deciding factor of whether I want POZ or not. 

Punaman makes good sensible points, and GoodExercise strikes a deep chord in me.

Here's an interesting link I've checked out. http://bit.ly/1N8EmVJ

[BBFloridaguy]

On 5/3/2017 at 5:45 AM, GoodExercise said:

Accepting poz seed is the ultimate sexual indulgence, it is not about reason and rationality -- it is about raw sexuality.  It is the triumph of self-aware carnal conviction over self-denying pitiful protections.  Conversion is completion.  Don't fade away an incomplete.

Fucking BB and taking seed is natural for us and we need it. Primal desires that go back to our beginning makes us want sex often and BB. When you convert you bring your journey to where we all want and need to be. Embrace our destiny and sexuality. Poz seed frees you  from your chains put on us by Straights and society.

[punaman]

And what is your status BBFloridaguy? Hahaha, chains put on us by straights and society???!!! What the hell does that mean and how does Poz seed free us from that?  Be careful what you wish for dude.

 

[Guest curiousnegsub]

I have my first BB hookup planned for tomorrow (Wednesday) evening when he says he'll come to my place. Yesterday when we made the date, I was so damn horny when chatting and arranging it. Afterwards, I was concerned and not sure I'd done the right thing...  I'm less nervous about it right now, and I'm SO wired and horny for it.

[Leatherman667]

On 3/5/2017 at 6:51 AM, punaman said:

Be sure and read exactly what having HIV means and does to you. Will you medicate or not? Research the side effects of the meds and the stages of AIDS until death.  If you want to be on meds, can you afford it? AIDS isn't pretty, painful and lonely and once you get it, it's forever.  Maybe PREP for awhile and embrace your bareback desires without the risk of HIV.  Only you can make the choice, so do it wisely.  I've got a POZ b/f, though undetectable who fucked me raw for the past two years.  He's on meds, if hes VL goes up, he's still going to be fucking me every other day.  Love poz cum in me, the most awesome experience ever. 
Take your time and make sure that is what you really want.

Best advice here, I think. Give it time. Try PrEP and know what you're getting in to.