I have a question for all of you guys out there that are chasers...do you understand all of the implications, financial and medical responsibilities of becoming poz?
I have always been a bareback bottom. For a lot of years I was lucky and did not contract HIV even though I got fucked and bred on a pretty regular basis. Hell, I'd even go as far as taking the condom off of a Top if he put one one. I wanted to feel his cock inside of me, not latex. If I wanted latex, I'd use a dildo...and I'm not super fond of those.
Sometime around 2007 I took the load that changed my life...forever. I met this really hot guy at a local Indy gay bar (The 501 if you are interested). We ended up back at his apartment and things got hot and heavy pretty quickly. He asked if I played safe...I told him I preferred bareback. He put some bareback porn on the TV, we got naked and had some mind blowing sex. We fucked all over his apartment...ending up on the couch, me on my back with my legs on his shoulders as he pounded his big, hard cock relentlessly into my willing, hungry fuckhole. Just as he started to cum, he blurted out that he was dumping his poz seed inside me. I had a moment of panic, but my body responded by ejaculating the biggest load of cum I had ever shot. I had never thought of myself as a "chaser", but I guess my body did.
A couple of weeks passed and I didn't get the fuck flu, so I thought I was OK. About 2 months after, I got sick. But I just thought it was the normal flu. I was down for a couple of days like I normally am when I get sick, so I passed it off as nothing. I had NO idea...
Fast forward to 2011. I was a truck driver and had been for years. One morning starting out my regular route, I ended up having an accident and rolled my truck. I was taken to the local hospital. I wasn't injured, but it was a precaution because of the accident. They did a bunch of tests and such...and at one point one of the doctors ordered an HIV test because he said my white blood cell count was very low. I thought nothing of it because I'd had a physical a few weeks before, including STD tests (my GP didn't order an HIV test though...fucker) and it had all came back fine. I got discharged from the hospital and went home. 3 days later I got THE call...and my world changed.
My first visit to my infectious disease doctor after another round of blood tests told a grim tale. Not only was I HIV+, but I had full blown AIDS. My VL was 187,000 and my CD4 was 125. NOT GOOD! Needless to say I was freaking out and nervous as hell about what my life would be like now. Luckily my doctor was aggressive and immediately put me on Atripla. Within 90 days my VL was down to 75 and my CD4 had come up to 225. Now almost 7 years into this I am undetectable (Zero copies of the virus) and my CD4 is close to 500.
I have been lucky. I have great insurance to pay for my meds and Bristol Myers gives me a co-pay card to cover what my insurance doesn't...but do you realize how fucking expensive this drug is? If I didn't have insurance, I'd be paying almost $1700 a month for my health! I'd have little to nothing left for bills, living expenses, food, etc...
So...if you are a chaser, what are your thoughts on what happens after you contract HIV? Are you prepared for the cost? Are you prepared to tell your family and friends? Are you prepared to tell EVERY potential lover that you are HIV+? In most states it is a felony to not disclose your HIV status to the potential sexual partner. Do you plan to tell, or just stealth others...put this burden on them? Are you ready to get tested every 6 months and see your doctor on a regular basis? By the way...infectious disease doctors are not cheap either...
I have to say, if I had the chance to go back...I wouldn't have let that guy cum inside me. Moot point now...but it is what it is.
So what are your thoughts, guys? I'm just curious...
Several months ago, I posted a thread in the General Discussion section in which I shared some of the internal tension that I had been experiencing. On the one hand, I had (and still do have) a strong desire to go to graduate school and pursue academics. On the other hand, I am extremely slutty, and the riskier the sex, the more that I enjoyed it. There were some very thoughtful responses, contributions, and input from many of you, and as a consequence I decided to begin PrEP. This post is an update...
I started taking PrEP, and all was going well for the first month or two. I was having sex as usual and getting bred as much as I could. The more that time went by though, the more dissatisfied with the sex I became. The sex just didn't seem to excite me in the same way that it had used to (even though I was more or less having the same amount of sex as I had been before). It just seems as though there is something about very risky sex that energizes me in a way that I can't really explain (and maybe don't really understand either). I had been feeling that way for the past several months, thinking that the feeling may just go away - but it didn't.
Basically, I've decided to stop taking my PrEP now (in reality I stopped taking it a few days ago). The sex that I had since stopping was fantastic, and I just feel amazing after. I know that what I am doing is extremely risky, but it is beginning to look like I need that sort of risk to feel fulfilled and satisfied. While it will probably sound silly, I do a substantial amount of demanding work which can be quite stressful; the risky sex that I have been engaged in has always been a source of release for all that tension and stress, and I was not able to find an outlet for it while on PrEP. Essentially, I think part of the secret to my success academically has actually been my risky, slutty sex life - and I think I need to embrace it. So, again, I've stopped taking my PrEP now and honestly I have to admit I'm a lot happier because of it.
I guess, part of me still wants to know what you all think though: am I being ridiculous, or selfish? Can any of you think of any alternative explanations, or maybe other outlets? I'd honestly appreciate your input again, as I really appreciated it earlier when I was struggling with all this.
This is a text snippet of the story of when I first knowingly slept with an unmedicated poz guy.
First the back story. He's a Puerto Rican hottie, 5'11" with a seven inch uncut dick that was incredibly thick. He was hairy and a little thick with muscles and just the right about of cushion on top. I am a hairy bear, 5'8" in height. We were both around 27/28 at the time, and were both really into bareback and had an insanely intense connection with each other. The following story relates the first time he fucked me unprotected.
We had been having raw sex, then he converted and after that we played a few times with condoms, although every time he was using a condom I mentally would find myself begging him to slip off the condom. Then, on one occasion when we were playing, we were both super stoned, and he began teasing my ass with his cock, saying he would put on a condom in a minute but he wanted to feel my ass just a little bit. I agreed and he teased my ass a bit more with his cock, just barely slipping his tip into my ass on several occasions.
After a few minutes he started to loosen me up. I absolutely loved the session, and he could tell so he continued poking my ass, thrusting in somewhat deeper. He was not using any lube, so he had to move slowly, but after a short time he was balls-deep in my ass. We both took hits of poppers, and then we were in Nirvana. He told me he would pull out when he came, but that obviously didn't happen.
We fucked all over his bed for almost two hours. At the end I was laying on my belly as he lay on top of me, really battering my ass, which was his favorite position in which to cum. His pace accelerated as he clutched by body tighter and tighter, moaning as I begged for his cum. He experienced an unusually powerful orgasm, unleashing a huge load inside my ass. No, he most definitely didn't pull out, nor for that matter did either of us bring-up the subject of condoms - once he was inside my hole.
It was what we both wanted. I wanted his toxic, unmedicated load, and he wanted to feel my raw ass around his dick.
I was still a little scared, and he recommended that I rinse out. We did this many times over a few years before I moved away. Eventually I stopped rinsing out after. And later he started therapy. This hot Latin gent had given me the best sex I've ever had on multiple locations. I did eventually move away and have been missing his fiery passion. When we would lock eyes during sex his eyes were intense dark pools of lust. It was hard not to break eye contact, but the pure raw sexual energy he instilled in me during those moments was incredible.
Thanks for reading! If you like, send, dick pics ;-P