One Last Fuck

[Toon]

(Special thanks to Lynn who inspired this story. Love you, man.)

1993 

Jeff. It's too common a name for someone that meant so much to me some twenty years ago. Someone who changed my world completely. I guess you could say my world needed changing back then. I was single and mostly okay with being alone, but the nights were lonely. My dating history was spotty at best...mostly just fucking around here and there. I'd often find myself spending my evenings exactly as I do now: Smoking a cigarette and staring at a computer screen for hours.

AOL chat rooms were still a big thing back then, and horny people from all over the world had staked their claim to most of them. I hung out in one room called "GeorgiaMaleforMale". I was in a medium-sized town with no active gay community that I knew of. A few guys went to the park or to the rest area on the highway. I'd been there and done that. I guess my 20's had taught me that there are no boyfriends in those places...nobody to hold hands with or take to dinner. There was cock and cum and lust. Around that time, I stopped thinking love was a real concept. The French had invented it as a nice word for "attraction". The harsh truth had started showing on my face in wrinkles and a permanent frown. I started looking older than my actual age. Fuck it. Plain old lust was good enough for me now.

I ended up chatting with a guy who lived about forty minutes from me. Jeff. There were no photos in those old AIM profiles...just descriptions of themselves and their desires. Jeff's wasn't really detailed, but his short distance from me was enough for me to go on. He and I were somewhat similar...he was a year older than me and a few inches taller, but none of those details seemed to matter to me right then. I secretly hoped he'd private me first, but that didn't happen. I took the plunge....

  Hi, neighbor.

  Oh HI! I was about to private you, but I figured you were already chatting with somebody. 

  Nope. How are you?

  Not bad. Are you new here? 

  No, but I haven't been here much lately. It's the same jerks as always. They talk trash me in this place.

  Why? 

  Reasons. My name is shit around here. I think it's because I come across like a snob when I type. I'm not, though. And also I'm poz.

Damn. I was so sick of that disease...it had haunted my prime sexual years and it was just so brutal. Every time they discovered something new about the virus,it was more apparent that AIDS was almost impossible to cure. 

  Oh. I'm sorry, man. How do you feel now? 

  No symptoms...but I'm not going to lie about it to assholes online. Some of them probably have it to, but won't own up to it. 

  Sucks. You are better than them.

  You okay with me being poz? Are you clean?

  Doesn't matter to me. A bisexual guy fucked me bare when I was in my teens...gave me butt warts.

  That's a beginner's bug. Herpes is pretty much the same. You like to be fucked, huh?

  I do! I haven't had sex in four years...it's not worth the heartbreak.

  'Heartbreak'? I don't bother with romance any more. You like sucking dick?

  Absolutely. I'm good at it unless the guy is too big. 

  Oh. Well...I'm kind of big. More wide than long. I just love being blown. Would you suck a poz dick?

  Why not?

  Would you let a poz guy fuck your ass? With no condom?

  I would. 

  Are you a chaser? I mean, are you trying to get infected?

  Not so much...I just don't care. I focus on the experience and the man.

  I can give you an experience alright. Do you have a digital photo?

  No. Sorry. Do you?

  Yeah. I'll send it to you. You can make an online photo at Kinko's. Just take a regular picture there and they'll convert it. It's cheap. 

  Will do. I don't have any nude pics though.

  Ha! I don't either. Can't imagine giving a nude photo to some random Kinko's employee. We'll see each other nude soon enough. Check your email tomorrow morning. Gonna crash now. I'm      I'm Jeff, by the way. 

  I'm Lyle. Sleep well, Jeff.

It was almost 2 AM on a Friday night/Saturday morning. I didn't turn on the radio because I couldn't handle hearing "I Will Always Love You" one more time. That fucking song, I swear. I'd read and go to sleep. My brain was full of thoughts, ideas and questions. I'd ask the kid at Kinko's about digital cameras. How did they even work? Where could you buy one? I'm sure they weren't cheap. I had no dreams that night.

Early on Saturdays is when I usually did laundry. It wasn't busy and nobody would rip your stuff off at this hour. To hell with it. Sunday morning would work. I raced to the computer which I'd left on. Jeff had sent an email! It had an attachment that I opened so fast...there he was. He didn't look sick. A little skinny, maybe....but well within the normal range. His face was somewhat boyish and pale. His hair was dark and recently cut. He wore a nice, blue-checkered shirt, buttoned all the way to the neck. Handsome man. I could reply and gush about the picture...write some adoring compliments maybe. But I stopped myself. I would turn 30 this year and knew there was no romance left anywhere so there was no point chasing it. This was just a sex thing. That was enough.

OK. Time for me find a photograph of myself. I had a whole shoe box full of them and an unused photo album that somebody gave me a long time ago. I was never a fan of looking at pictures of myself because all I could do is see all of my flaws. One of the first few I looked at was taken at some cousin's graduation and it was candid. I was looking over my shoulder at something and my hair looked pretty decent. I bet I was craving a cigarette and was scouting for a place to go have one. My brother probably snapped this one. I decided on this one because I looked okay and really didn't want to go through all the old memories just now. 

The Kinko's guy was reading a paperback when I walked in, and the place was empty. Good. I was slightly embarrassed even though he'd have no idea what my mission was. He seemed bored and possibly hungover.  He listed the options: on a disk, through email, various filters, etc. I didn't really know what to get so I just asked for the deluxe package sent to my email. 

"Just the one photo? You could bring in up to ten...better value." I didn't even think of that.

"No. Just this one." I felt like a kindergartner. 

"Suit yourself. Put your email address on this form and keep your receipt. This'll probably in your mail by the time you get home." I needed to go do some weekend chores, but I just couldn't wait to talk to Jeff again. 

Sure enough, the pics were already there. I wasn't real familiar with zip files, but figured it out. So weird -- looking at myself on the computer. They had put borders on some of them, altered brightness and colors. I chose the one where my cheeks looked a little pinker and the background was dark. I attached it to a message for Jeff.

  Good morning! Here's my pic. It's about six months old, but I look pretty much the same now. Hope we talk soon. My phone number is --- ----, if you'd rather talk that way.                              Lyle

I didn't know what to do with myself at that point. My apartment building was coming to life and so laundry was out of the question. I kind of needed something to focus on just then. Nintendo. I went through all the levels of Mario Bro.s 2 and 3. Was he awake? What was he thinking? Maybe I should vacuum or something. I prepared to busy myself when the phone rang. My heart raced and I tried to get my shit together before answering. I picked up right after the third ring.

"Hello?" 

"Hi Lyle. It's Jeff. I'm looking at your picture now....so cute!"

"Thanks. Yours too. I did like you suggested and went to Kinko's. I meant to ask the guy about digital cameras, but he was not all the friendly. Do you know anything about them?" 

"They have them at the Best Buy here. I think they're a little pricey, but we can go look."

"Cool. I want to see you so badly."

"Today? Today would be good because my roommate is out of town until Monday."

"Oh. I didn't know you had a roommate."

"David. It's his house. We're not boyfriends or anything, even though we fool around once every so often. He's poz too." More new things to think about.

"I can be there in less than an hour.What's a good time for you?"

"Wait until after you eat some lunch. That'll give me time to clean up around here." It was almost 11 AM. 

"OK. I'll see you around 1 or 1:30." He gave me directions and I wrote them down carefully. 

There's no way I could eat anything. Electricity was pulsing from my groin to my heart to my brain while my stomach was AWOL. I took a thorough shower and then wondered what the hell I should wear. It was still warm enough for shorts, but I hesitated. I finally just wore the nice, casual clothes I'd planned on wearing to work on Monday. Instead of loafers, I put on some Nike high-tops so it wouldn't look like I was ready for a date. But that's kinda what this was, wasn't it? I hadn't been on an actual date in over a year. I put on just a bit of cologne out of habit. What I felt wasn't "nervous"...it was a step above of that somehow...right below "panic". 

The drive went by pretty fast even though I listened to AM talk radio. The right-wing assholes flourished in the South. My anger at this demographic distracted me a little. They all hated Clinton and said nasty things about his wife and daughter. Fucking rednecks. I wish my company would transfer me to a blue state like Illinois or California. 'Hallyen' was the name of Jeff's street, but I said it in my head as "Hell Yeah". It was a middle-class neighborhood, and pretty tidy. Jeff's house (or I guess his roommate's house) was set away from the street behind some massive trees. I didn't know what I expected a residence with two poz guys living in it to look like. Maybe I figured it would look a little menacing, darker. But the place looked normal and the day was beautiful. I parked along the curb and turned off the damn radio with rebellious force. To hell with those people. 

And there he was. Jeff. He was standing there all tall and handsome, with jeans and a gray polo shirt. He looked only slightly different than the photo he sent. He had a full, healthy five o'clock shadow already. His hair was black and there was a hint of something foreign in his skin tone. He had no shoes on. 

"Lyle? You're slightly early, my friend. It's cool. You're not allergic to cats are you? -- I forgot to ask. There's a cat inside and he hides when David's not here. I always forget what his name is..."

"Sorry. The drive was quicker than I thought. I've never been here." The yard was mostly neat. 

"Come on in. You look nice. I haven't even finished drying my hair. Sorry." 

"Your hair looks perfect. Nice feet." He looked at me with a puzzled expression. 

"They're pretty big and beat up, but at least I trimmed the nails not long ago. Come on in." After I was inside, I smelled the odor of pot right away. Pot and cat box. I was no prude or anything...I'd toked more than a few times in college. It just didn't much except make me hungry. There was a ceiling fan lamp on...with multiple globes, but only one of them had a working bulb. The last light with life. My dad wouldn't stand for that. He was always replacing bulbs and searching for the brand that lasted longest. It was maybe to defy mortality. ???

"Nice place, Jeff. Lots of space."

Thanks. Make yourself at home and I'll finish getting ready. Want a beer?"

He brought me a Bud and disappeared off to another room. He was humming. The beer was burning my stomach a little which made me wish I had actually eaten something beforehand. Oh well. I guess Jeff wasn't a typical gay dude because he finished grooming really fast. His hair was gelled and he was wearing big, clownish deck shoes. Nice.

"Hey, Jeff -- I think I need to eat something. Sorry. I forgot about lunch."

"Me too. There's a decent taco place on the way to Best Buy. Let's go."  His little car was in the driveway and was really warm inside because of the sun. Jeff didn't seem to notice. I worried my pits would start to sweat, but I was a guest. I wouldn't ask for AC or if I could roll down a window. Maybe he was cold-blooded or....or not feeling well. I mean, how could he NOT be sweating?? Nope. Powder dry. I distracted myself with counting all the confederate flags on the route. Goddamn those people. The little taco place was in a strip mall that had only one other tenant...a nail salon. We ate a few tacos and tortilla chips. I felt better almost immediately. I watched Jeff eat. His fingers were long and thick and the wrists were covered with dark fur.  There just wasn't one thing about this man that wasn't attractive. The waiter came to collect or plates.

"Want a drink, Lyle. I want a drink."

"Sounds great!"

He turned to the guy.  "Dos vasos de tequilas por favor." Tequila. I tried to remember if I'd ever had it before.  After the glasses arrived, Jeff reached into his front pocket and retrieved a few pills. I guess my curious eyes gave me away. "It's just Tylenol. I woke up with a little fever this morning."

"Oh no! I'm sorry, Jeff."

"No worries. I get them from time to time. Nothing too bad."

"Do you want to go home? We can do this another time when you're feeling better."

"Hell no. We're going to have another drink and I'll be fine by the time we're done."  So we has another glass of tequila with ice in it. I was liking it. Jeff ordered one more. 

"How you feeling?"

"Well...I'm feeling warm. It's either the tequila or my fever is gone."

"Possibly both."

"Yeah. You have great eyes, Lyle. Smart eyes. First thing I noticed was that you had smart eyes. There's always thinking in those eyes." This made me look down. Nobody had ever said such things to me. Most people said I had the same eyes as my dad, but I never got the sense that was really a compliment.

"Thanks. Your eyes are beautiful as well. All of you is."

"What about one more drink?" I was pretty drunk already, but that was not my biggest concern. Alcohol lowered your immune system and I figured Jeff didn't need that just now.

"Will you be OK? I don't want you to get a fever again."

"It's gone. I know all the cops around here. They're usually drunker than anyone they pull over. Let's go!" He paid the bill even though I'd wanted to. 

It was still so nice outside. I wasn't wobbling or anything, but my balance was a little off. I watched Jeff's perfect ass as he walked ahead of me. It was so fine even though his jeans sagged a little low at the waist. It was still warm inside the car, even warmer than before. "Do you mind if I roll down the window a little?"

"Yeah...as long as you don't mind if we put off the Best Buy trip until later. That tequila wiped me out."

"No problem. We can go whenever you want. Are you okay?"

"Just tired. I didn't sleep all that well last night." He wasn't the only one. Back at his place, Jeff turned his big TV. "Not much on but college football today. That okay? You follow sports at all?"

"Not passionately, but it's fine. Go lie down and I might even have a little snooze myself." He smiled,handed me the remote and left. I don't dislike football. My thing with watching any sporting event is that it all seems like reruns to me...I couldn't tell if I was watching a new game or one from ten years ago. Maybe I would stretch out on the couch and take a nap. I muted the volume and watched the hulking beasts run into each other over and over again. I was drifting off but also keenly aware of the beautiful man sleeping so near by. If you could somehow combine a shot of  tequila with elements of college sports, you'd have the greatest sleep aid ever. 

Jeff was awake and trying not to make noise. Just his presence in the room was enough to jolt me out of a sound sleep. I listened to him clatter around the kitchen for a few minutes before getting up. I followed the sounds and found him peppering two thawed steaks. "Hi. Do you feel better, Jeff?"

"Yeah. Much. I thought I'd grill out on the deck while the weather is still nice...sound good?" 

"Sounds great."

"Want a beer or a soda or something?" He'd changed clothes. 

"Beer sounds good."

"Well...there's two different kinds in there. Possibly three. Pick one and bring it out back while I get started." The refrigerator was packed with all kinds of good stuff. I'd never asked Jeff what he did for a living. Maybe David was wealthy. Whatever -- I guess it wasn't any of my business. He hadn't asked me much either. I went through the sliding glass door and smelled that wonderful smell of charcoal and lighter fluid. The odor of Summer. 

"It's a nice space here. Your backyard is beautiful."

"I'll tell David you said so. He is obsessed with getting everything raked, mowed and weeded. Speaking of which...." He offered me a blunt that was already lit. "A little appetizer?"

"Thanks." I took a toke and watched Jeff slide the steaks onto the grill. I was no prude about weed, but a little particular. I loved smoking it with really good friends, but it felt weird to bet stoned with people I didn't know very well. It didn't seem like a very social drug. 

"I'm glad we can talk. When the cicadas come out in the evenings, you have to practically yell. They are usually out by this time of year. Weird. That annoying song they sing means  that Summer is over."

"My dad always called them 'locusts' even though I tried to explain to him the difference many times. Stubborn bastard, my dad."

"That reminds me. We're having a salad alongside the steak. I made it fresh. We used to buy that bagged salad, but I once found a live grasshopper in one I'd just got from the store. Never again. I don't I made the coals hot enough, so this will take awhile."

"It's fine. It's just so beautiful back here. I live in an apartment and am almost never outdoors." The weed was relaxing, but not intense. My stoner friend Jimmy would call it 'kind'. Jeff settled down on the bench next to me. He'd put on flip-flops that were probably a size too small because his large toes hung over the edges.

"Here's what I find weird about you, Lyle."  Uh oh "You are super smart and always thinking...so why haven't you asked me many questions? I mean, we've talked about insects more than we have about important stuff. Are you biting your tongue?"

"No." I handed him the roach. "I'm just a clod. I like you so much and I don't to ruin my chances by asking too much." The meat was just barely starting to sizzle over the heat.

"I guess I understand that. You're not a clod...just polite. I should tell you that I'm unemployed. I worked for a place that did lithography...coupons, ads and crap that most  everybody throws away. Word got out about me and they fired my ass."

"Is that even legal?"

"Probably. This is the South. I didn't love it there enough to fight. David and I were fuck buddies back then and he invited me to move in. We're both such sluts and it's anybody's guess as to who pozzed who first. This for four years ago. I do everything around the house, but not the gardening. David's a physical therapist and makes a very decent living. Your turn, Lyle."

"Um...I am an Aries. I work for a regional magazine, doing layout and some writing."

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Yes. I can honestly say I once was. His name was Norman. I know I felt love, but I'm not sure he ever did. We weren't sexually compatible. Those were his words."

"Like how?"

"He was very endowed. It hurt too much to have him try to fuck me. He bought me a dildo to practice with, but I just couldn't make myself use it."

"I'm the same way...it's flesh or nothing. But the bad news is that my dick is really big. Probably bigger than Norman's." We'd finished the roach, but Jeff had a fresh fatty ready to spark.

"Oh."

"Maybe he was just too impatient. Or maybe he was a jerk."

"Probably both."

"I'm very patient and know how to go slow...especially with beginners."

"I've been fucked before...guys with smaller penises. Always with a condom, though."

"Well, I've got tons of Trojans in my bedroom. I don't like wearing them, but they can be fun to jack off with." The sun was close to setting and I wondered how high I was. We ate and talked about more mundane things as the coals in the grill slowly died out. The cicadas started their obnoxious hum.

"They're here!"

"Perfect timing...I was just about to suggest we go inside." I wanted to sit for a little longer. That sound , that song that signaled the and and beginning of things. Jeff put his flip-flops back on and left all the dirty plates outside. 

"Is the fire out?"

"I don't know, Boy Scout. I'll have over 24 hours before I have to clean everything up. David could be on LSD and still have to do the dishes before going to bed." Once inside, my host pit some of the many candles that seemed to be everywhere. I'll leave the TV off is you don't mind. Want music?"

A wave of dreamy static washed over my brain.  I kind of wanted to hear the cicadas harmonize above the roof. "Sure, Jeff. Anything you want."

"Ever hear of Mazzy Star? It's probably my favorite CD of all time. I once smoked a shit ton of hash and listened to the whole thing twice. I swear I found a few dimensions of reality that night." I knew I'd love it. I knew I would because I love everything about how I felt. I would have admitted I loved Jeff too, but that would wreck everything. "Sure

If you've never heard this group, go to youtube and sample it now. I mean, wow. It was beautiful, hypnotic and yet still interesting. The singer's voice was like a tiny fairy serenading your soul. It helped that his sound system was amazing. My ex had a thing for Enya, but I could never understand what the fuck she was saying.

"You like this, Lyle?"

"I love you...I mean 'it'. I love it." I guess I was too stoned to be embarrassed. He chuckled and finished off the joint.

"Me too. I've got more weed in my room, but let's sit here for a few minutes. Take your shoes off at least. Relax." I did, and it felt so good I took my socks and shirt off too. "Nice. I was going to do that for you if you didn't." While I was in audio bliss, he had already stripped down to his underwear. I was a little sad that there wasn't more than candlelight in the room. I wanted to see his body under a thousand watt bulb. But this was nice in a way too. Even though there so many shadows in the room, I could tell his dick was huge. Way bigger than Norman's. He never showed much when soft -- not like Jeff. I wanted to stare at his bulge, but my eyes were closing. I wasn't so much sleepy as I was in a pre-dream sue to the music.  One lyric, one piece of music caught my attention:

"I could possibly be fading/ Or have something more to gain/ I could feel myself growing colder/ I could feel myself under your fate"

He wasn't next to me. "Jeff??"

"I'm just getting a beer...I have cotton mouth really bad. Want one?"

"Yeah. This CD is amazing." I'd buy a copy for myself if we ever made it to Best Buy. As if he's been reading my earlier thoughts, Jeff switched on a hallway light. The room brightened a little. He also brought a big candle to the coffee table in front of us. I took the opportunity to look at his groin. I might have looked too intently.

"You like it, huh? It doesn't scare you?" 

"No. It's...I want it."

"Okay. Just double-checking. I want to show it to you.  So bad. So, so bad." He dropped his undies and THERE it was. It was so long and wide...and somehow alien. I swear it twitched a little. "You can touch it if you want." And I did...maybe too fast. It was super-heated and started to get bigger as I gripped the shaft. 

"I've never seen a dick this big! You're right...it's way bigger than Norman's." I bet he was used to getting complimented on his awesome meat.

"Please kiss it. Please." He didn't need to be so polite. I put the warm head to my lips and tasted this beautiful man. I was savoring the flavors and didn't realize how completely hard he was getting. "That's nice. Take off the rest of your clothes and then I want you to suck me." It was awkward to strip completely in front of this perfect specimen, but I wanted to please him so badly." And he remained fully hard. I was no good at estimating size, but I'd bet it was over ten inches and my wristwatch would probably fir snugly around the base. It hung in the candlelight like a third arm or something. "It'll be easier if I sit. Get on the floor."

You know when you're at a restaurant and really hungry? You order too much food and can't eat it all. That was me right then. I wanted to take that cock all the way down to my lungs, but only get about a third of it in my mouth. Jeff played with my hair and humped a little, trying to get farther in. My stupid gag reflex kept kicking in (a problem I'd had with Norman).

"Sorry."

"What? Why? You're going farther down than most guys can. I want you to enjoy this too. It just feels so nice and I can get a little greedy with a nice mouth on my dick." I eased up a bit He was moaning and breathing heavily. I could do this all day, every day. Would he cum? Mine own dick was ready to burst. "OK. Come sit down here beside me." He lit up the third or fourth joint of the evening. I kind of didn't want to get more altered so I faked my tokes.

"The candles smell good. What scent are they?"

"Damned if I know. David buys them. I like the plain ones because just the smell of ordinary melted wax is nice enough. Come on. Let's go to my bedroom." He took me by the hand and led me into the shadows. The room was very inviting. There was a night light already on and the bed was made. It made me happy that he'd planned on bringing me here all along. 

"This is a nice room, Jeff."

"Thanks. The bedding is brand new...you can help me break it in." He stretched out on top of the comforter and closed his eyes for a second.. His cock was still rock hard. "I'm going to ask you this only once more...Are you sure you want to do this with no condom?" I was so sure. "I don't usually allow guys I top to have a choice, but I'm giving you - just you - the option."

"I appreciate that, but I don't want latex between us."

"And you fully understand what could happen if I cum in your ass? You're not too stoned?" Was I? 

"I'm fine. Ask me to name every state capitol...in alphabetical order." 

"No. That would make me go limp. I believe you. Get on up here and you can sit on it. That way will be easiest." He produced a tube of lube and started oiling up his throbbing boner.I could watch him do that for hours.

"I so wish I had a digital camera right now. Is that KY? Norm used that on us."

"No. This is way better. I don't have much left so we need to make it count." I straddled his waist and let him massage a wet glob of the stuff into my butt hole. Jeff had larger fingers than my ex, but was much more gentle. That alone felt so good, I'd almost be happy if it ended now. "Good God. You are super tight...this will take some time. Ready? Just ease down on my cock. Don't rush." He held my sides and guided me lower. I felt him contact ever so slowly. I remember this as always being the worst part. I wondered if I should have asked him to just rape me and get it over with. But he wasn't that kind of guy and I really needed this to mean something. 

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Lyle. Too fast?"

"It's fine. It's fine. Are you in?" 

"Just barely. Relax and try to get used to it. for a minute. I can wait." It was painful but I willed myself to concentrate on the feelings of pleasure that had to be coming soon. "Yeah. Oh! Take your time." Amazingly, I had made it almost halfway down the shaft...still waiting for the good feelings to begin. 

"I can't take more of it, Jeff."

"It's okay. We'll stay like this and smoke a little." He lit up the blunt, but I declined. I'd had enough...and I didn't want an ember to drop on his hairy chest and set him on fire. I relaxed a little and another half inch entered me. "Don't rush, babe".

"It's feeling pretty good right now." It was. THIS is why guys did this. I finally got it just then. 

"Good! I'll let you set the pace." I maybe pushed my luck a little because I felt my ass rip more.

"Wait. Hold on." His dick was wide as a wrist at the base. I'd come too far to hesitate now.

"You're almost there. Goddamn it feels so good inside you. Shit. You're gonna get a big load pretty soon." And then he was all the way in. The pain wan't gone but it was starting to get crowded out by the pleasures... both mental and physical. I lifted up a little and move back down, letting that huge penis stir my innards. He slowly started to thrust to meet the rhythm I'd started. He let out a long groan. "OK, man. I'm almost ready to shoot."

"Don't. Not yet. Can we switch places?" The low light in the room hid his expression.

"Perfect! We can fuck like newlyweds." It was a little awkward changing positions because I didn't want him to pull out for even a second. And then we settled in the missionary style. "Bring your knees down as close to your shoulders as you can..yeah. Like that." He was setting the pace now because I think he knew I wanted him to take over completely. He did. The thrusting intensified and sweat was dripping onto my face. I caught more of his face in the dim light. His eyes were squeezed shut and his smile was bright and natural.

"Yeah! Cum inside of me, Jeff! I want it!" He was pure animal after that, growling and primal. At no point in my life had I ever felt this turned on.

"I...I..Oh God. I'm breeding you now, little buddy! Shit!" He'd shot his load only a split-second before I did. Everything would be different now. He collapsed on top of me and his heavy breathing had a slight rasp. My gluey load was squished between us, making a slightly comical noise.Then we kissed for a long time. His breathing was returning to normal. I was blissed-out. After the lust and adrenaline left my system, the weed resumed its work. How was it even possible for a human being to feel so good?

"That was fantastic, Jeff. Thank you."

"It was great, huh? Do you need the bathroom? It's right across the hall from my door." I did have to sit on the toilet, but had no idea what would come out of me. I was ready for whatever. I sat for a while, but blood mixed with a little lube is all that was in the bowl. I stayed longer, not wanting to chance an accident while I slept. I was fine. I'd read porn stories where the bottom was fucked so hard he could barely walk. I could walk just fine. There was some soreness, sure, but nothing too bad. 

"What time is it?"

"Last I looked at the clock, it was after 10. I'm gonna take a little nap...you can go watch TV if you want to." No way. I wanted to lie down next to that big, warm body.

Our 'nap' lasted until morning. He snored and mumbled in his sleep...but it sounded like music to me. Neither of us really wanted to leave the bed, but gradually did. 

We never made it Best Buy on Sunday. We smoked, fooled around and talked. At one point I almost said "I love you", but held off. He'd already said he was not the boyfriend type in so many words. It had been a great fuck and that's all. It was a harsh truth that I hadn't really prepared myself for, and it made me think I should go home now. I'd always have the memory of this. Jeff and I hugged goodbye.

I thought about "love" on the highway. I still felt it. Maybe it was enough just for me to have the feeling and enjoy it. Just because he wasn't in love didn't have to figure into the equation just now. Love feels good...as good or better than sex. I could have this emotion even if it wasn't returned. That's where I stayed and am still staying to this day.

A great ending to this story would be Jeff eventually falling in love with me and us moving in together. That's not what happened. Jeff died two weeks later. After unanswered calls and no sign in the chat room, I finally drove to his place one night. David was home and he told me what had happened. 

"He got pneumonia and went really fast. He was only in the hospital for ten hours. He's buried in the small town where his mother lives. I have her number if you want it." I took it calmly and jammed it in my pocket.

"Thanks."

"I'm sorry, man. Do you want to sit down and have a drink?" Oh fuck. If he tried to hit on me, I'd lose it.

"No thanks." I could feel tears wanting to come.

"You're Lyle, right?" I nodded. "He liked you. Said you had fun."

I'd never return to this town. The physical Jeff was gone, but he was still alive in my thoughts and in my heart. AIDS had ruined so many love stories, but I'd never let it claim this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[lynn1964]

I'm not sure the right words have been "invented" yet that will let me describe how I feel after reading this one. As you know Toon, all of your work puts me in awe. You have some magical skill of putting me either there in your stories, watching and sometimes you even put me into one of the characters. You always seem to find the right words and sentences to make the picture so vivid.

With this latest work Toon, Lyle and Jeff are brought to life. Even though Jeff died long ago, he lives again in your words, on this screen. You made him as beautiful as he really was for me. You captured not only his physical beauty, but you also captured his emotional beauty. As well as capturing the emotions and the value of our meeting to me. I don't wish the story to be about me. I lived it. I want the story to be of our experience. Nor do I want the reader to think of me. But to think and see the experience of having someone like this or an experience like this be in their lives.

Toon, your gifts make me proud of you and for you!! More than you know! And I'm always honored to be able to be a reader of your work!! Your talent makes your light so bright. It amplifies your strength, your beauty, and shows your heart!

143!

[bjbottom]

A well-written but sad story.   It reminded me of all the friendships, love affairs, and relationships that ended suddenly or never had the opportunity to develop.  

[viking8x6]

This one is just beautiful!

 

[PozCubBtm]

Wow this is a beautiful story of love between two men....I have known so many that have passed from AIDS and they are still in my heart and thoughts....