real dilemma

[rambo13645]

so i'm early thirties, broke away from the whole girlfriend thing a long time ago.  lotsa craigslist hookups with singles and couples, all straight.  between relationships 10 yrs ago i finally gave into my fantasies, found a dude, we sucked each other, and he fucked me.  with a condom...  i was so young i wasnt even thinking of std's, what a mistake.  he was disease free and he would have cum in me.  since then i've sucked a few cocks over the years when the moment grabbed me.  

every 6 months or so the guy guy fantasies come a knocking again and now i'm really in a dilemma.  i'm too paranoid about dishonesty and catching something serious, but i want it very badly.  i've heard it put so many ways - sex in a condom is like masturbating inside another person, it's not sex. etc... etc...  I agree with all of that.  why even bother.  

so in case it isnt clear - i'd consider myself a bottom and i want to get fucked bare and cum in.  i'm sure it will be every bit as good as people on here say, i'm sure it will be addictive, and i know it will be amazing.  so with all of that comes fierce matching reluctance.  i could see myself depriving myself of this for decades... just to 'be smart/responsible'

any tips or advice out there??  any ways to live my life and reduce risk...?

[Guest Memphian]

9 minutes ago, rambo13645 said:

so i'm early thirties, broke away from the whole girlfriend thing a long time ago.  lotsa craigslist hookups with singles and couples, all straight.  between relationships 10 yrs ago i finally gave into my fantasies, found a dude, we sucked each other, and he fucked me.  with a condom...  i was so young i wasnt even thinking of std's, what a mistake.  he was disease free and he would have cum in me.  since then i've sucked a few cocks over the years when the moment grabbed me.  

every 6 months or so the guy guy fantasies come a knocking again and now i'm really in a dilemma.  i'm too paranoid about dishonesty and catching something serious, but i want it very badly.  i've heard it put so many ways - sex in a condom is like masturbating inside another person, it's not sex. etc... etc...  I agree with all of that.  why even bother.  

so in case it isnt clear - i'd consider myself a bottom and i want to get fucked bare and cum in.  i'm sure it will be every bit as good as people on here say, i'm sure it will be addictive, and i know it will be amazing.  so with all of that comes fierce matching reluctance.  i could see myself depriving myself of this for decades... just to 'be smart/responsible'

any tips or advice out there??  any ways to live my life and reduce risk...?

 

I can totally relate to your feelings.  I consider myself bi, in that women turn me on more in general, and I've never had romantic feelings for a man.  Not that labels like that matter to me.  I think they are arbitrary and pointless, as few people are strictly straight or gay based on research, including Kinsey.  Almost everyone is somewhere on the spectrum in between.  So I only mention that to give you my frame of reference.

When I was married to a woman and eventually the sex became very infrequent, I tended to crave cock more.  After I was divorced and had a hot GF, I rarely thought about cock.  But certain situations will get me horny for it, like business trips where I have the convenience of a hotel room.  When I do crave cock I am almost always a total bottom.  Love sucking cock and getting fucked.  I was happy using condoms for a long time but after a black dude gave me the best fuck of my life bareback, I realized what I had been missing.  It does feel better physically, but there is also a strong psychological component too that makes it hotter.  The taboo aspect of naked cock deep inside you and filling your guts with another man's seed . . . in some ways the most intimate thing you can do, more intimate than fucking a chick, at least from the bottom's standpoint.  This risk is a turn-on for some too.

To answer your question, the surest way to reduce risk yet  still bareback is to get on PrEP.  I haven't yet because I am not getting much cock the past year, and when I do I'm usually just sucking.  PrEP taken as ordered reduces your risk of HIV by up to 99%.  Plus, PrEP requires you to get tested by your healthcare provider for a variety of STDs on a regular basis, which will help you get diagnosed early and treat for them quickly.  

I'm certainly no expert and am just relating what I've picked up from reading and talking to others.  There are a lot of guys on here who know a lot more about this than I do.  Good luck!

[rambo13645]

yeah i get prep is the obvious way to reduce risk, but i see posts every once in a while that seem to indicate people's bodies are real messed up after prolonged use.  is that true?  I'm also worried about other stuff, mostly HepC.  

i was more asking culture wise.  it seems barebacking with women and couples is pretty easy to reduce risk.  find someone you're reasonably sure isnt lieing to you where ideally the only other partners are the two or three of you.  

it seems almost impossible to find that among men.  is it because it's just too easy?  it seems that if a person posted an ad "looking for an exclusive guy for bareback" the tops would laugh or not reply at all.  and maybe they dont take you seriously about that either, as i've seen on this site, it would seem very common to always want more and now the top is at risk.  

Where am i going wrong here?

[CigarBear68]

If you're ready to be POZ, going bareback is a ton of fun. Otherwise, not so much. 

[punaman]

Get on prep for awhile, then decide how great the desire for hot cum in your ass is and how the drug is affecting your body.  Remember not everyone who gets fucked by a POZ guy will automatically get HIV.

[spermy71]

PrEP

I don't know anyone personally with long-term consequences from it.  But my gay friends boil down to two camps, one is on a light dose of antivirals called PrEP, they're neg.  The other group is poz and is now on a harsher dose of the same antivirals.  Either that or they're sick.

Risking HIV because you don't want to take harsh medicine is like not doing your taxes because you're afraid of an audit.

Barebacking is awesome.  You should totally do it.  Get on PrEP and do it.

[rawloadstaken]

On Wednesday, March 07, 2018 at 5:01 PM, rambo13645 said:

yeah i get prep is the obvious way to reduce risk, but i see posts every once in a while that seem to indicate people's bodies are real messed up after prolonged use.  is that true?  I'm also worried about other stuff, mostly HepC.

Some people do have an adverse reaction to emtricitabine, tenofovir, or their love child Truvada, that's true. That's why it's important to check in with your health care provider on a quarterly basis to keep an eye on various blood, enzyme, and protein counts, and to be sure that you have not become HIV-reactive or HIV-positive.

The absolute most common effects are nausea, fatigue, and headaches, and they usually clear up in 1-4 weeks. Of course there are a boatload of other common, uncommon, rare, and "OMG" side effects, but that's true of all medications. That said, I can only speak for myself, but as far as I can remember, I didn't experience any discomfort when I started.

I've been on it for 4.5 years now, the only real side effect I've noticed in that time is that I've become more of a voracious cumdump than I ever was before.

[ejaculaTe]

I'll mention this because it seems to get little attention -- there is a risk of kidney damage, including kidney failure, from tenofovir, one of the constituent drugs of Truvada. My other half went on Truvada in early August 2012; he went into the hospital in mid-September 2012 with kidney failure and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. I agree that Truvada is useful for lots of guys, but learn the signs of kidney failure.

[rawloadstaken]

49 minutes ago, ejaculaTe said:

I'll mention this because it seems to get little attention -- there is a risk of kidney damage, including kidney failure, from tenofovir, one of the constituent drugs of Truvada. My other half went on Truvada in early August 2012; he went into the hospital in mid-September 2012 with kidney failure and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. I agree that Truvada is useful for lots of guys, but learn the signs of kidney failure.

Very true. Liver and kidney impairment -- and, in some cases, complete failure -- are risks, as is lactic acidosis and some issues related to bone strength and density. As well, if one is already dealing with a Hep B infection, it can worsen the symptoms.

If you -- and that's the generic use of the word you -- do decide to go on Truvada, make sure you know the risks, make sure you follow dosing recommendations, and make sure you know the warning signs. Also, even if you don't exhibit or experienceany of the signs, make sure you follow dosing instructions and quarterly provider follow-ups so that your doctor can keep an eye on things.

@ejaculaTe is right for calling those concerns out, and I'm sorry I didn't mention them earlier. Just because I didn't experience any side effects doesn't mean others won't.

There's a decent run-down of side effects on Gilead's own Truvada Safety page, as well as on both RXList and Drugs.com.

All that said, @ejaculaTe, I am very, VERY sorry to hear what happened to your other half. That's horrible, and I'm sure it was terrfying for the both of you.

I hope he made a full recovery, and that there haven't been any relapses since then.

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

You sound a lot like me as I'm bi and love to get fucked. I beg of you though, go on Prep if you're going to bottom bare. Once you experience the feeling and sensation of a guy cumming inside you, you're going to want it again and again. You won't be able to get enough. You'll be on apps desperately looking for more guys to fill the need. You'll start being less picky about who fucks you. You'll start taking anon cock. It can get out of control. And that's not just me. I have other buds who were str8 and bi who love getting fucked so much they go down the path too. I have a bud who claimed to be str8 but had a GF and wound up getting fucked so much he broke up with her and stopped dating girls so he could get fucked more. He cruises parks and bathrooms for random anon dick and goes to sex clubs and bathhouses. Trust me...it can take over your life.

[Guest ff-whole]

6 minutes ago, BBBoyfromTN said:

You sound a lot like me as I'm bi and love to get fucked. I beg of you though, go on Prep if you're going to bottom bare. Once you experience the feeling and sensation of a guy cumming inside you, you're going to want it again and again. You won't be able to get enough. You'll be on apps desperately looking for more guys to fill the need. You'll start being less picky about who fucks you. You'll start taking anon cock. It can get out of control. And that's not just me. I have other buds who were str8 and bi who love getting fucked so much they go down the path too. I have a bud who claimed to be str8 but had a GF and wound up getting fucked so much he broke up with her and stopped dating girls so he could get fucked more. He cruises parks and bathrooms for random anon dick and goes to sex clubs and bathhouses. Trust me...it can take over your life.

Yes this is very true, I know because I am exactly the same... can't get Prep where I am now and looking into getting it online.
Bareback sex and getting loaded up in gangbangs etc is like a drug for me. I then become very irresponsable fo my own well being. 

[Guest deleted1107]

I think that there are many ways to look at it... living your life the way you want, being you, and being informed will help you in your journey. Life in of itself is inherently full of risks... but then if we always worry about all the risks our experiences in life will be so much different. I hope that helps.