Top, bottom, versatile "labels."

[lfjgnjnhj]

19 hours ago, blackrobe said:

When a man tells you he's a bottom and you need dick, just believe him and move on. Or don't, and become a rapist.

Right! Cuz this is the sexuality of the different person and not your! And nobody, nor you nor me nor someone else doesn’t have any rights (both legal and moral) to change the unfamiliar person’s sexuality. Cuz in another case this is mental pressure and sexual abuse on the person 

[tallslenderguy]

3 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

I feel the labels 'top' or 'bottom' and 'dom' or 'sub' are constricting.

That - to me - is the downside of any (self-) labeling and I feel it's much more fun to keep exploring, trying out new stuff to see what's fun and hot and last-but-not-least what gives pleasure to others. Great sex to me is also about free acces to every part of each other's body, both cock and ass. So I fully agree with the text in the profile you read:

Don't get me the wrong way @tallslenderguy, you have every right to ask for what you like.
It just means you and me have a lesser chance to be sexually compatible.

And that's ok too.

Yes, this.  i see "labels" as a starting place, not an ending place. That they are a means of communicating. You identify as "versatile," so it makes perfect sense to me that you would "...feel the labels 'top' or 'bottom' and 'dom' or 'sub' are constricting," because that is not how you are. 

"It just means you and me have a lesser chance to be sexually compatible"  

Exactly.  We may love and appreciate each other in many ways, but probably would not try to establish a sexual connection because we understand we are not sexually compatible. We cannot have that understanding if we ignore the "(self-) labeling" of another person because it is how they are trying to communicate who and how they are by using it. 

[tallslenderguy]

22 hours ago, blackrobe said:

It doesn't matter what I say, what label I use to communicate that I "only bottom", "total bottom", "sub bottom" , when some men see my "pretty dick" (wtftm) they want me to top them. In my experience it's not about the malleability of labels, or the vagaries of communication, it's about people wanting what *they* want regardless of what you say, what you want, or how you're wired. It's about them ignoring and negating your agency.

The reason women haven't historically shown up as rapists very often was that the definition of rape was canted towards the insertive partner as the rapist. Research has shown that when you include "forced to penetrate" in the definition of rape, it turns out lots of women are rapists.

In my mind, a man who's pressuring me to put my dick in them, forcing me to penetrate them when I don't want to, when I don't get pleasure from it, is about to commit a sexual assault just like all those women rapists. 

When a man tells you he's a bottom and you need dick, just believe him and move on. Or don't, and become a rapist.

i have never thought of it from this angle.  i think you make a great point about how the term "rape" has been "canted towards the insert partner."  i don't feel i have ever been raped in this way. For me it is more about the frustration of communication. But i think you are right, there are some people who just do not seem to believe those who identify as Total Tops or total bottoms, then there are others that may believe it, but just refuse to accept or respect that they are not the droids they are looking for. 

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

I think that the labels are good for hookups when cruising a website. If you say you are a "bottom __________" I know that we won't click. I appreciate the people that take a moment to add in some kind of label so I know I won't be wasting my time, and theirs, by contacting them only to find out after a message or two that they want to bottom for me. I begrudgingly know why they do that in my area (post ads with no details about what they want), because there is a glut of bottoms in this area and they are hoping once you contact them there can be compromise such as "I'll fuck you if you fuck me", etc. and hope you are horny enough to go for it (spoiler - I never am).

I agree with the psychological aspect of how we may label ourselves. I'm a bottom, but I won't hesitate to take control of a situation to get things rolling. I like to say I'm submissive, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lay there unless I'm with a Dom that commands it. Probably submissive isn't the right word. I won't hesitate to jump on a cock and ride, I pretty much go wild when the clothes and all bets are off. That sounds like the opposite of submissive. Hell, just typing this out is making me think about my self-labeling myself as submissive.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Yes, this.  i see "labels" as a starting place, not an ending place. That they are a means of communicating. You identify as "versatile," so it makes perfect sense to me that you would "...feel the labels 'top' or 'bottom' and 'dom' or 'sub' are constricting," because that is not how you are. 

"It just means you and me have a lesser chance to be sexually compatible"  

Exactly.  We may love and appreciate each other in many ways, but probably would not try to establish a sexual connection because we understand we are not sexually compatible. We cannot have that understanding if we ignore the "(self-) labeling" of another person because it is how they are trying to communicate who and how they are by using it. 

I've had loads of fun with guys without talking about what kind of sex we were into beforehand. There was just this attraction and we got the hots for each other. Sometimes there was fucking, sometimes not. 

Perhaps I'll fuck you one day.
Just don't be bossy and demand my cock, but make love with it and me.  😜

 

[Piggyybttmm]

Well i find most vers guys are spontaneous. They like both and it depends on how they feel. Over the years ive learned that vers bottoms/ vers tops are normally bottoms and tops that also receive and give oral. I normally stick to tops and vers tops. No need to waste someones time when more than likely im not gonna switch

[hungry_hole]

Any guy who can fuck for a long time without shooting his load will be either a top or versatile because fucking is enjoyable for him. I know it from tops who've fucked me how much they enjoy fucking and can do it for as long time.

To enjoy bottoming a guy has not only to get over the idea that getting fucked is unmanly but also feel comfortable with cleaning his hole.

[PERVERSATILE]

The way I play it is:  You got a hungry hole? Lets fuck. Big Hard Dick? Lets Fuck. Wanna Fist?  My nails are cut.  Wanna pay a couple of street hustlers to smack our junk around?  Hosed out?  DTF? What are your kinks? When you're gettin that deep dick down your throat, how often do you feel it's necessary to breathe. Is going to work tomorrow a priority?  Etc. What we need is better communication, not labels.  Tho I will admit, when it comes to self-labeling, I do have a Big Fuckin Letch for turning out  100% Total Tops*

*Don't worry your secret is safe with me

Edited July 2, 2021 by PERVERSATILE