Ver in a relationship

[meatmonkey]

I'm vers i like fucking an ass ,but like getting fucked; however because of medical reasons my partner can't get hard. He tells me I can play since he can't fuck me. Is it a trap?

[tallslenderguy]

idk,i think  it depends on the individual. Some guys live in open relationships and it's perfectly fine, others do not.

[badjujuboy]

Probably not a trap but you need to discuss how comfortable both of you are in opening the relationship because that's what you are doing, i.e., what rules will you have? If you go forward, will you both participate?  I've been on both sides... I'm in an open relationship and been the one that's been with guys in open ones.  I've seen the jealousy that can manifest. I'd get together with a couple but would also see one of them separately until the one who I'd only do 3ways found out. The last time we all got together, the 3way guy fucked me and insisted I leave before his bf could fuck me.  Needless to say, that was the last time we got together.

[BootmanLA]

Badjujuboy's point - what rules will you have - is essential to handle up front, because there are many, many types of open relationships with many different sets of rules. Here are some questions (not an exhaustive list) that might get you two started discussing what this could look like for you two.

1. Does "open" apply to both of us - ie, can your partner with the erection issues get fucked by other guys, just like you can?  Or is it only open for you, because he can get what he's capable of from you?

2. If you have sex with someone else, does he want you to keep him from finding out? If not, does he want you to share, or just doesn't mind if it comes out?

3. If you have sex with someone else, are you allowed to have it at your own house, or do you have to go elsewhere for it? If it's OK in your own house, is your bedroom okay, or does he want it restricted to other spaces (guest room, living room, whatever), to keep "your" bedroom as your own space?

4. Are you allowed to sleep over if it's late, or does he want you to come home each night regardless of where you've been?

5. Is it okay to have sex with someone you both know (friend, acquaintance, etc.) or is it limited to people he doesn't know?

6. Is it okay to have sex more than once with the same guy, or does it need to be "once and done" to avoid developing any side feelings?

And so on.

It's also important that you decide between yourselves what you're going to do if you both try this and it doesn't work as well for him as he thought (ie he is bothered by it more than he thought, he feels you're spending too much time elsewhere, he feels you're growing apart, whatever). My suggestion is that you should agree that either of you can unilaterally close the relationship, pending a discussion about how you're feeling and how you see your future. It's like an emergency stop button that you can press before things deteriorate past the point of saving the relationship. It may not be savable in the long term anyway, if problems develop, but a "We need to talk about this" option that stops the outside sex until either you're both OK with it opening up again, or you part ways, is a good thing. It lets both partners know they can stop and work on things if need be.

[Philatanus]

Your partner might be excited by the idea of you fooling around as well as allowing you the freedom to fool around as he can not get an erection.

An open and honest discussion with him will help with all.

[JamesL100]

Can he not get hard in any situation or just when you want him to fuck him?
I have met plenty of 'vers' guys who are just greedy btms!!
Sometimes I don't get hard at the start of a session but when I do I flip them over 😉

[theplayerking]

19 hours ago, meatmonkey said:

I'm vers i like fucking an ass ,but like getting fucked; however because of medical reasons my partner can't get hard. He tells me I can play since he can't fuck me. Is it a trap?

It seems very kind and generous of him. I agree with the others that you should set clear ground rules, but it’s great that he’s willing to be flexible to meet your sexual needs. Not everyone is so lucky. 

[GarrettParker]

I agree; it seems that your partner isn't setting a trap at all, but beginning a discussion! @BootmanLA's set of discussion points is great! Tailor/add to them for a heartfelt conversation with your partner, and be willing to revisit/re-discuss as you both proceed. Even if/as you open yourselves to additional sexual partners, there still are only two partners to your relationship; it's your collective right to make decisions that work for you both! 🙂

[meatmonkey]

He has said it is fine if I get fucked by other guys if he don't know about it. That is why I think he is not ok with it. But thanks for the advice I will open that conversation 

[BootmanLA]

On 7/26/2021 at 5:06 PM, meatmonkey said:

He has said it is fine if I get fucked by other guys if he don't know about it. That is why I think he is not ok with it. But thanks for the advice I will open that conversation 

If he's said that much, you could be right, OR it could be that it would only bother him if he had to think about it. It's possible that he can convince himself it's not going on as long as he doesn't know for sure - in which case you have to be reasonably careful not to let him find out.

That can be difficult. Even if you don't volunteer the info, you can be put in the position of him asking questions ("I tried to reach you this afternoon but you never picked up. What were you doing?") or unintentionally interfering with your plans (You: I'm gonna go hang with my buddy Joe for a while. Back in a couple hours." Him: I haven't seen Joe in ages either. Hold on, I'll come with you!").

Of course, if you have different work schedules (he's at work from 8-5, you work 12-8), you can probably find times when he's not around and not likely to check up on you, so fewer questions raised.

If he doesn't want to know, you'll probably have to go elsewhere for sex (unless again you have different work schedules and can get it done and all evidence of sex cleaned up right away). That may limit what you can do.

What I definitely recommend AGAINST is lying just to get away to have sex. A white lie, like telling him you're going to run errands and hit the mall (and unspoken: stop off and get fucked at Joe's) is one thing, but if you lie routinely about where you are in order to have opportunities for sex, it's likely to get discovered. And once he's got the idea that you lie to him, he'll wonder what else you lie about. It's caustic for relationships.