Scared - Extreme anxiety

[FreakedOut]

Hi,
thank you for letting me post this here.
I am taking PrEP daily for the last two years. I started after having an instance of receptive anal sex where I blacked out because of alcohol + weed and not knowing if the guy had used a condom. This led to a month of PEP, after which I started PrEP.
I have been all my life terrified about the idea of contracting HIV and this had a huge impact on the sex I allowed myself to have. Particularly, condomless sex was completely out of the question.
After starting PrEP, I slowly reached the conclusion that I would still use condoms, except with a guy I know for some time and with an occasional hot guy I could bump into with whom, due to the great efficacy of PrEP, I would allow myself to live some breeding fantasies I always had.
This happened a month ago. I met this guy I thought was so hot, and getting laid was so easy. We did some drugs and I was very uninhibited. I didn't like some bumps and scars I saw on his face, but I thought that was prejudiced of me and disregarded the matter.
He fucked me bare. First, he came outside and I drank his cum. Then he came in my ass.
The next morning, I took my PrEP as always and went to sleep. But then I couldn't sleep thinking of what I had done and I began to feel anxious. I went to his apartment and asked him to take a rapid HIV test, which resulted positive. He said he didn't know, and obviously, he is not in treatment.
I freaked out.
I ran to the emergency room in the city hospital and asked them if I should do anything. There was no doctor present (Sunday) but a nurse connected me with a doctor on the phone. This doctor told me to start PEP. Since I was already taking PrEP, this meant for me to add two Isentress pills to my daily regimen.
I ended the 28-day course yesterday.
I am still panicking, especially because the doctor told me I cannot test with a NAT test until two weeks after ending PEP and with an antibodies-antigen test SIX WEEKS after ending PEP.
I can barely do anything productive these days.
Can anyone help me?
Thank you

[cyberdolphnow]

It's going to be OK. Your regimen will keep you safe. Get to bareback sex with positive men more. 

[FreakedOut]

22 minutes ago, cyberdolphnow said:

It's going to be OK. Your regimen will keep you safe. Get to bareback sex with positive men more. 

Thank you for your support.

[Guest Alphpig]

27 minutes ago, cyberdolphnow said:

It's going to be OK. Your regimen will keep you safe. Get to bareback sex with positive men more. 

Why would he have sex with other positive men? He’s having anxiety and you’re suggesting to go have more sex w poz guys. Literally the last thing he needs. What he needs is to stick to condoms and prep with neg men. 
 

And for the OP, this is a path you embarked on. You’re an adult. Making adult choices. Not sure how any of us on here can help you. Find meditation, prayer, counseling in your local area. Big coming to a place like this, is borderline absurd. 

[FreakedOut]

4 minutes ago, Alphpig said:

Why would he have sex with other positive men? He’s having anxiety and you’re suggesting to go have more sex w poz guys. Literally the last thing he needs. What he needs is to stick to condoms and prep with neg men. 
 

And for the OP, this is a path you embarked on. You’re an adult. Making adult choices. Not sure how any of us on here can help you. Find meditation, prayer, counseling in your local area. Big coming to a place like this, is borderline absurd. 

And how exactly do I know someone is negative? This guy had "neg on prep" on his Grindr profile, to begin with. I do not find anything absurd in reaching out to people who might have similar experiences. Any well-intentioned comment is welcome.

[blackrobe]

Risk taking behavior can lead to scary outcomes. If you have been compliant on your PrEP regimen initially, the risk is vanishingly small. Adding PEP to PrEP in a timely fashion as you did makes the risk even smaller.

Take a few deep breaths and recognize you are catastrophizing needlessly. Be complaint with your meds and wait it out.

[Guest Alphpig]

You stick to not playing raw. If becoming poz is not something you want, you don’t play unsafe. Period. Otherwise you go through this often. I’ve dealt with your type and you guys are a nightmare.  So go seek counseling and don’t play without rubbers. 

[verslut]

You made the right choice by going to a doctor afterwards. Ultimately bareback sex has risks and we all learn to deal with it and adjust our behavior accordingly.

[FreakedOut]

7 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

Risk taking behavior can lead to scary outcomes. If you have been compliant on your PrEP regimen initially, the risk is vanishingly small. Adding PEP to PrEP in a timely fashion as you did makes the risk even smaller.

Take a few deep breaths and recognize you are catastrophizing needlessly. Be complaint with your meds and wait it out.

Thanks. I know I may be catastrophizing. I am 100% compliant of my regimen, and have finished the PEP course, which I started at 15 hours. As someone who is also on PrEP (so does your profile say, at least), have you tested its efficacy with guys you knew were HIV+?

It's the "waiting it out" that has me terribly anxious. But apparently, this is as fast as tests work, according to the Doc.

Thanks for your support, again.

[cyberdolphnow]

58 minutes ago, Alphpig said:

Why would he have sex with other positive men? He’s having anxiety and you’re suggesting to go have more sex w poz guys. Literally the last thing he needs. What he needs is to stick to condoms and prep with neg men. 
 

And for the OP, this is a path you embarked on. You’re an adult. Making adult choices. Not sure how any of us on here can help you. Find meditation, prayer, counseling in your local area. Big coming to a place like this, is borderline absurd. 

Very true  about your recommendations.  However, he is on a website forum for risky sexual practices...and needs to recognize that...

[Guest Alphpig]

3 minutes ago, cyberdolphnow said:

Very true  about your recommendations.  However, he is on a website forum for risky sexual practices...and needs to recognize that...

Exactly my point w him. Breeding zone isn’t where I’d come to get counseling for that action. I’d come here to get encouragement 

[cyberdolphnow]

33 minutes ago, FreakedOut said:

Thanks. I know I may be catastrophizing. I am 100% compliant of my regimen, and have finished the PEP course, which I started at 15 hours. As someone who is also on PrEP (so does your profile say, at least), have you tested its efficacy with guys you knew were HIV+?

It's the "waiting it out" that has me terribly anxious. But apparently, this is as fast as tests work, according to the Doc.

Thanks for your support, again.

"We did some drugs and I was very uninhibited."

 

Stop taking drugs which encourages your  risk taking behavior and you will feel better about your choices...

I don't take drugs and I sero sort for undetectable HIV positive guys. Anyone who claims negative I assume is untreated  positive including myself unless I take a  rapid test.

You'll be ok. Let yourself be free...

[cyberdolphnow]

Just now, Alphpig said:

Exactly my point w him. Breeding zone isn’t where I’d come to get counseling for that action. I’d come here to get encouragement 

Yesssss, this exact idea! 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, FreakedOut said:

Hi,
thank you for letting me post this here.
I am taking PrEP daily for the last two years. I started after having an instance of receptive anal sex where I blacked out because of alcohol + weed and not knowing if the guy had used a condom. This led to a month of PEP, after which I started PrEP.
I have been all my life terrified about the idea of contracting HIV and this had a huge impact on the sex I allowed myself to have. Particularly, condomless sex was completely out of the question.
After starting PrEP, I slowly reached the conclusion that I would still use condoms, except with a guy I know for some time and with an occasional hot guy I could bump into with whom, due to the great efficacy of PrEP, I would allow myself to live some breeding fantasies I always had.
This happened a month ago. I met this guy I thought was so hot, and getting laid was so easy. We did some drugs and I was very uninhibited. I didn't like some bumps and scars I saw on his face, but I thought that was prejudiced of me and disregarded the matter.
He fucked me bare. First, he came outside and I drank his cum. Then he came in my ass.
The next morning, I took my PrEP as always and went to sleep. But then I couldn't sleep thinking of what I had done and I began to feel anxious. I went to his apartment and asked him to take a rapid HIV test, which resulted positive. He said he didn't know, and obviously, he is not in treatment.
I freaked out.
I ran to the emergency room in the city hospital and asked them if I should do anything. There was no doctor present (Sunday) but a nurse connected me with a doctor on the phone. This doctor told me to start PEP. Since I was already taking PrEP, this meant for me to add two Isentress pills to my daily regimen.
I ended the 28-day course yesterday.
I am still panicking, especially because the doctor told me I cannot test with a NAT test until two weeks after ending PEP and with an antibodies-antigen test SIX WEEKS after ending PEP.
I can barely do anything productive these days.
Can anyone help me?
Thank you

When this turns out ok, you might want to change your PrEP regime to daily in stead of intermittently so you're always well protected.

(If you're already taking your PrEP daily I don't see why the doctor also put you on PEP as on PrEP you where already better protected against HIV than when using a condom).

 

And don't let fear ruin your life.
Even if you test POZ you can get treatment and live a healthy life. Anti-anxiety medications don't work as well as the antiretroviral drugs.

Keep us updated how it turns out dude.

 

[viking8x6]

OK, you've done all the right things, and it's extremely unlikely that you'll be infected with HIV.

But anxiety isn't a rational thing. And yes, it definitely sucks that the tests can't be done immediately (been there, done that, before PrEP was even available!). Sadly, that's just a limitation of the science.

If you are in the situation where the anxiety is having a serious negative impact on your ability to function, get some help with it! Whether that's getting reassurance in this community, from trusted friends, or by going to a professional. Not only will your life be better now, you'll be in a much better position to handle the next scare that comes along. Because life is full of scary shit.