The differences between a Date and a Hook-Up

[Philip]

A man comes over to my house. We have dinner, play some board games, cuddle, then have anal sex. He tells me that this feels too much like a hook-up rather than a date. I am confused.

Another man comes over (on a different day). We play some Nintendo Switch, cuddle, talk about our lives, then have anal sex. He also tells me this is starting to feel more like a hook-up then a date. I am befuddled.

Am I doing something wrong? I thought a hook-up is when someone comes over, sex without as much as a grunt and a moan, slaps an ass, leaves.

What is the difference between a date and a hook-up? If you have sex with someone and you both cuddle and talk for an hour or two afterwards intimately, would that still be considered a hook-up?

[Beetle]

For me:

Date = intention to relation = foreplay = emotion = intention to love

Hookup = no details asked nor given, door open, face down ass up, sex, load, go

Edited January 20, 2022 by Luxie-006

[BootmanLA]

12 minutes ago, Philip said:

A man comes over to my house. We have dinner, play some board games, cuddle, then have anal sex. He tells me that this feels too much like a hook-up rather than a date. I am confused.

Another man comes over (on a different day). We play some Nintendo Switch, cuddle, talk about our lives, then have anal sex. He also tells me this is starting to feel more like a hook-up then a date. I am befuddled.

Am I doing something wrong? I thought a hook-up is when someone comes over, sex without as much as a grunt and a moan, slaps an ass, leaves.

What is the difference between a date and a hook-up? If you have sex with someone and you both cuddle and talk for an hour or two afterwards intimately, would that still be considered a hook-up?

I would say that the meaning of the terms varies with the person, so much that there's no universal agreed-upon terminology. But it seems to me that in both of these cases, the guys involved seem to associate anal sex at the first meeting as "hook up" territory. That's neither wrong nor right, inherently, but that seems to be their thought process.

What I would suggest, as the recipient of them expressing this, is that in the future you be more specific in your planning. If you're open to sex on the first date, make sure a guy knows that before you actually have the date. A halfway joking line, either spoken (if you met in person) or in your profie (if you met on an app/website) along the lines of "Note: I've been known to fuck on the first date, if the chemistry is there for both of us" at least lets the person know you're capable of moving at a good speed.

You might also consider holding back on going all the way, as they used to say. That's not to shame casual sex, but sometimes building towards something like anal sex is more appealing for "dating".

Because I think for most people, a "date" implies that if successful, it's going to advance, slowly or not, towards something more: second dates, meeting each others' friends, taking things a step farther on the sex front. When you hit anal sex on the first date, it can seem like you're skipping a bunch of steps and headed fast towards something serious. Because some guys - not suggesting how many - think of anal sex as something you do only as you get a little more serious with someone.

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

I wonder if the the guys were gay, or curious? Perhaps they were new to it all thinking that the sex would be magical or some other wonderful thing they conjured in their head. I've seen guys that are not sure of what they want, they read or watch the porn and get excited and imagine how hot it will be, and after they shoot their load and come down from the euphoria they realize what they`ve done and are looking for an excuse to get out the door. I imagine that once they get horny they'll do it all again.

That's why when I first started out I used the rule of thumb: If something sounds so fucking hot I NEED NEED NEED to do it, jerk off first. If as soon as I cum I am no longer interested, no need to waste anyone's time. If I cum and still can't get it out of my mind, I'm going to jump into it all ready to go.

Edited January 20, 2022 by YourNoLimitsBottom

[fskn]

Good question, @Philip. This is the ambiguity of "Netflix and chill". I would submit that there is no fundamental difference between a date and a hookup. The only time that the distinction matters is when one person thinks it is (or was) a date and the other thinks it is (or was) a hookup. If both people are on the same page, how the encounter is (or was) classified really doesn't matter; the same activities (and outcomes) can occur (or not occur) in either context.

Edited January 20, 2022 by fskn
Added retrospection

[hntnhole]

Well, I can't even remember the last time I went on a "date".  To me, that would imply dinner, followed by the theatre, or a concert or whatever, followed by (maybe) a fuck, if the two guys liked each other enough after the "getting to know you" dance.  

A hookup, on the other hand, implies none of the above, (except, of course) the fuck.  Either at one guy's place, or even meeting for a drink and then hitting the backroom for the fuck.

One implies the mutual desire to become acquainted, the other only "you're hot, let's fuck".

[barebackbro]

It's a date if you both pretend the main reason for meeting is something other than fucking.

To put it another way, if you talk first, then fuck, it's a date. If you fuck first, then talk, it's a hookup. 😉