I'm Gay .... Now What?

[ohmalewhore]

In 2001 I had my first introduction to men as a sexual partner, albeit I was not seeking what I found I still found myself eventually enjoying it. Over 2 decades later .... I can finally admit I am gay. 2 months ago I met a man - a truck driver. We developed quite the hot little sex life since then. He's now my Daddy. He's married to a woman back home in MO but whenever his route brings him here for at least a 2-hour stop off he always makes sure that we spend some time together. Last night I told him I was developing "deep feelings" for him as we had sex. He admitted he had similar ones.

I get no sexual reaction to women now - none. I am limp, stay limp, can't get aroused even if one touches me. Men? The exact opposite, especially Daddy. I could not wait to see him, to kiss him, to sit on his lap and talk about his trip and how much I'd missed him since we'd last fucked. We had sex, but it was far more like two people making love. It was slow, rhythmic, passionate and loving. Yes, it got hot, nasty and wild there too, but over the 4 hours of having sex and each of us having 3 orgasms (him all 3 into my ass) it was much more about two people who deeply wanted one another and had feelings for one another. A lesbian friend of mine told me that I'd "turned a corner" and now was most definitely gay.

But it leaves me with the question ....... now what? I mean for over a decade I've not even been in an intimate moment with a woman. All during that time it's been men - always for sex - until last night when I had to admit to him my feelings. But does it change anything? I still love being a total cumdump for men. I still am a whore to any who wants me. I will still crawl into any trucker's cab and give him a warm blowjob and invite him to fuck me. But what does it mean to finally have "intimate feelings" for another man?

[viking8x6]

Sounds like sex with men opened the doorway to something else... Intimacy with men.

In my (not particularly humble) opinion, people's gender programming for emotional intimacy is every bit as varied and flexible as their gender programming for sexual arousal. Furthermore, the two don't necessarily match up. My sex drive is mostly (not exclusively) male oriented (call it "gay with a dash of pansexual"), but my emotional drive is pretty much gender-neutral.

Then if you want to make it even more complicated, you can throw monogamy vs polyamory into the mix - and those, too, can be separately oriented for relationships and for sex...

So, what it means to finally have intimate feelings for another man is whatever the feeling is for you. Another part of the amazing human being that you are. Enjoy it! Share it! Celebrate it!

[hntnhole]

43 minutes ago, ohmalewhore said:

But what does it mean to finally have "intimate feelings" for another man?

I'd say it means that you're a very lucky guy.  We all love the rutting, we know it's a part of our innermost selves.  When that necessary sexual behavior is enhanced with learning to care deeply (perhaps even love) the man, then you've got it all.  Your lesbian friend is correct: you're no longer on a single-lane road, you're on the finest freeway.  Developing that sense of caring, intimacy, closeness is a gift - be thankful for it, and tend to it carefully.  

I'm assuming your Daddy is well aware of the fact that you're a cumdump, and happy to be one.  Maybe he likes it that way.  

39 minutes ago, viking8x6 said:

So, what it means to finally have intimate feelings for another man is whatever the feeling is for you. Another part of the amazing human being that you are. Enjoy it! Share it! Celebrate it!

Viking's spot on;  Thank whatever you pray to, and accept the richness that love can add to our life's experience.  Congrats, bud !!!

[ohmalewhore]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

I'm assuming your Daddy is well aware of the fact that you're a cumdump, and happy to be one.  Maybe he likes it that way. 

Yes, he is aware and so far is encouraging it. Though after last night and sharing our feelings, well I guess we'll see where that goes. Just about to blow out of here now for two more "dates" that Daddy set up for me. So I am off to enjoy being a slut, but still wondering how much I will think of "Daddy" as I am with someone else. Thanks to you @hntnhole and @viking8x6 for your words. They help. This is just so new to me.

[evilqueerpig]

If your Daddy is accepting and encouraging you being a cumdump, there's no 'now what'.  Embrace the fact that monogamy is not for you and be grateful to have a Daddy who shares your intimate feelings.

[BootmanLA]

53 minutes ago, ohmalewhore said:

Yes, he is aware and so far is encouraging it. Though after last night and sharing our feelings, well I guess we'll see where that goes. Just about to blow out of here now for two more "dates" that Daddy set up for me. So I am off to enjoy being a slut, but still wondering how much I will think of "Daddy" as I am with someone else. Thanks to you @hntnhole and @viking8x6 for your words. They help. This is just so new to me.

You're overthinking this. A lot.

You found out you enjoy sex with men. Great. You found out you don't want sex with women. Also great. You found you can have both emotional as well as physical attraction to a man. Also great. You found out he at least somewhat shares your feelings, you still want to be able to have sex with other people, and he's okay with that.  Great, great, great.

I literally see nothing in any of this to be concerned about. So as for "now what", just stop the fucking worrying about whether you'll be thinking about X while you get Y and so forth.  You're wasting mental energy on non-issues.