A question on what to say on Grindr (or similar apps)

[Philip]

For those that uses apps such as Grindr, what are some interesting openers that you often use to get a conversation going? 

I’ve been struggling for the longest of time and conversations would be something like: 

ME: Hello, nice to meet you. How is your day going? 

THEM: It’s alright. hbu? 

or 

ME: Hello. Nice weather we are having. Are you excited that spring is approaching?

THEM: It’s alright. hbu? 

or 

ME: Hello. What are you looking for on here? 

THEM: Mates, dates, fun. hbu? 

Someone once said that small talks are important because it allows you to gauge what type of person you are talking to, whether it is worth your time or not. Another person said that if you ask bad questions, then expect to get a bad response, and these are pretty bad responses, so am I simply asking bad questions? 

[fuckyouraw777]

Speaking only for myself, so long as you're not asking anything that is obviously answered in the profile, there's no one great way to start up. A response of "It's alright. hbu?" isn't too bad - it's a bit like, "How are you?" when we ask people but we're not really expecting an in-depth or meaningful answer.

That said, there's nothing worse than when someone asks me something that's clearly stated in my profile...I might still read on if I'm bored but it's a guaranteed way to start on the wrong foot with me.

 

Edited August 31, 2022 by fuckyouraw777
[clarity]

[SFSloppyAznBottom]

I usually go straight to the point after asking how are you doing/what’s up.

What you said don’t really matter much to a horny person who think you’re their type (or not ).

If you are looking for a date/partner that’s a slightly different story 

[Close2MyBro]

I"m not sure about Australia, but the use of the word "hello" as an opener seems to give the inference that you're either an older guy, inexperienced, or socially awkaward here in the states. It's like using the word "gentleman" or "fellow" or "lad". The younger generation tends to speak more informally, and often uses abbreviations, such as "hey man (or dude) how r u", or "what up bro", or "what's shakin". This informal communication seems to be more widely accepted in the digital messaging world. Starting your conversation with more acceptable norms of communication might make it easier to get a dialog going. It's also important to know your audience. There are some people I don't even bother talking to if their profile picture or the information in their profile indicates that we're probably not going to be a match.

[yngguy712]

My opener: 

Excuse me. I don't mean to bother you but I'm a nymphomaniac virgin widow and I just completed my year of mourning. I've got a hotel room and a latex allergy and I'm just wondering what you were doing for the next twelve to fourteen hours?

[BootmanLA]

8 hours ago, Close2MyBro said:

I"m not sure about Australia, but the use of the word "hello" as an opener seems to give the inference that you're either an older guy, inexperienced, or socially awkaward here in the states. It's like using the word "gentleman" or "fellow" or "lad". The younger generation tends to speak more informally, and often uses abbreviations, such as "hey man (or dude) how r u", or "what up bro", or "what's shakin". This informal communication seems to be more widely accepted in the digital messaging world. Starting your conversation with more acceptable norms of communication might make it easier to get a dialog going. It's also important to know your audience. There are some people I don't even bother talking to if their profile picture or the information in their profile indicates that we're probably not going to be a match.

Some of us *are* older guys. Some of the people being approached *are* older guys.  Assuming that only "hip" (does that date me?) language is an "acceptable norm of communication" on "da apps" is more navel gazing.

But then I'm sure you consider me an old fogey, so....

[yngguy712]

7 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Some of us *are* older guys. Some of the people being approached *are* older guys.  Assuming that only "hip" (does that date me?) language is an "acceptable norm of communication" on "da apps" is more navel gazing.

But then I'm sure you consider me an old fogey, so....

Heck when I moved to LA when I was 20 I used to say ‘how goes it’ expecting someone with a brain to reply ‘nicely nicely!’.  I just got weird looks.  Smartest guys we’re all the bi surfers. Hottest too. Lived in Santa Monica on the beach for a while before I discovered what a commute was.
 

The Monday night surfer brah orgy on my first date with this surfer sailer college student long blond hair guy was fun though. Not kidding in the least.    He was like hey my friend called wants to hang… then there were 7 of us.  Shirts started coming off. I was the only one without a six pack. All were in school. Law students. Communications. The guy swore up and down that it was complexly unplanned. His queen bed wasn’t big enough. We had to layer on top of one another. 

Edited September 1, 2022 by yngguy712

[tallslenderguy]

i sorta hate apps that use texting, not sure i've ever successfully hooked with anyone using that format?  The apps that use more detailed messages along the lines of emails work better for me. To me, shallow, cursory, exchange is incumbent  to the texting format.  i'm bemused by guys who are trying to find "the love of their life" or "ltr" using a texting app.  i pretty much avoid text apps because i want more than they offer. 

i feel similarly about apps that have little to no profile.  i see a profile as a way of putting a slice of your self out there. i am similarly bemused by guys with empty or simplistic profiles. To me what they are presenting is, well, "empty or simplistic." Unless that is what you are looking for, it doesn't seem to serve connection.  i wonder if a lot of these guys are just hoping that someone else will do the work, take the risk of initiation and subsequent conversation?  Personally, i want to connect, so i look for someone who gives as much as they want to get.  If all they give is an empty profile, i won't be contacting them because they are essentially invisible to me. if they contact me with "sup" and no profile (or a non descriptive profile), they'll get an equally banal response from me. 

So, from me, i only initiate with guys who have put some substance into their profile, and i respond to something of their self that they have put into that profile vs a generic greeting.