Partner’s& husband s

[Ozpig]

On 9/8/2022 at 1:37 AM, PigBoyDallas said:

I know myself well enough to know I probably couldn't be monogamous with a guy. I also hook up with a lot of guys who have BFs, GFs, fiancées, and wives and some are cheating, some have relationships and so I know they can't be monogamous either. It does make me think guys just aren't wired to be monogamous, or it doesn't take much to get them to cheat. I think it also is situational too. If a guy isn't drinking or high, they might not be down for it, but if they've had a few they might. I think they enjoy the rush from sneaking around and getting away with it. I know I love that I'm getting something someone else should be getting and also love that I give them what the need/crave/aren't getting. 

Me too I have a married (straight?) man who has fucked m for four years at will. He calls or texts I get ready. no tomorrows in our sex, he cmes in. I know what he likes and I do my job and he breeds me. I never contact him - he texts me when he wants to wadd in me and I like it like that

[cannero]

I've been in a relationship where the sex was pretty good and I never went elsewhere. Had a long time relationship where the sex was rubbish and I was fucking outside a few times a week. But generally reckon in my life a pool of men suited me best; various sexual attractions, some guys good friends, a hugely guilt free slutty outlook, and the ability to see a cruising guy from a mile away in pitch darkness all were benefits

[BootmanLA]

On 9/8/2022 at 3:58 AM, BareLover666 said:

One may also argue that our social norms, haven't evolved to match our biological and psychological instincts to enjoy sex. 

I wouldn't say this is accurate, for this reason: Our biology evolved first, long before we developed anything resembling "social norms". So the social norms came after the fact, when the biology was already hardwired in place, and it's unlikely to "evolve" to match something that pre-existed it. Our social norms developed, in fact, to COUNTER our biological instincts, because OTHER social norms - the notion of private property, for instance - developed first, and we needed interpersonal social rules that corresponded to those other norms.

Consider hunting/gathering vs. agriculture. It took at least a small tribe of people to hunt and kill, say, a mastodon. But once they did, the amount of meat available that had to be consumed before it went bad was considerable, and so it wasn't unusual for a larger group - who knows how many - to share in the bounty. Those in the tribe who could not hunt could nonetheless make clothes, carry water, care for the young - most things could be a communal effort.

Agriculture and the domestication of livestock changes that. People end up partitioning into smaller groups, to care for their own animals and crops. A smaller family group can easily eat a killed pig before it goes bad. There's less requirement for larger group action to get food. So people focus on what's "mine" and "ours", not "the community's". The notion that this particular patch of land is mine and for the use of my family develops in this period - and with that, the notion that you want to be sure who the father of your mate's offspring is - because you don't want your effort to go to feeding someone else's children and your land handed down to people who aren't your family. Women, in turn, wanted a strong provider for their family unit and therefore had an incentive to seek a dependable mate.

The problem is that those motivations are *social* in nature, not biological, and the biology evolved over hundreds of millennia around the hunter/gatherer model. Unsurprisingly, the resulting mismatch between biology and sociology generally means that biology is going to win out.

People assumed that exclusive pair-bonding was natural - at least for a particular breeding season. Sometimes a male might have a harem, but it was always HIS harem, not some free-for-all, but most warm-blooded animals (mammals and birds) were thought to fall into this category. But as we've been learning with genetics, even in species that APPEAR to have pair-bonding for a season, there is nonetheless extensive "extracurricular" mating activity going on. In certain warbler species, for instance, there is a pair-bond for nesting and reproduction, where the male assists with the building the next and feeding his mate as she incubates and feeding the young after hatching - BUT, surprise, surprise, as many as 50% of the offspring in such pairs are fathered by a different individual than the female's mate.

In other words, there's not really any biological basis for monogamy. That doesn't make it invalid, and it may in fact offer considerable social benefits that trump biological instincts, so this isn't intended to downplay or attack monogamy. It's to point out that monogamy goes against certain biological instincts and it's not necessarily "easy" to maintain. 

[BootmanLA]

9 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

I don't think males are naturally monogamous.  

It's not just males. There's considerable biological evidence (from many species, not necessarily all or even a representative sample, but still) that even in pair-bonded species, both sexes seek outside mating. 

[PozBearWI]

15 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

It's not just males. There's considerable biological evidence (from many species, not necessarily all or even a representative sample, but still) that even in pair-bonded species, both sexes seek outside mating. 

Honestly I don't have studied stats to draw from.  Indeed women certainly get their share of outside play.  It may be my particular circumstances that it appears men appear to stray in greater numbers than women.  

[Guest]

Do all men cheat? Answer is no. I know many men, gay and straight, who don’t cheat. That being said, men are not biologically built to be faithful. It is not in our DNA to be with one person however this is where nurture comes in. As a society we teach people what’s “unacceptable”.  It’s in our DNA to breed and procreate. In case of gay men, while we can’t procreate with other men, it doesn’t negate the biological desire to breed. 
 

I think if we were to ask men, gay or straight, if they would like to have sex outside of their relationship, I think more than half would say yes. 

My partner & I are in an open relationship however I don’t think we would use the word cheat as we have open and honest discussions. We are both well aware of each other’s activities & we don’t hide or sneak. Since we are open cheating can happen and that happens in the form of breaking rules or lying, which thankfully we haven’t experienced. 

Cheating on a partner, for the most part, is wrong to me however I do believe there are instances where it’s ok: partner refuses or is incapable  to fulfill your sexual needs, partner is not willing to compromise, partner is ill, or being truthful with partner would wreck havoc in your life or their’s. 

 

[hntnhole]

1 hour ago, NudistBBBLK said:

Do all men cheat? Answer is no

You're right, of course.  There are tons of men who, for one reason or another, take comfort in the "hearth & home" construct, and want that.  This is particularly true for men that, as boys, experienced a troubled home - maybe with his parents separating or divorcing - and he subconsciously wants to avoid that mess with his own family life.  My own dad suffered a broken home as a kid, and later I saw clearly how much he valued the security of his homelife. 

I think my dad would have slugged anyone who suggested he "step out" and fuck some tart. I don't think he gave a rats ass about all the religious shit he pretended to endorse, because it afforded him the security of a life he missed out on as a kid.  Alternatively, he was in the navy .... so maybe he had his share of loose snatch at that time.  He never spoke about those days.  

[Guest]

2 hours ago, hntnhole said:

You're right, of course.  There are tons of men who, for one reason or another, take comfort in the "hearth & home" construct, and want that.  This is particularly true for men that, as boys, experienced a troubled home - maybe with his parents separating or divorcing - and he subconsciously wants to avoid that mess with his own family life.  My own dad suffered a broken home as a kid, and later I saw clearly how much he valued the security of his homelife. 

 

I have many male friends who are married and would never think to cheat as the short term benefits don’t outweigh the long term. I can think of one friend right now who has been in a sexless marriage for years now however he would never cheat. He loves his wife and kids too much to risk losing it all however he and I have discussed several times how he craves intimacy but his wife gives him sex once in a while but more so out of pity.

My grandfather used to tell me that back in his days it was very common for men to cheat and women to turn a blind eye. He himself cheated on my grandmother handful of times and I know my grandmother was aware of it but back in those days women accepted it as divorce was [banned word] and they largely relied on their husband for their livelihood. Something I learned from my dad when my grandfather died was that my grandfather would make solo trips to visit us and my dad would pay for a hotel and hooker for my grandfather to have sex because my grandmother stopped having sex altogether.