I never understand

[Bottom Jim]

I got a message from a guy on sniffles that he wanted to fuck. Fine and gave him address  

he said he would be about 20’min. Three hours later no show.

if you don’t want to meet and fuck just don’t reach out to a person. They must get some sort of thrill hosting people 

[ErosWired]

I don’t think the thrill is from ghosting. It’s from having the erotic idea of doing something sexual, then feeling the rush of taking an actual step toward it. Apparently for some people, that rush is enough for them. How limited their lives must be.

[PendragonSpirit]

The ones who frustrate me the most are when they keep emailing/messaging.. "Still available? "U still looking?" "Can I still come by?" and then continue to no-show.

[fisterm8]

15 minutes ago, PendragonSpirit said:

The ones who frustrate me the most are when they keep emailing/messaging.. "Still available? "U still looking?" "Can I still come by?" and then continue to no-show.

they cant if you block them after first no show

[BBSMKR]

I even travelled for a guy once, booked a hotel for a night of kink/fetish. We’d been chatting for months and even right up to ‘I’m on my way’. Then he no showed and blocked me. It’s a strange feeling as you’re unable to find out why, mixture of frustration and anger. I made the most of my room and hooked up and had a fab time, but it still niggles me a bit why did that happen.

[PozTalkAuthor]

So-called keyboard warriors. 

I don't understand it too, what's wrong in being HONEST? In saying the keyword "roleplay" and "fantasy" if you believe that hookups in real aren't your thing? I always clarify this in conversations and NEVER had trouble. My profile says it all, and if someone asks something more I simply say NO. ...And I am still here to talk, it means no one killed me for this! A good communication avoids lots and lots of frustration. 

Maybe they do it for the sake of obtaining follows and likes, or of keeping someone's mind and body under control... 

I always say it: RESPECT should be something you learn when you're a kid. And if not, that's the result! True, many people like to objectify or be objectified; but it's consensual in that case! And promising a real meeting then never make it happen, is not correct towards a person who has their expectations. 

Everyone has their right to search for fantasy, or real. But both parties must be AWARE of what they're getting. 

[AirmaxUK]

I think there's a chasm between fantasy and reality.  For a few of us, we've mentally closed that gap or bridged it. Making the leap from one side to the other isn't an easy step for most guys.  

Then the internet came along and made it easy for guys on the fantasy side to communicate with the guys on the reality side. Indeed it made it easy for them to vicariously get off on what was going on in the reality side. 

I think we have to realise when talking to guys online that we can't assume we're all on the same side. Getting someone to cross from the fantasy side to the reality side is hard work - it's very much a journey for them.   

So - we need to figure out which side the guys are on. In the fetish and bareback communities, there are proportionally more people on the fantasy side and fewer on the reality side. So, I start by assuming guys are on the fantasy side initially and then look for flags that might indicate otherwise: reputation, history, attendance of in-person events or bars/clubs/saunas, and experience that sounds real rather than a plotline from Treasure Island Media. 

@BBSMKR mentioned his hotel experience. When it comes to a meet like that where there is travel and accommodation involved, for me, the other guy needs to have "skin in the game" -  have some kind of commitment to the meet so he has something to lose if he flakes. That might be material, or in a community like this one,  it could be reputational. That's not always possible, so it's best to have a Plan B, like a nearby Bar, Club or Sauna where you can still have fun.  I don't rely on apps for my Plan B as you usually get more of the same!

Hope that helps.

[ErosWired]

9 hours ago, PendragonSpirit said:

The ones who frustrate me the most are when they keep emailing/messaging.. "Still available? "U still looking?" "Can I still come by?" and then continue to no-show.

This. I’m ass-up in Indianapolis on an early Saturday morning and I’ve already gotten it three times in the last hour.

- strike that - four times. 🤨

Edited November 12, 2022 by ErosWired

[BBSMKR]

3 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

I think there's a chasm between fantasy and reality.  For a few of us, we've mentally closed that gap or bridged it. Making the leap from one side to the other isn't an easy step for most guys.  

Then the internet came along and made it easy for guys on the fantasy side to communicate with the guys on the reality side. Indeed it made it easy for them to vicariously get off on what was going on in the reality side. 

I think we have to realise when talking to guys online that we can't assume we're all on the same side. Getting someone to cross from the fantasy side to the reality side is hard work - it's very much a journey for them.   

So - we need to figure out which side the guys are on. In the fetish and bareback communities, there are proportionally more people on the fantasy side and fewer on the reality side. So, I start by assuming guys are on the fantasy side initially and then look for flags that might indicate otherwise: reputation, history, attendance of in-person events or bars/clubs/saunas, and experience that sounds real rather than a plotline from Treasure Island Media. 

@BBSMKR mentioned his hotel experience. When it comes to a meet like that where there is travel and accommodation involved, for me, the other guy needs to have "skin in the game" -  have some kind of commitment to the meet so he has something to lose if he flakes. That might be material, or in a community like this one,  it could be reputational. That's not always possible, so it's best to have a Plan B, like a nearby Bar, Club or Sauna where you can still have fun.  I don't rely on apps for my Plan B as you usually get more of the same!

Hope that helps.

Well put, I’ve certainly learnt from my experience! When I day I’ll be there, I’ll be there. If we don’t hit it off that’s a different matter, but at least I kept my word.

[PozTalkAuthor]

In an ideal world, EVERYONE explicitly specifies what they want and eventually look for; but in THIS world we have a lot of complex situations. Yes, as I said before, ghosting/flaking after promising a real encounter is a huge frustration and lack of respect. But I think we must look around, because the world is not in the reassuring, comfortable, binary system of "yes-no", "true-false", "white-black", "zero-one". There are dozens cases and details in the middle. 

So, as I'm used to talk frankly, I also do it NOW: 

Certain "back room fetishes" have been in my life since many, many years, I was still neg then; and feeling totally WRONG about them, despite reading stories secretly, I externally was aggressive towards certain kinks and I even talked to a poz friend who claimed to be "stalked" by a neg guy with poz fetish. I told him, "if you want I can pretend to be you, then meet him, fuck him and leave him neg. Or simply make him travel for miles without showing in real", in a sort of teaching an -unrequested- lesson. Thankfully I NEVER made such an awful idea real. 

Let alone when I became poz! But I suffered my repressions and frustrations in SILENCE because if I have something to thank my biological father for, it's the rigid lesson he gave me: "you made your bed, now lie on it". 

Then he is the first not to understand it, because he is homophobic and complains I never talk to him, but this is another story... He is simply lying on the bed he made! 

So, as a computer worker, I have often read about the effects produced on people by fakes and flakes. Even someone committing suicide for having fallen in love with a non-existing person, people who lost money or """simply""" travelled around the world for a never realized sex encounter. And that was the biggest lesson, I'm afraid many internet users are so selfish not to realize there's a person, behind the screen! 

Fantasy is a part of life, but life must not be entirely based on fantasy. Unfortunately I'm like this, when I hear about people ghosting, especially regarding backroom-related plans, I always wonder WHY the ghoster doesn't simply say "I'm not ready" "i don't want to" "I changed my mind"... What are they afraid for! Saying "NO" is not a crime. And causing frustrations to others, does not kill your own frustrations.