Promises Made To Cumdumps

[tallslenderguy]

18 hours ago, hntnhole said:

As some of you guys may know, I don't use the hookup apps at all, mostly because they've been disappointing more than they've proved productive.  

What I can't figure out though, is why some guy would want to carry around the knowledge that he's lied to other guys, mislead other guys, misrepresented himself, all of that negative bs, and it sticks to us.  There's no way to do some shit, and then it simply disappears.  We carry the shit we've done with us, however ephemerally, and it piles up after a while, whether through the ether or in the flesh.  When it starts to outweigh the kind things we've done, we're only fucking ourselves up.  It doesn't cost one thin dime to be decent to our brothers-in-the-life, and it accrues negatively when we don't.  I had to learn that lesson the hard way, but I did learn it.  

For that matter, the principle applies to every aspect of our lives.  It's so much easier to just be upfront, respectful with each other.  And then, get down to the tasks at - well, for some guys, at 'hand", but for most of us probably more generically queer.  

hntnhole mirrors several of my thoughts and feelings on this one.

At the end of the day, i don't really want this kind of guys seed inside of me.  Getting bred for me is more than just me getting sex, it's about both of us getting our desires/needs met. To me, the connection is way to important to reduce and denigrate it the way some do. When a Man has His orgasm inside of me, to me He is having His pleasure, desire, need inside of me. There's a connection, transference, impartation of Himself into me. 

The lying, fake flakes... i don't want them or their seed inside of me. i think hntnhole is right, it all adds up and ends up hurting them more than us. We are better off without them. they sully our environment, definitely a pollutant.  Like hntnhole, i've gotten to a place where i try to avoid the places that seem to be the most polluted with them.

[LetsPOZBreed]

I wonder if this is an extension of the age-old problem of reality vs. fantasy.  

I don't think the original post is a recent phenominon at all.  I've certainly had guys come over to breed me anon and blindfolded, only for them to clearly not be into it once they got here.  Then again, I've had guys come over to breed me anon and blindfolded where it's totally awesome.  I haven't done this scene in a few years now, and not really interested in restarting - but it was a bit hit-and-miss toward the end.

To me, it's frustrating if a guy comes to the decision mid-fuck that he's not as into it as he'd like...but if he were to be dishonest with some line about "I'll be back later to give you my lead", I immediately cut my losses.  Maybe this is because of the number of times I've been at group sex parties where I can't bank on a guy loading me until he's actually done it.  Echoing the OP, it's not that I'm not loaded that's the most frustrating part...it's the leading me on part that miffs me.  

Have the apps changed lately?  Absolutely.  For many, the lockdowns were the perfect time for guys (the ones folllowing the rules, at least) who would have ordinarily hooked up, but are instead talking about all the things they'd do to one another "when it was possible".  It was fap-bat; plain and simple.  I hate to admit it, but I had a few discussions with guys where we talked about things we'd like to do once the opportunity presented itself - only for those hopes and dreams to die, as the lockdowns persisted longer and longer.  I'm not particularly proud of this, and I'm not making excuses for it. 

Now that most of the developed world is back to as close to normality as possible, I still sense the lingering "let's talk about it for a while" but never committing to action, or not being able to perform those promises in the actual moment.  The few hookups I've had since early 2020 have left things to be desired; all the talk and expectations over time didn't materialise into the hot sessions either of us hoped for - I won't go into any more detail on the off chance that those guys are members (we met off other sites/apps).  Was it overpromising on the part of those tops?  Absolutely.  Am I partly to blame for also overpromising as a potential bottom?  Absolutely.  But this part is a personal one - by no means am I attempting to put the blame onto any of the posters here, and I sincerely apologise if I've come across that way.  

All in all, I've just come to the conclusion that I'm a different sexual being since late 2019 when I was last hooking up regularly.  I want more out of my sex, and any experiences I've had since just aren't meeting that need.  So, I've made the personal decision to forego the cumdum lifestyle and look for other types of opportunities.  I've had far less sex - none for nearly 8 months, in fact - but I'm actually fine with that.  Just hasn't felt right, and that's enough comfort for me.

**side note about the stealing poppers bit**  when I would do these scenes, I'd always keep the bigger bottle in my own hands, then have one or two small bottles for the tops.  To be fair, though, I had to devise this system after learning the hard way.  Yes, I've certainly had bottles "stolen", but I prefer to save my preferred poppers for myself in those scenes.  

[ErosWired]

On 11/13/2022 at 6:51 AM, steve-tmq said:

None of this is acceptable even for a cumdump, apart from maybe the poppers but I would always ask first because they can cost.

Not only can poppers cost, they do cost, and are wildly overpriced. But the amount of the cost isn’t the point - it’s no different than if the asshole had helped himself to some cash from my wallet. Hell no, it’s not acceptable, for anybody.

But it’s an extension, I think, of the way cumdumps are perceived - I am routinely asked by Tops considering fucking me: “You got poppers?” or “You got condoms?” or “You got lube?” as though it is taken for granted that it is my responsibility to shoulder all the expense for his fuck, because they don’t ever think about the fuck-thing they’re going to use as a person.

[steve-tmq]

51 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

Not only can poppers cost, they do cost, and are wildly overpriced. But the amount of the cost isn’t the point - it’s no different than if the asshole had helped himself to some cash from my wallet. Hell no, it’s not acceptable, for anybody.

But it’s an extension, I think, of the way cumdumps are perceived - I am routinely asked by Tops considering fucking me: “You got poppers?” or “You got condoms?” or “You got lube?” as though it is taken for granted that it is my responsibility to shoulder all the expense for his fuck, because they don’t ever think about the fuck-thing they’re going to use as a person.

I don't know if it's an age thing or a UK, US thing but mostly the turn of phrase meaning "...can cost" = "....do cost"

[KylerIsTrash]

Being rejected sucks. Getting lied to sucks. So does getting ghosted…and led on…and waiting for 90 minutes outside some guys house you drove an hour to reach. We have all been there. Nobody likes it.

We all want to be desired, and loved, and fucked into pile of cum. I learned a long time ago I can’t control the behaviors and emotions of others. Trying to do so turns out to be manipulative.

What I can control is myself and there’s a few goals I strive to live and fuck by. By no means am I perfect but as an aspiration these help me from getting throughly disappointed:

-I don’t hold expectations of others. When someone says they’re going to circle back and finish in me, of course I’m hopeful, but I don’t expect them to return. Many don’t. Those who do show back up I seek to show extra appreciation ;).

-I follow through on commitments and don’t commit to things I can’t fulfill. If some guy nearby wants to fuck me but he can’t come by the bathhouse I’ll let him know I have no plans to leave and wish him luck. If he’s still online when I’m packing up I’ll check in to see what he’s up to but in most cases it doesn’t line up.  

-I don’t steal. I’d rather go without. It’s a violation and hella irritating when I get shit stolen. I do try to minimize getting shit lifted at the bathhouse. I lock up everything I don’t need before I get in deep. For poppers I wear a wrist band (you can find one on your favorite internet shopping site by searching: “unisex zippered wristband pouch”). I keep my phone in a (“universal sports armband cellphone”). This has worked well for keeping track of my things when I’m spun up and getting pounded into the ground. When shit inevitably does get stolen I count it toward the cost of the night and as a setback to my next night out. 

I’m probably preaching to the alter boys (or is it choir?…I’m bad with symbology). I encourage y’all sexy fuckers to focus on bettering yourself. Hopefully you’ll run into some other guys who are trying to do the same in return.

DISCLAIMER: Im an ISTP; Results may vary. 

[ErosWired]

9 minutes ago, KylerIsTrash said:

It’s a violation and hella irritating when I get shit stolen.

I feel like it’s doubly a violation because the guy just plundered my body’s most intimate space for all he could take, and not satisfied with that, he steals my belongings.

[Berdell]

What is BZ I am very interested.

[ErosWired]

8 hours ago, Berdell said:

What is BZ I am very interested.

BreedingZone

[tallslenderguy]

On 11/12/2022 at 8:00 PM, ErosWired said:

 

I have decided that there is an unwritten understanding among users of internet apps that Promises Made To Cumdumps Have No Validity.

The problem of men telling s cumdump they’re going to do one thing and then doing the opposite, something else, or nothing at all, is becoming epidemic. Now, clearly, this isn’t limited to cumdumps - happens all over the net because electronic people aren’t really people, right? The thing about cumdumps, though, is that they do it to your face. Two different Tops tonight fucked me, then said they were coming back to finish and drop the load. Never saw them. Why is this a problem? Because I waited in the room so they didn’t miss their chance.

Sure, there are lots of reasons they may not have been able to in spite of intentions, but the point is, no one thinks to inform the cumdump, or even remember anything the thing was said to the cumpdump, or yet even that the cumdump whose body they just used for their base pleasure even exists.

Because a cumdump is not considered s person in the same way as others.

 

 

Food for thought.

 

One of the thoughts this "food" evoked:

Do some cumdumps/bottoms help support and perpetrate the self absorbed/immature/inconsiderate attitudes of some?  i don't think it's a black or white issue, but how many bottoms/cumdumps openly advertise and project that they are and want to be treated as "worthless" or "merely a fuckhole,"  "an object to be used" or "trash" or "______________."   

i think it's complicated. One can speculate on all sorts of reasons why some get into the kind of Top/bottom dynamic where Top is considered superior and bottom inferior.  i think a lot of those who do this are often trying to meet a need that is more subtle than the manifest or projected desire.  For instance, i think a lot of guys indulge in role play, but that is not the same as them believing they are actually the equivalent of the role they are playing. So, one may play the role of "trash" in an attempt to evoke a sort of primal lust from a potential experience, they want to get fucked by the TrashMan lol?   Or on the other side, a guy may assume an attitude of superior indifference or swagger, playing a role as well because He needs/desires  His cock and seed and associated lust to be needed/desired. If all He needed/desired was an "object" or "trash," a fleshjack could do.  

The goal of both is essentially the same: to elicit desire/need from the other for their own particular need/desire. 

i don't think of Top/bottom  as superior/inferior, but i think that is where part of the problem derives. If one thinks of their self as inferior, worthless, trash,  where's the surprise when a certain number of guys treat them as such?  Again, i don't think this is a simple question or answer. i think a lot of what is real about who and how we are gets blurred behind the roles and labels we use and assume, that we end up not seeing or losing touch with the real reasons behind our desires, serving the labels instead of just using them as a means to attempt to communicate what is really there, what is really felt, what is really wanted/needed. 

[Leatherman667]

On 11/13/2022 at 12:51 PM, steve-tmq said:

None of this is acceptable even for a cumdump, apart from maybe the poppers but I would always ask first because they can cost.

Why is taking the poppers ‘acceptable’??

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

If all He needed/desired was an "object" or "trash," a fleshjack could do.  

I’m not sure it would. An object need not be inanimate. A fleshjack doesn’t moan or whimper. You can’t look into its eyes and see fear or submission. It doesn’t obey you, and it has no will for you to Dominate and control. There is not, on any level, a potential equivalence between you and a fleshjack that you can make yourself feel superior to by comparison.

You are undoubtedly right that much of the time these roles and the way they play out in sexual encounters (I typed ‘encunters’) are largely mutual theater intended to meet symbiotic sexual needs. But the fact that those needs exist for expression of such roles suggests, to my mind, the existence of inherent primal states, possibly tied to deep patterns of social order and reproductive behavior.

 We often see the word loser applied to a man who is sexually dominated. I would suggest that this directly links to primal competitive reproductive behavior in which the victor is the one who gains the right to inseminate and the vanquished does not. In many cases in the animal world, such ‘losers’ are exiled from the group or otherwise relegated to lower status as the reproductive victor is also granted social power and authority.

 I believe there are echoes of this dynamic here. A cumdump is not only the ‘loser’ in that he is dominated by the most powerful of the men above him, he is the lowest of the losers because he is penetrated even by other losers. He occupies, therefore, the lowest position of power and authority.

Having someone to look down to usually gives a person a sense of increased self-value by comparison. Sometimes, it is that person most in need of reassurance of his own self-worth who will treat a cumdump most aggressively, capitalizing off the cumdump’s perceived lowness.

All of this may be so culturally ingrained that it’s no longer noticed, and cumdumps are now considered low-value because ‘they simply are’ and moral assessments are used to justify the judgment.

The psychological roots of a need to sexually dominate another man or to be sexually dominated by one are, of course, individual and complex, but I think there’s probably some aspect of this that could be traced back 50,000 years.

[tallslenderguy]

9 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I’m not sure it would. An object need not be inanimate. A fleshjack doesn’t moan or whimper. You can’t look into its eyes and see fear or submission. It doesn’t obey you, and it has no will for you to Dominate and control. There is not, on any level, a potential equivalence between you and a fleshjack that you can make yourself feel superior to by comparison.

You are undoubtedly right that much of the time these roles and the way they play out in sexual encounters (I typed ‘encunters’) are largely mutual theater intended to meet symbiotic sexual needs. But the fact that those needs exist for expression of such roles suggests, to my mind, the existence of inherent primal states, possibly tied to deep patterns of social order and reproductive behavior.

 We often see the word loser applied to a man who is sexually dominated. I would suggest that this directly links to primal competitive reproductive behavior in which the victor is the one who gains the right to inseminate and the vanquished does not. In many cases in the animal world, such ‘losers’ are exiled from the group or otherwise relegated to lower status as the reproductive victor is also granted social power and authority.

 I believe there are echoes of this dynamic here. A cumdump is not only the ‘loser’ in that he is dominated by the most powerful of the men above him, he is the lowest of the losers because he is penetrated even by other losers. He occupies, therefore, the lowest position of power and authority.

Having someone to look down to usually gives a person a sense of increased self-value by comparison. Sometimes, it is that person most in need of reassurance of his own self-worth who will treat a cumdump most aggressively, capitalizing off the cumdump’s perceived lowness.

All of this may be so culturally ingrained that it’s no longer noticed, and cumdumps are now considered low-value because ‘they simply are’ and moral assessments are used to justify the judgment.

The psychological roots of a need to sexually dominate another man or to be sexually dominated by one are, of course, individual and complex, but I think there’s probably some aspect of this that could be traced back 50,000 years.

i think that's a good point, a person can indeed be objectified and comes with accessories that a inanimate object lacks. Many want that on both sides of this equation.  i too believe that many, if not most?, of our psychosexual needs/desires have deep, primal roots. 

i think one of he reasons i personally despise 'role play' is because i think it disguises or hampers seeing, and possibly understanding, the real source or reasons behind what we do. Not that i feel the need to always understand. i don't understand why i am gay, for instance, but that does not hamper my acceptance or exercise of it.  

To me, part of the adventure, joy, benefit, ________, of connecting with another human being is the opportunity of discovery, learning and knowing both them and my self, so i am for seeing and knowing behind the mask, even if one chooses to still wear one.  i think it's correct to at least suspect culturally ingrained behaviors, especially where they may be destructive instead of creative.  i think cultural conditioning has created fear in us that if we see and accept ourselves for who we are, we will somehow lose that, or have to give it up, so we accept the cultural definitions that at least acknowledge some part of us.

A lot of our perceptions of sexuality have a blend of observations from (other) animals. For instance, animals use sex to assert order and position in the pack. A difference i see is choice. Physically, i can Top. i can "play" the dominant "role" and pull it off in a way that gets me seen and accepted as such.  i was married to a woman for much of my life, produced a couple of sons. i was always 'top' in that relationship. Psychosexually? It didn't work, even though socially that is how i performed and how i was perceived.  For me it was "role play" of a sort, based on ingrained cultural conditioning and following a culturally conditioned script.  i do not perceive a dog, for instance, choosing the bottom role . i do not see him being able to role play being alpha, but i think humans can and do do that in many instances. How many bottoms have expressed having jobs of authority and dominant position, yet sexually they want to give up control. One variation.  

Being a total bottom, i do not feel inferior or less than a Top, yet i LOVE the feeling of another Man being in control and dominating me sexually... but not in any way like a top. I.e., being a bottom for me is about being a receiver and container of a Top Mans need/desire to penetrate me with Himself and leave a part of Himself in a space in me that wants/needs Him. To me, it is a more basic expression of nature, like negatively, positively or neutral ions that attract and bond.