Explain: The Desire to See Someone in Sexual Pain

[ErosWired]

Let me preface this question by saying that I ought to understand this well. I come from extensive BDSM beginnings in which a wide array of twisted men entertained dark desires testing the response of my flesh to various extremes of treatment. I've observed them at their play and tried to understand their motivation well enough to give an appropriate response. To the degree that I am able to express suffering in a way that seems to satisfy them, I succeed. But I have never truly grasped the state of mind that a man is in that drives him to take pleasure in the sexual torture of another man.

In scenes of power exchange, the motivation is more clear. In scenes with equipment, such as electro play, there is an element of curiosity external to the individuals; that is also more easily understandable. What truly leaves me wondering, however, is not the BDSM experiences, but rather to two or three particular non-scene encounters that I have had at bathhouses or hotels, in which a complete stranger, knowing nothing about me at all save that I am ass-up and receptively sexually vulnerable on a bed, without word or warning takes up a large dildo and begins savagely, mercilessly, jackhammering it into my cunt as deep, hard and fast as he can, until, his arm tired, he rips it dripping out of me and leaves without a word. There is no identification of roles, no understanding of levels of experience, no exchange of interest or desire, no exchange of any sort. The event is a singular expression by an individual of an unidentified drive that could be animus of some kind, but might be as neutral as idle curiosity, with an execution devoid of human context.

I remember these moments neither because they are exciting nor because they are traumatic, but because they are bewildering. In any other context whatsoever, that behavior would constitute a brutal sexual assault. He chose to approach a stranger and batter the inside of his body in an intimate space. It leaves me speculating as to the possible motives:

1. Was it idle curiosity, seeing the dildo and wondering what it would be like to jam it up an ass? But if so, what is the deeper drive that would make someone want to experience that?

2. Was it a sense that a vulnerable man in that position deserved to be treated in such a way? Why, and why would doing that be satisfying?

3. Was it an act of jealousy by another bottom, trying to harm me to force me out of play?

4. Was it an act of curiosity by someone wanting to know if I was slutty enough to take his imagined extreme of sexual intercourse?

5. Was it a man who takes a special delight in causing pain to a man in a sexual way because he feels that that is the way to control a man most deeply and completely, and to extract the greatest pain, by striking where he is most tender and has the least defense?  Is it a special kind of schadenfreude that can be felt no other way?

I know that there are men on here who enjoy causing a bottom pain; they have said so. No one has really expressed why, or what the reward is. I would very much like to know. I find myself drawn to such men, if only because the only way I know to seek to find the answer to the question is by submitting to their use. I am driven to perfect service, and I feel as though I will never achieve it until I understand exactly what such a man truly seeks to obtain from me.

I'm sure there are going to be the usual responses to wit: Tops can do whatever they want to me, I'm trash, etc., etc.  That has nothing to do with the question. I want to hear from those who take pleasure in it, why they take pleasure in it.

[ErosWired]

Fascinating. 85 people have read this question so far and no one has had an answer or opinion. I’d love to view that as a sign that men don’t actually have a zest for sexual cruelty, and that all the accounts of it on here are just fiction, but my personal experience tells me that something truly lurks in the hearts of certain men…

[FelchingPisser]

You have mentioned this to me before.  I am at a loss.  It is the exact opposite of how I play.  

[NWUSHorny]

I didn't respond since I have no desire to cause a bottom pain when I top. 

[Spunkinmyarse]

4 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Fascinating. 85 people have read this question so far and no one has had an answer or opinion. I’d love to view that as a sign that men don’t actually have a zest for sexual cruelty, and that all the accounts of it on here are just fiction, but my personal experience tells me that something truly lurks in the hearts of certain men…

Maybe only bottoms have read it? I know from previous posts you’ve made that you’re not looking for bottoms to second guess what’s going on inside a top’s head, so I keep stumm when you ask these sorts of questions.

[PozBearWI]

I read it but don't relate.  I am not one to intentionally inflict pain.  I suspect the field of true sadists is (thankfully) relatively small.  

[FunCheerSlut]

27 minutes ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

Maybe only bottoms have read it? I know from previous posts you’ve made that you’re not looking for bottoms to second guess what’s going on inside a top’s head, so I keep stumm when you ask these sorts of questions.

I love you @ErosWired but I have to second this. I don't know if you will get an "answer". I tend to think most guys who actually go through with doing something as you described don't understand it themselves...and probably would be hard pressed to offer a meaningful insight as to "why".

Besides who wants to (or would be willing to publicly) admit to being a cruel, heart-less, psychopath?

[ErosWired]

7 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

I suspect the field of true sadists is (thankfully) relatively small.  

I believe you are correct. If I have encountered an unusually high proportion of them, it’s likely because they have tended to concentrate in circles in which I have found myself. Either that, or there’s something about me that attracts them.

8 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

I tend to think most guys who actually go through with doing something as you described don't understand it themselves...and probably would be hard pressed to offer a meaningful insight as to "why".

Besides who wants to (or would be willing to publicly) admit to being a cruel, heart-less, psychopath?

I’m sure most haven’t really stopped to think it through, either. Part of the reason for the question was to possibly generate some self-examination in such persons to reveal some motivations they might not have fully grasped. As to who wants to admit it, you wouldn’t think anyone would - but they do. Read around here, and there are men Tops who talk openly about how it isn’t sex unless they’re hurting the bottom, or how they want to make him bleed, or how hot it is to see a bottom in tears, how they would put their forearm up an unconscious bottom’s ass, etc., etc. 

Granted, the bulk of it is just talk (thank God) but I’m just as interested in the psychological impetus that makes a man desire to do that to another man, whether he actually does it or not.

@JimInWisc is right that the bona fide Sadist is rare (having been owned and trained by one I definitely know the difference), but there are quite a few men out there who are hovering over the line, unready or unwilling to actually act on their sadistic impulses…unless you give them a tiny little nudge. And if they’re in a group, they may do it as a group.

I’ll never forget a BDSM demonstration I was part of a number of years ago, in which a Dom was showing how to use a Violet Wand. It wasn’t one of these modern-day namby-pamby neon wands, either, it was one of the old-skool lightning zappers. I was bound spreadeagled naked to a table as the test subject, and the men assembled got to try using the wand on me themselves. I couldn’t help noticing how fascinated they were watching arcs of electricity pass from the wand into my cockhead. They did it over and over, completely forgetting that I was attached to it, lighting up my shaft and balls, passing the wand between them, until finally the Dom ended the presentation. A good time was had by all. (Well…) But it took so little to turn every one of them into a sadist for that space of time, because I think that for some men who cause sexual pain, the excitement is in the power to cause it; but for others the psychology is more of an indifference to whether he feels it.

[Guest]

I enjoy my own pain from a top. If my ass hurts it's good hurt. My ex wife fucked me with a strapon and seemed to be turned on by my moaning in pain. I was too as she fucked me even harder. I love some pain with my sex. Don't judge me. It's who I am.

[Guest]

have never played w a guy whose intent was pain for sake of pain. discomfort, pressure, stretching, being mildly smoothered by a hot guy sitting on my face....am open to experiences, and if i reach a place of discomfort beyond our play limits i'll say something or ask to pause.....