Body Diversity on the Scene

[AirmaxUK]

Walking around the stands at BLF I stopped and chatted a while with Antoine, the events organiser from Recon.  I mentioned that it was nice to see that they were publishing the Recon Fetishweek London Guidebook with three different covers - each with a different guy on the cover - and one in particular stood out because it is an image we don't see often on the scene in advertising and promotion - a bearish guy with a belly. 

Antoine said that it was a conscious decision on their part, and the model took a lot of persuading to participate because he felt that nobody would ever want someone with his figure in publicity material, and he was afraid it would bring ridicule. 

I told Antoine that if the model feels that way - imagine what us ordinary joes must feel like participating in the fetish scene. If he is still in touch with the guy, I asked him to tell him that seeing someone identifiable in publicity material makes events like Fetish Week feel all the more friendly and inclusive. 

It's nice to see Recon trying to move the needle.  I wish that others businesses and organisations would also be forward thinking.

I'm no expert in advertising - but I'm thinking that actually its really actually a few of us fit the 'skinny Twink' or 'muscle Mary' moulds, but we're somehow conditioned by the culture to be attracted to those images and it becomes a cyclic circle that feeds itself.  

The second point I wanted to highlight is how the scene and feitsh stores play into this culture - again with images and advertising, but also with exclusion by only offering their products in small sizes and skinny cuts. And they're a bit like SuperDRY in the UK - an XXL there is like an L everywhere else. If you ask for larger sizes in these stores you get reactions from the staff like:

"The only thing we have in the store that will fit you is some socks. Maybe." (Gear Berlin)

"We have a made to measure tailoring service..." (Blackstyle)

"Perhaps you should spend your money on a gym membership first" (One of the leather shops)  

"The bakery is next door"  (Frontstyle)

The reasoning is always that the larger sizes are not volume sellers, but I'd challenge that: I think many don't bother looking anymore and as the community ages bit by bit and there are more of us who are built for comfort rather than speed and we settle for our Marks & Spencer casuals. But is there also some discrimination at work here? Maybe these brands don't want the likes of me wearing their names because it spoils some sort of image they want to project. That's when business needs overtakes community needs.   

There was an interesting article in Attitude recently on body dysmorphia and coming to terms with and learning to love your own body. 

I can't help thinking that is a really hard struggle many are having - and the culture we exist within really doesn't do anything to help. 

Again - thanks to Antoine at Recon for starting to push back. 

Andy

 

Edited April 16, 2023 by AirmaxAndy
Added pic

[gingerdaddyG]

Quote

The only thing we have in the store that will fit you is some socks. Maybe." (Gear Berlin)

"We have a made to measure tailoring service..." (Blackstyle)

"Perhaps you should spend your money on a gym membership first" (One of the leather shops)  

"The bakery is next door"  (Frontstyle)

Seriously??  These are outrageous things to say to anyone!  
I’ve struggled with body image since I was a teenager - not that I’m an extreme size either at the smaller or the larger ends of the body scale, but I’ve never fitted what society sees as attractive/acceptable - possibly in my own head tbh - but it’s about time that us normal people are fairly represented in advertising campaigns. 
 

The bearish model for fetish week is, in my opinion, sexy as fuck, and to be honest a good representation of what a lot of guys look like. 
 

Thanks @AirmaxUK for highlighting this subject!

[AirmaxUK]

7 minutes ago, gingerdaddyG said:

Seriously??  These are outrageous things to say to anyone!  
I

This is pretty mild. In a wider context I've been on the receiving end of many comments like this on the scene over the years. 

I remember the guy on the reception to the Sauna in Waterloo told me "You'd be better off staying home with a packet of crisps. You won't get any fun in here."

The barman at Slut Club in Hamburg who took me in hand to the dark room only to ask "What is is like to not be able to see your dick except in a mirror?"

These get put down at the time as bitchy barbs, you try to ignore them and move on, but they they're not that harmless because they stay with you.  

[gingerdaddyG]

49 minutes ago, AirmaxAndy said:

These get put down at the time as bitchy barbs, you try to ignore them and move on, but they they're not that harmless because they stay with you.  

That’s very true - they do stay with you. 
 

I just keep telling myself that the bitchy prima donna’s probably aren’t that good a shag as they’re too obsessed with making it look like porn and not getting their hair messed up!  Give me a real man, with a real body for real uninhibited sex any day!

[UKFFBBBtm]

That is one sexy as fuck bear on the posted and I'd be straight under his leather kilt. His body is like my husbands and if I had the two of them I'd be in piggy heaven.

I'm a chubby guy and hate my body. My husband loves it but I can't see what there is to love. I think the reason in part if because so much advertising in sex and fetish shops is either aimed at skinny thinks or 32 inch waist muscle guys. 

I have an underwear fetish (among many other things) but almost all of the fetish or gay leaning brands only go up to an XL which they usually classify somewhere between a 34 - 38 waist, that ain't no XL.

It's like you're made to feel ashamed if you're a larger build and not allowed nice sexy clothes and the brands themselves clearly don't make the larger sizes not because they won't sell, they'd sell out every time they were restocked, they just don't want larger men wearing their clothing.

It doesn't help when society makes jokes about it, oh he's got a dad bod, or he's let himself go because he's got a partner and doesn't need to try any more, and in the gay community you're seen as a joke and made fun of for being a chubby chaser or wanting a daddy.

Depending on the clothes and store I'm between a 38 and 42 waist, and therefore made to feel like I'm disgusting and how dare I want fetish clothing, lose some weight you fatso freak.

If you're not a skinny twink or a ripped muscle Mary then fuck you we have no clothes for you.

I'm pleased to see Recon pushing boundaries with their advertising, just wish more followed suit.

Edit: pic of me for context

Edited April 16, 2023 by UKFFBBBtm

[UKFFBBBtm]

1 hour ago, AirmaxAndy said:

This is pretty mild. In a wider context I've been on the receiving end of many comments like this on the scene over the years. 

I remember the guy on the reception to the Sauna in Waterloo told me "You'd be better off staying home with a packet of crisps. You won't get any fun in here."

The barman at Slut Club in Hamburg who took me in hand to the dark room only to ask "What is is like to not be able to see your dick except in a mirror?"

These get put down at the time as bitchy barbs, you try to ignore them and move on, but they they're not that harmless because they stay with you.  

That's absolutely disgusting and I'm sorry you've experienced this. It's one of my fears and reason I stayed out of the scene and places because I didn't want to risk this. 

[gingerdaddyG]

58 minutes ago, UKFFBBBtm said:

Edit: pic of me for context

I can see why your husband loves your body!  Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of!!!

[UKFFBBBtm]

40 minutes ago, gingerdaddyG said:

I can see why your husband loves your body!  Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of!!!

Thanks, I still don't like it. I don't look too fat there 

[Loveitraw]

Thanks for putting this up. Self-image and acceptance are so important. I always find it hard to believe that people can be so insensitive especially in a group that has struggled so long to be recognised and included. Then I remember that people are people and no particular sect has the monopoly on arseholes.

My weight has fluctuated wildly since I was a teen and I have been every stage from skinny to chubby to, even if I say so myself, ripped. These days I am very comfortably in dad bod territory, the muscle is still there but well insulated. I have been passed over on more than one occassion either for my age or my build and had quite a few, "why are you wearing that?" Remarks thrown at me. There are days I brush it off and days it hits home.  Thankfully I am mostly of the mind that I am old enough to know better and at the same time old enough to know it doesn't matter. So wear what you want. Flaunt whatever you have. Everyone is someone's fetish. And yes that model should be told how many guys are literally drooling at the thought of some "quality" time in his company.

 

[hntnhole]

I too regret to read about this inexcusable behavior, particularly in the fetish-wear shops.  

Here in the US, it's not difficult to watch the fetishization of what "attractive" is (or supposed to be), if one happens to own a tv and watch it occasionally.  

The loooong series of commercials in between segments of the actual program are filled with nothing but "pretty products", and are repeated constantly.  Every conceivable kind of beauty creme, tooth-whitening product, represented by painfully skinny women, smiling, showing off for the camera, with rather little reason, the men with puffed and blown dry hair, wide self-satisfied smiles, peddling every kind of beauty product imaginable.  Talentless actresses/actors peddling worthless products, all in the hopes of peddling what someone somewhere has declared miraculous.  There's even one homely bitch lately who has invented a special deodorant specifically for assholes !!!  I mean real ones - where last night's dinner exits from. Of course it's supposed to work from head to toe too. 

Regrettably, it seems people will buy almost anything if they think it might allow them into the prized "Beautiful People" crowd. 

It appears that bad manners has been one of the US's chief exports.

[SpectreAgent]

10 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

This is pretty mild. In a wider context I've been on the receiving end of many comments like this on the scene over the years. 

I remember the guy on the reception to the Sauna in Waterloo told me "You'd be better off staying home with a packet of crisps. You won't get any fun in here."

The barman at Slut Club in Hamburg who took me in hand to the dark room only to ask "What is is like to not be able to see your dick except in a mirror?"

These get put down at the time as bitchy barbs, you try to ignore them and move on, but they they're not that harmless because they stay with you.  

I don’t know where to start with this. I’ve never judged any guy by his looks, age, size, race or religion. To me, that’s absurd and limiting. I’m not that superficial. I can only suggest about those kind of comments that it says more about them than it does about you or anyone else. 

It’s easy to say you should just rise above it and ignore the detractors. Not so easy to do it. But rest assured, Andy, there are plenty who do find you attractive.  So it’s their loss. 

[horndoggy]

Yup, heard variations on most of those throughout the years in the mainstream gay world. Even the occasional, well-meaning, back handed compliment like the guy who sat down beside me on the patio of an SF club and broke the ice by saying “You know, good looks have never been that important to me.” Gee, thanks!

But I will say the Internet did bring new life to the chub and chaser community, making us realize how many of us were out there and bringing us together.

[kitpig]

20 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

 

It's nice to see Recon trying to move the needle.  I wish that others businesses and organisations would also be forward thinking.

I'm no expert in advertising - but I'm thinking that actually its really actually a few of us fit the 'skinny Twink' or 'muscle Mary' moulds, but we're somehow conditioned by the culture to be attracted to those images and it becomes a cyclic circle that feeds itself.  

The second point I wanted to highlight is how the scene and feitsh stores play into this culture - again with images and advertising, but also with exclusion by only offering their products in small sizes and skinny cuts. And they're a bit like SuperDRY in the UK - an XXL there is like an L everywhere else. If you ask for larger sizes in these stores you get reactions from the staff like:

"The only thing we have in the store that will fit you is some socks. Maybe." (Gear Berlin)

"We have a made to measure tailoring service..." (Blackstyle)

"Perhaps you should spend your money on a gym membership first" (One of the leather shops)  

"The bakery is next door"  (Frontstyle)

The reasoning is always that the larger sizes are not volume sellers, but I'd challenge that: I think many don't bother looking anymore and as 

 

[kitpig]

This is a really good point - I haven’t considered attending an event recently due to the fear of rejection and not identifying with the guys displayed in the advertising. 
Thanks to Andy for raising this subject and to recon for purposefully taking the step to include those feeling excluded.

btw…. Loving seeing your pics guys 😈

[Gayasian]

22 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

This is pretty mild. In a wider context I've been on the receiving end of many comments like this on the scene over the years. 

I remember the guy on the reception to the Sauna in Waterloo told me "You'd be better off staying home with a packet of crisps. You won't get any fun in here."

The barman at Slut Club in Hamburg who took me in hand to the dark room only to ask "What is is like to not be able to see your dick except in a mirror?"

These get put down at the time as bitchy barbs, you try to ignore them and move on, but they they're not that harmless because they stay with you.  

I know how you feel about all those comments. It's not much different for me or sometime it's worse.

Since I'm a Chinese Asian guy in UK, most guys expect me to be small, skinny twink. And when they see the real me, there is where they show their true colours.

Well as you say, just ignored it and move on but, sometimes it's not that easy to do so. Hence I never been to any event since.

I'm glad you brought this issue up and I thank you for that.

Edited April 17, 2023 by Gayasian