Anxiety while cruising

[Erinbot]

Hello everyone,

My lifelongdream has been to be a cumdump at a cruisingspot. Im on prep and ready to go, but whenever i actually arrive at a spot my heart just drops, anxiety sets in, i feel like i am not good enough and no-one would ever do me, and i just spend the next 2 hours in my car trying to get myself to go out and do what i so dearly want. It always ends up with me just going home, thinking about another opportunity lost and hating myself for it.
Is there anything i can do about this, some ritual to clear my mind or set me up in the right mood?

[BttmCub88]

I use to be like this. I still am in some ways. I look back on all the missed chances I had to be a slut and kinda get pissed lol. Recently my attitude just sorta changed. I know I'm probably not the right hook up for some guys. Some will block me after. But some keep texting wanting to know when we can fuck again. Lately I've been reminding myself, regardless of what I do, I'm eventually gonna die lol. And if a hook up doesnt go well, or dude doesnt like me, I'll just never see him again and move onto the next dick. Of the 10 guys I've been fucked by in the past week, I dont know any of their names. And thats taken a lot of anxiety off for some reason. But just do it. Gets better with practice. I promise

Edited June 12, 2023 by BttmCub88

[LetsPOZBreed]

Any bottom that goes into these scenes feels this way.  If any cumdump bottom says otherwise, they are flat out lying.  I always feel a level of anxiety when I arrive; not knowing if I'm good enough for the crowd there that evening.  If it's a slow night, that anxiety doesn't go away.  

[ErosWired]

Let me get this straight - you go to the trouble of prepping to cumdump, and drive yourself to the cruising spot, so you’re there, and then you sit in your car for two hours and torture yourself with fear of rejection?

My first inclination is to say ‘Don’t be a pussy’, but in the context, that’s terrible advice. So we’ll go with this:

1. Ask yourself, What’s the worst possible outcome if you were to get out of your car and cruise? Answer: You go home unfucked. Well, by not getting out of your car, you guarantee that worst possible result every time. Quit self-fulfilling your own prophecy of doom.

2. You’re afraid you won’t be good enough for someone to want to fuck? Guess what’s going through the mind of everyone else there. The exact same thing, to one level or another. Men are very vulnerable when it comes to sex, and incredibly insecure. Anyone you walk past likely has doubts. By going and making yourself available, and showing some guys that hey, they actually can score an ass, you may help someone else get over the same self-doubt. This happens with me all the time.

3. You’re afraid you’re ‘not good enough’ for some people. The reality is, you’re not good enough for some people. For some people, nobody’s good enough, because they’re looking for an unrealistic fantasy person, not a real person. There’s nothing you can do about those people. For other people, you’re better than nothing. For others, you’re exactly what they’re looking for. For others, they can’t believe they found someone so perfect for them. There’s no accounting for taste, but the one thing you can be certain of is that people with different tastes are going to pass.

4. You fear rejection so badly that you can’t get out of your car, but in fact, no one is rejecting you because they haven’t had a chance - you’ve already completely rejected yourself. You’re the one doing the rejecting. You’re the one saying you don’t measure up. You’re the one saying no one wants you. It’s all you. This is very, very pernicious negative self-talk, and it may be that you would benefit from some professional help in figuring out what maladaptive cognitive processes are driving this. If you can force yourself out of the car, however, it is possible that experiences that contradict the narrative you tell yourself in your head may help you stop those thoughts in future.

[BttmCub88]

3 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Let me get this straight - you go to the trouble of prepping to cumdump, and drive yourself to the cruising spot, so you’re there, and then you sit in your car for two hours and torture yourself with fear of rejection?

My first inclination is to say ‘Don’t be a pussy’, but in the context, that’s terrible advice. So we’ll go with this:

1. Ask yourself, What’s the worst possible outcome if you were to get out of your car and cruise? Answer: You go home unfucked. Well, by not getting out of your car, you guarantee that worst possible result every time. Quit self-fulfilling your own prophecy of doom.

2. You’re afraid you won’t be good enough for someone to want to fuck? Guess what’s going through the mind of everyone else there. The exact same thing, to one level or another. Men are very vulnerable when it comes to sex, and incredibly insecure. Anyone you walk past likely has doubts. By going and making yourself available, and showing some guys that hey, they actually can score an ass, you may help someone else get over the same self-doubt. This happens with me all the time.

3. You’re afraid you’re ‘not good enough’ for some people. The reality is, you’re not good enough for some people. For some people, nobody’s good enough, because they’re looking for an unrealistic fantasy person, not a real person. There’s nothing you can do about those people. For other people, you’re better than nothing. For others, you’re exactly what they’re looking for. For others, they can’t believe they found someone so perfect for them. There’s no accounting for taste, but the one thing you can be certain of is that people with different tastes are going to pass.

4. You fear rejection so badly that you can’t get out of your car, but in fact, no one is rejecting you because they haven’t had a chance - you’ve already completely rejected yourself. You’re the one doing the rejecting. You’re the one saying you don’t measure up. You’re the one saying no one wants you. It’s all you. This is very, very pernicious negative self-talk, and it may be that you would benefit from some professional help in figuring out what maladaptive cognitive processes are driving this. If you can force yourself out of the car, however, it is possible that experiences that contradict the narrative you tell yourself in your head may help you stop those thoughts in future.

This whole thing nails it and how I've basically overcome my own anxiety. And yes, the nervousness is still there. But doesnt stop me now. But i fully agree with the 2nd point you made. Everyone is anxious to some degree. Last week i had a guy get nervous and his dick went soft and that made it worse. So i kinda spent some time helping him get over it. Get him to relax. Sure enough, he got hard and dumped a load and is way more comfortable now lol. 

[Davidc]

I’m an older top, please be assured it’s not just bottoms who have this anxiety !
I always get out and cruse ,it’s a just numbers game.

sauna’s and cruising areas are great as there are normally lots of guys.

To be completely cynical when I was considered phyisically at my peak in my 30’s I would always want to fuck and wouldn’t leave until I had , even if it meant “lowering “ my choices from my ideal guy.

I think most sluts are wired the same , I’d rather try , than go home for a wank.

 

My issue these days is that I only get really turned on by pre loaded ass .

 

But when the stars align it can still be fucking wonderful.

[tattedBOTTOMdad]

I wanted it. I craved it. I dreamt of it. I had to have it.  I had to do it. I had to be brave enough to surrender to it. I had to stop thinking about what might be and start feeling what is…give up my need to control and become something I couldn’t have even imagined. 
So I didn’t hold back… my first time being a true cumdunp, my hole overflowing with anon loads was at the San Francisco Horsemarket. 22 loads in 3 hours. It was by all definitions possible a dream come true 

 

[tallslenderguy]

i believe, more often than not,  in an argument between our emotion and our reasoning, emotion will win out most often. Your desire to be a 'cumdump' and your subsequent failure to get there are both emotional dispositions, so i think you are on the right track to look for a "ritual" or way to get past your emotions vs just reasoning with your self.

It can be hard to shift our entrenched feelings, especially the ones we have strengthened through habit. i'd suggest altering your approach, change the venue.  i don't know what your cruising spot is, but maybe try starting with that choice.  If your "cruising spot" is, say, a park  or sauna that involves you being out in the open and seen,  choose a different venue like a cruisy restroom with a GH or an ABS with lots of booths and GH's.  A GH makes the process a lot more anonymous and can refine the hookup process down to cock and hole.   Some guys simply get in a booth,  close the door and back their hole against a GH and wait. That takes a lot of the visual concerns out of the equation.  But i'd suggest not going to the same place/places, totally switch it up. Go to a different city, different venue, etc.. That way your mind and emotions will not have familiar things to hang onto and support your fears.  Just choose a random ABS you've never considered before, find a booth with a GH and present. 

As others have noted, we all have concerns about whether we are desirable and fears of rejection. But i'm guessing you have already thought of that, still doesn't alter reality, eh? 

Maybe also change up your expectations and definitions.  We've all experienced  and been defeated by unrealistic expectations in life (doesn't just apply to sex, eh?).  To me, a "cumdump" is just a guy who wants  another guys cum inside of him, it does not have to do with numbers, types, venues, etc..  Sometimes  you get one cock,  sometimes five, but in both experiences, you are  still a bottom  who wants a Mans cock  and seed inside of him (aka, a "cumdump") . Not getting that does not make you any less of a "cumdump,' it just makes you a less fulfilled or satisfied cumdump lol. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, tattedBOTTOMdad said:

I wanted it. I craved it. I dreamt of it. I had to have it.  I had to do it. I had to be brave enough to surrender to it. I had to stop thinking about what might be and start feeling what is…give up my need to control and become something I couldn’t have even imagined. 
So I didn’t hold back… my first time being a true cumdunp, my hole overflowing with anon loads was at the San Francisco Horsemarket. 22 loads in 3 hours. It was by all definitions possible a dream come true 

 

speaks for me........i understand being caught would have repercussions......and mostly it makes the urge for public sex higher

[ErosWired]

7 hours ago, Davidc said:

I always get out and cruse ,it’s a just numbers game.

Bingo. Every time a guy passes, you get another roll of the dice. At some point, the odds are going to tilt in your favor. The trick is to cruise where you get the most chances to roll. And it’s like Lotto - You Can’t Win If You Don’t Play.

But you’re already nearly there. You’ve made it to the parking lot. So here’s what you do. Next time, take us with you. (We’re kick-ass wingmen.) When you get to the lot and start to feel that way, pull up this thread and read it again.

Follow these instructions:

1. Open the car door.

2. Take a deep breath, and let it out. You’ve got this, don’t overthink it.

3. Get out of the car.

4. Shut the car door, and lock it.

5. Don’t think, just take 5 paces forward.

6. Walk just to the edge of the cruising area.

Now, you’re cruising. It would be silly to walk all the way back to the car. Go roll some dice.

[Erinbot]

Wow, i guess maybe all the porn and stories i've read made me think everyone was completely confident. Thanks for all the great reply's.

It doesnt fully take my feeling away but it already makes it feel alot more ''normal'' i guess to say.

This friday i have some time off, ill give it another chance and think of you guys when i arrive!

[ErosWired]

16 hours ago, Erinbot said:

This friday i have some time off, ill give it another chance and think of you guys when i arrive!

Don’t forget to lube 😉

[Guest]

23 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

i believe, more often than not,  in an argument between our emotion and our reasoning, emotion will win out most often. Your desire to be a 'cumdump' and your subsequent failure to get there are both emotional dispositions, so i think you are on the right track to look for a "ritual" or way to get past your emotions vs just reasoning with your self.

It can be hard to shift our entrenched feelings, especially the ones we have strengthened through habit. i'd suggest altering your approach, change the venue.  i don't know what your cruising spot is, but maybe try starting with that choice.  If your "cruising spot" is, say, a park  or sauna that involves you being out in the open and seen,  choose a different venue like a cruisy restroom with a GH or an ABS with lots of booths and GH's.  A GH makes the process a lot more anonymous and can refine the hookup process down to cock and hole.   Some guys simply get in a booth,  close the door and back their hole against a GH and wait. That takes a lot of the visual concerns out of the equation.  But i'd suggest not going to the same place/places, totally switch it up. Go to a different city, different venue, etc.. That way your mind and emotions will not have familiar things to hang onto and support your fears.  Just choose a random ABS you've never considered before, find a booth with a GH and present. 

As others have noted, we all have concerns about whether we are desirable and fears of rejection. But i'm guessing you have already thought of that, still doesn't alter reality, eh? 

Maybe also change up your expectations and definitions.  We've all experienced  and been defeated by unrealistic expectations in life (doesn't just apply to sex, eh?).  To me, a "cumdump" is just a guy who wants  another guys cum inside of him, it does not have to do with numbers, types, venues, etc..  Sometimes  you get one cock,  sometimes five, but in both experiences, you are  still a bottom  who wants a Mans cock  and seed inside of him (aka, a "cumdump") . Not getting that does not make you any less of a "cumdump,' it just makes you a less fulfilled or satisfied cumdump lol. 

i like your reply....hot and horny just reading ......to be cumdump is bliss and my purpose....always practicing

[tallslenderguy]

53 minutes ago, faggot4play said:

i like your reply....hot and horny just reading ......to be cumdump is bliss and my purpose....always practicing

As i see it, "hot and horny" is a normal part of a guys wiring. i think if we compare ourselves to 'the norm' (i.e., heteronormative cultural conditioning), we would almost all be cumdumps, cumdumpers or somewhere in between on the spectrum.  Restraining, sublimating, repressing, suppressing those desires/needs, doesn't make them magically disappear, eh?  

i think a lot of our feelings and terms are reactions to or against a culture and conditioning that has said we should be a certain way, when we are not.  Then we find a place like BZ and some start opening up and honestly sharing who and how they really are, and we discover we are not all that unique or alone. i think one of the big challenges is seeing and overcoming the conditioning we all have against who and how we are. 

i  don't see being a 'cumdump' (or cumdumper) as a "purpose" we  choose, but rather just who and how we are. i do not see sex it as "practicing" (though we prolly can get better with practice lol?) but exercising our needs and desires vs trying to keep them under wraps. 

(any?) Guy goes into a restroom to take a piss. Gay guys have pushed against cultural restraints and taken over some restrooms and are exercising their desires and needs to connect sexually in those restrooms. So, this  same Guy can walk into this restroom and not only take a piss, but can suck a cock, get sucked, fuck, get fucked. They can get their piss drank instead of using a porcelain urinal, or they can hold a Mans cock in their mouth and receive His piss.

Instead of just relieving their  self in isolation, they can connect to another human being and exercise their natural desires/needs instead of keeping them secret and/or tied up. The possibilities are endless as i see it. i think a lot of our restraint and lack of experience is a conditioned response.

[chipygmalion80]

19 hours ago, Erinbot said:

This friday i have some time off, ill give it another chance and think of you guys when i arrive!

Good!

I don't have this fear.

Before someone says I'm lying -- I don't have THIS kind of fear: who cares if they guy rejects me!

I fear cops in cruisy places.

Ever since that Republican Senator got caught tapping his foot by an undercover cop staking out in an airport restroom, my fear has been the guy meeting me is going to put my mug shot on the news.  Every time I go to an airport bathroom I think about that Senators mugshot being all over the news!  I think he got out of any criminal stuff in the end but I'm no Senator with political strings to pull.  Squirt is full of posts saying "be careful, cops are out today" for several nearby cruise spots.  That is my fear now.  It's squashed a lot of hot encounters, like a potential hookup on a trail just last week 😞

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by chipygmalion80
Senator