Gay albino

[SeekerMine]

Hello guys

I'm glad I found this gay community, I believe it's the only alive online community. I'd like to share my story.

I'm a 27yo guy with alphism. This means my melanin gene is mutant so I can't produce it in adequate quantities. I suppose you're familiar with the term albino although I'm not 100% typical. My eyes are red (no color pigments for blue, black, brown or whatever). My beard is mostly blonde, my eyebrows are nearly, if not completely white. My hair are a bit more multicolored with various shades between blond and white and of course my skin is pale. 

As a gay guy this seems to a problem in several occasions. Sometimes they ask me if I come from another country. I'm asked If I'm the "product" of incest. I've been also called devil. Sometimes I think I'm someone fetishes "let's fuck with this alien" or whatsoever. I wear contact lenses because blue eyes are more easy to accept that red ones. People also can't understand that sunlight is a major problem for me. I don't need sun to heal from this, I need to stay away from the sun. I also have the feeling that I'm too recognisable because of that, so it doesn't help me from being too closeted.

The only person who has ever really cared for me is my best friend. He's a straight guy but very tender towards me. I do believe though that he regards me as someone who is very exotic and maybe sensitive and this belief could be more dominant than the fact that I'm a guy. I'm a bit confused about my feelings for him and this is due to his behaviour. He comes "too close" at times. I've got no doubt that he's straight yet he's very caring. He spends quite some time with me even when he has a gf (as now). He likes to kiss and hug me and even put some sunscreen on me. If he was someone else I'd say he's gay but I know him. His head is stucked with "pussy". That's why I believe he considers me as something different. I'm a masculin guy myself but the albino thing gets in the way. I can't decide if this is his way of doing it. I also can't decide if I want him closer than that.

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, SeekerMine said:

As a gay guy this seems to a problem in several occasions. Sometimes they ask me if I come from another country. I'm asked If I'm the "product" of incest. I've been also called devil. Sometimes I think I'm someone fetishes "let's fuck with this alien" or whatsoever.

I am very, very sorry this happens to you. I do not have physical attributes that cause me similar difficulties, but as an Autistic person I can appreciate the feeling that comes from “normal” people making ridiculous assumptions about you, drawing unfounded negative conclusions, and thinking of you as somehow ‘alien’ or ‘other’.

As to asking if you are a product of incest, I would be tempted to reply to such a person:

No, are you? I hear it has a negative effect on intelligence.

I hope you do not encounter anyone here, or anywhere, who openly fetishizes you for your appearance; it would be all too easy, as men are widely fetishized for exactly the opposite - an abundance of melanin - ignoring the fact that they are simply people. In your case, the thought of fetishizing is particularly disturbing given the abhorrent practice in places in Africa, as you are no doubt aware, in which persons with albinism are actually hunted and dismembered so that parts of their bodies may be used as literal fetishes.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope it helps open some eyes and broaden some minds.

Edited July 2, 2023 by ErosWired

[akula]

I don't get why people are such ass holes toward people that look different. Get to know the person, I've meet way too many attractive people that are ugly on the inside.

[SeekerMine]

12 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I am very, very sorry this happens to you. I do not have physical attributes that cause me similar difficulties, but as an Autistic person I can appreciate the feeling that comes from “normal” people making ridiculous assumptions about you, drawing unfounded negative conclusions, and thinking of you as somehow ‘alien’ or ‘other’.

As to asking if you are a product of incest, I would be tempted to reply to such a person:

No, are you? I hear it has a negative effect on intelligence.

I hope you do not encounter anyone here, or anywhere, who openly fetishizes you for your appearance; it would be all too easy, as men are widely fetishized for exactly the opposite - an abundance of melanin - ignoring the fact that they are simply people. In your case, the thought of fetishizing is particularly disturbing given the abhorrent practice in places in Africa, as you are no doubt aware, in which persons with albinism are actually hunted and dismembered so that parts of their bodies may be used as literal fetishes.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope it helps open some eyes and broaden some minds.

I've got a friend with autism. He is not like people would expect when they hear autism. Although I know autism is a spectrum. That friend has some "triggers" that upset him, but if you care for him and understand him he is a very nice person. He likes meeting at sharp times, no delay. He likes to order the same dish, if possible the same table. He discusses about some limited topics and he is crazy about paintings. He knows everything that has been painted and anyone who has ever painted. I always considered him a very smart person and I thought that very smart people are somewhat like him.

[ErosWired]

13 minutes ago, SeekerMine said:

I've got a friend with autism. He is not like people would expect when they hear autism. Although I know autism is a spectrum. That friend has some "triggers" that upset him, but if you care for him and understand him he is a very nice person. He likes meeting at sharp times, no delay. He likes to order the same dish, if possible the same table. He discusses about some limited topics and he is crazy about paintings. He knows everything that has been painted and anyone who has ever painted. I always considered him a very smart person and I thought that very smart people are somewhat like him.

Your friend sounds as though he has some classic traits of what has in the past been classified as Asperger’s Syndrome, or high-functioning Autism. Though those terms have been replaced in the most recent definitions of the Spectrum, many people with Autism, myself included, still identify with them. I was first considered to have Asperger’s, and am like your friend in some respects. You are right that the key is caring and making an effort to understand - which is what makes the difference when any two people perceive differences between then, be they mental or physical, invisible or visible. I’m sure the issues you face would be a good deal simpler if other people would just care enough to make the effort to understand you before making assumptions.

I fear that, humans being what they are, you ate likely always going to face this to some degree. I know I do. The best I can do is try not to let it affect me, and use each opportunity to educate someone.

[SeekerMine]

5 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Your friend sounds as though he has some classic traits of what has in the past been classified as Asperger’s Syndrome, or high-functioning Autism. Though those terms have been replaced in the most recent definitions of the Spectrum, many people with Autism, myself included, still identify with them. I was first considered to have Asperger’s, and am like your friend in some respects. You are right that the key is caring and making an effort to understand - which is what makes the difference when any two people perceive differences between then, be they mental or physical, invisible or visible. I’m sure the issues you face would be a good deal simpler if other people would just care enough to make the effort to understand you before making assumptions.

I fear that, humans being what they are, you ate likely always going to face this to some degree. I know I do. The best I can do is try not to let it affect me, and use each opportunity to educate someone.

I think that caring is something that most people tend to forget. But caring is what gives meaning to all. And what some people fail to compehend is that by caring for someone you also benefit. If with something simple he can be happy, why should I stay idle instead of helping? 

I didn't know all that about autism and Asperger. His mother had told me so once and I just had it somewhere in my mind. I know that some people with autism are not at all functional, but in cases as his I don't regard it as a kind of  a psychic disease. He's more peculiar than anything else. At times he can be extraordinary. He's the one, when everyone else's knowledge fail that he has something to contribute. I haven't (to my knowledge) met any other with autism so speaking with you is very interesting. I suppose you are quite similar from what you say. Funny thing I started this about me being an albino but the flow of this topic sent me to autism.

My friend tends to bite, that can be annoying, he can bite me at times for no reason. It's not always easy to understand what is just bcz of the autism or his personality. He doesn't like to go out that much, he hates alcohol. He won't speak if he can avoid it. That's the funniest thing of all. He gives lectures about poets and painters but he couldn't cope with checking in in a hotel (he would, but he would think it all day). He also buys me the same present for my birthday (shoes).

I'm constantly facing weird behaviours. Most for my eyes, they can make heads turn in the street. The skin not so much, some people talk me in english because if you're that white you have to be a tourist. I've been called endless names, people can be so creative when it comes to insult you. That amount of creativity, should it have been used in science we would be in moon by 14th century. I've been called milky, vampire (that's my personal favorite), albino (instead of being called with my name), mutant, lord voldemort (i really have a nose). I've also been asked to be photographed for some clothes which I refused I felt they needed a weird guy for some weird clothes.

[ErosWired]

I’m just appalled. Lord Voldemort? For God’s sake. I think if people said that to me I would carry around a wand just for the purpose of pointing it at them and saying Avada Kedavra.

 I can see how the eyes would be a significant problem, and why you would want to wear contacts to conceal them, though I think it’s tragic that you should need to. Movies and television have made red eyes a symbol for something negative, evil, or unnatural, and now you have to combat that perception.

It’s interesting that you say you can’t tell what is your friend’s Autism versus his personality. Most of us on the high-functioning end of the Spectrum would say Autism isn’t something we have, it’s what we are. So in many ways, your friend’s personality is part of his Autistic nature, and vice versa.

The biting is a bit unusual, but such things are not unheard of. If you find it annoying, you need not endure it; just let him know that you find it unpleasant. He may not realize it. Likewise the shoes - you may simply need to tell him that he’s given you so many nice pairs of shoes that you don’t really need any more. I’ve bern known to do the same thing in the past with giving the same type of gift repeatedly because it worked the first time, and I had to make myself sensitive to the fact that people do not always want or appreciate the same thing time after time. Sometimes these concepts simply do not occur to the Autistic mind and have to be introduced.

[tallslenderguy]

On 7/2/2023 at 2:22 PM, SeekerMine said:

The only person who has ever really cared for me is my best friend. He's a straight guy but very tender towards me. I do believe though that he regards me as someone who is very exotic and maybe sensitive and this belief could be more dominant than the fact that I'm a guy. I'm a bit confused about my feelings for him and this is due to his behaviour. He comes "too close" at times. I've got no doubt that he's straight yet he's very caring. He spends quite some time with me even when he has a gf (as now). He likes to kiss and hug me and even put some sunscreen on me. If he was someone else I'd say he's gay but I know him. His head is stucked with "pussy". That's why I believe he considers me as something different. I'm a masculin guy myself but the albino thing gets in the way. I can't decide if this is his way of doing it. I also can't decide if I want him closer than that.

Thank You for sharing. 

The reality is, you are "different."  How you have been treated through your life as someone who stands out as different affects how you develop as a person. i'd guess you could find some who could relate better among black people, who are also seen for their color? 

i think gay guys should have a better capacity to understand, also being different from the 'norm,' except being gay can generally be hidden (the proverbial closet). i was particularly faggoty as a little kid. i didn't understand it at all, but attracted bullies  like a magnet. Over time, i learned to hide, conform to what and how i should act and my faggoty side all went undercover. Obviously, that cannot be done with skin color. 

i 'm sorry you have to deal with this... life is already hard enough, eh? On the other hand, i appreciate and admire your openness and consideration. i do think there are people who will care and understand you, who will see and love you for who you are... this man seems one of them to me. Does he know you are gay? Have you been able to share the  thoughts and feelings you share with us with him?

[SeekerMine]

On 7/3/2023 at 10:06 PM, ErosWired said:

I’m just appalled. Lord Voldemort? For God’s sake. I think if people said that to me I would carry around a wand just for the purpose of pointing it at them and saying Avada Kedavra.

 I can see how the eyes would be a significant problem, and why you would want to wear contacts to conceal them, though I think it’s tragic that you should need to. Movies and television have made red eyes a symbol for something negative, evil, or unnatural, and now you have to combat that perception.

It’s interesting that you say you can’t tell what is your friend’s Autism versus his personality. Most of us on the high-functioning end of the Spectrum would say Autism isn’t something we have, it’s what we are. So in many ways, your friend’s personality is part of his Autistic nature, and vice versa.

The biting is a bit unusual, but such things are not unheard of. If you find it annoying, you need not endure it; just let him know that you find it unpleasant. He may not realize it. Likewise the shoes - you may simply need to tell him that he’s given you so many nice pairs of shoes that you don’t really need any more. I’ve bern known to do the same thing in the past with giving the same type of gift repeatedly because it worked the first time, and I had to make myself sensitive to the fact that people do not always want or appreciate the same thing time after time. Sometimes these concepts simply do not occur to the Autistic mind and have to be introduced.

I've heard lots of stupid things but lord voldi's face and eyes gave nose food for thought. A wand would be an interesting approach for this matter. You know  the only place that I didn't feel weird looks was in Scotland because I could blend in with the rest of bleached-blond paled skin guys.

I suppose somehow autism  and personality fuse. I think that apart its negative reputation highly functional autism could be useful. Sometimes I think that if we could  put magically people to the right place wonders would happen. I  believe this would happen with some people with autism.

I wouldn't tell him. My idea of a present is that you buy something that you  believe to  be of use to the recipient. I wouldn't dictate.

On 7/4/2023 at 4:06 PM, tallslenderguy said:

i think gay guys should have a better capacity to understand, also being different from the 'norm,' except being gay can generally be hidden (the proverbial closet). i was particularly faggoty as a little kid. i didn't understand it at all, but attracted bullies  like a magnet. Over time, i learned to hide, conform to what and how i should act and my faggoty side all went undercover. Obviously, that cannot be done with skin color. 

i 'm sorry you have to deal with this... life is already hard enough, eh? On the other hand, i appreciate and admire your openness and consideration. i do think there are people who will care and understand you, who will see and love you for who you are... this man seems one of them to me. Does he know you are gay? Have you been able to share the  thoughts and feelings you share with us with him?

I think that  at least a gay can hide it somehow, it's not written in his face. But in my case I look odd. I've told him that I'm gay (both my friend with autism and the friend that I mentioned about), none of them minded it. Deep down I think it's something to be expected. I'm a left-handed albino, nothing is typical about me, would my sexuality be? nope. I'm not even sure what my thoughts are. I know he likes being the one who gives rather than the one who takes (despite my efforts) and this feels nice. He somewhat spoils me. People can be nasty, he's gentle, warm, kind and all these years never wanted anythin  in return. He's just nice.