Cheating

[BootmanLA]

On 11/15/2023 at 7:31 PM, hntnhole said:

So, if that's the case, the next step is to officially "open things up", as the saying goes ... right?  

Then, neither guy has to come up with bullshit excuses, try to remember what excuse he used last time, and you guys can enjoy the thrill of fucking/getting fucked together ... each of you gets to wallow in pigsex, gets to watch your partner wallowing in pigsex, maybe even going to orgies together. 

And, all of it will be on the up & up !!!  Win/win, right? 

That's what you and I would think, but for a lot of these people, they actually get off more on the lying and sneaking around and being a shit person than they do the actual side sex. Take away the so-called "fun" of having to deceive someone you allegedly love and violate the rules you willingly agreed to, and these people probably couldn't get it up if they had to.

[hntnhole]

On 11/17/2023 at 12:24 PM, BootmanLA said:

lying and sneaking around and being a shit person

Well, that was obliquely put ... 😄

It seems that when a guy realizes he's gay, and he must therefore reject cultural bullshit in order to be a fully-human guy, he may throw out all the cultural beliefs, including those that encourage honesty, respect, etc, which apply to us all, across the board, feeling (not thinking) that if one doesn't apply to him, then none do.   If there are some guys that get a charge out of lying/cheating, then so be it.  We can only control what we ourselves do.  What they don't realize is, they're diminishing themselves first - and the "partner/whatever" secondly.    

I wouldn't want to marry one.  I'm sure I've fucked plenty of them in the fuckjoints, and that's as close as I want to get. 

[ktopper]

I am new to this forum and don't want to get into any arguments so what I am going to say applies to me only and what others do or think is their business, not mine. OK, about cheating. I've been married to a woman for almost 30 years. I meant my marriage vows and kept them for about 15 years. This is in regards to other women, I knew when I got married that I would continue to have sex with men. They fill a different need for me. I tried to limit it to getting and giving head and when I would fuck a guy I usually used a condom. I also got tested often, I was on a first name basis with a couple of the personnel at a clinic where I could get tested anonymously. Later on I was going bareback more and more, I figured as a top my chances of catching HIV were fairly low. My wife tended to use sex as a weapon almost from the beginning. She would get angry about something and withhold sex for a month or 6 weeks. It happened more and more as the years clicked by. I began having affairs with other women, which is cheating, although I don't consider sex with other men as cheating on her. Finally about 11-12 years ago I figured out that every time I went back to having sex with her I was just setting myself up for it to happen again so I quit having sex with her, period, none. I still have needs so I sought out other women. And of course men. Lots of men. Bareback only since I didn't have to worry about infecting my wife.

A relationship with a woman makes cheating, by either partner, rather more serious because of evolutionary programming, a man does not want to unknowingly raise another man's child, and a woman risks losing the resources a man can provide if he's banging other women. Yes, I know modern civilization negates a lot of this but the programming was wired into us from the Paleolithic through the iron age until recently. Also, societal expectations are not to be completely discounted. If I am going to enjoy the benefits of a community then I am not going to break their rules lightly, I have obligations to that community, just as Socrates did 2500 years ago when the PTB in Athens sentenced him to death. He could have easily fled Athens but didn't. Male on male sex doesn't involve these issues. I have never, and never will, get into a committed relationship with a guy. I really dig sex with guys I have been fucking for extended periods but while the sex can be fucking excellent actually living with someone is something else entirely, and that's where trouble starts. I'll keep it casual, thank you, no promises given and none asked for, and I will seek sexual variety.

 

[BttmCub88]

On 11/15/2023 at 8:31 PM, hntnhole said:

So, if that's the case, the next step is to officially "open things up", as the saying goes ... right?  

Then, neither guy has to come up with bullshit excuses, try to remember what excuse he used last time, and you guys can enjoy the thrill of fucking/getting fucked together ... each of you gets to wallow in pigsex, gets to watch your partner wallowing in pigsex, maybe even going to orgies together. 

And, all of it will be on the up & up !!!  Win/win, right? 

Thats kinda what I'm pushing for. But as he said once, he knows how to compartmentalize a hook up from a relationship and that hes worried I cant and hates the thought of another dude fucking me. I think hes worried i will find a guy to leave him for. Ive actually hook uo with a dude a few times i wouldnt mind dating if i wasnt already in a relationship. And stopped hooking up simply because of that. I just love taking anon cock and not knowing the dude. So hopefully ill get my bf to realize that at some point. 

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, BttmCub88 said:

So hopefully ill get my bf to realize that at some point.

I hope so too, for both of your sakes.  

Good luck !!

[BetaBrianTremblay]

I cheat all the time and I love it! 

[BootmanLA]

On 11/20/2023 at 8:09 AM, BttmCub88 said:

Thats kinda what I'm pushing for. But as he said once, he knows how to compartmentalize a hook up from a relationship and that hes worried I cant and hates the thought of another dude fucking me. I think hes worried i will find a guy to leave him for. Ive actually hook uo with a dude a few times i wouldnt mind dating if i wasnt already in a relationship. And stopped hooking up simply because of that. I just love taking anon cock and not knowing the dude. So hopefully ill get my bf to realize that at some point. 

This paragraph does raise some interesting questions, though.

Do you agree with him that he "knows how" to compartmentalize and that you don't?

Maybe a rule like the one you created for that one instance - no more than a couple of hookups with one guy, and no other socializing with a hookup, even if the sex is great? That might guard against developing feelings for someone else, and show him you can separate the two.

If you love anonymous cock and not knowing the dude, would he be more comfortable if you limited your play to places where it would be hard to know whose cock it was - ie backrooms, glory holes, adult bookstores, baths, etc.? (Those may not all be available where you live, of course, but it's the concept - always anonymous - that might help him cope.)

[hntnhole]

On 11/20/2023 at 9:09 PM, BetaBrianTremblay said:

I cheat all the time and I love it!

Other than the usual, run-of-the-mill replies in previous pages, can you describe why you "love cheating"? 

I don't mean the "surface", common reasons, i.e. 'getting away with x or y', I mean the deeper reasons it's so appealing.

[hntnhole]

On 11/20/2023 at 9:09 AM, BttmCub88 said:

I think hes worried i will find a guy to leave him for

That makes sense, as well as the underlying issue of control.  We can fuck, we can make "love," we can have anonymous pigsex with tons of guys, but no one can simply manufacture *real* love. 

Sounds like there's more afoot here than mere jealousy.  

[BttmCub88]

17 hours ago, hntnhole said:

That makes sense, as well as the underlying issue of control.  We can fuck, we can make "love," we can have anonymous pigsex with tons of guys, but no one can simply manufacture *real* love. 

Sounds like there's more afoot here than mere jealousy.  

Yeah. Dude has borderline personality disorder. So the issues run a bit deep. So it will be slow work if it works at all. Love him, but also want him to realize i love taking random loads lol. And that im not gonna leave him for some dick.

[BttmCub88]

17 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

This paragraph does raise some interesting questions, though.

Do you agree with him that he "knows how" to compartmentalize and that you don't?

Maybe a rule like the one you created for that one instance - no more than a couple of hookups with one guy, and no other socializing with a hookup, even if the sex is great? That might guard against developing feelings for someone else, and show him you can separate the two.

If you love anonymous cock and not knowing the dude, would he be more comfortable if you limited your play to places where it would be hard to know whose cock it was - ie backrooms, glory holes, adult bookstores, baths, etc.? (Those may not all be available where you live, of course, but it's the concept - always anonymous - that might help him cope.)

Nope. I dont agree with him on that. I was actually kinda mad when he said it, cuz then he clearly doesnt know how my head works with this. I didnt respond. I just wanted him to speak and get things out and me listen. Theres an underlying issue that he thinks its ok for him to do things, but not me. In regards to everything. On top of his paranoia that ill find someone else to leave him for. So there a lot that has to be worked on. And not just pushing for an open thing. Its possible it might not ever get there. We'll see. Till then, im taking random loads lol

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, BttmCub88 said:

I just wanted him to speak and get things out and me listen. 

That's actually a very good thing - not 100% of the time, obviously, because there are times when you're going to need to get things out, and HE will need to listen - but active listening is a good skill to practice. 

3 hours ago, BttmCub88 said:

Theres an underlying issue that he thinks its ok for him to do things, but not me. In regards to everything. On top of his paranoia that ill find someone else to leave him for. So there a lot that has to be worked on. And not just pushing for an open thing. Its possible it might not ever get there.

That does sound like something that needs to be worked on - but I think the fact you're aware means you're probably smart enough to deal with that, and if it's not solvable, to end things amicably (or decide to accept what it is for what it is).

3 hours ago, BttmCub88 said:

We'll see. Till then, im taking random loads lol

The only thing I'd suggest you consider is this: might you be seeking random loads because you know if he finds out, he'll lump that in with "leaving him for someone else"? In other words, are you looking to trigger him to accuse you of cheating to find someone else, and engineer a breakup, so you can leave while telling yourself "I'm innocent, I didn't try to find someone else, it was just sex"? 

Not saying this is the case - I'm just always curious when someone who's in a relationship with issues would be playing with gasoline close to a fire.

[BttmCub88]

14 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

That's actually a very good thing - not 100% of the time, obviously, because there are times when you're going to need to get things out, and HE will need to listen - but active listening is a good skill to practice. 

That does sound like something that needs to be worked on - but I think the fact you're aware means you're probably smart enough to deal with that, and if it's not solvable, to end things amicably (or decide to accept what it is for what it is).

The only thing I'd suggest you consider is this: might you be seeking random loads because you know if he finds out, he'll lump that in with "leaving him for someone else"? In other words, are you looking to trigger him to accuse you of cheating to find someone else, and engineer a breakup, so you can leave while telling yourself "I'm innocent, I didn't try to find someone else, it was just sex"? 

Not saying this is the case - I'm just always curious when someone who's in a relationship with issues would be playing with gasoline close to a fire.

Nah. I would want to end things that way. But i see what you mean. 

[quantumboy]

On 11/3/2023 at 5:06 PM, 120DaysofSodom said:

Believe me: Ill always take cock and wont care about whether im cheating on somebody or not lol.

Way to go mate! Taking a raw cock is always the right thing to do. And if it's cheating... oh well, it makes it even hotter.

[Brenda7691]

I cheat on my wife - I was a very latecomer to homosexuality, not realising until I was in my late forties that I had a liking - or preference - for cock. We are no longer intimate, so I'll take whatever sexual contact I can and I frequently arrive home late with a belly full of a strangers cum. It isn't ideal but at the moment, that's how it is.