Just because I’m a cumdump does not mean I have to accept your STI.

[ErosWired]

This morning a guy hit me up to fuck me, and said, “Is it okay that I have HSV (Herpes simplex Virus)? It’s dormant and no outbreak.”

I replied that it would be necessary for him to use a condom, as HSV can spread virus during asymptomatic sheddiing, even when no lesions are present. I explained that because I am immunocompromised I need to take the precautions where I can.

His retort was, “Don’t be a cumdump, then. Do you think everyone is as honest as I am?”

First, not only am I not obliged to just accept a disease when it’s staring me in the face, as a responsible service cumdump I have a positive duty of care toward every man who might subsequently use my cunt - it’s not just a question of ensuring that I’m not knowingly exposed to HSV, it’s a question of making sure I don’t knowingly become a carrier infecting others.

The reality is that HSV is so prevalent in the population, it is a virtual certainty that I have already been exposed - I’ve been fucked well over 1,000 times - even though I’ve never been diagnosed or shown ay symptoms.  But I can’t knowingly simply take on the risk if it can be avoided.

I’m sure it sucks for the guy to be honest and then get told he isn’t allowed to fuck the cumdump bare. I get it. I’ve faced my share of consequences for being open about my HIV status. But being a cumdump doesn’t automatically mean I have to volunteer to be a petri dish any more than I can avoid.

[Pozguyinchi]

I agree. I am HIV positive and maintain my undetectable status through continuous self care. I am also up front with my status. I have had many instances where when pressed (usually after the fact), have been told they were sti positive. I have always waited the recommended course for my treatment. I make sure I don’t pass it on because most of my loads are anonymous and I would not even know where to find them to tell them o had something. I have said this before… a bottom is sometimes a trash can to throw anything into. 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, Pozguyinchi said:

a bottom is sometimes a trash can to throw anything into. 

The term cumdump isn’t helpful in that regard. The dump is where the refuse and the filth is put.

Last night I also received a random nastygram out of the blue on Grindr from some guy reacting to my having noted that I had taken 12 loads.

”12 loads in - that’s disgusting - totally nasty!”

I debated with myself the relative merit of explaining to him that the great majority of men asked me how many loads I had, with the expectation of hearing multiple; or of pointing out that his repressed and prudish opinion had not been solicited; but I finally decided I couldn’t be bothered with him and just blocked him. I didn’t need to sit there with his judgment for my having a dozen men’s fresh seed inside me. Some of it very deep inside me.

[Poz50something]

ErosWired - I’m sure it sucks for the guy to be honest and then get told he isn’t allowed to fuck the cumdump bare. I get it. I’ve faced my share of consequences for being open about my HIV status. But being a cumdump doesn’t automatically mean I have to volunteer to be a petri dish any more than I can avoid.

Being adults, behaving in a responsible manner....that's a given, isn't it - I have told several people about my HIV status, and even if U=U, lots of them literally close the shop, pull the shades down and slam the door shut, case closed. There are consequences to all our actions, and some are unpleasant. Okay, dear Lanshiqua, get up, dust yourself off and get on with your life.  Always, it's  Aaliyah who will inspire me in this go around. 

 

[xxbjn2]

1 hour ago, Pozguyinchi said:

I agree. I am HIV positive and maintain my undetectable status through continuous self care. I am also up front with my status. I have had many instances where when pressed (usually after the fact), have been told they were sti positive. I have always waited the recommended course for my treatment. I make sure I don’t pass it on because most of my loads are anonymous and I would not even know where to find them to tell them o had something. I have said this before… a bottom is sometimes a trash can to throw anything into. 

Fucking sexy as trash can, love to put my trash into your can.

[fuzzybttm]

11 hours ago, ErosWired said:

His retort was, “Don’t be a cumdump, then. Do you think everyone is as honest as I am?”

First, not only am I not obliged to just accept a disease when it’s staring me in the face, as a responsible service cumdump I have a positive duty of care toward every man who might subsequently use my cunt - it’s not just a question of ensuring that I’m not knowingly exposed to HSV, it’s a question of making sure I don’t knowingly become a carrier infecting others.

It's a bit of a perverse way of thinking about consent, but the unwritten social contract of being an "all loads" cumdump is that "all loads" answers all questions, so don't ask any.  If you do, you run the risk of testing "all" because even though the implied consent is in the invitation to use the cumdump, a cumdump (or someone acting as the dump's handler) always has the ability to turn someone away for any reason, or else the scene has decidedly veered into sexual assault and/or rape.

The fantasy of "all loads" is hot, but the reality is almost all people aren't actually living out their greatest fantasies, and even the highly tolerant and risk-seeking have limits.  I think a great example are the many barebackers chasing HIV but when they get gono go get treated and take a pause so as to not spread that separate STI.

Taking it back to this instance, if this top didn't disclose, he would've been able to partake in the fantasy, and you would have been none the wiser as to what he'd exposed you to.  It is in fact a perverse incentive to withhold information to maintain the fantasy.  But once he disclosed, he broke the fantasy and the unwritten open consent, and that's just tough luck on his part.  Reality's a bitch, and at the end of the day people act differently with known consequences, and they're allowed to.

Which is my way of saying I agree.

[topblkmale]

He'll just change his profile...

Hit you up again to fuck when its NOT dormant and he IS having an outbreak.

[ErosWired]

35 minutes ago, topblkmale said:

He'll just change his profile...

Hit you up again to fuck when its NOT dormant and he IS having an outbreak.

That assumes he isn’t actually a person of character who is honest about his status because it’s the right thing to do. Some people do actually stand on principle. It takes an antisocial mindset, in the clinical sense, to knowingly expose someone to a disease, and most people are not sociopaths.

[BootmanLA]

16 hours ago, ErosWired said:

That assumes he isn’t actually a person of character who is honest about his status because it’s the right thing to do. Some people do actually stand on principle. It takes an antisocial mindset, in the clinical sense, to knowingly expose someone to a disease, and most people are not sociopaths.

When someone suggests that people are automatically going to act in an antisocial manner, I assume they themselves are of similar character, since that's the first thing that comes to mind.

[ErosWired]

9 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

When someone suggests that people are automatically going to act in an antisocial manner, I assume they themselves are of similar character, since that's the first thing that comes to mind.

Regrettably, he’s just as likely to be correct about this. I continue to encounter more people shockingly short on conscience than I would have liked to have believed were among us. And in this arena I confess to myself being guilty of advocating a kind of double standard - while I deplore a man who would lack consideration of another person such that he would let him catch an illness, I frankly greatly hope that any Top who walks through my door is going to fuck me without placing my comfort over his pleasure. It is perhaps unfair of me to encourage men to treat me as a sexual object on the one hand, and use me in ways one would not normally use another human being, and at the same time expect them to think of me as a person. I’m not one of those I’m-a-piece-of-trash bottoms who actively promote a culture of abuse, but the very act of making myself available for hard use, and enduring some of the devolved acts performed on me, may itself contribute to a general lowering of standards.

Still, I don’t propose to change; I have seen so many men give vent to a primal aspect of their nature, and it has been plain on so many occasions that those men desperately needed that outlet for their passions. Better that I should bear the brunt of it, trained and tempered for it as I have been, than someone else who might take genuine harm from it.

[barebackbro]

11 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

When someone suggests that people are automatically going to act in an antisocial manner, I assume they themselves are of similar character, since that's the first thing that comes to mind.

That’s a bit harsh on @topblkmale, don’t you think?

[Pozguyinchi]

I am not sure if the tops mentality is that an sti that is “dumped “ into a bottom stays there? I’m sure if he got an sti from a bottom unknowingly he would be pissed that he got it. It’s that mindset that is damaging. Even if the bottom is “all Loads “ there is a responsibility of the top to self care. Of course the same is true of bottoms. 

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, barebackbro said:

That’s a bit harsh on @topblkmale, don’t you think?

Perhaps. But I always find it odd when people's minds immediately go to the worst possible outcome - especially one like this, where the "slighted" guy plots revenge by waiting until he's infectious again, seeking out the guy who said something originally using a different ID, and then deliberately attempting to infect him. It takes a certain mindset to "go there", and I'm always curious why. 

[ErosWired]

10 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Perhaps. But I always find it odd when people's minds immediately go to the worst possible outcome - especially one like this, where the "slighted" guy plots revenge by waiting until he's infectious again, seeking out the guy who said something originally using a different ID, and then deliberately attempting to infect him. It takes a certain mindset to "go there", and I'm always curious why. 

I’m not sure the likely scenario is so much that the slighted guy would plot revenge against the specific guy who said something, as it might be that he would  just decide that honesty wasn’t paying interest and simply lie to the next cumdump. It might be a sort of revenge-by-proxy, but if he looks at cumdumps as objects to start with, one is probably as good as another.

[RawNYTop]

On 12/31/2023 at 2:52 AM, barebackbro said:

That’s a bit harsh on @topblkmale, don’t you think?

That's what I was thinking, shots fired!