ethics of hooking up with an STI?

[tr4veler]

12 minutes ago, SomewhereonNeptune said:

 

The last I checked, this is still a "discussion forum", except that in some parts here I find it gets rather preachy or holier-than-thou about having specific viewpoints. I certainly don't expect everyone to (or sometimes anyone) to agree with me, but I'd hope we be tolerant of other points of view regardless of finding them offensive. 

Thank you @tr4veler for calling this out. I'll weigh in and say this is a 'choice', but one that should be made with the benefit of information so that people are free to make decisions based on facts. Guess it's now a rarity to even talk about some subjects, and this is a place where I would think there are few or no sacred cows. 

thanks, @SomewhereonNeptune. I agree that attacking someone for posing an earnest question is silly and toxic. I personally practice consistent use of PrEP, testing every 3 months, and abstaining during treatment. After this latest bout of chlamydia, I think I will start using Doxy PEP too. The question was meant as a discussion point since I was musing about the fact that rectal chlamydia is a) extremely common; b) typically without symptoms; and c) easily treated. I wasn't planning on changing my behavior, but apparently this even asking about it makes me a bad person, so oh well 🤷‍♂️

[verbalBTTM]

I'm always honest with my partners, if I have something I let them know. Which I would expect from them 

[phillygwm]

2 hours ago, tr4veler said:

thanks, @SomewhereonNeptune. I agree that attacking someone for posing an earnest question is silly and toxic. I personally practice consistent use of PrEP, testing every 3 months, and abstaining during treatment. After this latest bout of chlamydia, I think I will start using Doxy PEP too. The question was meant as a discussion point since I was musing about the fact that rectal chlamydia is a) extremely common; b) typically without symptoms; and c) easily treated. I wasn't planning on changing my behavior, but apparently this even asking about it makes me a bad person, so oh well 🤷‍♂️

Who are we kidding?  We can all clutch our pearls but there have always been Typhoid Marys since before, well, Typhoid Mary.  People of a Certain Age (like me) have heard the stories of people who knowingly transmitted HIV, back when it was still a death sentence.  Even though YOU are not going out with Chlamydia etc., we can safely assume that some people are.   Everything in life is a calculated risk.

[anonCUMtainer]

I think it's an unfortunate use of language.

Honestly, I qualify as a "cumdump" but the word conjures up images of trash, garbage, dumpsters, etc.

I don't consider myself anything remotely near trashy even though I would let a homeless bum ejaculate inside me. I feel and consider that I am being generous and I am helping my fellow man. AND for me - that means the moral or ethic is NOT to even consider passing on any STI - I feel like I have the responsibility to interrupt the cycle and protect my fellow horny man as much as possible (and to help avoid getting it back).

I have LOST good fucks because they caught something from me...It's the ugly side of bareback. So PLEASE get tested, know your status, treat infections, be informed, and don't spread anything knowingly please men. I beg of you.

[SomewhereonNeptune]

6 hours ago, tr4veler said:

thanks, @SomewhereonNeptune. I agree that attacking someone for posing an earnest question is silly and toxic. I personally practice consistent use of PrEP, testing every 3 months, and abstaining during treatment. After this latest bout of chlamydia, I think I will start using Doxy PEP too. The question was meant as a discussion point since I was musing about the fact that rectal chlamydia is a) extremely common; b) typically without symptoms; and c) easily treated. I wasn't planning on changing my behavior, but apparently this even asking about it makes me a bad person, so oh well 🤷‍♂️

There's always going to be a keyboard warrior no matter where you go. In a way, it's hypocritical of people to criticize any opinion stated about sex with STIs, but we also have discussed the ethics of 'stealthing' on these boards and I've seen people talking about the practice of it (in reality and fictionally) wax poetic about how 'hot' it is. We've read similar comments about non-consensual play. Point is that we should be able to talk about it even though the likelihood is that we'd find it repugnant in reality. Fantasy though...

3 hours ago, phillygwm said:

Who are we kidding?  We can all clutch our pearls but there have always been Typhoid Marys since before, well, Typhoid Mary.  People of a Certain Age (like me) have heard the stories of people who knowingly transmitted HIV, back when it was still a death sentence.  Even though YOU are not going out with Chlamydia etc., we can safely assume that some people are.   Everything in life is a calculated risk.

Anyone going out and having bareback encounters is likely doing so understanding the risks they take in doing so. You should expect that if you aren't asking questions, you're assuming the inherent risks. I and others are only happy to go in bare in a don't ask/don't tell context and already assume that I could get something nasty, or for that matter so can he. Sometimes that risk can be erotic in the right context. But I don't think that either @tr4veler or I will knowingly go out and knock someone with something they can't clear with a regimen of medication. Am I clutching my pearls about that? 

3 hours ago, anonCUMtainer said:

...I feel and consider that I am being generous and I am helping my fellow man. AND for me - that means the moral or ethic is NOT to even consider passing on any STI - I feel like I have the responsibility to interrupt the cycle and protect my fellow horny man as much as possible (and to help avoid getting it back).

I have LOST good fucks because they caught something from me...It's the ugly side of bareback. So PLEASE get tested, know your status, treat infections, be informed, and don't spread anything knowingly please men. I beg of you.

Presuming I even crossed paths a second time with someone and found out I'd passed along something untreated, I'd be mortified about it. Unless it was something consensual and neither of us were concerned or we accepted that as a by-product of our mutual preference for barebacking. But even that would involve a conversation and I gather that point got lost in how some folks might have viewed the OP's post.

[phillygwm]

7 hours ago, SomewhereonNeptune said:

Anyone going out and having bareback encounters is likely doing so understanding the risks they take in doing so. You should expect that if you aren't asking questions, you're assuming the inherent risks. I and others are only happy to go in bare in a don't ask/don't tell context and already assume that I could get something nasty, or for that matter so can he. Sometimes that risk can be erotic in the right context. But I don't think that either @tr4veler or I will knowingly go out and knock someone with something they can't clear with a regimen of medication. Am I clutching my pearls about that? 

What I'm saying is that OP asked his question to stir a conversation, even though he's not meeting guys while contageous.  He got a pretty negative response for even bringing it up.  However, we know there ARE people out there who have and will continue to hookup with guys when they know they have nasty bugs.  Hopefully a small number but we're deluding ourselves by saying they don't exist. 

Asking someone anonymous guy is naive:  If someone knows they're contagious and chooses to fuck/get fucked anyway, are they going to be truthful?  This is apart from guys who got infected last week and don't know it, who are answering truthfully, as far as they're aware.  So yes, we choose to accept those risks.

  

Edited 12 hours ago by phillygwm

[Leatherman667]

I would presume I would  fuck   Many STI  guys.  I fuck mainly in sex clubs and bathhouses. I let any cock come into my mouth and arse. I must catch something! 

[hntnhole]

On 8/30/2025 at 3:43 PM, tr4veler said:

This is hypothetical...for now...

Hopefully it will stay that way, too. 

Would you want to be known as a guy that willfully spreads disease?  Or would you want to be known for your care and concern for your fellow-cumdumps - even if you've never met them?  "Ethics" - or some shred of them - would suggest that you refrain from willfully exposing your brothers-in-the-life from exposure.  It's not forever, after all, and in a matter of days you'll be clear and set to go.

[hntnhole]

18 hours ago, SomewhereonNeptune said:

I gather that point got lost in how some folks might have viewed the OP's post.

Apparently it did.  

In my book, it remains the case that when I catch a bug, I won't go out breeding holes all night until it's over with.  That happens occasionally, and at least my conscience is clear.  I wouldn't knowingly share an std with anyone either.