Hooking Up with Social Anxiety

[ShyPiggy]

Hey all, 
So, I've got social anxiety and I used to isolate myself pretty good. I've stopped isolating myself, but the social part of hooking up makes me anxious. Does anyone else have social anxiety and hook up with guys? Any tips? 
Thanks, 

SP

Edited September 2 by ShyPiggy
Typo

[anonCUMtainer]

Thanks for your question! I do not suffer this type of social anxiety but as a friend / ally I have some thoughts for you to consider...

I met someone recently with severe social anxiety. He was awesome. I hope to meet him again.

I think we all need reminding that our brain is in fact our largest sexual organ, so even if your penis functions properly your brain can just not be into "it" whatever the "it" is...

So, be upfront about your anxiety. Especially things that would cause you particular discomfort and prevent or hinder performance. You also need to be prepared for it to not go great and to hit the "eject" button and have a polite exit strategy.

And wait for the right guy(s) - they are out there. No everyone is going to be a match but if the vibe is right put yourself out there. In my experience, everything gets a little easier with practice - including hooking up with random men.

[blackrobe]

20 hours ago, ShyPiggy said:

So, I've got social anxiety and I used to isolate myself pretty good. I've stopped isolating myself, but the social part of hooking up makes me anxious. Does anyone else have social anxiety and hook up with guys? Any tips? 

I get anxious meeting people sometimes. I find focusing on a service mentality is one way that helps me relax and connect with breeders in the moment. I also look for a shared non-verbal language like touch to get to know a man and explore. It avoids awkwardness and lets our bodies speak directly to each other. I don't get to go out much socially anymore, so when I hookup I need to get down to business to make the most of my time.

[Iker80]

For what it's worth, a guy I connect with really well has intense social anxiety, actually he has a lot of things going on, so I don't expect anything when we meet. Just see how it goes in the moment. And that's ok, he is how he is. Having social anxiety is something some people are accepting and relaxed about.

[phillygwm]

I have moderate social anxiety and have often wondered if I'm mildly on the spectrum.  I often just come across as awkward and/or aloof, especially alone in a bar setting.  As a consequence, I don't hookup as often as I'd like and I'm not comfortable in certain situations (i.e. bathhouses.)

I do OK on websites like BBRT.  Apps are also good if I'm out of town.  Otherwise, I live in a suburban area so there are a lot of regulars who are either not interested in me or vice versa.  The longer term key is finding a long term FB.  I've had a few over the years, though sadly none at the moment.  

Edited 17 hours ago by phillygwm

[Sfmike64]

1 hour ago, phillygwm said:

I have moderate social anxiety and have often wondered if I'm mildly on the spectrum.  I often just come across as awkward and/or aloof, especially alone in a bar setting.  As a consequence, I don't hookup as often as I'd like and I'm not comfortable in certain situations (i.e. bathhouses.)

I do OK on websites like BBRT.  Apps are also good if I'm out of town.  Otherwise, I live in a suburban area so there are a lot of regulars who are either not interested in me or vice versa.  The longer term key is finding a long term FB.  I've had a few over the years, though sadly none at the moment.  

Have you thought about going to a bar with a wingman? When I was younger I used to go to bars alone because I had pretty bad social anxiety (which later was reduced) and often found it easier to cruise  at ABS where people were far more direct and slutty. 

Later on when I made more friends, I found it easier to go to bars with other people. Then I wasn't always that kid (this was in college) standing alone int he corner, awkwardly nursing a drink.  Anyway, that worked for me when I was around 20. 

[ErikRaw]

13 hours ago, Sfmike64 said:

Have you thought about going to a bar with a wingman? When I was younger I used to go to bars alone because I had pretty bad social anxiety (which later was reduced) and often found it easier to cruise  at ABS where people were far more direct and slutty. 

Later on when I made more friends, I found it easier to go to bars with other people. Then I wasn't always that kid (this was in college) standing alone int he corner, awkwardly nursing a drink.  Anyway, that worked for me when I was around 20. 

Definitely bring a wingman!  This way, even if you don't hook up with anyone there is still someone to cut up/chat/shoot pool with. 

Takes a lot of pressure off of "I have to pick up" anxiety 

[phillygwm]

16 hours ago, Sfmike64 said:

Have you thought about going to a bar with a wingman? When I was younger I used to go to bars alone because I had pretty bad social anxiety (which later was reduced) and often found it easier to cruise  at ABS where people were far more direct and slutty. 

Later on when I made more friends, I found it easier to go to bars with other people. Then I wasn't always that kid (this was in college) standing alone int he corner, awkwardly nursing a drink.  Anyway, that worked for me when I was around 20. 

Well, I'm a bit older than 20 🙂

But you're absolutely right.  When I went to bars alone (when I WAS in my 20's) I'd often used to wind up at an ABS.  Saved me the trouble of small talk.  Now, I usually do go with others but that tends to cock block me so I don't go with the intention of getting laid.  In fact, in all my life, I think I only got laid from someone I met in a bar twice.