Outercourse Another New Term For Non-penetrative Sex

[NWUSHorny]

7 hours ago, chiilfuck said:

Hello,

Not that there is anything wrong with any person’s way of experiencing  sexual pleasure or expanding the definition of sexual pleasurability, but  to me, this is another example of how today’s general gay scene, particularly here in the USA, seems to prioritize everything EXCEPT the primal, uninhibited man-to-man fucking.   

 

 chiilfuck

 

It's not a recent problem here in Portland, I'm sorry to hear it is spreading to other parts of the US.

[badubydo]

If somebody on Sniffies messaged and their profile said “outercourse” they’d get laughed at and then blocked. I’m on there to get fucked. I want dick inside me. I’m not there to “connect on a spiritual plain where our emotions transcend the living and the pleasure is euphoric” bullshit 

[chiilfuck]

Hello,

I think it has been a gradual change for several years throughout the country, maybe not noticeable on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis, but very apparent if one looks at today’s scene compared to years ago.   
 

In contrast to one of the quoted paragraphs, I think it is heteronormative NOT to acknowledge that we men are pigs by nature and want to fuck as much as possible to spread our seed.  Maybe I have a primitive view, but men are….fill in the blank:  sluts, dogs, pigs, as are males in most species.   
 

chiilfuck

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, chiilfuck said:

Hello,

I think it has been a gradual change for several years throughout the country, maybe not noticeable on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis, but very apparent if one looks at today’s scene compared to years ago. 

There are definitely regional differences, it smacked me in the face when I moved from Denver, where I had a very active sex life in mostly in bathhouses and outdoor cruising spots to Portland. Guys in Portland to to bathhouses and outdoor cruising areas, but there is less physical contact and a lot less actual penetration. It is so bad that you are likely to offend them by even suggesting you want penetration with a penis. Fingers, fists, toys and tongues are for some reason acceptable to a lot of guys who would never consider sticking their dick in someones ass or letting someone shove a cock up their hole.

I travel quite a bit, and haven't seen the extreme bias against fucking with a dick outside the PNW and west coast of Canada anywhere else. I'm not saying there hasn't been a slow decline elsewhere in the US, but we always seem to be well ahead of the trends on it here.

The heteronormative aspect is an interesting point, I believe Portland is #1 in the US for gay marriage per capita, and you can even find guys in bathhouses looking for a monogamous LTR.

Edited yesterday at 06:41 PM by NWUSHorny

[blackrobe]

32 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

[...] I believe Portland is #1 in the US for gay marriage per capita, and you can even find guys in bathhouses looking for a monogamous LTR.

That's is as ridiculous as those fake Grindr profiles looking for LTRs and monogamy.

[NWUSHorny]

52 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

That's is as ridiculous as those fake Grindr profiles looking for LTRs and monogamy.

I just googled it, for gay marriages per capita in the US here are the top 5:

1 San Francisco, CA

2 Portland, OR

3 Seattle, WA

4 Austin. TX

5 Boston, MA

There are definitely a lot of guys that claim to be looking for a white picket fence and monogamy, even in the bathhouses. There is less sex and more socializing in PNW bathhouses than most of the world, but it still seems like a strange place to look for a husband.

[NWUSHorny]

I think I need to start asking: "Do you do dick IN butt stuff?" Maybe I should incorporate that into my online profiles.

[hntnhole]

2 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

and you can even find guys in bathhouses looking for a monogamous LTR.

That sounds like your area has turned into Cloud Cuckoo Land.  It occurs to me that the tubs is just about the very last place on earth to look for a LTR. 

Oddly though, it can happen;  it did to me.  That's where I met (the guy who became) my "other half".  And, neither of us were prowling for one.  

[NWUSHorny]

7 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

That sounds like your area has turned into Cloud Cuckoo Land.  It occurs to me that the tubs is just about the very last place on earth to look for a LTR. 

Oddly though, it can happen;  it did to me.  That's where I met (the guy who became) my "other half".  And, neither of us were prowling for one.  

I'm guessing it started with a fuck, not a long conversation, and ended in an open relationship. I think the baths are probably great place to look for what you had.

[hntnhole]

12 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I'm guessing it started with a fuck,

In my case, yes - and in his case, a suck.  He loved sucking off cocks, and he was really good at it.   

By chance, however, we both were "finished" at about the same time:  both of us wound up in the showers, then the locker room at about the same.  For some reason I had a pocket full of change (and no, it wasn't from that), and the change spilled out of my pocket, onto the floor.  He smiled, I blushed (so he later told me), and we decided to grab a beer at the Eagle next door.  And that, my friend, was how it all came to be.  

I don't know if the location is crucial though; I suppose it can happen anywhere, but in the locker room of a pigpen is as good as any.  

[blackrobe]

1 hour ago, NWUSHorny said:

There are definitely a lot of guys that claim to be looking for a white picket fence and monogamy, even in the bathhouses. There is less sex and more socializing in PNW bathhouses than most of the world, but it still seems like a strange place to look for a husband.

Interesting. 

When I contemplate being single, I'd be focused on relationships that open up to more sexual expression, not less. 

A companion or companions into us all fucking as many people as we can quite openly. I think having lived a life and a lot of life challenges to deal with makes you more compassionate, more open, more likely to chart your own course in the types of relationships you invest in. I don't think marriage is antithetical to a more sexually open life. Straight people have had open marriages and slutty promiscuous sex for centuries. Relationships are what those in them decide they are.

[KinshipLab]

 

On 2/17/2026 at 7:29 AM, Bokkierob said:

don’t get any of that. As a man with a healthy sex drive I’ve gotta be balls deep inside a man’s asshole, pounding him hard till I breed him. Alternatively cumming deep down his throat works. Not into touchy-feely stuff. Hot sweaty man fucking is what I need. And yeah, I’ll take a ruff pounding as well.

I  can see why a fucker would be in the position less often of having to find pleasure in a situation that is less than ideal.  Although I   couldn't statistically confirm it, it seems that lots of gays have noticed that holes outnumber fuckers, and as a result, it would seem to be logically quicker for a fucker to find a hole than a hole to find a fucker.  I   bet most holes have to spend more time looking to be successful in getting a good fuck, especially if you are a less photogenic hole or a hole that falls further from the statistically most attractive qualities.  I  wonder if there are any statistics about that.  

 

21 hours ago, chiilfuck said:

Not that there is anything wrong with any person’s way of experiencing  sexual pleasure or expanding the definition of sexual pleasurability, but  to me, this is another example of how today’s general gay scene, particularly here in the USA, seems to prioritize everything EXCEPT the primal, uninhibited man-to-man fucking.   

I appreciate the comment, but I would argue that it's exactly the OPPOSITE of prioritizing everything EXCEPT the primal, uninhibited man-to-man fucking.  My comment STARTED with the fact that I  want to be fucked, and the whole side thing is a way to wreak enjoyment out of a less-than-ideal situation.  I  think a better alternative scenario to consider after spending a certain amount of time seeking and either not finding an available fucker or getting fucked until one runs out of fuckers or being at a party where fuckers are outnumbered by holes is 1) to continue looking for a fucker, in which diminishing returns are likely; or 2) to discover other ways to enjoy a less-than-ideal sexual environment.  There is of course the option to exit the sexual environment and return to non-sexual spaces and pursuits.  I   find that part of the pleasure in remaining in sexual environments rather than leaving them is for me at least the lack of constraints on intimate behavior, increased likelihood of nudity, uninhibited conversation, etc.  

But maybe I need to spend more time studying my game and removing obstacles that prevent me from having men in my ass as much as possible.  I    am definitely open to that :-).   

[NWUSHorny]

12 hours ago, KinshipLab said:

I   find that part of the pleasure in remaining in sexual environments rather than leaving them is for me at least the lack of constraints on intimate behavior, increased likelihood of nudity, uninhibited conversation, etc.  

I guess we all have our own likes, but for me spending time in a sexually charged environment with nudity and uninhibited conversation, is extremely frustrating. You can easily spend 4 or more hours in a gay bathhouse in the PNW and not see or hear any indication that anyone has actually fucked. I find that there are no bigger boner killers, than spending hours listening to naked guys socialize, watching them kiss, cuddle and engage in foreplay for hours on end without actually fucking.

[hntnhole]

46 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I find that there are no bigger boner killers, than spending hours listening to naked guys socialize, watching them kiss, cuddle and engage in foreplay for hours on end without actually fucking.

I wonder if I'd bother to even go to those places again ....

How about this:  invent some drrrrrrty-sounding name for a new club/organization for gay men that actually need to fukkin breed, and find a place to hold the event.  Be sure to mention that NO bullshit will be acceptable; only guys who actually want to fuck/take loads are invited, and work with what actually does turn up.  I would think that a local fuckjoint, or someone wanting to crank up the action at an existing one would be interested in co-sponsoring. 

Spell out clearly that this event is for actually having sex, not coming up with new and tiresome ways to not actually fuck.  

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

I wonder if I'd bother to even go to those places again ....

How about this:  invent some drrrrrrty-sounding name for a new club/organization for gay men that actually need to fukkin breed, and find a place to hold the event.  Be sure to mention that NO bullshit will be acceptable; only guys who actually want to fuck/take loads are invited, and work with what actually does turn up.  I would think that a local fuckjoint, or someone wanting to crank up the action at an existing one would be interested in co-sponsoring. 

Spell out clearly that this event is for actually having sex, not coming up with new and tiresome ways to not actually fuck.  

I think you would need to start a new club/organization. The events that bring the most customers in the door at the existing establishments are the opposite of this. It's been a couple of years since I have actually gone in on a Spa which is night, but based on just driving by the parking situation at the weekly Spa nights held on Tuesday at Steam and Wednesday at Hawks bring in 3 times as many customers as the monthly Cumunion parties, currently hosted one Saturday a month at Steam. I don't really blame them for leaning into what the local demand is for, but it's still frustrating. Steam hosts a hugely attended quarterly Saturday night spa party that I often forget about until I'm hunting for a parking space. No one from the staff at either bathhouse has ever warned me that my preferred activities aren't welcome on Spa nights, but the patrons have made it clear in both actions and words.

Edited 7 minutes ago by NWUSHorny