OMG!  You've read my mind.  I've always thought that if a guy can't get hard then he ain't gonna get in and i'm not as tight as you say.  Even if the hole is not that tight, it's still not gonna happen.  I usually try what you try to help 'em out, suck him off, jerk him off, nipples, dirty talk, etc. I guess they get all worked up in their head then get anxiety when it's time to perform.  It is very frustrating when you've spent all that time getting your hole nice and clean and perfect just to be a waste of time.  Not to mention the fact that you've been eating very little and only certain things so you don't get messy in the middle of it all.  I really believe many tops do not remotely understand what it takes to be good bottom.  It's alot of fuckin' work...the least they could do is deliver a hard cock as I've delivered a sweet hole for them to breed.  that's my 2 cents. 

Im a 50/50 gemini split between top and bottom. I understand and know the drama of running the river nile thru your asshole, let it all out, wait 20-30 min go back in and check for standing water, if there is, let it all out and put in fresh water again. Ive spent plenty of time in the shower with a hose up my ass. 

As for the top losing or having issues getting hard, theres a number of things but if the guy is young and has issues its because he's probably on meth, or did a few tokes of it before seeing you. That or, like, me, my ex hounded me to try putting on a cock ring, I never had ot wear one before. I can do drugs galore and focus the mind and let the dick get hard so when he put on a double cock ring because he wanted me to fuck him with my dick and my nuts... I wasn't sure if it was too tight or not. Well after 5 hours of fucking him being high on coke and had taken viagra I noticed that my dick was hurting really bad. I took off the cock ring and had a purple welt. It was horrible the next day, it was all purple. The bruising started to dissipate and spread out to my thighs too. I couldnt touch my dick for a whole month it hurt so bad. When the bruising went away I had realized that I was foundling and touching my dick a lot to make it feel alive, so to speak. Later to realize that the incident let my dick numb and I was trying to get sensation back. I then realized I couldnt get hard. I didnt try before because I was still bruised. Death becomes me, I go to the neurologist and he said, "well, cock rings are dangerous if u wear them too long or fall asleep, because Ive had to take the balls out from 2 guys in the past 2 years from this sort of injury. One thing that saved your dick from something like that was the 3 viagra you took that night, although not recommended but since you took that it kept your blood flowing. And a for the numbness only time will tell."

So a year after that I am almost completely back to normal the nerves grew back, thank god, I do have a little patch of skin on my nut sack that is numb but its coming back over time. So even though its healed I get anxiety that it won't work or may go down. Even as I start to get hard with a hot fucking bottom when I try to stick it in, if I have the slightest thought of whether or not it will stay hard, immediately it goes soft and then I start to panic inside and BAM! I have to forfeit the game and either become the bottom for him (how embarrassing that is, even tho I am a 50-50 top n bottom but if a bottom comes over to bottom and the top can't perform, death becomes him) So this incident will also be on my mind so then when I was trying to fuck this other bottom I had an aggregate amount of weight on my mind because of all of this. 

As a placebo effect and the added benefit of the viagra or cialis I will be confident and ready to go in. Now I cant afford these pills as often as I like and try to do it without. Sometime I succeed sometimes I don't. LOL

And other times when I take viagra and still can't get hard, thats because I smoked too much meth before hand and within that moment I flip the light switch, take off my reversible jacket and flip over to a bottom mode. 

So the next time a dude has issues with topping you, know that it probably has nothing to do with your beautiful fuck hole, the guy just has some issues. You can invest your time and suck on his limpy dicky and maybe it will work (it has for me) but then once he gets hard and fucks u the meth creeps back up and the blood rushes away from the dick and he's soft again. So invest your time in trying to salvage the encounter and get that load, or just go find someone else who isn't fucked up as this top with the limp dick. LOL

"The only thing that got him up in the middle of the night—was to take a slash! [UK slang for taking a piss]"

I give a guy ample time to get his dick hard.  But I'm not into sucking dick that much (unless I'm going to swallow the cum).  I like to get on all 4's at the bathhouse and have the guy just start fucking me bareback.   I don't want to work for it.   My ass is really good, so I expect the top to be able to get hard on his own pretty quickly.  That being said, if the top is limp, I give him up to 5 minutes to get hard.  It's 50/50 after that.   So for the 50% that still can't get hard, if they don't leave on their own, I just politely say "Why don't you come back later".   So I'm not telling him "no", I'm just politely saying "this ass can still be yours, just come back when you can get hard".  

I've been running into a lot of tops that have done too much parTying before they try to fuck me. Have had to tell a couple of semi-regulars that they have to fuck before they start to parTy. As horny as they get, if they can't get hard enough to fuck, then I won't get any enjoyment out of being with them.

There are some Tops who appear to expect oral service in order to get them ready for fucking you, even if it’s just a swirl of the tongue to “tighten them up” before they dive in. Any number of times I will have assumed a position for being fucked, on hands and knees or on my belly on a bed with my ass poised like ripe fruit at the edge, only to turn my head and find the Top standing at the side of the bed nearest my head with his pants down and his cock pointed at my mouth, not saying a word, just expectant.

I’m half tempted to say, “The ass is the other end, and if you were unsure that’s actually kind of insulting.”

"Expectant" is an interesting word and I think it cuts both ways. 

So I was at the sauna last night and it was pretty quiet. Too many bottoms fighting over basically no tops, nobody willing to be versatile. So I decided to switch sides, popped a viagra and put a cock ring on to let the fun begin. 

what I found was most of the bottoms were really lazy and unengaging - they bend over and stick their ass out in your direction expectantly, and that's it. When I top I like bottoms I play with at least to engage somehow - show they want it, or appreciate the attention. Maybe that's a little sucking or nipple play. Maybe it's an encouraging hand exploring. Even something verbal. Just something beyond waggling a bent over arse in my direction expectantly. That's the way to guarantee I'm rock hard and ready.   SO I guess you could say it's about attitude, and I'd put attitude over looks every time. 

When I bottom, that is how I behave - I work for it - I set myself apart from lazy bottoms - ensure my top is hard and satisfied, rather just than expecting him to perform a service.   

For me, that is a factor in keeping tops hard and interested. These days now that PrEP is so accessible, clubs and saunas seem to be overrun with bottoms and it gets very competitive. You need a USP to stand out - for some that's their looks/physique. For those of us not as blessed in that regard, attitude is what counts. 

Switching roles like I did last night gives an interesting perspective - it did make me think about the behaviour of the bottoms - what worked, what didn't, what was attractive behaviour and what wasn't. I learned a few things I intend to try next time I'm out and about... 

Maybe they're high on something that interferes with their "abilities" ?  Hardly an excuse, but maybe a reason?  

Some guys are high on drugs or it's a inexperienced top that is way to nervous. get them sometimes as well, if it takes to long i just say next time better (and don't invite them any more)