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Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Just got home after a week and a bit up at Si's. It was good, really good. Incredibly relaxing. We went swimming very morning, then would go down to the beach if it was warm or the park and just sit for hours and talk. Then at night we would watch movies or play his Xbox or have sex. We both knew it couldnt go on for ever. I have to go to Brazil for two weeks for my work, im leaving wednesday and have a shit load to do before then, which is why I came back! Will give you a run down about my holiday with Si soon, but basically it was like a mutual one-week stand. We didnt decide anything or make any firm commitment about each other, so basically we are at the same place we were at before. Nowhere really. I dont know, it was a good week and I needed some chill time. he is a very, very good chil buddy. I do care about him, alot, but we need time to work something out...when im in the country. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I did something today that brought this blog right back into my mind. On the hookup website Squirt I saw that there was a college near me with toilets where guys met up, and an 18 year old had posted that he would be there around lunchtime. So today I had lunch free and wandered over to these loos. I wasnt expecting much, just wanted to check it out and see if it was worth arraigning a hookup with a guy there. It was empty when I walked in, no urinals just rows of stalls, anyone a few inches taller than me would probably be able to see right into each of them. They looked like the ones you would get in an old fashioned boys school. I scanned the empty bathroom, but saw one door closed at the far end. I went into the stall next to it and closed over the door with a bang to announce my arrival. There was no seat cover so I pulled down my jeans and boxers and sat down, stretching my feet out as wide as I could without it looking really obvious. I didnt want any Larry Craig type entanglements. I couldnt even tell for sure if there was someone else in the next stall, I couldnt see any legs. I bent to my side as far as possible to try and see under the stall, but couldnt see anything either. I didnt want to give up just yet, and I didnt want to shove my hand under the stall just in case someone was in there for real, so I just waited. 20 minutes later, a few other guys had come in, used the bathroom then left again, and I was pretty impatient by now, whether or not the guy on Squirt who had said he would be here today was in the one next to me or not, I was ready to go. I stood up and bent down to pull up my jeans, stretching my feet out to nearly his side of the narrow stall. An off white trainer reached out to meet my shoe. Result! I slowly sat back down on the pan, putting my hand out to touch his shoe. He didnt flinch. I moved my hand out to his side of the stall, and heard him move around. After a bit of banging, I saw a face appear at the bottom of the stall, it was young, no facial hair except for a few light patches of hair on the chin. Thin brown eyebrows and a few spots on his nose. I looked down at him, and though that this angle was not going to be comfortable or fun. Quick as I could, I yanked up my jeans saw him jump back, he was worried he had gone too far. Without buttoning up, I opened my door and banged on his one. It wasnt locked so swung right open. I grabbed the end of the door before it could hit the wall and slammed it shut. The poor boy was stood but crouching on the toilet! I dropped my jeans and pants again, just to reassure him I was here for the sex and not to stab him. He caught on pretty quickly and stood back on the floor, and moved into me as if to kiss me. I lifted my hands up and held his head, I felt the sweat through his short brown hair, this boy was obviously not used to this. I pushed his head down hard. He kind of squirmed but got the picture and got to his knees. I was solid and he started slowly licking the hilt of my shaft. I wasnt up for that, so with one hand I tried to pull open his mouth and with the other I held my dick and stuffed it into this 18 year old's mouth. Whatever surprise he might have had, he overcame it and was obliging in sucking my dick. One hand back on his head, I held him steady as I fucked his wet mouth, the slurping, and as I pushed in further, the choking, was really getting me going. He had both of his hands on my buttcheeks, squeezing and rubbing them. He managed to get my dick out of his mouth and took some long deep breaths. I slid my hand up and down my soaking wet dick, feeling very close to shooting. I grabbed a tuft of his hair and lifted one leg up against the wall, and pulled his face into my balls. I hadnt showered since the gym so they were sweaty. I havnt shaved them in a while either so they were pretty hairy too, he had to stop a couple of times to pull a hair out of his mouth. But he sucked them well. I pushed my head back against the cubicle door. It had been such a long time it was great just to enjoy a good blowjob. I closed my eyes and imagined the sun was beating down on my face as I lay on a beach, well it would have to be a private beach I suppose. I had enough of wanking, was ready to cum. I looked back down at this boys face, his eagerness at working on my balls, I noticed how his eyes were closed smoothly, not wrinkled. There was no lines on his forehead, his eyebrows didnt look scrunched up. Whether this was a first for him or not, he was enjoying himself. I tried to think back to my first time, but at that moment I couldnt quite picture it in my mind. But I pulled his head back and slapped my dick against his mouth His eyes didnt open but his mouth did, and I pushed it back in mid length. This time he did all the work. 30 seconds or so later I warned him in a whisper 'Im going to shoot.' He kept on sucking my dick and wrapped a hand around my shaft, working me closer. I had both my hands on the top of the cubicle doors and bit by bottom lip as I shot. It was quite a bit, and he kept his mouth clamped around my dick as it filled up with my cum. I felt such a release, and a sly smile appeared on my lips. He continued to suck it, but I gently pulled it out of his mouth, he moved back and I pulled up my jeans. I opened the door and left as quick as I had barged in, without a parting word or look, my last image of this boy was him sitting back up on the toilet seat, a splash of my cum dripping down his chin. He stayed in the cubicle as I stopped in front of the sink and washed my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror, there was a look of calm pleasure. I enjoyed that blow job. Just a quick, one off, release. I suddenly though about this blog, and how when I kept it I would be right on my computer typing it up. As I left the bathroom I started to think about how I would describe the encounter I just had. I started to think about everything that has happened to me over the last 18 months or so since I stopped posting. As I walked back home, I thought about how I would describe it to you, Mr S, Mr G, the African. Im not a teenager anymore, and Im not sure if the slut label would apply now, others may want to judge that. I still have true life tales to tell, many of them. So if your up for it, maybe I'll tell you them? Nick More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I first met the African when I was in Kenya the first time, back in June 2008. I was in a small town in the Rift Valley working for a few weeks, working on a particular project with an NGO. The African arrived about a week into my stay, he was there from another organisation to help evaluate the project we were doing. There was maybe two dozen people from different groups based at this community centre He says he vividly remembers the first time he laid eyes on me, but I cant for the life of me. I dont have a recolection of the first time I actually saw him, people were coming in and out of this place all the time. I know I became aware of his presence in the days after he arrived, but I was so focused on what I was doing that to me he was just another guy on the periphery. The first time I remember clocking him was one sunny, early morning. It was so early that the air was still clear and fresh, it gets dusty and muggy in the late afternoon heat. Someone had asked me at dinner the night before if I would go with a few of the others to a larger nearby town to help pick up supplies. I was eager to see more of the country and to make myself useful. The African was standing by a jeep at the front of the compound, talking to another man who was coming along too. He turned to say hello, and I took a good look at him. Same height as I, but slimmer, with long arms and hard biceps tucked away under his shirt. His face was thin, and with his colouring and hair that had was about half an inch thick, he looked a lot like a young Barack Obama. I didnt spend too much time checking him out though, I was in Kenya working with some serious people on some serious issues, so I wasnt exactly on the hunt. I do remember how clean the bottoms of his jeans were, where everyone else struggled to keep the red dust out of every item of clothing they owned, he managed to look exceptionally well dressed. He and the other man spent most of the three hour drive arguing about the election violence that had been happening, and I sat in the back, listening intently, trying to soak up all the information, occasionally piping in a thought, but usually being shot down by one of them saying 'But what you must understand...' The African did not have a Kenyan accent, in fact it was almost an English one, well refined, pronouncing every word with care. By mid morning we had arrived at the depot and spent 30 minutes in the hot sun loading up the jeep. I noticed his muscles flexing as he lifted up boxes, and at one point got a glimpse of the top of his ass as he bent over the back of the jeep. His skin was smooth and brown, lighter than most of the Kenyans I had seen, and with his posh accent I couldnt work out where he was from. The man who had came with us decided to stay in the town to sort out something or other, so it was just the African and I as we drove back to our village. We immediately built up a good rapport. When he had first arrived he had watched me working for an afternoon, and he told me he liked how I did it. He asked alot about me for a good hour, and we only vaguely skirted the issue of relationships. As it turned out he was South African, what they call 'coloured,' which during the Apartheid years was a race above 'blacks.' I was fascinated by South Africa and the ins and outs of the country, and he told me much about it, but whenever he talked about his own life and where he lived, he would talk about his friend that he lived with. They way he said it and how he talked about his 'friend' was intriguing, and it sounded just like he was talking about his 'boyfriend' but deliberately not mentioning it. I pressed him a bit to tell me about his 'friend,' who it turned out was a white Afrikaaner, and they had been living together for a few years. I thought I was just about to get him to spill the beans when we pulled to a stop. We were out in the country by now, and a dozen boys had pushed some crates on the dusty red road, trying to make a roadblock. The African was unalarmed. With an almost apologetic air, he told me to wait there as he sighed to step out the car. Just as he did, he leaned over to my side, just touching my knee to open the glove compartment and pulled out a handgun, which he handed to me. I was just about to enquire what I was expected to do but he was already walking over to the group of boys, who had lots of sticks and a few knives. I couldnt quite hear what was being said but he had the air of a teacher telling off a group of boys that had been caught misbehaving. They seemed restless, and I was worried about a couple of them at the side of the road who were keeping out of the discussion, and it looked like one of them was hiding something under his jacket. But after a few minutes of some raised voices, soon the boys were laughing, and the African walked back over as the boys moved the crates off the road. He was grinning like he had just shared a big joke with them. He got back in the car and started up the engine again and laughed, 'Ha, Kenyans! Always trying to make a buck!' 'What did you say?' I asked him, surprised. 'I told them that this was a public highway, and if they wanted to run a toll road then they would have to show me a business license.' 'And what did they say?' 'They asked me where they could get one!' He was killing himself laughing at this point. Of course they are not allowed to run a toll road. 'And then what??' 'I told them they would have to go to the police station in the town 10 miles west of here to get one!' Sure enough, as we drove off, they were all heading off west into the setting sun. 'The police aren't going to be happy if they walk in and ask for a business license to run a toll road, are they?' I asked. He kept laughing, 'Exactly!' We started talking about his life in Cape Town again, and about his 'friend.' As we weren't far off our village, I decided to ask him, 'So your 'friend,' I said. He turned and looked at me with a grin, larger than the one he had had after outwitting the roadblock kids. I couldnt stop smiling either, 'Is he your boyfriend?!' He was laughing, 'Ok, you got me! Now you tell me about your boyfriend!' I was shocked, 'What?!' 'You tell me about your man back in the UK.' he commanded. 'How did you know I was gay?!' I was really shocked, I hadnt said a word to anyone the whole time I had been there! 'Oh please, I could tell you were gay the second I saw you. I used to live in London, you British gays are all the same!' The first time he had seen me, I had been sitting in a circle with a group of women, who were trying to teach me how to make baskets from beads, and I was trying to talk in my very limited Swahili. Basically we were just having one big laugh. 'You were sitting gossiping with your fag hags!' 'I had no idea I was that obvious,' I said. He could only keep laughing, and after a few minutes of feigned indignation on my part, all I could do was laugh with him. That night we sat at the same table at dinner, he put everyone in stitches telling them how petrified I was that a bunch of school boys were going to shoot me up. And later we had a laugh running some games together with some of the kids. The African and I were starting to enjoy stealing lustful glances at one another. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... ahh ave gone into little girl excitement mode!! I was awake early for a staurday this morning, half ten, becuase I got a frantic phone call from someone at work. Anyway, its a good thing I was. I had some trackies and a t-shirt on, sipping coffee and working through a stack of books for an essay for uni, the essay is on gay equality and the supreme court in the US, so its a stack of books with gay titles and big rainbow flags, or its old fashioned journals with HOMOSEXUALITY blazed across the bound cover. I get a bang on the door. Slightly worried, I open it. There standing is a guy I recognise from uni. Hes tall, thin, mid length dyed black hair sprouting from a wooly hat, a green tshirt and dotty zip up hoody, skinny jeans and red converse shoes...and a side lip ring, like me. I know he's gay, but I dont know if he knows I am. I hadnt ever spoken to him before, no reason to, but here he was. 'Hi I'm here to fix your smoke alarm.' He didnt look phased at all. 'Eh, ok, in you come.' I wasnt aware it was broken, but whatever. He had a small pack of mechanical looking things with him. As he walks in, i can see he notices the big rainbow flag on the wall, the hollyoaks hunks calendar, random pictures of semi-naked men cut out from magazines and pinned to the wall, and the stack of books about gay stuff, with one helpfully open on the chapter: 'BOWER V. HARDWICK, THE BURGER COURT AND SODOMY.' I dont know why they made they set the word sodomy in a large typeset and on its own line, but there you are. I probably wouldnt have been embarrased if it was an obvious straight looking guy, I guess he would have been more embarrased, or if it were a girl, but the fact it was a gay guy, and a hot gay guy. Its student accomodation Im in, and they employ students as receptionists, admin staff, and handymen, so it seems. 'Its just that your flat's smoke alarms havnt been working, so we need to fix it, it shouldnt take too long.' He said in his posh english accent, kneeling on my bed to reach for the smoke alarm. I sat on the chair and watched his hoody and t shirt lift to reveal his tiny thin body and snail trail going from his belly to his jeans, wrapped with a metal studded belt. 'Havnt seen you out at the Union in a few weeks, usually see you most saturdays.' he said to me. ok, omigod is this hottie flirting with me??...omigod, breathe. 'Yeh not been able to go out in a while, so much work to do yaknow, which is why Im awake at this time in the morning and you didnt catch me half naked in bed.' he laughed...he laughed at it, proper. 'Aww, well thats a shame!' AAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAA!!!! HES FLIRTING!! OMIGOD OK I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS!!. 'I'll be heading out tonight though, my drinking money, I mean student loan's come through.' I said...mental note, *be sure and text mates about going to the union tonight* He laughed again. 'Thats good, I'll be seeing you there then. I think we need another dance. Ok I'm nearly done, just fitting this tampering device, because people have been pulling it off when the fire alarm goes off' 'You mean I could have just pulled it out and got a decent nights sleep when it goes off at 3am?' He giggled again, jeeze whats wrong with him!! I aint that funny. 'Ahh well not any more, now we'll know.' 'So you'll come back and sort me out if i do it then?' He finished fixing it, turned and looked at me, sitting in the desk chair, scruffy cloathes, morning breath and hair (although its pretty short at the mo so not that bad) and turned to look at me. 'Well you never know!' He walked over to the desk, and leaned past me, so close that i could lick his nipple if i wanted...i refrained, and scribbles something on the open book, never mind that there was a piece of paper there but whatever. Underneath 'BOWERS V. HARDWICK, THE BURGER COURT AND SODOMY' he had written his mobile number, his name, 'Si' and had scribbled out the R in BURGER and added a He put the pen down and headed for the door 'Just in case you cant find me tonight and we can get that dance!' I walked him to the door. 'Great!' I said, 'Ill see you tonight then!' 'Bye!' he said, smilling as he left. omigod, what the fuck was that all about?? I went and sat down on the bed, confused. I then got up and looked at my face closely in the mirror...he couldnt really fancy me? I went and sat back down on the bed, scratching my head. I texted my mate who I thought my know him, telling her what had happened. She text back straight away. 'Ahhhh he finaly spoke 2 u!!! hes fancied u 4 ages Nick! member at the union a wile ago u 2 were heavy dirty dancin and snogged? course we're goin out 2 nite! u 2 r gettin it on! xx i texted back: 'what? i dont member snoggin him! hes well hot tho! cant believe he actually fancies me! how long u known?' 'it was that night wen u thru up outside after, then we went to 24hr tesco but we got kiked out cuz u kept callin evry1 facist bastards and tried to steal the frozen chips. hes been on about u for like a month but promised me to say nuffink! ahh cant believe u 2 r guna be shaggin am so excited! b round l8r to get ready!xx' i definetley dont remeber that, but it sure sounds like me! Oh well!! I got a call from the doctor soon after, he was asking if i was coming back this weekend, as we liv in different cities, but i told him I was too busy, yeh, too busy gettin it on with a hottie!! ooh its gunna be a night!! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Ok im sorry ive not posted in a while but i have really, really not felt like it, and once you read this I think ull know why. I tried a couple of weeks ago to write down all what had happened, I spent almost 3 hours typing it out, having to stop 4 or 5 times to burst into tears, and then there was a problem with the blogger thing and I lost it all, and Ive not felt willing to try again. But I do have a commitment to you guys, and It has been a month since it all happened, and im feeling kinda better, not better but different. Also since Im 20 in a few weeks, not a teenager anymore, Ive been kind of looking back at my teenage years, reasesing it all and firguring out where i want to go and who i want to be. I consider this the last chapter of being a teenager, the last thing that happened to me since I started 'living' 5 years ago, if you get me. Now, when things happen, it wont be to a teenager, coz ill be 20, and it will be something else. But this isnt the last post ill write, far from it. But it wont be true life tales of a teenage slut, it will be something else. SO where I last left you I had just met the lovley Si, who had come to fix my fire alarm and left his number. I was really excited that day, It felt amazing to have someone as hot as that flirt with me, and then to find out he had fancied me for ages! well it was brilliant!!! So that night we were heading out. my mate came around and we got ready, I was really excited about him and that night. We had a few drinks and left the flat, and met up with the rest of them, and Si, at the Union. I mean it was an amazing night. The two of us were inseperable the whole time. We sat beside each other on the couch, going up to get drinks together, going out for a fag together, barely said a word to any of the other people we were with, who were having a good laugh themselves anyway, it was just the two of us. I cant quite remember how it felt. That night is like a picture you see of yourself from a long time ago, you know its you, but you cant remember it being taken. I have a fairly clear memory of that night, with Si, drinking and laughing, talking to him and listening. He was a very fully on, outgoing person, and I found that immensley attractive, I know that much. while we were sitting with the others in the bar, i know people were lookng at us, I saw it and I remember it now, but it still seems unreal. At about half 12, we all went downstairs to the club. Again it was the same, me and Si on the crowded dance floor, right next to each other, grinding and touching. Sitting talking upstairs had been our emotinal bonding, we had sat talking to each other for over 5 hours, it seemed like we knew each other so well already, like we had caught up on all the times we had never spoken over the loast 2 years. Now was our sexual bonding if you like, on that dancefloor. Its not a gay club, its a student club, but no one else really cares and neither did we (I've been fingered on that dance floor before). He was looking so hot, wearing similar clothes to when I had seen him earlier in the day, except without the hat, and his gorgous black hair smoothed down over his head, his mouth looked so inviting with the lip ring... We danced and we touched each other and we danced some more, we would go get a drink or a fag and go and dance again. Usually if i am out drinking from 7 in the evening, by half 1-2 i am either wasted or shattered, but this time I felt I could go on all night. At one point we went into the loos, and despite the fact it was crowded in there, he grabbed me and dragged me into a cubicle, I was bent over gigiling, but he pulled me back up. Standing against the wall, he moved into me. His hard cock was pressed against mine, my hands were on his hot arse, his jeans being low down i could get my hand down his visible boxers and feel the smooth skin. He looked at me, and I looked at him, 'you're amazing' he said, and I believed him. He took his hand off my face to reach into the pocket of his skinny jeans, and pulled out a couple of E's. I have done it a few times before, and didnt think much of it when he swallowd one, and put the other on his tounge. He leaned in and kissed me, our first kiss, and I swallowed the E he passed onto me as we snogged. A few minutes later we bust out of the cubicles, and with our hands in the air went back to the dance floor and danced untill the half past 3 when the lights came on and everyone had to leave. We were drunk and high and laughing our heads off. Singing down the road to go and get chips, and we walked back to our building together. He kept showing me his ass as we walked home, and I kept trying to grab it, it was typical drunken behaviour. We live 3 minitues way from the Union but took us about half an hour to get back. We agreed he would come up to my room, because it was nearer, and I couldt wait to get naked with him This is going to be a really really long post, and I dont have time to write the whole thing now, but Ill post the next bit up as soon as I can. Just to tell you, it hasnt finished here, in fact it hasnt even begun. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... So we got back to mine. Its a bit of a blur, we got into my room, started kissing. Heavy kissing, hands all over each other. I pushed him onto the bed, my hands squeezing his hot ass in those skinny jeans, running my fingers up and down his hairy crack. We got naked. His body was gorgous, thin but muscled, hairy chest with a line down to his cock. I went down on it, deep throating. I got him on his back, sucking on him. Lifted his legs up and pulled his hole up to my face. He loved being rimmed, i went at it for ages, getting my tounge right in there. I got a finger in, pushed it all the way up. I got my other index finger and got it in, pulling his ring wider, stretching his ass and spitting right in it, getting it all wet. We had some poppers and rolled around for a while. Eventually I fished a condom out and rolled it on. Squirting some lube onto his already open hole, he turned to all fours and I slid into him. I pushed it in, and he told me to wait. After a few seconds of him getting used to it, he pushed right back onto my cock so every bit of it was stuffed up inside his hole. We fucked for ages, him on all fours, on his back with his legs over my shoulders, me holding his ankles and fucking him that way. I just watched as my cock slid all the way into his hairy ass then all the way back, it was tight and it was fucking amazing. Then finally he was lying on his front, and i was lying ontop of him, fucking him and kissing his neck. After a while I exploded in his ass. We were covered in sweat and lube. My mouth was sore from rimming and kissing for what was about 2 hours. We were fucked up on E's, poppes and booze, but after pulling out of his ass, he started playing with mine. I got on all fours and he kneeled behind me, rubbing his dick up and down my hole. He rolled one on and shoved it in me. It was a blur of sweat, poppers, moaning and pumping. After a few minutes I felt the condom expand inside me as he blew his load in my ass. We collapsed on each other, panting and kissing. We got our boxers on and went into the kitchen for a fag, sitting at the window and watching the sky in the east lighten. We chatted and smoked for ages. I wasnt tired anymore, I just wanted to be with him. I remember that it was like the feeling I got after I first met S. He told me he was going to Manchester the next day. He was going down for two days to see his mate, and he was going to go with anothe mate but he had to pull out so he had an extra bus ticket, did I want to come down with him for a few days. He said the scene there was amazing. Sounded good to me! I only had one lecture on the monday and was off tuesday, so there was nothing holding me back. Like with S, I had only known him two days before I decided to stay on the other side of the world with him. I had never been to Manchester either and was keen to go and see what Canal Street was like. So after a while we went back to bed and went to sleep for a few hours, lying naked in each others arms. The bus was in the afternoon so we woke up before midday. I woke up to his hard dick against my hole. Without saying anything to each other, he just started rubbing it against my hole again, still kinda loose from being fucked a few hours ago. He got anothe condom and lubed up my hole again, spooning, he slid it in my hole and fucked me for ten minutes. I turnd to kiss him as he came inside me again. We jumped in the shower, soaping up my dick was hard too. He went down on me in the steamy shower, his lips and the pulsing water felt amazing as I put my hand on the back of his head and fucked his face. He told me to cum in his mouth so I did, and watched as it dribbled down his face, washed away by the water. We dried off and he headed back to his flat in the building to pack. A few hours later we were on the bus, chatting as much and as natural as we had the night before, but now it was like any last vestige of formality had gone, it was like we had been together a long time. We slept for a while too. Si asked me if he could introduce me to his mate as his boyfriend, I smiled and said of course! It was dark by the time we got there. His mate, Paul, late 20's and good looking, quite camp guy, picked us up from the bus station. He was lovley, and the three of us were getting on great as we headed to his flat where we would be staying in his spare room for the couple of days. Si and Paul had known each other for a few years but Paul had moved to Manchester for work, so he was from our area of the country. We got changed at his flat, and the three of us went out for some food and met up with Pauls boyfriend. The four of us were having a great time, and after we ate we headed down to the famous Canal Street. Now I loved Queer as Folk (the UK one). I watched the whole thing in one night, and it had a big impression on me, made me think about how there is more to life than clubbing and drinking and sex, which there is and which is why I am not all about the clubbing and drinking and sex, far from it, but for the next few days I thought I would 'take a holiday' and enjoy the clubbing and drinking and the sex. We were meeting more of their mates at a pub then heading out clubbing after. We walked into the pub, i was second, after Paul, with Si behind me and Pauls boyfriend Sean behind Si. Paul waved to a group of guys sitting at a table. I stopped dead in my tracks as Si and Sean walked past me to go over. There was another four gay guys at the table, laughing and welcoming the others over. I felt sick to my stomach. It wasnt the food, it was S, sitting at the table, in a gay bar in Manchester. S who I lived with for a year and a half, in a country on the other side of the world, S who I hadnt seen in nearly two years, S who had left my heart in a million little shards. The plan was for me to move back to the UK for uni, and he would come over too in a couple of months after he had finished his college course. Well he had finished his college course but he never came over. The last time I had saw him was at the airport departures, tears in both of our eyes, we hugged and kissed in the busy airport, and he told me to not be sad, becuase he would be with me in only 8 weeks, and then we could spend the rest of our lives together. That was the last time I saw him. He saw me too. His face dropped and he bolted from the table to the door, but it was too late, I was out through that door, my heart was pumping harder than I had ever felt before, I got out the bar into the cold night air and I ran. I hadnt a clue where I was or where I was going, all I knew was that right there and then, I didnt want to be there. I didnt know what to think. I didnt know what was going on. I didnt know what I felt and I didint know what I was going to do. I heard my name being shouted but I just kept running through the busy street. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I ran to I dont know where, but it wasnt far. I stopped and looked around. It was dark, it was cold and the rain wasnt far off. Paul's flat wasnt far away, but I couldnt get my bearings so I turned and began to walk back the way I came. Smoking helped calm me down slightly, but my mind was clouded, I couldt think straight, I couldnt process the fact that S was here, nowl I had dreamed about him being with me for so long, and now he was, I didnt know what to do. I had thought that at the begining of this year I was finally over him. The day came in January when I saw him on MSN, he started talking to me, but I really wasnt interested, and that was when I kind of new it myself, I didnt care about him anymore. But when I saw him, I just didnt know what to think. As I started to head back my phone rang, it was Si. He wanted to know what the hell had happened, where was I? I mumbled something about having seen an old friend and had to go speak to him, and told him I would be back in a minute. He seemed less than convinced but I hung up quickly. As I got closer to the bar we were in, I saw S sitting quietly on a bench, his eyes closed, thinking. Something drew me over and I sat down beside him, looking away. Somehow without opening his eyes or turning to see me he knew I was there. I went straight for the one thing I wanted to know. 'Were you planning on telling me you were here?' 'Why what would you have done then?' 'I dont know, at least I would have known.' 'I didnt know if I wanted to see you.' he replied, looking at me. My mind was getting clearer becuase I felt like I was under attack and I had to bring up the defenses. 'Ok so thats how it is then...' 'Oh dont be so fucking stupid Nick.' he growled, grabbing me round so we were eye to eye. 'You think that I could have came here, seen you and left again? Do you think you are the only one thats fucking heartbroken? You cant see past your own emotions sometimes, you really cant.' I didnt say anything. I felt like just getting up there and then. Forgetting it all. Going back to the bar with Si and just fucking leaving him to it. 'Dont think I ever stopped loving you.' he said. 'Im here because home is shit. It was shit before you came and after you left, and I havnt realised that I could do something about that untill recently. Im over here for a month to stay with John [who was his mate in Manchester] and see if I like it. If I did, I was going to stay, and come and see you.' 'And then what?' 'I dont know, I would have seen where it went, at least if we were friends, at least if we got to see each other even if we werent together.' 'So? What do you want? Are you staying here?' 'Nick I dont know, ive only been here a week. You have to let me think and decide myself.' 'Ok, whatever. I'll leave you alone to find yourself, Im going back in.' He started saying something but I wasnt listening. I got back in and saw Si. I gave him a big hug. 'I was worried about you!' he said 'are you ok?' 'Yeah Im fine, just had to settle something with an old mate, dont worry about it. Drink?' We continued the night. I forgot about S, I really did, and we had a great time. We all went along to a club soon after, and thats where I saw him again with John and his mates, he seemed kind of lost. I was up dancing with Si. At the one moment S looked over is when Si decided to kiss me and slide his hands down my jeans. After we did that, I turned around again and S was still looking at us. When he saw me he turned away and walked over to the bar. I told Si I was going to get another drink and went to the bar. I looked at him, then turned to look at Si. He had already found another group of guys to dance with, he would be ok. Yeah he was hot, but looking back at S, I couldt help but smile. I moved into him and whispered into his ear. 'Glad yor here.' By about half two, John and S were leaving, and Johns flat was only two minutes away from Pauls, where me and Si were staying. I told Si I had to help S home because he was fucked, and he said ok, giving me his spare key to get in. He kissed me passionalty and told me to wait up for him. By the time we got outside, John had fucked off somewhere with someone, and it was just me and S walking back to the flat. He gave me that look he used to give me when he was really horny, and I returned it. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... So like dont judge me or whatever, ok? I know what your thinking, cuz Im thinking the exact same thing. Why did I screw Si over. The most incredible, fun, and full of life person I have met in along time, he brings me full pelt into his life after lusting after me for months, and as soon as I see me ex im out of there faster than you can say Nick, what the fuck are you doing? But what would you have done if you were me? Think about it, I bet you anything there is someone in your life who you wish you could have just one more night with. And I bet for alot of people that person wont life far away. Well as you know, S lives on the other side of the world, so all the wishing for one more night with him for the last two years was all a total waste of time because I truly believed and had, to a degree, accepted it in my own mind that I would never, ever see him again. So to have the chance, even just to kiss him, to feel his breath on my mouth or just to touch his body, to look at him while he slept, just for one more night. We walked back, and when we passed Pauls flat, I took the spare key that Si had gave me and slipped it under the door mat, texting him 'Got loads to catch up with my m8, left key under mat, see u 2moz, sorry.' We got into Johns flat and walked silently into the spare room. The lights were off so I could just make out his sillohouette as we began undressing. There really wasnt anything to say. I was attracted to him, that night I was. It was all the pent up energy from the past months. I thought at first that this night would have to be the best night, the best sex of my life to make it worth it, otherwise why bother? But no, I decided, I wasnt here to have sex to be gratified, I was here to be with someone who I loved and had cared for. I think there is a difference in how you have sex depending on why you are having it. If its a random hookup, if you just met someone in a bar and went home with them for a shag or hooked up online, then really how much do you care about the other person when having sex? With that type of man, its all about self gratification, isnt it? Sometimes as soon as theyve cum there outta there, it could be ten minutes or less, ur just a hole or a cock to them. And thats fne if ythats what you want at that moment, just pure sex. But its no substitute for sex in a relationship, no way. When you have sex in a relationship, or with someone you care about, you care not just about you getting off but how they are feeling and enjoying it, because then that impacts on the relationship. Sometimes them enjoying it can be even more gratifying than you getting off. I remember the second or third time S and I had sex. It was only a few days after we met, but already we cared for each other so much. We were in his parents house, and I was sleeping over in his bed [the last time that would happen for like 8 months, even after we had been living together after 4] and he was blowing me and I came. And it was really good. Then I said well what can I do for you now, and he told me, smiling, that he didnt care about cumming that night, as long as I was with him. We stayed up the rest of that night in his single bed, looking through his old yearbooks and photos. I remember at that moment thinking ok, what type of person would rather share his entire childhood with me that have sex, but very quickly that came to be something I loved deeply about him. As we undressed, in the here and now of a cold and rainy manchester, near 3 years since we first got together, I was taken back to all those times, so far away, with him. It was an amazing time, and Im not sorry it happened, I loved it, I loved him and I was happy for such a long time there with him. I wasnt, however, pushing my own limits, doing what I wanted or making an impact on the world, but I was only 17, and I was happy. Now, nearly 20, I was happy with my life now, not happier or less happy, but different happy, more excited about the things to come and reflective but encouraged about the things that had been, there is a dynamism, a constant forward motion to my life now that wasnt there when I was living with S. But as we undressed, I was taken back. To the smell of his room, or the smell of the eucalyptus trees in his garden, the sight of the thousands of millions of stars that floodlit the wide open sky, or the sound of peaceful emptiness, the sound of the geese bleeting in the garden or the creaks of that house. There was nothing like being taken back all those miles and years. We came together in the dark and kissed, just as I remembered. I felt his body, it was just as beautiful. He felt mine, he still touched me the same way and I still felt the same when he touched me, electrified. Im not going to explain every single detail fo the sex like I normally do, because I am keeping that memory for myself. It was good. It was what I had expected that night from what our sex life had been when we were together. What was best about it was that it was him. I felt him again inside me, his legs, his chest, his ass and his cock, not anyone elses. It wasnt the greatest purley sexual expereince, but emotionally, it was overpowering. After he came he then said to me what could he do for me, but like it was the first second or third time we ever had sex, I didnt need, or want to cum. It wouldnt add anything to the experience, and it would turn it into something more sexual than I wanted it to be. That night wanst about sex. It was about the two of us. As we were lying there naked in the bed, him drifting off to sleep with his head on my chest, I thought, I thought for many hours. I loved the past with S. And yes, there was a possibility that that past could, in some sense be recreated in the future, and we could have what we used to have. But the problem was that I had grown and changed, and now, that wouldnt be enough for me. I had fallen in love with something else, the unwritten future. We held each other in our arms. I knew in myself that this would be the last time I would be with him, potentially see or even speak to him. The idea of the future was more attractive than the past. But this time, I was making the decision. And it was a definite decision. It was morning, the sun was streaming in. I woke S up. I explained to him what I had been thinking about, and what I had decided. I told him to stay in Manchester or wherever he wanted, to go and experience life himself too, but our paths were too divergent now to come back together. He looked at me for quite a while, stroking my hair. 'You're right' he said. We held each other for a while. Eventually I got up and got my clothes on. I looked at him, lying there naked in the bed. I walked over and kissed him on the forehead. 'Good luck' I said. I left, and I felt like a weight I had been carrying for so long that i didnt even realise had floated away from me like a childs balloon. I was free. I turned the corner to where Pauls flat was, and a little bit of that weight came back down to smack me in the head. My bag was lying at the front door, packed and wet from the rain. I walked up to it, there was a note from Si: 'Hope you had fun with your ex, prick.' I felt bad the way I had treated him, I really did. It wasnt fair, it wasnt his fault, but he had got hurt, a casualty of my selfishness. But I picked up my bag. I felt calm. I hadnt really lost anything, I had known Si for little more than 24 hours. Yes, it was a great 24 hours, but I had tied up that loose end that had come back to whip me in the ass everytime I tried to get close to someone. I buzzed the flat, no one answered. I tried to call Si, then Paul, nothing. i just sent him a text saying I was heading back home, and that I was truly sorry. On the bus, I wrote Si a letter. It was 58 A4 pages, back and front by the time I had finished it. It explained everything, the relationship with S, my own past and what had been happening since then, basically my life, how I live it and why I had to act the way I did that night. I waited a long time before posting that letter. When I got home, I locked myself in my room for a good week, only leaving to go to class when I needed to or to get food. The rest of the time I spent sleeping, thinking, chilling, or doing a bit of work. I just didnt want to speak or to see nayone for a little while. I just wanted to be able to be hapy with myself. After that week I got back to my usual busy schedule, feeling better. I finally posted the letter, too. I posted it the day I posted the first part of this story. I got a text from Si today aswell, it made me smile so much. I hadnt heard from him at all since i had got back. I had seen some of our mutual friends though. He hadnt told them that he invited me to Manchester and that very night I had abandonned him to run off with my ex, he just said that while we had fun, we wernt quite right for each other, and I just agreed. Hes a classy guy, him. The text said, 'I understand. xxx' We're going for coffee next week. Nothing big, no sex or drugs or impromptu trips, just a coffee and a chat. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Ive been thinking about the theoretical underpinning of homophobia. If its an extension of straight white male control mechanism, where anything that does not conform to a percieved stereotype of gender roles, sexuality or race is suspect and open for persecution and discrimination, then surley it is like sexism or racism. Sexuality is merley then another human condition that qualifies someone to be singled out. If thats the case, then shouldnt the unpicking of sexism and racism, and the movement towards a more gender equitable society and racialy harmonised society in the western world bring along a society where being gay not a huge deal? Is it so? If it is, then shouldnt equality legislation take care of homophobia like it has neutralised discrimination on the basis of sex and race? So how come in places where equality legislation has been introduced for LGBT people there is relativley the same amount or ferocity of homophobia as there is in other places? Or is homophobia something different? Is being gay different from being black or a woman? One way to tackle racial and gender inequalities is to have affirmative action. So if being gay is just like being black or a woman, then why dont we have affirmative action for LGBT people? Should there be? Affirmative action seems pretty unpopular in many circles, but it certanily works in terms of promoting people who wouldnt necessarily have been promoted because of their gender or race. In Norway they brought in a law last year that required companies to have 40% of their boardmembers women or face being shut down by the government. Could you concievably demand that a company have 10% of its boardmembers LGBT or be shut down? The thing is you can hide your sexuality, you cant hide your race or your gender as well. So does that mean tackling inequality for LGBT people isnt as important as fighting racism and sexism? Well no becuase the LGBT population face discrimination on a level that neither women nor other ethnic minorities face. Is it the patriarchy still not overthrown and re-manifesting itself as the enemy of primarily LGBT people? But then is that patriarchy much different to the one that subdued women and tried to keep them in their place, as it does with LGBT people. If its the same patriarchy, then when women fought and libertaed themselves, they succeeded, more or less, but LGBT people who have been fighting openly for liberation since 1969 have not had nearly the same success that women have had in fighting the patriarchy...why? Is it because we are a smaller section of the population? But black people in the US are of a similar percentage of the population, and their success of tackling the oppressing forces, i would hazard a guess that it was the white patriarchy, is incredible. Why cant we replicate a similar success? is it because homophobia is something completley different from sexism and racism altogether, and we have been trying to tackle it in a similar way, thus not having much success? More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Its been over with the doctor for a few weeks now, just as long as I have stopped smoking actually. I think it was over from that disastrous minute I said I love you, and didnt mean it. I think I consigned myself to repeating the usual patterns of relationships... 1) Have fun for a few months 2) Tell them I love them when I dont because I think they wont like me enough unless I try make some sort of overblown gesture or commitment 3) Introduce them to my mother 4) Never speak to them again. It wasnt just me that was the problem with the doctor, it really was him. Like I had been away working all weekend, and I get back. I knew I only had a couple of days before I had to go away for work again, so I decided to spend it with the doctor rather than going home. So he picks me up from the station, and all is fine, kinda. Im stressed and tired, and hes not exactly supportive. He says stuff like 'what you doing that for' when its my fucking work, and doesn tlisten then asks again a few minutes later what all that was about. At the same time I had a homeless couple staying in my flat up north. They were in between staying with a friend and getting a house, and had been sleeping on someones floor for months. I wasnt home much so I let them stay there. But I get a text as im on the train heading home from that weekend I was working at, saying 'can you call us asap please, thanks.' I try call them, cant get through. I was going out of my fucking mind very quickly. If the landlord found them I would be toast! Had they had to go to hospital? Were they locked out? I didnt know! and I didnt know because i couldnt get any answer on the phone or the text. I even called my flatmate to go and check on them see what had happened, he said there was no answer at the door. So as you can imagine when you hav a homeless gay couple in your flat and on the other side of the country, and cant get through, your kinda worried. The doctor wasnt much help, he said something along the lines of 'well you put you arse on the line, serves you right.' Turns out the problem was the fire alarm and i couldnt get them on the phone because they had gone out and left their phones at home! To add to that, his other doctor friends came round that afternoon for tea...yes, he may only be 25 but he has fucking afternoon tea. So they were chatting and I was feeling about 12 years old. He was working the next day, so he goes to bed about 10 and I stay up watching TV. The next day, I had a really important, stressful meeting, but decided to make him dinner. After my meeting I went to the shop and got some really lovley food. I came home, cleaned the kitched, put his washing on for him and made chicken parmagana and taglatelle carbonarra, yes...two meals in one! He came home, 'whats that your doing?' I put the food down in fron of him 'whats all this then?' in a snooty tone. What the fuck right? It doesnt get nay better. I was going out that night for my mates birthday, and really wanted him to come, but he couldnt because he had work and the rest fair enough...but as im getting ready, he gets a call from his mate, and oh suddenly hes off out too. That night I had a brilliant night out, and I started referring to him as my ex! The next night im trying to get to sleep on my couch while other people are fucking on my bed, and I get a text from the doctor saying 'if you ever leave the kitchen in that state again you wont be comeing back.' that was it for me, i went off on one. A few days later he apologised, said he was joking...whatever. Last time I spoke to him was a week or so after that, I was stoned out my nut, got a call from him, telling me to come over the next night. I didnt, and shouted down the phone to him. And havent heard a peep since! The thing is, hes depresed. He never wanted to be a doctor, but his father is also a doctor, as is his sister and his other brother. He never told me he never wanted to be one, I told him, and he knew it. Plus hes got this secret life. Hes not out to his family, and you cant keep it going for so long. That didnt put me off though, I would have stuck by him and helped him figure out who he was and what he wanted, but he was too scared, and there are only so many times that I was goin to try and help him and be rebuffed. Untill he loves himself, he cant ever love anyone else, and I deserve someone who can love me and himself. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... haha its a small world! I was helping a mate today with this interview thing for her uni work, and who does her classmate happen to be but the doctors best pal!! He hadnt spoken to the doctor in a few weeks either, didnt know we had poper split up, so i dont know maybe it was harder on him than I thought? Hooking up with a total stunner tomorrow for some proper sex, lets call him the italian. We had an amazing session the other week, 2 hours we were at it, I was eating his tight hairy hole on his small, round ass for at least a half hour then fucked the boy for a good hour. He was mainly on all fours on the bed, head buried into the pillow moaning as i slammed it in him, was great! But im having good sex with someone im not in a relationship with. And when i was in the relationship with the Doctor, by the end the sex consisted of sucking each other for 20 minutes before blowing it on each other. Noow how is that sex? OK i mean its sex, but in a relationship? when your with the person all night, and all there is is a glorifed wank? Thats not sex. I think part of the problem was the passion maybe wasnt there. But then again you can have amazin sex with someone whoes name you dont know. So I dont get it. Its not a pattern, not yet, but certanily with the dcotor the sex got shit even when the relationship was still strong, unless that contributed to the decay of the relationship. Obviousley we both knew the sex was crap, even though it was his fault. But the sex with the italian is some of the best, it really is. He is one of those bottoms who just wants to take it and take it, and cant wait for u to get in his ass. Plus he has an amazing hole. I mean we have only done it once so far, but it was squeaky clean and he took it for an hour with no complaints. In fact when I arrived, he was wearing jeans and a hoody. After rolling around and making out, I slid my had down his jeans and he was wearing a jock strap! But then again, I have a go at the doc, but sex doesnt always have to be anal. There can be great sex without even turning over. But if the passion isnt there then... Certanily for me, anal sex is alot about passion and desire than rudimentary sex. When I have somone in me its usually because i really want to get someone in me, i just want to feel my hole filled with cock. But what is the biggest turn on with the italian is his ass, and the fact that he likes being fucked so much and I like to fuck him. It is kinda degrading, just a hole to unload, but its mutually beneficial. He wants it, and I want to give it. Anal sex isnt totally degrading if its consenual, but it isnt the cnetral theme of gay sex either. I would still love having sex with the itlian whether i fucked him or not, I would still call the sex with the doctor shit even if he fucked me again. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Im heding away for a few intense days of work, so deicded to releive the sexual tension that had built up in me for a week or so and last night I found myself a shag. He didnt live far away and looked like a stunner in his pics, he was Dominican with a hot tanned body and meaty cock. I went along to his flat and we chatted for a good 20 minutes, lovely guy, then went into the bedroom. We started kissing and taking of our clothes. His tounge licked my now naked body all over and he kneeled down on one knee, realling going at my nipples while my cock expanded and rubbed against his hairless chest. I lent my head back as the domincan moved his powerful tounge down my body and literaly swallowed my cock hole. He pulled right back then slammed his mouth all the way down my shaft. Was well hot. I held his head and helped him get my dick right in his throat. I fucked his mouth like I would fuck a slutty ass, fat and rough, and I pushed my dick as far in as it would go, moving his head around a bit so he was getting all of my dick in his mouth. He seemed to really like it! I dont know how he was breathing because he didnt pull away for quite a while, instead he pulled my body into me so he could get all of it in him. I slid out of his mouth, my thick hard cock glistening with his spit. He looked up at me begging for more, so I slammed it back in and he got it all in one. I fucked his throat for a while before we got onto the bed which was sensibley covered in towels. He sat me up on the bed and kneeled over me. He held his thick fucker in one had and puled back the foreskin to reveal his hot head. He rubbed his piss slit around my lips, and he liked the feeling of rubbing it against my lip ring. I liked him because he made really affirmative noises, its nice to be appreciated. He forced a finger into my mouth and opened it up, sliding his dick in. i couldnt swallow the whole thing but I made a good job of blowing him for a good while. He was licking and nibbling my ears and stuff, and asked if I could deep throat. I said he was a bit too big but I could try. He said if he could force feed his cock into my mouth, i said it sounded hot! The saftey code was to pull his left nipple. I got down on the floor on my knees, and he stood, I got a great view of his flat muscled chest and well developed pecks and perky brown nipples. I prepeared myself for getting his good 8 inches or so down my throat, and put my hand near his nipple ready to grab on it. I slid down on his cock and got half way before I couldnt get any more in. He held my head and slowly moved himself closer in. i started choking as he hit my gag reflex and immeditaly pulled on his nipple. He whipped his cock out and I regained my composure. The Dominican told me to relax and he masaged my throat a little. This time I was determined to get more in. He held my head again and he slid his cock in my mouth in a smooth motion. When I felt it against the back of my throat and made that choking sound he stopped and pulled back a little, but then pushed again. I was kinda choking but I really wanted to be able to do what he did. I pulled him closer to me as I fought with the gag reflex. I spultered but he kept pushing in, telling me 'thats it, take it all, take it in.' We tried a few more times, but I couldnt get the whole thing in like him. i enjoyed having him force his cock into my mouth, it was a whole sub thing going on I think, and he liked it when i was choking!! We were back on the bed and I was on my back, legs in the air with his tounge darting around my ass and his fingers exploring my hole. I lay my head back and enjoyed the amazing sensation of my ass expanding and his tounge getting right in my hole. No poppers, I just took it. He rolled a condom on his throbbing dick and lubed me up some. Pulling my legs wide apart, he focused on my hole and slid his cock in like he did with my mouth. I got that all in no problem, he did well good rimming my ass. He fucked me slowly, saying hoe beautiful it looked, it must have done! His cock seemed to fit my hole perfectly. We fucked slow, then he would go on a wee bender and slam it in and out of my ass in short bursts that would make me moan really loud. He would also fight to get the whole thing right the way in. We fucked for a good hour, I went on top for a bit, then me on my front, clutching the towels on the bed as he lied on top of me and continued his erratic fucking style, slow then slamming so I never knew what was coming next. He asked me where I wanted his cum, I told him all over my face. He turned me round then leaned over my face, whipped of the condom and slowly wanked his cock, his piss slit rubbing over my mouth and face. He shot a fucking massive wad. There must have been 8 or 9 powerful spurts that slapped me in the eye, nose, mouth, everwhere. I loved it, and he rubbed it all over with his cock head. In the meantime I had been wanking my dick and with the feelign of hot cum all over me I shot and added to it. We got cleaned up and I jumped in his shower, not alot of talking after because it turned out he was bi and not out to anyone!! I sat smiling to myself on the bus home, gotta meet up with him again, so any tips on how I can swallow his full cock next time lads? More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Straight people can really miss some good oppertunities when they dont have sex like gay people. I went for a coffee with my friend Suzie the other day, and she told me the weirdest story. Now Suzie is into amatuer dramatics...I know but who am I to judge...so theres a guy at the amateur dramatics club called Jamie. Jamie works in a pawn shop in the city. Ive met him once and hes lovley, like really nice, genuine guy with a huge heart, as well as being massive physically, well over 6"4. Jamie has a girldfriend, Kirsten, who is also in the amateur dramatics club. So the other day, Suzie, Jamie and some others, but crucially not his girlfriend went for a drive down to the beach. But it was cold and wet and windy so they decided to drive up to the park instead. Now for some reason at the park, Jamie asked Suzie if she would get her clothes of for him and he would do it to (note these people are all in their 20's). Suzie wouldnt do it in the park, so Jamie suggested they go back to his flat. So all four of them went back to the flat, and Jamie and Suzie went into the bedroom, stood a good foot apart and took their clothes of. So their both standing there, naked, then they put their clothes back on...despite the fact that Suzie fancies Jamie something rotten, and I assume Jamie does too. This is where I had to put down my bucket of caramel latte and interject. 'so you just stood their looking at each other...and nothing happened?' i asked in disbelief. 'Yup, but he was huge though, I mean massive.' she gestured with her hands and I gasped. 'actually??' 'yeah, and he wasnt even hard, although he said he was getting a semi!' I was in shock. I didnt get it! How could you be naked in a room with someone you fancy and whp has a big whoore of a knob!! Straight people make my head hurt sometimes. So they put their clothes back on and then went back to the others, who knew they had been in getting naked. At the amateur dramatics club the next night, Suzie and Jamie and the 2 others kept laughing about the whole getting naked/massive penis thing, much to the annoyance of Jamies girlfriend Kirsten who kept giving Suzie evils. On that actually me and Suzie did a little onlne stalk of Kirsten so i could see her and shes ugly as sin. So while we were out having coffee, Im like i want to go see jamie!! by the time we had finished tho the pawn shop was closed so we agreed to go the next day. So the next day (yesterday) I got this dug out this really expensive necklace my dad got me but i never wear it becuase my dads not a nice person and I dont want to wear it to take it down tot he pawn shop. We walked in and there was Jamie, looking all tall and hung...Suzie was talking to him for a bit then nudged me to say i wanted to sell this necklace I had. Turns out they would only give me £40, it was white gold plated, not actual white gold, it didnt surprise me though, my dad is a cheap git. But Suzie and Jamie had a good flirt. He was showing us his knew PS3, and I said 'it looks big, can i stroke it?' Jamie looked taken aback and Suzie laughed and said 'he knows!' quite amusing, and we're all going out next weekend, so if they havnt started dating by then I have to take some evasive action to get them together, as im much more likley to get a photo of Jamies big knob if him and Suzie are shagging!! But straight people really need to get a grip, if there in a situation where they can get pumped...get pumped! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... sorry not posted this week, bang in the middle of exams. Last one tuesday, but i cant fucking studyyyy!!! ahhh!!! so ill just write this up... things got kind of seedy last weekend. My mate Suzie invited me camping the other night with her wee brothers mates (hes 18). I had nothing better to do so decided to come along. We were camping way out of the back of beyond, along way away from civilisation. There was about ten of us in all, I only knew Suzie and her wee bro, but we brought some cheap cider along and I made some instant friends as they had just ran out of booze by the time we had arrived!! it was pretty well organised for most of them being totally pissed, we got some sausages cooking on a portable BBQ and I started getting caught up in drunkeness with the rest of them. The nudity started quite early, with tits coming out, and one guy, garry who was 17, taking his top off to reveal a defined, hairless body, save for the snail trail, and a little more light hearted nudity ensued. It was quite funny, none of the guys there had ever met a gay before (this is how back of beyond rural were talking) so they were fascinated by me, and i has to do the whole basic explanations, no, were not attracted to every guy, no, i dont fancy you and im not going to bum u in ur sleep, altho i totally would have bummed garry. By the time it was dark, there was a few of us standing around the fire. We were passing around cider, after shocks, jack daniels and spliffs. For some reason or another, more nudity ensued. The girls got starkers and ran around the part of the field we were in in the buff. Us 2 guys that were left, me and garry, ended up standing in nothing but our boxers, but with our shoes still on. He was wearing a pair of white boxers that made his hairless 17 year old body look irresistable and his cherry round ass ready to be munched! So we ended up getting our kecks down to our knees and running around the field for a little bit, knobs flapping about. It was dark so i could see his cock, but we got right out away from the tents, running around, and then garry tripped, i said are you alright, and he asked me to help him up. I put myhands down to wear i thot he was and moved my hands arond, getting his leg. I grabbed the oppertunity and made a wee grab at his cock. It was soft, but nice and floppy, a little bit of pubic hair but hairless, low hanging balls. He didnt say anything, but i moved my hand away anyway so it didnt seem i was intentionally groping him. I helped him up and he deliberatly brushed his hand against my dick, giving it a squeeze before running off back to the campfire. So much later on, when we were much more pissed, it was just me and garry in suzies two man tent. Suzie was off shagging one of the others, some more folk were conked out asleep and there was a bit more shagging from someone else. Me and garry were having a spliff, but were pretty fucked up anyway, still just in our boxers. I started talking about if hed ever had same sex expereinces and all that. Cant quite remember what we talked about or how we got to that point, but we ended up rubbing each others cocks through our boxers. I kept looking at him through my squinty eyed, vision, and he kind of slammed into me face and started kissing me. We akwardley rolled about for a bit, i was pretty fucked. I ended up on top of him, and we were kissing, just in out boxers. I think i could barley open my eyes at this point, but went into sex autopilot almost. He got my cock out of my boxers and wanked it, rubbing it against his boxer-covered ass. I pushed my dick against his hole, pushed it hard and kept pushing, and he had his hands on my hips and kept pulling me into him. Despite the fact that he had his boxers on, i got a little bit of my head inside his ass. We rolled around a bit more, kissing and wanking, now totally naked. I licked my fingers and was pushing them in an out of his hole a little, just opening it up. He went back down on my cock, getting it all wet from his saliva, then lying down on the ground on his back, he lifted his legs expectantly. I stumbled and fumbled back on top of him, and rubbed my raw dick up and down his crack. I knew i didnt want to fuck him at the time, i wasnt quite sure why at the time i was so out of it, just knew i shouldnt. He didnt seem to have the same preconceptions. He took a hold of my dick and lined it up with hus hole, and pulled me into him. i kind of pushed in half heartedly, my raw dick head penetrated the boys arse hole with just spit to lube it. I kinda pushed in and out for a little bit, not getting much in as it was kinda sore. Garry seemed to like it tho, he kept whispering for me to go deeper and harder. After a while tho i pulled out and he went back down on my cock which had just been inside his hole raw and sucked my off while i worked a finger all the way in his dry hole. He kept sucking and sucking while i jacked him with one hand and fingered him with the other. Just as I felt his ass tighten around my finger, I shot my wad deep into his throat, the drunk, drug induced state i was in making it feel wayyyy better. As my cock shot again and again into his mouth and i writhed around a bit in ecstasy, he shot his own load from me wanking him, which laned quite alot on his chest then the rest on my hand. My cock was still in his mouth as he sucked the rest of my cum out of it, and garry watched as I licked all his cum off my hand, then moved round to eat it of his chest. We pretty much went to sleep after that. The next morning was normal, no one suspected we had got up to anything, and dont think anyone even cared because there was so much other drama going on after we had fallen asleep, with screaming and shouting and people going missing and people bringing up secret abortions and drug addictions...bit of a shame i missed all that!! well will tell u about all that drama later, its nearly midnight on sunday now, i have to get a decent sleep tonight because i have been partying ALL weekend and my fucking exam is tuesday and i really have to fucking study tomorrow but i dont want toooooo!!! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... It was one of the girls' from the amateur dramatics thing that Suzies' in birthday on saturay night. So we were all going out for it, including Jamie and his girlfriend. Suzie and I were sitting in KFC before we went down to the pub with the rest of them, and she was really nervous about being there with Jamie and his girlfriend Kristen. Kristen had apparantly said a few weeks before that she couldnt be bothered going out for this girls birthday, but now had had a change of heart for some reason and was going out with Jamie to the birthday. Suzie was sure it was because Kristen suspected something was going on between Suzie and her boyfriend. So it was all shaping up to be an interesting night, I was expecting fireworks between Kristen and Suzie, big fireworks, and was looking froward to the drama. So me and Suzie get to the pub with the birthday girl and about 8 or so other women. We were all drinking jugs of cocktails and generally havin a laff. But they all knew Suzie fancied Jamie, and we spent like ten mins before Jamie and Kristen arrived plotting how to split them up. So Jamie, Kristen and a couple of others arrive, and were all sitting around a big table and couches, me and Suzie at the top end, Jamie on the right hand couch beside the window and his girlfriend opposite. You wouldnt have even suspected that they were going out things were so icy, well it looked that way, they were engaged in completley different conversations. I had given Jamie such a huge, gay, over the top hug when he arrived, Kristen I dont think even noticed the lingering embrace the Suzie and Jamie had. About half an hour later, the drink and laughs were flowing freely. Being surrounded by so many women and so much sex on the beach, i went into queer mode. I started shouting across the table about how Jamie looked radiant and gorgous, compliments he accepted and returned. You know how some straight guys like to engage in light hearted flirting with gay guys, well it was a bit of that, just a laugh. Also he knows that I know how big his cock is! I think we ended up lifting our shirts at some point and showing off our nipples or something, all to much hillarity, but it was then I think that I noticed Kristen giving me the stare of death. The girl was not amused, not even in the slightest. I gave her a theatrical apology, bit still she gave me the iciest evils I have ever had!! I mean jesus how over the top protective can ya get! They left soon after that! And Jamie and I had a big huge hug and lots of back slapping before he left. He told me and Suzie that he had 'been told' to go! Well I was quite shocked by Kristen, I couldnt actually beleive someone could take all that mild flirting seriousley! Well at least it meant that Kristen and her mates, IN NO WAY suspected anything going on between Jamie and Suzie! and I made an enemy for life!! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... thank fuck thats exams over with, now I am morally justified in not doing anything! A weird thing happened today. I was walking into the town about 4 oclock in the afternoon, just to go to the supermarket. it was a nice day, in fact weve had a good run of nice days, so I was just in a tshirt, just had my hair cut, wearing some new sunglasses, and of course just finished exams. I was feeling pretty good. As I get near tesco, on the fairly busy shopping street, I get a surprise when I see Garry, the young guy from the camping trip a few weekends ago, sitting on the bench outside the supermarket. We had fooled around quite a bit, but had both been pretty gonged at the time, and I hadnt heard from him since, in fact I didnt even have his number. As i walked along, he saw me, i saw him, and there was no way to avoid contact. I slowed down as I got closer and he stood up and said hi. He was still in his school unifrom, shirt sleeves rolled up, two buttons undonde on his shirt and tie hanging loose, revealing his smooth, musceled chest. I tried not to think about getting my cock inside his ass hole last time we had met. We chatted for a bit, i asked him what he was doing here, after all he lives pretty far way, haf an hour out of the city in a small town, but then you have to get deeper into the country from there. he said he wanted to come down here to think. I was a bit worried, I kinda felt responsible for opening up any can of worms in his mind about his sexuality and all that. But I felt that I couldnt be pulled away from talking to him. There was something really intruiging about what he had said, he had come here to think. I sat down on the bench with him, and asked if it was about what had happened two weeks ago in the tent. We sat there for 45 minutes, in a busy shopping street outside a busy supermarket, but lost in our own world. he poured his whole heart out to me. I listened, nodded and asked questions where needed, but more than that I understood. Garry is from a really small village, he lives a rural life, with friends he has grown up with all his life, those on the camping trip. Its not like he has a choice of who to spend his time with, or that he even likes them, but thats what is expected of him and thats what he has to be. He is 'Garry' to them. he told me about he has constructed this whole personality, in fact his entire being and future of wanting to be a mechanic, of going to see his family on a sunday, of drinking in the pub with his mates in the small towns of the countryside out of the city, this whole thing he is, is a lie. The worst part was though, was when he said he didnt realise it untill we had met two weeks ago at the camping. He had no friends in the city, he had been here a few times to shop and go out, but it wasnt on his radar. And in fact, this city where I am just now, where I was sitting talking to Garry this afternoon, is where I go to uni, which is much smaller and much less cosmopolitan than where I actually grew up. He had never realised that there were gay people, and didnt know what it was that made him fancy guys untill I had come steamrolling in with my flamboyancy to their set up. I sat there shocked. I didint realise the effect i'd had. In a way, I felt he was like me when I was younger. Only just learning who I was, not liking the situation I was in. But the more I tried to think of it that way the less it worked. Garry was totally fundamentally different from me. First of all his circumstance doesnt allow him to change his enviroment or meet other gay guys, and he is far, far more mature than i was at 17. Garry, for someone who has undergone the mental transformation that he must have done in the last few weeks, is incredibly self aware. But we couldnt stop talking, I didnt want to. We got through all the hard stuff and immediatly got on to having a laugh. it was like how it was when we first met, instantly we were close then, even if that was helped by drink, which is how we came to streaking around the field and how we came to end up having sex. It was getting cold after we had been on that bench for over an hour, just chatting away. He said he would have to head for the bus home soon, it would take him a while to get back. So we walked back to the bus stop, and i asked him what this all meant to him, and what did he want from me. 'I dont quite know whats happening to me' garry said 'but all i know is if it hadnt been for you appearing when you did, it probably wouldnt be.' he grabbed both my shoulders 'So nick, I want your help, because I dont know what the fuck to do.' And with that, he turned and jumped onto the bus behind him, which seemed to speed away in an instant. And I stood there, dazed and confused. fortunatly we had swaped numbers already, and after i got myself together and turned to start walking, my phone buzzed with a text from garry. 'meet me tomorrow, same place, same time.' I swear it just gets stranger. Ive been thinking about it all night, what do i do? what can i do? Can i really be a good friend to him when I think that I really fancy him? would making a move on him be exploitative because of his vulnerability, although he doesnt seem so vulnerable. I dont know, im confused. I didnt need this either. Just when things were starting to go well with Si. We had been for coffees and stuff, but we just couldnt seem to make any time for each other for a while. Then the last few weeks, when we've both been back here for our exams, we were getting together every few days for a chat, and even the cinema once. Although things hadnt got sexual again, in fact that was the one thing we didnt talk about, at the exam on tuesday i had burst out at the end, dying for a piss. Si came into the loo there, and we had a little flirtation about him wanting to spy on my dick. After that, we had gone in a big group to the pub, and me and Si had been sitting beside each other, infact on the same couch we had when we first met, although we were talking in different conversations. But our asses had been touching and there was a definte sexual something that had begun to spark back. But now this thing with garry has thrown me off, what am I meant to do? I feel beholden to the poor lad to do something. In fact Si had called me soon after that, and I told him that I had just met my mates wee brothers pal in town, and he had come out to me. I kind of laughed it off to Si, pretty much because Im not sure how to handle this. We joked about it a little, but I feel bad now because its no fair of me to treat garry like that. I dont know if i could be a good gay mentor. Ive never really had gay friends with no sexual undercurrent, and its not as if im well connected on the scene for him to get to know people. Although maybe he just needs someone to listen to him. So ill meet garry tomorrow, well go for coffee and take it from there. Im going to have to work on this sex thing though. If hes going to be puring his heart out to me, i cant be taking advantage. its annoying becuase hes so fucking hot, and I just had a wank there thinking about fucking him. this shits all screwed up now. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Hi dear readers, When you are making the news you never get a chance to watch the news, and when your living your life, you never get a chance to report on it! Last time I posted was 14th may, and Si and I were getting closer, and I was confused about Garry. Well not alot actually happened with that, because a week later I was in Kenya, working in a orphanage for children with HIV or whoes parents have died of Aids. I got the oppertunity to go out there like a week and a half before I left on the 20th may, and I had to do it man. But things were so hectic in moving out of my flat and getting ready to leave for a month, as well as saying buy to Si, garry, and all the others. That week before I left was a bit strange, Si and I were getting closer, and almost acting like a couple again, he would come round for dinner alot and we would sit and talk and watch TV for hours, wheras Garry was like latching onto me almost. He slept on my couch for like 3 or 4 nights, because he just couldnt face going home. So there was a strange night, on the night before I left. Garry had gone home the other day, and Si was coming round for a nice dinner with me again, but this time he had insisted on cooking, and it was going to be a 'romantic' type thing, he emphasised the candles he was bringing. Things were going well, and he had made big hints that he wanted to stay over. He was really happy that I was going away, because he knew how happy I was about it, and I would see him when I got home. Just as we were going to sit down, the bell rings and its Garry. By this time its dark, and probably to dark for him to drive all the way home safley, which in fact Si made that point when Garry came in. Si was a little ruffled but was ok about it, and dished Garry up some dinner. Thats what I like so much about Si, hes so like me in that way. I was a little anoyed cuz he had interrupted, but i got over it and was happy for him to be there. The three of us had a pretty cool evening, Garry had some weed so we got high and chilled on the couch, me and Si sitting close to each other on one and Garry sitting on the floor in front, rolling yet another joint and glued to Americas Dumbest Criminals, its quite funny how much of a wee boy he is sometimes! It was getting late, and we were sleepy from a big dinner and then weed and wine. Si kind of nuzzled into my neck and gently brushed it with his lips, and I got the most intense feeling shoot through me. I quickly told Garry that we were going to bed, and would see him in the morning before i left for the airport. In my bedroom, i collapsed on my back, and Si got his leg over, kneeling over me and leaned down slowly and we shared an impossibley long kiss. It got steadily more intense, i lifted my head up from the bed to get further inside his mouth, and my hands pulled on the skin of his back. My legs upped and wrapped around his waist as he responded and pused the boner under his jeans against my ass. We fooled around, taking each others clothes off and almost locked in each others mouths. We paused a little as a thought rushed through my mind. "What do you think of Garry?" I asked. he looked at me for a bit, frozen in his naked crouch, his silver tooth necklace swinging on a black lace around his neck and his cock swung between his legs, and smiled coyly... "I want you first!" Si said. So i forgot about anything to do with Garry right then as the thin but muscled frame of Si pushed me down again on my back and lifted my legs as his hardened cock, precum slipping out his piss slit, against my hole, begging for him to enter me. Very slowly and intimitly, he rimmed and fingered me for a short time, before slipping a condom on and pushing my legs all the way back against the wall. Doing that made my hole face straight up to the ceiling, and he leaned over it and spat, and a big gob of his spit dribbled out his mouth and plopped right onto my hole. He did it a few more times, before squirting a large amount of lube onto my cunt. He leaned over even more, one foot and one knee on the bed, a hand on the wall and the other grasping his long dick. His eyes were focused on my slippery ripe hole, and he pointed his cock at it, and slid down, all the way down. Si's cock pushed any resistance out the way and he got the full length inside. It flet so good. I didnt need poppers or anything. When I want it that bad, i can just take it and it feels amazing. We fucked slowly and intimitaly, lots of heavy kissing. I love how Si bends over me so you can get the best view of his six pack, with his head close to mine, wet hair from the sweat flopping onto me as he pumped his cock in and out. After a good half an hour of fucking, things sped up, so neither of us heard the bedroom door open. We fucked for another few minutes untill I noticed Garry standing behind us in the dark, shirtless and unbuttoned toruses, rubbing his dick. Si noticed Garry, and while pumping me, motioned with his head for him to come over. Garry pulled his trousers and boxers down, his well built, manly frame in sharp contrast to Si. His 17 year old cock flopped out as he took his skants off, and I opened my mouth for his thick, smooth dick. He slid it in and out of my moouth, and I loved being filled from both holes. His cock was so good to suck, and i got it quite far down his throat. Si however through a condom at Garry. He got the idea, pulled his cock out my mouth, slipped it on and moved around to my ass. Si lifted my legs up even more and near stood on the bed as he pumped me. Garry came from behind, and I felt his cock head push against my well fucked hole. He pushed it in quickly and it made me gasp. Two big cocks were crammed inside my ass, but I quickly got used to it and started moaning for it faster. They both began to fuck me in time, and I went into ecstasy, smacking my own cock up and down as I got fucked by tow guys at the same time. I could see Garry holding onto Si and kissing his neck and back as they fucked me. Finnally Si shouted as he shot his load. They both stopped as Si squeezed the last of his cum out and slid his dick out my ass. Garry then pulled me back further and began to fuck me really hard and fast, my gaping hole could take it easily. We were both moaning as I got closer and closer. Si jumped down and took my cock in his mouth, so I held his head and pumped it in his mouth. It was frantic, garry ramming inside me and me slamming into Si's mouth. I came first, it was sooo good, and I kept holding Si's head as I shot load after load, making all that cum stay in his gob. He squeezed the rest of my cum out of my cock too. I pulled his head up and yanked his hair, pulling his head back and he opened his mouth, showing me a shit load of my cum. Garry quickly pulled out my ass just then, whipped off the condom and pushed his dick in Si's face and wanked furiousley. He aimed and shot right into Si's open, cum filled gob, and moaned so loud in the process. It was so fucking hot to watch. Mine and Garrys cum mixed and swirled around Si's mouth, and I put my hand onto his throat, and garry did the same, to feel him swallow it. He had a bit left in his mouth as he then came and leaned over to kiss me, then i took it and went and kissed Garry with the cum, who broght it back to Si who swallowed the rest. After all that we pretty much all got into the bed, still butt naked, Si against the wall, spooning me, and me spooning garry, our asses and dick rubbing against each other as we fell asleep. I have had a nice long chat with Si over the phone since ive got back, he was laughing coz he was saying he wants me all to himself now! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Im not 48 hours back in the country, and I have a date on friday afternoon! Just c asually browsing on fitlads last night, not for any particular reason, and started chatting to this guy, we'll call him big, because he is 6"4, or little big because he is only 19, and also because I watched the sex and the city movie and its sooo fucking cool film! We he gave me his msn, and I was kind of reluctant to go on because it was midnight and I wanted to go to bed! but we ended up talking untill 3am! he is gorgous, in a kind of straight, unconventional way, but has a face i could totally love. Also I think we are twins seperated at birth, he is so into politics and he knows about the world. If Si has one fault (or many actually but here is one) he knows fuck all about the world. I had to point Kenya out to him on a map before I left (along with telling him the difference between canada and australia). With Si, yeah we could talk for hours, but it was about life at uni, it was gossip or other trivial stuff. In a three hour conversation with big on msn and text, we covered the political destabilisation of Iraq, the Democratic nomination process and its failings and the ethical-ness of starbucks. We have a really similar sense of humour, including a love for making strangers feel uncomfortable by doing things such as talking loudly about gay sex on public transport and following it up with gestures (even if on the phone). And Si is still up north, I wont be up there for another 2-3 months, and its not like were a couple couple. I wonder if him and garry got together. I havnt heard from garry, so i dont know how he is. Im kind of worried cuz ive texted him 3 times and called a few, but it seems his phone is off. But anyway big is hot, and he thinks im cute oh yeah and i got a job and I have another interview monday so i will have da mullah!!! btw i explained what I was up to in Kenya in a comment to the last post More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I had another date with Big tonight, we went and saw Wanted at the movies, was fuckin amazin film! and we had our first kiss tonight in the cinema, it was pretty cheesy now I think about it. I had nachos, and he said something about my breath smelling after shovling down nacho cheese and jalapenos, so I said well I better kiss you now then! He is lovley, and our first date was good too, 5 hours actually. We went and sat in the park and went for coffee. However we have a mutual friend, Billy, who i work with and who was an old fuck buddy of Big. Billy is a bit unbalanced at the best of times, but I think us seeing each other has thrown him into a tailspin, even though I called and asked if he had a problem with it before we went out. Anyway, things are good with Big, but I dont know about Si. When I spoke to him on the phone the other day, he seemed quite agitated. he told me nervously that he and Garry had fucked while I was away. I said ok, and didnt talk about it after that. Im not sure what to think about it. I cant really complain, I wasnt going out with either of them, and I guess its why Garry handt been talking to me. I spoke to him yesterday, the day after I found out from Si. after like 20 minutes of chatting he told me that he and Si were seeing each other! I feel alright about it. Si said he had started seeing someone, but wouldnt say who it was. I asked him if he wanted something between us again and he just said dully he didnt know. So whatever, i will wait and see. Im not in the same city as them for the summer so im not going to worry about it. On a better note I spoke to the hot dominican again! were arrainging another hook up for this week, im pushing to make it a regular thing hes an amazing fuck. if thats not going to happen im going to have to find someone to fuck, or have a slutty night at the sauna. Ive not had any sex since the 3sum in fucking may. I have two jobs now, and all I seem to do is think about sex while im at it. Getting hard now so going to have ANOTHER wank. this is getting ridiculous lol! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Finally! Some action! Im doing temp work, so yesterday I was making teas and coffees at this lawyers office. It was dead so I got to spend 9 hours having mental foreplay with myself, so by the time I left and headed over to the sauna I was pretty damn horny. In fact during the day, while I was working, I had got a text out of the blue from the doctor. Not totally out of the blue, the weekend before I had texted him begging to come round and see him, but let me tell you why. Some people I know who were visiting from Canada and Serbia were leaving the next day. I had spent all week with them, but they wanted me to come for a drink with them on their last night. I was shattered but said fine. So we they decided they were done and were going back to the hostel just as the last bus home sailed past the window of the pub. I was not amused about having to pay £15 to get home. Yet the doctor only lives £3.40 away, so I sent him a couple of begging texts…to no avail. I was going to text the taxi driver who gives me free rides when I give him blowjobs…I don’t think ive told you about that yet, but anyway I know a guy who does that, but he aint all that pretty. I told the Canadian guy who I was with and he felt guilty so gave me a tenner. But the doctor texted me, and was giving me all this babe shit. I replied saying you have to be fucking me to call me babe. Nothing for an hour until ‘can I fuck you then?’ I actually agonised over it for a while, and considered whether or not to give my sauna visit a miss and get a fuck from the doc. But it turned out to be an emotional trap, as it often does with him. I signal interest, in fact I said when and where, he sed tonight, I said ok ill be over straight after work. A little bit later he changes his mind and im left looking like a fucking prick, at least between the two of us. The problem is there that our relationship was based on winning. Someone had to win the argument or the conversation or the sex. Not healthy at all, but for some reason I have an in built prick magnet, in a good AND bad way. But I digress. Im there just at half five, It was fairly quiet, I thought there would have been more people coming in after work, but it was a Wednesday after all. I have this thing about saunas, ive talked about it before. To me they just hold this awesome sexual energy, probably because you can have like unlimited sex there. I kind of prefer going than hooking up at someone’s house, yet I do much more housecalls than sauna visits. With going to someone’s house, you often have to travel to somewhere you don’t know, and for those of us without a car that can be a bitch, and the people can be a let down, or the sex can be shite or over in ten minutes, with a sauna, you can literally fuck till your full. It wasn’t a bad bunch though. I head for the steam room after doing a circuit. Theres two guys to the right on the bench above me, both middle aged but not bad looking. Guy 1 has bad boy (triga) looks, shaven head and shaved pubes. His towel was just covering his cock which he was stroking underneath. I played along, giving mine a fiddle under my towel. Guy 2 who was older and beefier, whips his towel right off at the first sign of group play, but to reveal a fucking tree trunk! The thing was a coiled cobra with a tight silver ring at the base. It rested against his leg, but as the three of us had a bit of a play, each watching each other, it started awakening. After ten minutes or so, we were all hard, and I wanted a bit of both of them, badly. Guy 1 was thick, cut with a good 8” going for him, guy 2 I would be surprised if he wasn’t close to a foot! I wanted to speed things up, but there was an older ugly beside me, so I wasn’t wanting to go down on one of them in the open. I went around the corner of the steam room to a darker bit. No one was there but I was within sight of guy 1. I sank to my knees, pulled the towel around my neck and opened my mouth. He got the picture, and was over quickly. It was like he didn’t stop walking and just shoved that dick right in my open gob. I loved it. I went mad on the thing, wolfing it down my throat, slurping and globering all over his smooth shaft. We were joined by guy 2 with his cockosauras and inevitably by the older ugly, who grabbed what he could. I alternated between guy 1 and 2 while staying on my knees, they stood and kissed and fondeld each other. I liked it when after finishing a stretch on the more manageable cock of guy 1, guy 2 would grab my head, try and pull open my cheeks and force his dick as much as he could in my mouth. We played around like that for quite a while, but eventually the heat became too much and we headed upstairs to a room. On the way we managed to pick up another, thinner but younger guy, who packed a punch below aswell. So there were four of us in the room, I was the only one under 40 most likely, the three others were around the same age, but I think they saw me as a young wee slut, which I was quite happy with! I got back on with sucking guy 1. I was on all fours on the raised mattress while he rested on his hind legs. My fingers found their way to his bare shaved hole, and my mouth encased his juicy balls as well as getting his shaft down me. Meanwhile, the third guy was on all of his fours, and we began to share guy 1’s cock, while guy 2, with the massive dick, as kneeled behind guy 3, lubing up his cock before guy 3 gave a loud moan. Guy 2 was penetrating his hole, and wasn’t giving him much of a chance to recover. It was getting a bit crowded on the mattress, so I gave up guy 1’s cock to guy 3, to let him be spit roasted. I stood and watched the incredibly hot scene. Guy 2, who was pumping the thin bottom slut, kept looking over at me and motioning me to come over to him. I watched closely as his dick slid with speed in and out of the ass he cradled in his hands. It got me really hard to see this guy have both his holes stuffed with extra large cocks. I put my finger on the top of his ass to feel the friction as guy 2 slammed into him. After a while guy 2 said to me, ‘here son you have a go,’ and he passed me guy 3’s ass. It was really hot to think of them all as uncles or something teaching me the young lad how to fuck. I rolled a condom on as guy 2 pulled out and promptly left the room, he must have came because his condom was lying on the floor. Guy 3 who was being fucked raised his head from his lolli-cock to smile at me as I entered him. I pushed my dick far away inside him as he exclamated. I was facing guy 1, who was smiling at me and winking as if they were too both proud that i was learning how to fuck. I felt like saying, ‘guys, ive had a little experience before.’ But I rolled with it. As I began sliding my length in and out of guy 3’s already fucked hole, guy 1 almost lay on his back to check out my cock sliding in and out. He kept saying ‘oh fuck yeah that’s hot’ as I got into the swing of it and let loose. I slammed my entire body into this poor buggers cunt, raging on his skinny ass with all the pent up sexually frustration of around 2 months. I didn’t want to cum yet, so I pulled out. Guy 3 was quite thankful of the reprieve. I went to rimming guy 1’s sweet bare ass hole. He was on all fours on the raised mattress and I was on my knees on the floor. I used my fingers to pull it open and get as far inside as possible. Guy 3 floated around, sucking on guy 1 for a while before sitting on guy 1, and leaning over so I had to asses, one on top of the other. I ran my tounge from the balls of one all the way up to the neck of the other, my cock scrapping the holes of both in the process. As I slurped on guy 3’s ass, I got that great taste of rubber and lube that goes so well with hot sweaty skin and ass juices. There was a good 20 minutes of all this rimming, I had to stop as my tounge almost went numb. I pulled back to wank for a bit and let 1 and 3 got at it for a bit. Guy 1 stayed on his knees, as guy 3 got up and rubbed his dick on guy 1’s slippery salvia’d hole. I thought he was going to put a condom on, but he held his dick and began to slide the head in. Guy 1 reached around with his hand and felt that there was no condom on guy 3. Guy 3 stopped and asked ‘do you want me to put one on?’ Guy 1 replied ‘no, fill me up.’ I could have shot then I swear but I held it in as I got on all fours and inched closer to watch guy 3’s long, raw cock find its way inside that ass. I put my hand on the ass cheek and fingers on the hole to pull it back and get as much of the dick inside the ass slut as possible. Guy 3 would pull out and I would peel apart the ass cheeks and look right inside the hole, spitting a huge gob right inside as guy 3 pushed inside on the return. I put my hands on the ass of the barebacker, pushing him to fuck the barebacked harder and harder. I was mesmerised by the scene. It went on for a long time, guy 1 taking that bare cock. I jumped around, spitting inside his ass, sucking his cock, pulling his ass apart and pushing guy 3 to fuck him harder and faster. I don’t know if guy 3 shot his load inside the hole, but he pulled out quite abruptly, giving guy 1 a minute or so to recover as he passed me his ass. I rolled a condom on and got my tounge stuck back in there quickly. I could taste the lube, and got a little taste of cum. I thought that after so much fucking guy 1’s ass would be red raw, but the cum must have been the lube for me as it was smooth entry in and a silky feeling fucking his well used cunt. I fucked him for a while as guy 1 shoved his dirty ass covered cock into the mouth of my ass victim. I pulled out just as I was going to cum, not ready to give up yet. I said thanks boys and left the room. I chilled for a bit in the Jacuzzi, running threw in my head the hot scene I just witnessed. I really wanted to do it myself, so after half an hour or so, I headed off to one of the rooms. I grabbed a pile of condoms and laid on the raised mattress. I lay on my back, with the door open and my foot on the door. I lubed up my ass as a few guys walking the corridors stopped to have a peak. I then got back on all fours, resting on my elbows so my ass was pointing straight in the air. I kept my foot pressed against the door, so people could come in and use me but so could others, and people could watch, I wanted to share! I really didn’t care who fucked me, I was so horned up. I took my towel and buried my face in it. It wasn’t long till I sensed someone behind me. I kept my face buried, but my heart was beating like nothing else and my cock throbbed in anticipation, my ass tingling, begging for someone to fill it. I heard a bit of rustling and shifting about, before a heavy hand on my back gave me a bit of a fright and a dick head was slowly pushed inside my lubed up cunt. It was thick but not so long. It felt good though. Sore to start with, but the guy, whoever he was, was nice enough to give me a bit to recover before he started to slide in and out me. He got to an incredible speed that was nearly bringing me to tears of fulfilment! He was at it like a jackhammer for a good long while. I so wanted to look round but I kep my discipline and let my ass be used. Without warning he pulled out and there was a spray of cum that slammed down on my back, right to the neck actually, and a few follow up sprays that landed on my ass cheeks. I wasn’t sure if I heard him pull off a condom or not, but the cum was on my back. There must have been a queue because there was another dick that was slammed into me straight after. I began to moan at this one because it was pretty big, in fact it was beginning to feel like it was tearing me up inside, and my hole needed re lubed. Fortunately he stopped quickly, and I didn’t feel anything shoot inside me or on my back. I was a little disappointed. It was a strange feeling, not knowing when and what was coming next, so I jumped again when 30 seconds or so later, another dick slowly pushed its way inside my hole that I imagined raw and dripping. I heard other moans in the background, I don’t know if people were watching or it was form other rooms, but I joined them in the chorus. This fuck was long and thorough. When he was fully in, it was like he was twisting his dick around to create maximum impact. He must have felt the dryness because a cold shot of lube was squirted on my ass hole as he pulled out, then pushed the cold gel deep inside me. This one went on for a long, long time. He kept changing position, as if he wasn’t really comfortable with me on all fours. I pushed the door closed with my foot, and whilst keeping the towel over my face, I turned around to lie on my back. He seemed happier with it as he held my feet up and moved them to the side, penetrating my cunt again. He fucked me for quite a long time, before I felt a shudder and a moan. He left it in for a while, then pulling out and shutting the door behind him. I lay there for a while, still. The towel covered my face but I was panting heavily. I felt so turned n and ready to explode, although my ass felt really tender. I ventured a finger down there, and felt it wet. I blinked as I looked around. There were three condoms lying on the floor. Cum was in two of them, the other one was empty because he had cum on my back. I put a finger to my back and rubbed it in some of the cum that was then beginning to drip off. As I brought my finger round, I closed my eyes and let it run over my ass very briefly. I took a long shower after that, and chilled somemore. I realised I had been there for two hours, and had to get going, but still had my own bulging balls to empty. I quickly found a guy who was doing what I had been, lying ass up in a room. He looked round and motioned me to come in. I shut the door. I wanted to get right down to it. He had a cute, hairy ass and I thought he was foreign when I asked if he liked it rough and he just pointed his ass at me. I rolled one on and stuffed my dick in. he began to moan incredibly loudly, then took my hand. I thought he was going to bite it at first but he wanted me to cover his mouth. I got his game. I held his mouth shut, slapped his face a bit too and fucked him so hard that I was sure he wasn’t faking any of that moaning. I felt orgasm like I hadn’t in a long time and near blacked out as I shot inside the condom. I pulled out and whipped it off, but I still felt there was more to come so I pushed him round and continued wanking, shooting a second and a bit of a third load onto his chest. I collapsed onto him and couldn’t move. I wanted to leave quickly, but my legs were quivering and I was shaky after such a powerful orgasm. I made my way out though, very, very satisfied and feeling like an utter slut! Si called while I was on the bus, but that’s a fucking post and a half in itself so just enjoy the lingering thoughts of me on the bus, shaky after a mind blowing orgasm, a cock that had been in three separate holes getting hard again at the thought of it all, and lube, I assumed, dripping out my battered ass! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... My new temp job is in hospitality, and as you can imagine there is always one, usually a majority, of gays in the workplace. They are usually hot, but Im not attracted to them. Mostly because when im at work, im in work mode, in that I focus on the job in hand and do it to the best of my ability, idle chatter and flirting pisses me off. My work partner came about last saturday when I was working a big massive wedding at a gorgous 5 star country house. It was the owner of the hotel whoes daughter was getting married, so the service was expected to be tip top, i expected it to be anyway. The wedding was complete with ice sculputres and a firework display. the staff there were a rite joke tho. they were all, ALL gay, and the gay hotel staff would stand around gossipping while the managers went around trying to flirt with the staff and get in there pants. really, really unproffessional. One of the managers, Dave, I was running around like a headless chicken trying to find for like a serious problem. I found him eventually heavy flirting with this hot young slvakian guy. I asked him my question and he said he didnt care! I was fuming. Us temps were workin our asses off while the rest of them stood around doing as little as pos! 5 star hotel! Later on in the night I am polishing glasses and Dave the manager is in the kitchen with some of the rest of us. There is a huge tray full of glasses that has to be taken through to the bar. one of the girls asks him too, and he says 'oh no I cant lift heavy things Im gay.' he had been kind of chatting to me just before than, while continuing not to work. he then said to me 'are you a queer then?' 'Yes' I said, 'but I can lift that tray.' the worst bit was when i tried to and i couldnt then the girl who had orginially asked just got fed up and takes it through to the bar...with one hand. So this Dav the manager was banging on about working for the queen for five years and going to the gay bars five times a week and the rest, and he was pushing 30 while trying to get in the pants of teenage staff. He asked me something and I just responded 'oh yeah I have a boyfriend.' The words were out my mouth and I just thought shit, cuz i dont ya know. But i wanted to say it just to kind of get one up on him. Then I thought if im gunna lie, mite as well make it a good one! So I painted this picture of my perfect partner. His name is Andy, we met in high school and have been together for four years now. We went backpacking around south america for a year after school, following much of the che guevara trail. We have a gorgous top floor tenememant flat that was left to us by his grandma. We spend out spare time going hiking and camping in the mountains, where we fish and hunt together. He is a training as a nature photographer so is currently on a photoshoot in botswana. When he is off work between postings he is a gym instructor. By the end of all of that I was a little breathless, the staff around me were hanging on my every word and the manager Dave looked thoroughly pissed! It was great because I spend the rest of the night talking about my incredible relationship with Andy, and everyone was jealous! So because im working in lots of different places, 9/10 of the managers or staff are gay, and frankly most of them piss me off. so I bring Andy out and make myself feel better! I wouldnt recomend it for permanent jobs, but why not have a bit of fun when your not going to be back there? And if you can visualise and vocalise your perfect partner, maybe it will help you find him? I dont think I want a parnter at all right now. I never went on another datre with Big, and Ive stopped texting him back. The shit with Si has got beyond a joke. This relationship he is having with Garry is driving him, and me crazy. Ive had it out with him though, in a very public way... but right now im going to bed. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Si has been calling every day for the last week. His call the other day when I left the sauna was typical of them. He calls ME, then when I answer he shouts ‘hello? HELLO?’ as if he’s terribly busy and always on the phone to people much more important me. ‘Hi.’ I roll my eyes. ‘Whats happening?’ ‘Oh nothing, nothing…you?’ He pauses like always. I can feel that he wants me to ask about Garry. He is absolutely bursting to talk about him, I can feel it. As I said before I don’t want to engage in the subject. I have no problem with them going out or shagging, I wasn’t going out with either of them and had an incredible shag with both of them, at the same time, so I have no real problem with 2/3 of a very successful threesome continuing to enjoy each others company, especially when I was in fucking Africa. We spoke no real words about nothing in particular, but I could hear someone in the background. The thought of Garry went through my mind. Si was trying to ask me something in a roundabout way, but it seemed like someone else was telling him what to say. I cut him off, ‘fuck sake Si either put him on or spit it out.’ ‘can we use your flat to fuck in?’ he really did spit it out, and I spit out my fag and spluttered. ‘whats wrong with yours?’ all his flatmates were girls, and he was telling me how all their boyfriends were round all the time, and he didn’t want to bring Garry back because they also thought that me and him were still seeing each other, and he didn’t want to seem like he was cheating on me. I really did not know what to say. I didn’t have a problem with them fucking, but i wasn’t a hundred percent cool with doing all that, just to make Garry and Si’s life easier, and to make Si look better than he actually is. ‘Nick, are you there? NICK!’ ‘yeah man whatever, do what you like, you usually do anyway.’ And with that I hung up. Not the most mature but whatever I really wasn’t in the mood to duke it out with him. 2 days later, I was working at the café at the bus station, which is a cheap little place that does an amazing fried breakfast, but you don’t want anything else from it. The people that work there are the type of folk that have been working there for a hundred years, so you have to work to their ideas because bringing in new information or techniques would just blow their minds. Si had spoke to me the day before, and I told him where I was working the next day. In fact I told him I was working the next day to get him off the phone, then he asked where and of course I had to tell him. He said he really wanted to see if I was ok. He wanted to come down anyway to shop so would come down tomorrow. I was like you can do what you like im fine mate. So the next day Im working at the café, at the kiosk bit right on the concourse. It was mid morning and fairly busy. Would have always have a couple of customers there as I dolled out ‘coffee’ and cans of juice. Im pouring ‘coffee’ into a polystyrene cup when I see him approach the kiosk. ‘Hi, hows it going’? ‘Im kind of busy here, Simon, what can I do for you?’ he looked injured. I really didn’t get his problem, I reckon he was angry because we had started getting close again and then I had gone off to Kenya for a month and left him high and dry. OK, but he doesn’t understand that I need to be in a relationship where if I need to go to Africa, I need to go to Africa and that’s the end of it. I guess he felt doubly injured because of what happened in Manchester then he thought I had got one up on him again with Africa. I was liking him less and less. ‘You know what’ I said before he could say anything, ‘you can stop dangling garry in front of me and just get in with it that will be £2.50 please luv because I am really fed up with listening to you trying to justify what is going on, just do it and leave me right out of it.’ ‘with all we’ve been through, your just going to throw it away?’ he asked. There were four customers now, I was still serving but they were certainly aware that there was a scene about to erupt. I didn’t care about that right then I just wanted to sort that boy straight. ‘I didn’t throw it away you are the one who is messing around with someone who was vulnerable and needed support not a fuck. You are just doing it to get one over me because of what happened.’ ‘well if you handnt gone off with your ex in Manchester we could have avoided all of this! You don’t even know how much you hurt me, I had liked you for so long…’ I shouted because I was absolutely fuming: ‘ YOU never said anything about that for months! How was I meant to know you wanted to be with me when you don’t even tell me? Am I meat to read your mind?? You obviously arnt over what happened in Manchester so why the fuck did you tell me you were??’ There was a bit of crowd gathering. ‘well I was till you fucked off to be a fucking hero in Africa you selfish prick!’ I was shocked I couldt say anything, the scary thing was he seriously meant that. ‘I cannot believe, I CANNOT BELIEVE that you put yourself, you put your sex life over Aids orphans, you are a wanker, you know nothing about the world and you know nothing about me. So quit sniffing around me and trying to make me jealous or whatever fucked up mind games you are trying to pull.’ He got stared at by the customers in the queue. It was the knockout blow and he slinked off giving me the finger. I was fuming, there was more steam coursing thru my veins than there was in coming out of the coffee machine. I served the remaining customers, one said not to worry, that we didn’t seem right for each other and the other guy was lovely, he asked a bit more about what had happened and I explained a little more about what had gone on. He said that Si obviously had some deeper seated problems than made the relationship impossible to begin with, and I should be proud that I was doing good work, and what was he doing with his life? I agreed with that. People can be lovely sometimes! I looked at the clock, 6 hours more to go, I didn’t want to be around here any more it was making me so frustrated. I found the manager and said I had a family emergency blab la, had to go. I bought 20 fags, sat on a bench, smoked one after the other and tried to think. I texted one of my mates and she came into the city and we went for a coffee before I headed home. I got a call from garry I was on the bus, I just answered and said ‘go fuck yourself.’ So I felt better. I have to learn how to cut loose from things quicker. Spoke to this hottie from the net last night, kind of cheered me up. He wanted to meet me and eat my ass out then work it over with his fingers. I was like ho yeah!! He had two days free, today and tomorrow, but both are shit from me. We had like ten different times arrainged but things kept coming up, mainly for me. And he couldn’t accom because his boyfriend (!) would be home soon. The only way to meet was at the sauna, but I really didn’t feel like going back after only just over a week and paying another £10 just for him to eat me. Although he says he can have me over next week with his boyfriend for a threesome. We’ll see if it happens, could be fun! Although threesomes can have unintended consequences! More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I got home last night from a long, dull and tiring shift at work. In my pyjamas I went online and checked my email. There was a strange one from the Doctor. I hadnt spoken him to him since the last time he emotionaly fucked me over. The email was a mass one from his 'secret' address. Remember he is a closet case, so all the addressees who it was being sent to were a bit dodgy too, all hot boi this and spunky that. So the email said that he was getting a new one and if we still wanted to talk to him then we wre to add the new one on msn. I just automatically added the new one. As soon as I do, he pops up and says hello. I was a bit taken aback. I didnt really want to get drawn into a conversation with him because I knew i would end up looking like the idiot. He keeps prodding though and asks: 'So what are you doing?' 'Ive just got home from work, im in my pyjamas and im having a cup of tea.' 'sounds nice, why dont you come down to mine?' 'why dont you go shuv ur head up ur arse?' 'lol, ill drive up and get you, come on I really want to see you tonight, so horny!!' He only ever drove up to get me once when we just started going out, and he would drop me home. Everyother time when I even said two words about him driving me anywhere he would go on about how I was taking advantage of him! For some reason I couldt say no to spending the night with him. well not particularly him, anyone would have done. But he was familiar. 20 minutes later his car pulled up, and like I was on autopilot I walked out and into his car. I get in and smile, greeting him warmly. He kind of sniffs and says: 'you couldnt have had a shower before you got in my car? jeeze we'll have to do something about that, and your clothes still look like shite.' This is totally and utterly him. He is a snob, a total upperclass prick. I wanted to get out the car right there and then, but we were already driving. Instead I just lit a cigarette and put my feet on the dashboard. He talked on the way down and I answered vaguely, wishing against hope I had never agreed to come. We got to his flat, got in. I sat on his bed and he took of my clothes. I sat there and looked at the wall while he sucked and bit at me. I lay back on the bed in a haze of nothing. I felt like a cheap prostitute as I watched this man ravish another from somewhere outside the window. I dont even remember, or care to what exactly happend. The next thing I know the room is dark and he's snoring away. I lay there, stiff and bleak. Unfortunatly naked. I silently slide out the bed and find my clothes from around the room, unmoved from where they lay. Putting them on, I see his mobile amongst the debris on the floor. I pick it up and watch him. I had reached that stage where I found the person's personality so repulsive that their looks dont even matter. Scrolling down, I delete my nymber and all traces of me from his phone. As I bend down to tie my boots, I see his wallet on the chest of drawers. realising I might have missed the last bus home, I open it and strike gold. There was £40 stuffed in there. A flash of a smile splashed over me, if it were daylight you would have seen my cheeks fill with colour and my eyes gleem with vibrant dastardlyness! If I felt like a cheap hooker when he pumped me, I might as well reap the benefits. In an instant I stuffed the money in my jacket pocket and rushed out the flat, my laces still flapping as I wished down the stairs. I ran along the street because I wanted to. The melancholy of the night ten minutes earlier had been replaced with a feverent, childish delight at the sheer viability and versatility of my own spirit, or it might have been because of petty theft, but whatever it was, I felt better. My elation carried me to the bus stop where I just made the last one home. As I sat right at the back, alone on the upper deck, the adrenelin subsided and I still felt that hole inside me. I didnt know how to fill it. Cock hadnt helped, but at least I now knew to stop looking in the direction of the doctor. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... I was probably as angry and pissed off as I have ever been the other day. I was still, still fuming about the doctor and Si, and I had a shitload of pressure with my work. Not to mention all the stress of my day job as a cater waiter who sold his soul to make some money. I had been doing dishes in a café all morning. It was pure hell. The café was one of these local council run things so it was a tip and the staff were a joke. There was a whole toodoo about a gas leak and there was all this stress and blah. Drove me mad. Then I had to sit on the bus for 1 hour and a half, with 2 of the freaks I was working with back into the city. I was 30 minutes late for a meeting with my other work, but only 2 others turned up out of ten expected to come, so I had to do all the work in the meeting. I was pretty mad, I don’t need to recount every detail but by the time we had finished our meeting (me still in a kitchen porters boiler suit rolled halfway down) and actually come up with what we wanted, one of them thought we should go for a celebratory drink. Great idea I thought. Turns out they wanted to go to the LGBT centre, which is a like a gay café and bar thing. Its where me and the doctor had our first date. For some reason I don’t like the place. The first time I ever went there was with the doctor, and Ive only been a couple of times since. The place is kind of pretentious and full of pricks, but then again that’s the people I work with! We get there, and who else is there except 4 of the other folk who should have been at the meeting. My rage levels peaked up again and a drink just got me simmering. Half hour or so later who decides to turn up with his little wanker mate. The fucking doctor. If I hadn’t had just swallowed the cider in my mouth I actually would have spit it out. Instead I kind of sputtered and choked then had a fit of coughing, making me incredibly obvious to everyone in the bar whereas I mite have got away with sitting in the corner and the doctor not noticing me. I kind of slouched all the way down in the chair to hide behind the glass but for some reason it didn’t work and he seen me. He walked along the room rite to the opposite corner, watching me all the way as my head slowly followed him. He bednt down to say something in his mates ear then turned away from me, in that deliberate way that made me feel completely insignificant. I wasn’t that involved in the conversation at my table. I don’t really like any of the people I work with in this particular project. For one their professionalism always seems to be lacking, and they pretty much coast. Someone has an idea and they all coast on that one rather than look at it critically and come up with the best course of action. Not that the ideas they have are all that great to begin with. So I accepted drinks as apologies and continued to secretly spy on the doctor. Not really spy seeing how he knew where I was and him and his mate kept talking hushedly and looking over there shoulders towards me. I wondered what they were on about, neither of them seemed happy and neither of them seemed happy at me. I began to feel incredibly akward and out of place. I had never felt that this place was mind or I belonged to it before, and even less now that the doctor had come and pissed all over his territory. They were huddled over their drinks like two Nazis in a 1930’s Berlin bar, and I was the one Communist still brave or stupid enough to show their face, and the those thugs were working out how to best beat me to a pulp. My mind imagined the place as the bar from Cabaret, and I saw this one fat, skin head bull dyke jump on a table and belt out that song that Liza Minneli sings at the beginging of the film. It made me laugh to myself, but that was a mistake because that was the moment that the doc and his mate look back round at me and I was sitting their smirking to myself. Not good. It was like that had resolved the doctor to get up firmly, down the rest of his pint and march over to our table. Hes 25, but looks and acts much older, whereas the average age of our table was about 17, the mental age about half that. But the good thing was as the doctor marches over, the folk im with stop their laughing and shrieking and give the doc the collective look that a gang of hard ass schoolgirls gives a geek that tries to chat up the leader of the pack. I felt supported. He looks at me, tall and ginger and with that northern irish accent that you could just as eaily imagine wearing a big orange sash and screaming obscenities at the pope. Before he can even open his mouth to say anything, I stand up, grip the base of my half empty glass and say: ‘you owe me 40 quid you bastard’ And hurl the half pint of cider square across the table. It was like slow motion as his mouth opened at indignation at what I had said, but unfortunaltly it was a large target for the cider. There was a lot of it, so it got splashed his entire face and half way down his shirt. A good thorough soaking. No body else apart from the people around our immediate corner noticed the harrumph, but my table did. They looked at me, then looked back at the doctor, who continued to look at his wet self. I didn’t move from the spot. In fact I was frozen in the same position with my arm holding the glass outstretched. I kind of muttered an oh oh. The doctor wiped the drink off his face with one hand. ‘you little bitch.’ That fucking got me. His hand smashed across the table and he grabbed my t shirt with his fist. This made my crew of school girls jump up and go a little mental. ‘get your hand off me and give me back my money you prick!’ I yelled, and the school girls jumped up and down giving a chorus of get off him! Give him back his money! I did a pre emptive strike and smacked him rite in his wet face. I kind of shocked myself as a red smudge appeared on his face and grew into a blob which started streaming down his face. He looked as shocked as I did. His mate over the far end of the room saw what was happening, as had a few others he must have known who flew over to our corner. The school girls made a kind of human wall between me and the bloody doctor and his mates. Insults flew and the squaring up started. The doctor and I exchanged glances through our walls of support, I kind of apologised with my eyes, he considered it, considered a truce and trying to calm the situation, but he turned away and let it fall to pieces. I very skilfully escaped from the bar. As soon as I got out I leaned against the wall with relief and lit a fag as all hell broke loose inside. More...

Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... The streets were cold and black and orange in the still of the night. I had left the bar blocks behind but now was when my own troubles started. I kept thinking oh god what have I done. I punched the man I love. Then I shouted at myself no I don’t love him, I hate him. I couldn’t decide, I couldn’t remember how I had felt about him before then. I think one way then I see or speak to him then I I think another. He has a power over me. I don’t know if its his words or the potential I project on him but either way im addicted to him, or at the very least the idea of him. And I was in such turmoil because with one punch I had ripped away any shred of potential that there even could have been left. I sat on a bench. I was so worked up I couldn’t even work out where the fucking bus stop was. All I could do was smoke one fag after another, tap my foot and rest my chin on my chest. After a time of doing that I brought my phone into the equation. Nothing from nobody. Was that bad or good. Should I call him? Why hasn’t he called me? Why hasn’t anyone from the bar called me? What the hell happened? I started going through my text inbox, and stopped as I came to the last message from Si: ‘well go fuck yourself then.’ It had been nearly two weeks then since we had spoke after all that shit went down. And I had no idea if it was forgiven or forgotten or what the hell was happening. But I could think of no one else to talk to, no one else to turn to. He was probably the worst person to call that night. I had so many others I could have, my best mate for one, but it just didn’t enter into my mind. All I could think of was Si, and all I could remember was that first night we got together, the way we danced so long and the way we held each other at night. I thought there must be something still in that. Those feelings cant be forgotten, even after the rollercoaster that we had been through. I called him and he picked up. I spewed words down the phone. I was shaky at the beginning, but then I got stronger. As I relayed what was happening and what I had been feeling the last few weeks, more started to come out. I hated the fact that he had left me for Garry. It upset me completely. After Manchester I had this image, this idea that we were rock solid. That I had screwed up but there was something between us worth fighting for. And I felt hurt when he didn’t understand why I had to go to Africa, but then again I understood why it hurt him. I got how he was feeling about me and about how we were getting back on track until I had gone and thrown the spanner in the works, and oh god I was sorry. And oh god please don’t tell me you love Garry. I thought it was raining. I said on the phone oh god its raining now. But I looked up and there was nothing. My shaken hand touched my face and I felt the tears streaming out of my involuntary eyes. I could not stop this avalanche of emotion. But it fell into place. This was why I had been feeling so angry recently, this was why I was feeling like everything was falling apart and that I couldn’t cope. I had never thought that I could be in the wrong with Si. I couldn’t countenance that version of events. Yes I had gone off with my ex in Manchester, but did he not understand what my ex, what S meant to me? Did he not get it? Just then the whole thing appeared to me from his direction. I saw myself as he saw me. Someone false, callous, uncaring, but with this capacity to love and to care to others, but not to show that to the ones I did love. To never compromise or to give in, to see love as a battle, as a war that lasts until one gives in to the other or until one flees the battlefield. He must have listened to just my tears on the phone for excruciating minutes. I wasn’t even sure if he was still there I heard nothing to indicate that he was. He got me to calm down though, and he was exactly how I wanted him to be. Garry didn’t mean a thing to him. I was right, he said, he was just there to hurt me, to make me suffer for what I had made him suffer through. ‘But despite all that, Nick. Despite what you put me through for months. I still feel the same way about you that I do when I came to change your lightbulb. I still feel for you what I felt for god so long before I even had the guts to say anything. Theres things I want to say right now, theres things I want to tell you but I only want to say it when im sitting with you, when I can tell you what I want to say while I can touch your face and hold your body and smell your skin and wipe your tears that your crying.’ I stumbled and stuttered and the tears were only interrupted by the sniffs. ‘Don’t say anything. That place is obviously stressing you out to fuck. Come away for a few days. Come up here and stay with me for a while. Clear your head. I don’t want to hear about your work. Its temping you can easily not take a couple of shifts for a few days. Come up tomorrow morning, I’ll meet you at the bus station and we can go to that diner and talk this thing out.’ I nodded. That was what I needed. I said to him though: ‘what about…him.’ ‘hes on holiday right now. I don’t know ive not heard from him the last week or so, he wont answer his phone or his texts. I think hes got someone new. Don’t worry about it man.’ I made my way to the bus stop, it’s the last one in the town before you get the bridge over the river to the other side of the city. It felt like the last bus stop on the road to nowhere. I felt that was where I was going. Deep into the dark with only a vague knowledge of the route. I got on and went to the back, and as we drove into the night I thought about all the things you guys said about Si. And you are all right. As you usually are. As you are about the doctor and about how I should feel and act. But I cant do it. I cant hate Si. I cant even hate the doc. At that moment I got a text from one of the people who I was with at the bar: ‘everythins kl now. Big Jamie jmpd over frm the bar and kikd that wankr out, we sed he waz threatenin u man! And Jamie added £40 on2 his bar tab and gave me da cash to giv to u cuz we kept sayin how he stole it frm u man!’ I couldn’t help but smile. Not just at that, but about Si. Can you make a relationship happen after so many false starts? After so many things that would have blown up any other relationship? Can you make it happen when you are starting from a position of having almost no trust in the other person whatsoever? What is meant to happen? I have another good month before I can move back to where he is. I don’t know if it can survive another pause. Maybe we just don’t start anything for another month. Does he even want that I don’t know. What did he want to tell me? I can guess but what would I say. I don’t know if I love him. I swore that I would repeat that mistake of telling the person I loved them when I didn’t. I hated him two weeks ago. I hated his living guts. But then I hated him two months ago, and then just after Manchester when he would understand what I was going through. Im not as strong as I think I am. Hes not as bad as I thought he was. Everything can change, everything has changed so much in the last few months that we have been together or not. I don’t know what I want to happen, but sitting on that bus, I knew one thing for certain. I knew how I felt about him then. Right then, I knew how I felt, and I could picture exactly what I wanted to say. ‘Thanks for saving me again.’ I texted as the bus rumbled past the doctors flat. More...