Baretop4ever

Obviously you have read my post from bottom to top, in reverse. Then it would make sense that I told that guy to piss off and which he started to reproach me because of. Try to read the post from top to bottom and mind the chronology: He was pissed off and reproached me for not getting a hard on and started to make a drama out of it. There is reason why I wrote AFTER this point that I told him to piss off etc.

I didn't write without reason in the beginning of my post: "The guy was pissed and reproached me for not getting hard and started a real drama out of it." I get what you mean and I agree with you that my post lacks context and I understand certain aspects can be difficult to comprehend. It would have been wise to ask for more context. Instead, you make assumptions, and accuse me of things based on your approximate assumptions. Things that I didn’t do and that you don’t know about if I actually acted like that, as you claim. I'm afraid that you are over-interpreting and reading more in there, and seem to estimate things that didn't happen. Over-interpreting things into my post doesn’t help to support your points either. It’s nothing but hijacking my post to address issues that you obviously have in mind, but have nothing to do with me or my situation. Therefore to clarify and with more context: 1) I did apologize for my inconvenience. I'm not sure why you estimate that I wasn't regretful and would put the blame for my issues on that guy. I never wrote that anywhere. I asked him to piss off because he was reproaching me. In detail: that guy became rude, abused me, calling me bad names, shaming me for “not being man enough”, and angrily started to talk me into focusing on getting a hard-on. That was the point when I gave him my three options. 2) he didn't do all the prep work beforehand. I found out when I fingered him - it wouldn't have taken much and he would have offered me a different kind of cupcake 💩. I did not mention that in my initial post because I wasn't angry about it within. I didn't have any problems with that. That happens and is part of the risks for me as a top and I didn't reproach him for that. I'm not sure why you estimate that every bottom is likewise conscientiously doing prep work beforehand, that argument doesn't work. I had countless bottoms not doing the prep work. It is not okay, but experience has taught me that is still very common. And I take the chance if I want my fun. Normally, an apology is definitely due, and while I did apologize for not meeting what he expected, I don't apologize to rude people and don’t have to eat humbled pie for not getting a boner. It goes without saying that a sex date is always combined with the risk that you don't always get what you expect. Hello, that is common experience! No matter how much a bottom does prep work beforehand - that doesn't make him entitled to demand warranty. Of course, he comes with the expectation that a top offers and provokes hope for. Of course, a top has to deliver. But remember: it was a date. Consensual and non committed. No notarized certified contract with 100% hard-on and cum-inside guarantee and warranty period or refund policy for all prior investments. I don’t know if you keep on with a date if you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, but I take the liberty of ending it if something does not feel right. And shaming me for not getting hard is definitely not a good basis to go ahead, only because of me assuming the other guy seemingly may have done more prep work beforehand. And I don't understand anyways why you weigh up who did more prep work beforehand, the bottom or the top… it’s not a competition and doesn't entitle anyone to enforce anything, so that argument doesn't work either. When I fuck someone, I offer what I have got and I will see what the other one will offer. So do most of the guys act that I have met. Aggressively demanding something that has obviously become possible like the rude guy in my case did are the exception in my case. Everyone offers something, that's normal and part of the process, and there's always the risk that it could be in vain. If you don't accept that, then don't invest anything. If a bottom feels entitled to enforce a boner at any cost for the sole reason he did all the immense prep work beforehand, then that's what I mentioned for to go for a dildo. That's the only 100% hard-on guarantee you can ever get to make your prep work worth it. Or go to a sex worker that you have paid for, there you can argue how much prep work you have invested beforehand and how much you are entitled to make demands. I believe that it's a given to be empathic enough to understand that a man doesn't get hard on command. I understand that, and I had men who understood that. It was even by such men that I've learned that compassion from while I had been inexperienced myself and had been starting to hook up. And that guy lacked that empathy. This is the kind of empathy that I'm talking about. Look and learn: What do you think? Maybe you had the luck exchanging photos in advance, and your guys looked and appeared exactly the way in real life. I had different experiences. Besides that, do you have any suggestions how to tell from a photo of a person has a rude and aggressive character and tends to create dramas? Especially when he comes across as sweet and friendly while we had been chatting before? How do you think I could tell from a photo if he did prep work beforehand or not? It should be a give to do prep work, as you expect it to be the norm. But the reality looks different, no matter what a bottom promises with words in advance. Well, I couldn't tell that beforehand when I exchanged photos with that guy. Here again: your assumptions about me don't make any sense. With him not doing prep work and becoming rude and dramatic, it should make more sense now why I didn't feel him to be the cupcake he pretended to be. I never wrote anywhere in my post that I placed the blame for me not getting a hard-on on that guy. I clearly wrote that the blame was to place on my personal matters. (Have you actually read the post entirely??) Again: assumptions, assumptions, assumptions... instead of calling me an asshole it would have been intelligent of you to ask for ore details and context if you wanna go deeper into the topic. Hijaking my post and placing your personal issues doesn't get you anywhere. I'm happy to answer anything more if it's still lacking context, but I'm not going into any more wild and confused assumptions. As I said, any assumptions have more to do with you than with me. Or at least have the courtesy to read a post entirely before commenting. That would be "classy", to stick with your narrative.

My currency are Sperm cells… 💦

At a hook up I didn't get a hard on - had a stressful week before and had some personal issues distracting me. I honestly hoped to get off and honestly offered a fuck... The guy was pissed and reproached me for not getting hard and started a real drama out of it. I offered him three options: - maybe I don't get hard because he's not the cupcake I thought to be? - if he needs an all-time ready-steady hard dick, it's a dildo what he needs, and not a human being that isn't ready like a tool with loaded batteries at any time... - to piss off I'm aware that a date expects a hard dick when one is out to get fucked, and that I, as a top, am the one to deliver and I provoke hope for that when I accept a hook up, but hello...! We're humans, no machines or apps... I had countless of guys without a stone hard rod for various reasons that no one's to blame for.

Yes. Felt like a forceful violent military invasion of another country and my ass reacted like India's war of independence according to the philosophy of "ahimsa": non-violent disobedience until the aggressor withdraws on his own in defeat. In other words, it was worth a try, but the whole thing didn't make it up to a real penetration. But it helped me to become more sensitive towards bottoms! Ever since I treat them as sacred chalices with the best of sensitivity and patience I can offer.

And it sounds so innocent the way you describe it - two young boys discovering each of their calling...

The taste, the smell, the way it looks... there's something about it, that touches my deepest innermost senses. Something like accessing a primal desire again. Connected to that, the awareness that it was spent by that very same primal need to produce and shoot it out, no matter by whom. I don't have any other choice than consuming it.

And this process speaks for many among us as well. Can totally relate to that, as well as to the anxiety mentioned in the original post. I was scared, felt guilty of my fantasies (similar to yours, only the other way around, speaking as a top breeder). How to get past your inner limits? Well, buddy, you have already done the first important step - talk about it in a safe space like here to like-minded guys. You'll see with time how your mind rearranges, gets used to accept your fantasies as a part of yours, especially in an environment like here where many can relate to you. You're on the right track! That would be a possible second step - analyzing what exactly makes you feel chained and blocks you from living out your fantasies. Culture? Religion? Being Slut-shamed? In my case, it was culture, religion and growing up in an insane deep heteronormative environment, where even many gay men claim to be out and open, but seem to copy and paste heteronormative lifestyle for them even more than straights would do, with monogamous relationships, constant secret service like observation of each other to make sure if any partner cheats on them, preaching how slutty the gay scene is with full of STDs and how better they are, the list wouldn't end. All of this made me feel like a second class worthless subject that doesn't fit in because of my fantasies to breed around bare every possible hole and to satisfy my sex drive. Ok, next step for me was about deconstructing all of this: Culture and religion are there to serve humans - not the other way around. Under the bottom line, culture and religion is there to support you to be a kind person to your fellow people and should limit you the moment you harm yourself or anyone else. Do you harm anyone by giving in to your fantasies? No? Really not? - then this point is ticked off. Culture and Religion are there to give you a start on how to shape your life. But in a heteronormative culture I would say: I need another place to start as long as I don't fit in, and I choose to not let culture and religion get in my way. Heteronormativity: I've seen many gay men preaching about monogamy and ending up in broken relationships, very often after cheating on each other. The point is: No one is better or worse than you are. You are on the same level worthy of what you are, with every part of your personal fantasies. That's all you - and no one is in the position to judge you. Next step - how do I start? You always make Baby steps, and just like a Baby, reach out - what you are wonderfully doing now, and many posters before have already given great pieces of info. That was also what I was wondering about. Play a mind game with yourself: what kind of person would you like to be without that FWB, if that man exclusively breeding you hadn't existed? How would you describe the person you would be instead? Do you like your "other self"? Would you like to be him? If you answer with YES, then I'm on the same boat as tallslenderguy and would ask myself if that man may be restricting you from a life that you would love to live... There's no start without practicing. Practice as a test what you are dreaming of, and if possible, reach out to a friend whom you can trust, so that he'd join you, e.g. accompanying you while you live out your fantasies. (I was accompanied by a friend when I made my first Baby steps in a dark room and started to fill up random holes the way I had dreamed of for ages and didn't dare try. I just felt safe with my friend being somewhere near around while my dick was inside of someone else... My fantasy was to fuck randomly cause that was what my sex drive wanted - and I was terrified the first time fucking someone I didn't know or even see in the darkroom... if I had found out, this isn't what I like or had thought of before, there was always my friend to catch me from falling mentally out of disappointment, and we all know how Sex can either pleasure or disturb you. to know, I'm not all alone there was encouraging. I ended up loving it and kept on fucking other guys as well, and my friend decided to leave at some point... he got it, that I can finally move on on my own). I don't wanna create beautiful illusions: you will make mistakes, you may have disappointments, it may all appear in realtiy different than in fantasies - we went the same road, maybe at least most of us, and it's part of the process. But what's bothering you seems to be more than a random thought, but the start of a possible road that could lead to something beautiful - what's meant for you to become.

Thank you so much, guys, for your kind words! No matter if anyone plans to visit India ever, I'm just happy if this could help present an insight to get a realistic picture. Which is very interesting for me to learn as well. I had no idea it’d be that much similar in the US. Apart from me generally not knowing in detail about circumstances in other parts of the world, I was mostly used to German and Indian situations and thought of especially the rural situation to be a phenomenon typical for India or similar countries, where LGBTQ rights are settled in a space somewhere between the extremes of legal/illegal and accepted/unaccepted, and hardly anything in between. In Germany no matter how remote a village is, I always noted a general awareness that a queer person could still make it in life somewhere else, if abandoned by village and family because of queerness and being different. The typical story of a small town boy, moving to the big city lights, finding a new home with a chosen family and reinventing oneself with an own identity and expressing inner individual truth. A major part also may be the infrastructure of traffic. The transport network is very close-knit here and the country is simply too small. No matter how remote a village is, it is always possible to escape to the next reachable bigger city by train within a manageable time. So the hope for a better life generally appears to be visible at the horizon in spite of any drama at home, and you always know, if I'm not accepted here, I'm accepted somewhere else. The strong belief in one's individuality seems to be very strong in the collective mind to give up, unlike within the Indian mindset. Another aspect not to be neglected are the social system and social offices to catch you from falling when you find yourself thrown out from home overnight without income and a place to stay. In India, the common person identifies with the native place and family, and being abandoned by them means social death, the guilt of having failed in fulfilling the expected traditions, and the conclusion, “Without my family, I’m nothing”, which unfortunately often ended up in literal death. The personal identification through family, traditions and the conviction to belong to one’s native place are commonly stronger than individuality and self-realization. Many people who feel different and fail to fit in are not even aware that life could be different in another place, and even if, the next bigger city is way too far to reach that easily. Big cities even with the best of refuges to address queer people are still too rare for such a big country, and in India there’s hardly any social system to support these cases. It is only in today’s time, especially thanks to the hard work of activists' groups growing an awareness. These groups are are over their baby steps of activism and keep on with tireless efforts to convey the message of freeing oneself from traditions and setting boundaries, when they get the point to become vulnerable and to encourage self-realization. Help and tips through social media on how to escape from home, how to connect with fellow queer people, where to find them, and the meaning of a chosen family, and to reinvent oneself with one's inner truth. There's a slowly, but steadily growing amount of confident queer people (and confident hot fuckers) that encourage fellow wired people. Coming back to the initial question of bare fucks: Just like everywhere else, the more you are confident about yourself, the more you seem to be ready to fuck bare like there's no tomorrow... And it's just interesting to trace back in how far social and legal issues shape one's confidence to become the fucker or receiver that you're meant to be - or not. Apart from that it is always crucial and a walk on a razor's blade to share my love for a country with a vast beautiful heritage worth exploring yet being a cruelly backward patriarchal non-inclusive country ...

Seeing this thread only today due to its yesterday’s update And I've been on this platform only since last year or so... I never saw this post before. Obviously the one who started this thread isn’t on this platform anymore, and the scene in India has changed radically from 2015 to today anyways. My $.50 of piece of Info as an Indian (grew up and living in Germany, but pretty much connected to India in general and with some members of the LGBTQ scene there). Mind you, my details are no claim to completeness, and based on my personal experiences and impressions. India is not only big, but also confusingly diverse, it always depends on which places you wanna visit if you wanna fuck bare in the first place and wanna experience culture as a side, or if you are into culture, landscapes, people etc. in the first place and wanna fuck bare on the go. Some rough and ready rules: Major cities have a lively queer scene and venues to meet other people. Especially Mumbai, New Delhi, Bangalore and Hyderabad. For bare fucking, start there. In major cities, as stated above, you can explore similar venues, like bars, clubs, parties, nightlife as we know it from Western cities. In terms of locality, those are the best places to start going for bare fucks. Traveling to India during pride parades in major cities would enhance the chances. Dating apps most popular, as far as I know, are Tinder, Grindr, Romeo. Meeting up with men to get a dick or a hole isn’t that much of a problem at these places, especially if you stick to official venues labelled as LGBTQ oriented events. Outside of such venues or apart from such events, sticking to the mentioned dating apps are the better option. In general, you will always find someone in major cities. If you offer your hotel room to host, you’re a good catch, since many men live with their families and are less expected to host. Apart from that, your hotel room is your personal safe space. Rural areas: to cut it short: forget it. In detail: The more you head into rural villages, for example, if you want to explore the landscapes or the core culture apart from fucking, the more conservative and medeival-minded become the people. At such places, if you are a queer Indian, you are toasted. If you visit such places as a foreign tourist, local people would generally show you the respect for the sake of hospitality, but will manage to somehow keep you away, despising your “lifestyle”. You are best advised at rural areas to keep it for yourself if you’re traveling e.g. with your same-sex spouse and present yourself as best friends instead, let alone, if one main intention is to fuck. It’s not impossible to meet gay men there who would be willing to have sex, but making contacts on a sexual level in rural areas is tough, and a long way to go. You would meet gay men anywhere, but in a village not everyone would reveal themselves, only after a looooong way of getting acquainted. In rural places, men have a lot to lose if they are revealed as gay in the village where everyone knows everyone and wouldn’t risk much to get caught in the act. Still, never say never… with dating apps, you can try your luck. Cruising areas: to cut it short: don’t you dare! I'm serious. In detail: There are well-known cruising places in each major city as well, but personally, I wouldn’t advise checking them. Mostly those are the same places where other “outlaws” of the society (at least what are considered outlaws in India) frequent as well, just like street prostitutes, drug dealers, paid henchmen or contract killers, human trafficking … i know, it sounds like a joke or like adapted from a Tarantino movie. India is a country where corruption is part of daily agenda all throughout executive and political forces. All these mentioned “services” are often supported, protected, or even used by those, who are actually supposed to fight them. It has been a long tradition of cruising gay men to hit exactly these law-free spaces where you don’t look any more conspicuous than any other “outlaws”. But - it’s a difference if you go there as an Indian gay man or as a visible foreigner, a.k.a. white colored person. The latter is more expected to be rich, and to be a good prey to be robbed, or to be forced to claim any of the above “services” to make him pay. If something happens to you, perpetrators rely on any investigations ending up nowhere since foreign tourists can only rely on official support in case of any emergency or legal problems - which can again be “adjusted” by corrupt forces. In terms of physical or legal trouble, you are pretty much on your own. An Indian man, no matter how much he gets himself into trouble, is mostly backed by a family or a whole family clan and has less to lose. A tourist is in a more vulnerable position at these places. My experience at one cruising spot: two street prostitutes forced themselves on me, and didn’t accept my claim that I was gay and that I was looking for guys and not girls, they still didn’t let go off me. Their pimps interfered, and still demanded me to pay them something, since “I had talked to those girls and wasted their time to find other clients”. There was no point in discussing with them that their girls forced themselves on me first and that I wasn’t interested in talking to them in the first place. (It’s ironic, being in a country where coming out as gay is still a matter of risk for various reasons, I thought exclaiming out loud “I’m gay!” in public would save my life…). The point is: you cannot complain anywhere or seek help in such a situation. The question will always be directed back to you, what the hell you were doing at such places. I was just glad that the whole situation hasn’t gone any worse than that. I paid him something and learned my lesson and went home. Discussing more would only have made that pimp call his henchmen to make me pay. (And if anyone wants to know, I fucked the next day with an online hook up.) I therefore would strongly warn of going to cruising places. Bare fucking can never be worth the excitement to risk your life. Except you wanna go full Tarantino in real life. A place that I would definitely recommend to visit and to be safe and enjoy giving and taking loads is Goa. There’s still pretty much a Portuguese vibe descending from colonialism, but more to notice a carefree and liberal lifestyle in the general mentality, as a legacy of that region being a former major hippie stronghold. And Goa is one of the few places I know of where the beaches are not only Paradise-like lovely, but also pretty much safe-spaces to go cruising. Goa serves you Sex on the beach on various levels. Just keep in mind that nowhere in India there is any clothing optional place, it is illegal in Goa as well. So make sure you find a cosy place where you won’t be seen that easily. A word regarding STIs: only rely on yourself, how you deal with it, no matter how. Never rely on someone else in India that e.g. he would know his status. Some examples of gay men that you would come across are like: The out and open gay man who got himself informed about STIs and gets himself tested and knows his status. The closeted gay man who frequently has gay sex, and a) got himself informed secretly through social media about STIs and gets himself tested and knows his status. b) doesn’t care, cause he still thinks of himself as a an exemplary family father nurturing his family and fulfilling his traditional duties, no matter how many guys he fucks or gets fucked by casually, and thus believes that divine providence would never punish him with diseases… (yes, some really believe that) and doesn’t know his status. c) doesn’t get himself tested out of fear, if anyone would come to know and would start asking the wrong questions and doesn’t know his status. The uneducated closeted gay man who has never ever even heard of STIs … and doesn’t know his status. My native place is Kochi, in the state of Kerala, South India, major city with a very lively and active queer scene, but more in the context of arts, culture, and literature, and less or very few with bars or clubbing. There are even queer friendly bars, but every bar would close at 10pm at the latest. There is hardly any nightlife in the sense of “dance the night away”. Nevertheless, Kochi with its queer scene, pride, parades and events is also a place to meet various guys, but also here online dating is your best friend. (And Kochi has a cruising area where female street prostitutes force themselves on you and are backed by greedy pimps…) Dating apps are in India less an option to meet new people or to fuck, but in many cases more a necessity. Homosexuality is no crime by law anymore, but many still face resentments in society. The majority of gay men are still closeted and live a double life. Even if there are sex-starved closeted gay men who can’t help thinking of sex the whole long day, and are insanely pissed off and done fucking their wives’ pussies, many would still rather reject the chance for a fuck any otherwise out of fear than risking a societal downfall. If you meet someone online, you can normally count on men who are ready and have made up their mind to go for it, come hell or high water. Less drama. I’m honest, and let’s face it: looking for a bare fuck in a country like India is a challenge, but it is not impossible. It’s in many ways different. Since India is in every context full of extreme opposites and contrasts, it is likewise the case with looking for hook ups. It’s easy in major cities, although you always have to keep in mind every gay man or trans person has an issue in one way or another with his societal background and that needs to be taken seriously while interacting with them. They will communicate how freely they can behave. That’s why official venues or meetings in major cities for queer people are always the most liberated and best places to start. Anywhere else, it is either almost impossible or risky on various levels to look for hook ups. It is always wise to have someone there, who knows the places, the people, the cultural differences and could assist you to guide around there and help you meet the right people to fuck and who would warn you before you do something risky without knowing - which is of course impossible if you are a tourist and do not know anyone there beforehand. One idea would be to check dating apps and check profiles of the people there in the long run before travelling to get an impression what kind of people are there, who'd be open for giving or receiving bare loads, and make contacts in advance. (Which I often do). If you have met someone, removed pants and did your business, things get easy afterwards. Many gay men know other gay men and support each other, and may be happy to introduce you to their network. It’s pretty much comparable to the secret societies of gay men decades or centuries ago in Europe, or generally in the west. In the past, once when I was on holiday visiting my family there, my relatives there had hired a car driver and they offered me to let him drive me around whenever I had to travel there. The driver and me became friends soon, and he entrusted me that he was gay, but living in secrecy, and yes, we fucked, and afterwards he introduced me to other secret gay men that he was friends with - yes, we fucked, too - and that made things easier. A note to the behaviour of straight men in India: I’ve heard from many tourists how confused they were, when they saw straight men in India walking down the street holding hands, or hugging, or being very touchy in general. It’s never a definite indication that they could be gay. Misunderstanding that and trying to approach them for a gay encounter can often make them feel offended. It’s just the way straight men in India act with each other showing buddy affection. (You can bet that I always have a hard time there handling my lust while I’m being touched the whole day by every Tom Dick and Harry…). In terms of queer rights, India is changing very fast. Many activists make many major changes while many politicians come up with new limits. Everything what I have written here are my experiences and impressions from the past years, but any of these aspects may will have changed completely tomorrow. I’m aware that very much of this doesn’t exactly sound inviting if you plan a vacation in India, and definitely wanna fuck bare. As I said, it’s easy in major cities, and the other point is: it is a chance to explore your own sexuality in a completely different surrounding, especially in a country like India. I tell you: it is fucking different, and worth a try. I grew up in Germany and would consider myself more western, and I have an out and open and liberated relation to my sexuality. But each time when I’m in India, I cannot exactly point the finger at what it is… I’m horny as fuck to the core like a dog in heat, in a way I don’t know from my normal daily life that takes me myself by surprise each time I’m there. Maybe it’s the humid weather that makes your whole body sweaty all the time and makes it feel totally different and strange and makes yourself feel all new. Maybe it’s knowing that looking for a hook up is a different challenge than at home and adds an extra spice of excitement. Maybe it’s the food which of its many spices are healthy for libido. Maybe it’s the men there, who act and behave in a completely different way than we know from home, which attracts us on a whole new level and makes us curious and horny in a way we have not felt before. All I can say is, each time when I’m in India, I feel a whole new level of my sex drive, I think of sex way more than at home (and mind you, I’ve never been to India for holidays. There was never any relaxed holiday vibe for me, as I was busy with various stressful engagements every day during my stay there, the same way as if I would go to work in Germany). The way men look at you in a totally different way than I was used to, kept me horny throughout. Life in India is in many ways harder than I have experienced in Germany, which forces men there to be more aggressive, not because they’re rude, but they had to learn the hard way to get things done (I had my share of that as well. I was often very thankful for my life in Germany where I could manage many comparable situations like in India much easier). The effect is: you sense their wildness… and that starts to make me hot for them the moment each time I land there and set my foot on an Indian airport. (At some Indian airports there’s also security check after landing and each time I’m even hoping for undergoing a physical search…). Indian men fuck or let themselves get fucked differently, at least many of them. Sometimes you can really tell they fuck like there’s no tomorrow, because literally they don’t know if they’ll ever be able to fuck again before giving in to traditional rules. For many of them, it is not a matter of course to have gay sex. You can sense sometimes they’re having the time of their lives and you can’t help getting captured by their excitement. And - I could sense the horniness among many men. It’s the aspect of India being a country of extreme contrasts. The more sexuality becomes a [banned word], the hornier the people become. If you hit the right gay guy at the right time, in many cases it’s only a matter of time when both of you would land in bed. We are not the second most populous country in the world for nothing… I’ve almost completely referred to gay men since being myself one I can only share a gay man’s point of view, almost everything goes the same for trans people as well. Additionally, there are many straight Indian men who love fucking trans people. India has a centuries old history of the “third gender”, which is why trans people are accepted in many regions even more than gay or lesbian people. Unfortunately, it’s beyond my knowledge and experience on how a trans person can connect to straight Indian men for a fuck. India has its challenges for tourists who wants to fuck. But on the other end of the extreme of contrast, there is a lot of, especially sexual, magic worth and waiting to be explored. Feel free to hit me up to fuck, I mean if you need more information. Since I stated major cities and their queer venues and events are best to start with to look for hook ups (apart from dating apps), I could provide detailed information about those places, especially those that I’m in touch with. Hope this could help for the time being. Happy hunting and Namasté! 🙏

Yes, I did. I was studying at the university (about 15 years ago) and needed the money badly. I was ready to do anything except escorting (I didn't get how bigot I was myself back then) in order to earn money. (Today I'd not decline escorting, but more for the fun and less for the money.. sorry, I'm drifting off...). I immediately presented myself at a local adult bookstore the moment I saw their ad of vacancy. It was interesting, my first touch with sex toys and a little bit to see the development of porn, sex culture etc throughout the times since the beginning of porn media, and although the media was mostly porn magazines or DVDs for the sake of pleasure and entertainment, that ignited my the interest for the history of sex culture and I started to read more educational literature about that topic and loved to learn about how media reflected society's sexual mindset throughout the times. Until today a highly interesting topic and I love its influence in my life and mind. Part of the job was also cleaning the porn cabins after closing hours (in the early morning, i.e. I had night duties as well) and for hygienic reasons I was heavy-armed like a soldier with disinfectants, aerosol bottles, work gowns, gloves and respirator masks, safety goggles, cleaning clothes and floor wipers ... I must've looked like a high-security military hunter of hostile extraterrestrial entities coming from the set of a science-fiction movie... only to clean the mattresses, floors, screens, walls, glory holes... well, you had to just clean everywhere cause you didn't have much time to actually search for the white stains... or traces of urine or used condoms or personal items the customers forget there. Once I even found literally a piece of shit on a mattress... (well, the owner taught me we can only request the customers to be careful with the furniture, but we can't really complain about passionate perverts after offering our services to passionate perverts...). The biggest challenge about that job were night duties, cleaning all the evidences of passion in the early morning hours, rushing home to have a shower, change clothes and then rushing to the physics' classes at the university right after and to concentrate on how to understand the mathematical formulas of calculating planetary motion after seeing the whole night images of dicks, gay fuck scenes, cumshots and hot leather daddies almost everywhere around me and digesting the trauma of having to see pics of over-dimensional titties and squirtng pussies and faces of female porn actresses with scary heavy make up beyond recognition pulling frightening grimaces that was supposed to be luscious on magazines and DVD covers everywhere around me as well. I was too young and too gay to handle that. Other parts of the job were en-cashing, listing the merchandise, ordering new goods and sorting them, and customer advisory. The latter one was interesting cause you meet a vast variety of customers. Most of them were just looking and giggling coyly, many were youngsters who just slipped into adulthood and finally wanted to see an adult bookstore from the inside - most of them rushed out soon when it became too much for them. Minor kids often attempted to step inside and I was ready like a watchdog to either demand their ID cards to check their age or to throw them out (needless to say any minors inside could've caused legal problems). Many customers were there also just looking for a birthday gift to use as a party joke. The more adult and aged customers were mostly looking for serious advise about sex toys. That was most fun, cause I loved finding the right piece for the right individual use. I loved caring for the especially shy costumers and to invite them not to feel weird but to feel just natural about their requests and that I'm happy to assist. I loved it if they left joyfully having bought the right thing and showed gratitude for not shaming them (some are so full of shame that they don't think a second that we actually want them to buy something). Some were so painfully shy that they talked and acted extremely nervous, kept losing focus when I tried to answer their questions, and couldn't wait to get out again soon. The annoying ones were those who discussed on principles why it wasn't possible to use a sex toy at them before buying them. In the course of time I learned interesting things about sex toys (and necessarily about inner organs and anatomy), but you pay less attention to the sexual aspect when that becomes a regular job especially on busy days. No. That was strictly forbidden. Well, at least inside the shop and during my work hours (more to that later). The issue was less my focus on work, but it would've caused legal trouble, because but I was a member of the shop and something connected to me could've caused suspicion of prostitution, especially forced prostitution and the suspicion of unconscionability was high. I wouldn't have had any trouble, because of adulthood and consent issues, but any suspicion would've been enough to initiate police investigation, eventually closing the shop during investigation, all becoming public and chasing away customers that were already shy enough to come in. Not to hook up with customers was one of the first things I was drilled for during the job interview. And honestly, you didn't want to really hook up with most of the customers. You could tell from many the way they acted and sneaked in stealthily and secretive like undercover spy agents how much desperation drove them there to live out desires and fantasies they couldn't do elsewhere - the point is: I could sense some sadness when they were "done" and creeped out afterwards. If I had been determined to hook up with them, I'd have had to fight their shyness and desperation first to get access to their lust. One customer was a yearlong frequent visitor and I once caught him by surprise in a cabin crying... He was a lover of BDSM, his wife and kids abandoned him when it came out and he stayed single (more out of depression) and stayed unable to look out for new relationships that'd suit his desires and his urges kept driving him to us regularly to either watch BDSM porn or to be "handled" by a Dominatrix he met sometime ago somewhere outside. But many of his sessions were accompanied by the tragedy and loss he had to experience connected to his desires... or better to say, connected to how less he could handle his desires all his life. Some customers came cheating on their partners/families and you could see the bad conscience written all over their faces. Many customers came because of lust, but without the joy connected to their lust - because they had no other choice to live their lust. No basis for the kind of lust that I'd hook up with. The fun part were few gay customers, who were out and open - for them the adult bookstore was just like any other venue to have fun like the dark rooms, bath houses, cruising spots etc., They really made it feel as if our shop was their second home and spread good vibes at my counter before they spread their loads in the cabins that I had to clean later. They normally came to enjoy before heading to a gay party later or came from a gay club and brought along their casual acquaintances. That was part of our service to let customers hook up there in our cabins. Many came to look out for others to hook up with them (I was out of game as a shop assistant) or some met before and just needed a place like ours to get the business done. Once two guys came in, about my age, they just met at a nearby gay bar and needed to fuck soon. They came few times again after that and soon became a couple and they became familiar with me. I always enjoyed when they entered the shop. Those were the customers I loved the most and I enjoyed providing them the best cabin, plenty of condoms, lube and something to drink, and to adjust the screen with their favourite porn. I loved supporting them to have the best sex and they appreciated that. We got along well and ........ long story short, we had threesomes in my free time elsewhere. I kept my work ethic not to fuck inside the shop and my boss was proud of me (and required me to be discrete). Yes. My only fetish back then was money. And I made enough to pay the lust of my bills. Fun times... and I learned a lot from it and it's something to remember. My boss then and the other coworkers were cool guys, that made the whole job a good experience.

No, you aren't the only one. I'm astonished about that as well. No matter how liberal and freer we may have seem to become, there's still that phenomenon of sex-shaming that can be noted at many places, surprisingly, and that still seems to affect people in one way or another. Here's also the "fashion" to seek for buddies to join going somewhere clothing optional, like beaches or nudist hotels or so... but dare you even think of touching or go beyond... as I said before, each to his own, but even at this point of spending time together naked, you can notice a kind of sex-shaming an can be stigmatized as a slut if you even think of getting raunchy. It's crazy, it's one extreme in the middle of another one. They can't understand why the hell you even can think of sex when you spend time naked with someone else..

The term “side” is also quite new here, but here it was considered so far, no fucking, neither active or passive, but also no oral… Just everything else beyond that (e.g. frotting or other things….). Meaning, everything beyond anything, penetrative… but hey, new terms always took awhile to spread, and for people to be understood, and to get its meaning on a common level… I didn’t know with connection to oral sex, but maybe it will take some time here as well, to get its meaning, right…

It could be worse… Such a cuddle parties have been popular here around (Germany) for years, even if not in both houses or dark rooms, but at least in private gatherings, but still widely known. Apart from the cuddling and non-penetrative action, it’s all about touching each other, feeling other men’s physical warmth, candles, dimmed light, chill out ambient sounds or songs of gay iconic divas and all other things wanna-be-romantic. And yes, they talk - about intimacy instead of practising it. I mean, good for those who prefer that, each to his own! Years ago, I once attended that and it was quite a toxic vibe there… everyone thought of himself to be better or kind of elite, “because there are so many more important things than sex”. Needless to say, you could notice the one or the other two or more guys sneaking out to fuck in secret. Although it’s still popular and widely known, that hasn’t really spread in comparison to actual group action in venues like bath houses or dark rooms. But such concepts always will find new followers (who take themselves to be everything else than slutty), so beware of cuddle pox!!

I can totally relate to that - for me it's also a total different intensity wether you fuck someone or jerk off. Possible reasons have already been mentioned here, and I can underline the psychological and physical aspects, as far as I can estimate (as a non-medical layperson). The body and mind seem to react on various levels so differently whether you play on your own, as a duo or in a group or with toys, or to a porn movie etc. I’ve also noticed differences in the intensity of explosions, whenever I jack off going through some fantasy in my head, or if I would bate while reading some erotic literature or listening to erotic podcasts or even shoot to porn movies. When I jerk off, I’m in total control of all senses … I can estimate and regulate when the erotic sensation increases, up to when I finally cum... and according to how I masturbate, I can regulate how intense, how much or less I shoot. Yes, it is in my case as boring as it sounds, I could never reach that point of losing myself in lust while jerking the same way I lose myself while fucking and breeding (and I did try often enough), which is why I never was a fan of masturbating. Doesn't mean that I'd disparage masturbating, on the contrary. Breeding a guy is for me other-worldly. It’s not even about the climax. While fucking there is that sensation of cumming any minute soon throughout the whole time, although I know it will still take a lot of time until I finally get there, especially when I just got started. Unlike jerking off, it is literally not my hand that is in control of regulating the sexual tension and senses … many outer impressions, regulate many of my inner senses. It can be the tightness of my fuck buddy’s hole, it can be kissing my mate, it can be what my dick feels deep inside or being engulfed by, it can be the moaning of my mate, or the attractiveness of his body, it can be a simple touch, or the way how he holds me, and grabs his arms or legs around me, expressing his need, or the way how I hold him and want him, the joy of fucking raw skin to skin knowing I'm going to mark and breed him with my seed deep inside, the out-of-this-world-like connection between two fuck mates, initiated by sexual union but yet a union of just two same leveled and wired guys whose paths crossed by simply driven by animalistic primal instincts to mate... it's a piece of natural primal magic we experience here that that we don't see that frequently cause it's way too overshadowed in daily lives by societal means of meeting other people within the frame of societal norms. … The list goes on, and is quite endless. The point is: I’m totally out of control since all these impressions overwhelm and control me and my dick, and that drives me insane making me lost in lust. If I jerk off, I could stop anytime, but during fucking I simply cannot stop, I'm helpless. I often also don’t feel when the sensation in my dick arises to climax, cause the tension is continuously high. I mean, the whole act is a complete point of no return. I often can't differentiate the line where the mere erotic sensation ends and if my dick has already started to shoot its loads, or has already finished… I remember once while fucking i paused from exhaustion and needed to catch my breath and the bottom asked me if I had cum. I absolutely did not have any clue. I was too dizzy. I answered panting something like "I don't know! Who cares!", but still the sensation was sky-high and I kept on fucking. (That was btw the only piece of conversation that guy and I had). I’m pretty sure looking back at that, I was already done but I couldn’t stop. It took some time until I came to my senses and had to accept, I was actually done. Or sometimes I do realize that I'm cumming inside of someone, and my dick shoots rope after rope and it doesn't' seem to end, which just forces me to fuck on... Unfortunately, I never had something like that during jerking off. After jerking off, I normally can reboot my mind immediately and go on doing all the daily things, but after a fuck, I’m mostly exhausted, sometimes I have to take my time to recollect, where am I? Who am I? What was I doing? Who is that guy that I’ve been inside of? It's a main difference that I usually don't shoot that much from jerking, but my dick shoots gallons without control from fucking and body and mind seem to invest a lot of energy for that... I suppose body and mind realize when you just bate and when you are inside of a fellow human in order to procreate regulating its energy levels accordingly... the stereotype of men falling asleep after sex sounds funny, and may be a pain in the ass (no pun intended) for the faction of the romantics who'd love to cuddle and talk afterwards, but I think, after performing one of the most important and primal task a male is designed for - to breed - it's just most normal for us to collapse from exhaustion. (My shoutout at this point to all bottoms and cumdumps - YOU are the other most important and primal task a male is designed for. Even the best fucker is meaningless without you doing your part!). I never had such experiences or ever shot that much of loads during jerking off … unfortunately!! I'd really would love to shoot just for myself and lose all senses in-between and afterwards here as well... Jerking off has such a different quality and dimension, I find it not worse or better, it’s just different. My body and mind don't concentrate on someone else, and surprisingly, make place for other impressions… e.g. fantasies or kinks I’ve never thought of before surface on my mind while jerking, and desire to explore. Some of the greatest kinks that I came to love surfaced the first time while jerking off, it's like meditation and exploring yourself. Another difference I've noticed is that pleasant body feeling after fucking that even can last for days... Unfortunately, here also, never had something like that after a jerk... I think, that’s the magic of our sexuality. We can experience it on so many various levels, be it solo, be it duo, be it in a group or with sex toys or with porn movies. Each time, it’s like exploring something new, it's like each time we become a complete different person.