PozTalkAuthor

It was not a "hookup" meant as me browsing some sites, apps or physical places where we found each other; my ex introduced him to me as one of his fuckbuddies, they both wanted me to become such too. 

He was kinda sexy, so I gladly accepted some fun. Being undetectable I didn't discuss status, I instinctively knew he could be that kind of guys who are good fucks and nothing else. 

And, before getting naked, he told my ex: "I hope your guy is 'CLEAN', as I don't want to sleep with poz, even undetectable" - treating me like I was an object to use just for filling his hole, like I had no senses and feelings ... and status. 

Let me say I got angry as a beast then, and he deserved a wild, rough fuck with a "enjoy undetectable seed in you" after I gladly bred his sore ass. I told about details somewhere else, but that one has been the beginning of the end for the relationship with my ex! 

What about if someone would tie me or going extreme? I'd be even angrier! Not to talk about extremely dirty hole or worse, wanting to play with body discards. 

Second? I got angry with my ex when he brought a fuckbuddy home "to surprise me" while I assumed we were celebrating an intimate special event alone. 

I had missed this one! 

These are stories I love: where the neg (naive) guy becomes -biologically- bonded with an experienced gifter. Well, they have much more than a ring: a golden wearable jewel can be stolen but not what your man shares with you through sex and resides in your blood cells forever. 

I remember a guy here who met a married older poz couple and he got pozzed by them in 2021...  He told all his story here. Now I forgot his nickname.

Yes, I have lurked here since a long time before joining with this profile

I suppose it was the final part, how could it continue?

34 minutes ago, littleK said:

YES!!! I can not wait to read Dr. Matthew journey, he sounds perfect, safe sex saint to pozzed cumdump~ So good to hear him slowly break down into depravity! Is is posted already? and if so where is it?

 Looking for it too, maybe I missed it!

Versatile? Well, if I must label my sexuality I'd call it "side-verse". 

Having had experiences both with males and females, I've learnt to use my whole body both actively and passively. 

Tongue and fingers come much before penis and anus stimulation, my value in sexuality is to explore my partner's sensations and limits, together with mine. I'm honestly annoyed about a sexual relationship where body contact is considered just an introduction to achieve the penetration event. 

Penetration is _one_. Then, we are all to explore! Ear play, nipple play, armpit or foot play... 

God or whoever created us, gave us a body. Let's use it! 

I want to be honest with myself and you: all kinds of body explorations have been something I've learnt after I got HIV. Fear to transmit, forced me to explore something different. What my ex (the abuser) did, was introducing me to know "rimming world" better. 

Nationality? More than the country, the kind of education is important; how difficult it was to convince my partner about rimming, and fingering a man's ass -mine-. 

He said "ladies do not want fingers to go too deep"... 

Culture and education do the most of the job. 

On 10/8/2023 at 2:42 AM, hntnhole said:

I agree with you.  Without knowledge of ones self, we've failed to open the valve to honesty, which makes giving/receiving love a tough nut to crack.  You strike me as a guy whose thoughtful pursuit of self-knowledge would make you all the more attractive to a man needing more than just himself in his life.  Regardless of the unfortunate events in your past, that's where they are now - in your past.  You've learned from them and come out the other side a better (pardon me, but ...) Man because of it.  If there's any one issue, it's probably the severely limited pool of out/confident/no-bullshit gay men in your area.  You've got a lot going for you - except the numbers of guys to draw from.  When the time is right, you already know what to do.  

My psycho-therapist I attended when I had to deal both with long-term relationship breakup and with HIV, told me I could not think to love others, if I didn't start loving and accepting myself. HIV included. 

Damn if he was right, he was so fucking right! It only took years and years for me to embrace what "accept your HIV" really meant! 

I've managed to really feel what love means, when together with my virus I accepted my sex fantasies and stopped feeling wrong with them! So, I have started to dare a little, love means trust. And for now, I've been lucky.

Oh fuck, it was long time I didn't go to church!!! LOL! I was waiting for the appointment and here it was, double reward! 

Anyway, there's Will who thinks he hadn't converted anyone on his own, but his brother (Jay) is still keeping the secret!

The fairy tale idea of "soulmates", "our half", "mr. right" and so on, have ruined our approach to relationship in general, this is what I think! 

My first ex for instance, he's been a drug addict for years and he recovered, finding me and being my very first sexual partner made him feel in heaven, then 11th September 2001 came, Twin Towers attack and all that stuff... 

Many matters linked to points of view about this tragedy, led him to feel excluded at work and among friends, he had just me but I could do nothing as he started chems again. 

Drugs have destroyed our relationship but, know what, we are still very good friends, now he's sober again. 

The others, one died and the last I don't want even to see his photo around... And this one? What you said about trust, communication, knowing (and loving) ourselves, started much before I even suspected we could ever become a couple. He has been, and is, the person I can trust most. The first man to know I am HIV positive, for example; before my biological family. 

If I think the former drug-addict guy is my very first love? Yes, I do. If I still love him? Yes, I do, not in the couple/romance way though. 

When I was with my ex (the abuser), he never liked him and I didn't listen as I thought about him being somehow jealous. No, he was in "former drug addict mode" and attempted to warn me that the person in question was an abuser, an alcoholic, but I was caught by the, let's call it, blindness of love and "I'll save your life, I'll make you change". 

Oh gosh, you, 31 years with a female hiding your real sexuality... It could have been not so easy for you! 

I had a short flirt with a girl when I was a teen but I didn't really manage to make it last, my heart brought me elsewhere. To MUSIC, and GUYS! These were times of full AIDS emergency so music was my only love then. 

Personal experience makes no statistics, but I can share mine. 

I've had 3 long term stories with guys in those 27 years, the fourth is the current one and we just celebrated our first year but... 

Despite being a fanatic computer geek and professional, I've never used (and liked) dating apps! Maybe it's a prejudice but I have always considered them as OK for sexual adventures but not for something more important - a friendship or more. 

Then, I met one of my boyfriends into a forum about books, I found my best friend searching for information on TV shows and encountered her blog, the guy who gave me HIV was introduced by my first ex who insisted on "if you fall from the horse, jump on it again". 

My last and worst ex, it was a random meeting you know one friend meets another and another more! 

My current love... He's been my co-worker and friend for 12 years! And our affair started after a very long confidence - I'm convinced he has loved me for long but always denied his real sexual desires, marrying a woman and betraying her with other girls day after day. 

To be honest, after I got HIV from the serial cheater, I fell in that phylosophy about "gay men are like this. Promiscuous. Forget monogamy and get laid with whoever, love but get sex freedom as a value". 

With that I met my abuser who I was in open relationship with, but he's used me in many ways! 

Romantic relationship with the current guy, was completely unexpected and... Unexpressed! He's continued for months saying "we're doing something wrong, I shouldn't"... 

I shouldn't, nothing! Now it's going ahead. No projects of living together at moment, we have our own spaces but we're currently monogamous as we feel it's the condition making us more comfortable with ourselves. 

Well, I'd be stupid saying "love comes when you do not even expect", it's a pre-built sentence as "gays are promiscuous, accept it and give up with love"...

Only thing I can tell you is that everyone has their way of living. If I believe in love found via apps... To be honest, no, as in the apps you can be anyone. 

If this can help you, I came here with just the writing and fun purpose. 

And found both good sexting buddies, and even some guys I confront myself in serious topic. Not calling it friendship but nothing can be excluded in life! 

I just say don't give up and don't listen to people suggesting you to. Hugs. Here for confront if needed.

I love it too, waiting for more! I bet he wakes up with fuck flu...

may I say I hate incels... 

Those are worthless trash and deserve to be used as dolls by real alpha (poz) men! 

Several times a week! 

Despite having a satisfying sex life I find also enjoyable to have some time for self pleasure - it means penis stimulation but also anal stimulation; finding it important as only knowing yourself you can share your sexual needs with partner. 

Oh, LOL!!! I'm not a philosopher at all! 🤣

Sorry for your loss, unfortunately death is something we never consider, till it knocks our door! If only it could take assholes away from earth! 

Well, to people saying "love is an illusion" I just reply "talk for yourself" now but those became my feelings when so-called "mr. right" gave me HIV by cheating on me continuously. 

In that background I lost all my self-esteem and it took years to get it back! Now I've changed my prospect and give higher priority to myself. I'm partnered (happily partnered) and do not ask myself too many questions. At almost 50 years old, it's time I live life as it is without chasing ideals. 

Is my guy the love of life, will it last just some time? We don't know the future, and with this way of thinking we're going to celebrate our first year together. 

I understood what "self respect" was, as soon as I found myself in my current man's arms and felt safe, loved, as I haven't felt for long. Not by the man who lived into my house and that I called "boyfriend" before. Well, to make it short, I kicked my abusive ex out and changed the door lock, one week after! And admitted to myself I could have done it just after covid lockdown emergency. 

Self esteem and respect have not an expiry date. Yes, true, the sooner you find them the sooner you enjoy life. But I can say it aloud, Breeding Zone community has contributed to help me in many ways - even without me asking for advices every second.

I agree with the original poster's thoughts. Totally. I know posts you're talking about, and instinctively I'm quite sad for people with no self-respect because I'm aware it's the result of a world where homosexuality is treated as something disgusting - and yes, there are also many hetero men getting excited by degrading and women who enjoy being degraded. 

What I think about it, I always compare it to sweets or non-healthy food. 

It's obvious that, generally, fried stuff and/or sweets, chocolate and so on, taste so good. But a life in this way means self harm! 

Sexually, I always say it's matter of understanding the huge difference between fantasy and desire. Fantasy is made of exaggeration, transgression, to break boundaries. But real life is other thing! 

I heard many men getting excited to have their tops spit in their face as a degradation sign, well, I would never allow someone to do that, I'd never allow a stranger to call me slut as, currently, I do not look for that kind of experience! Then with my long-term partner I do and say whatever but it's another background. 

The author also said about being "psycho", well, I don't think so. 

When you come from a background where you feel refused even by your family, it's very hard to feel self-respect unless you find the reason to, yourself! 

I personally fell in the arms of an abuser because I had no self-esteem, because the world (even gays in my area) made me believe that "gay men are in this way, accept it!" and "this way" means "love is an illusion, be promiscuous and proud of it" 

It's a matter of models we choose, I think. We shouldn't refer to "models" as every person has their own life and background, but it's really hard to feel self-respect in these days, where the world wants us to be more perfect and less humans. In general. 

Yes, we must help ourselves to be human, with everything it means. Including kinks (even extreme ones) and desires. They're ours, and we must make peace with everything.

Hey, sorry for late feedback but I'm super busy these days! Anyway, I read part5 and am longing for 6! 

I want to see him fully convert to the poz slut he's meant to be. 

42 minutes ago, Bttml00king said:

Haha.. Keyboard warrior. Sad actually. 

I totally agree with your second paragraph. Thanks. 

There are mostly two types of these. Keyboard warriors, and social justice warriors. 

They seem to turn the world upside down while chatting -privately or publicly- then as soon as they deal with real, no way to lift a finger! I'm the first to invent whatever for fun chats but always clarifying it, never promising what I can't (or don't want to) do.

1 hour ago, Sfmike64 said:

That's true, but I don't think it's too much to ask that people not behave like total jerks online. It's a pretty low bar.

Keyboard warriors, yes if you're unpolite in real, your bad behaviour, online, becomes double. 

Because of my job I've known so many "nex door folks" who could have won the hate speech and cybercrime olympics if they ever existed. What about LGBT allies online and homophobics in real or vice-versa? Ghosting is just the least to worry about. 

29 minutes ago, Bttml00king said:

Here is another rant of mine. I have chatted with a bi guy married to a woman for the past few months. He seemed to be genuine and really wanted to explore his gay side. However, neither one of us could host and we were about 15 miles away. Our schedule also didn't work out most of time. Finally we could work out a date to meet at a hotel. I made the reservation (thankfully i could cancel until 6 pm on the date of check in). We chatted daily even the night before our hookup. He said how much he couldn't wait... Blah blah. A few hours before we were supposed to meet at the hotel, he blocked me.

I am more upset about wasting my time on this guy for the past few months. I guess it could have been worse if I checked in and he simply ghosted me. I am afraid this won't be the last time something like this happened. 

this is what's called a KEYBOARD WARRIOR. 

At least if he was afraid somehow it could be understandable, but, talk! Damn, say it, "I've changed my mind" is not a crime! 

6 minutes ago, Sfmike64 said:

I don't feel bad about it, but it just seemed SO abrupt. As if you were having a conversation with someone (which they initiated) in a bar and you said something innocuous and then they turned and walked out the door without a word. 

If that happened to me, I would simply be appalled (as I was yesterday). But also laugh because the person was so inept.

But Internet is not like a physical place: wanting it or not, it's a different context! 

Every place has its rules; in a bar you could scream, in a church you must be quiet, even on Internet it's not a frank zone - in many forums you might feel free to CAPS LOCK and say swearwords to whoever, hate speech and so, in others you cannot talk sexual, even here you have places where you can treat some topics and others where it's not permitted. It's part of life. 

This said, we cannot compare a physical environment where we may meet people, in there walking away is unpolite. On Internet you can't even know what happened to the person who was talking hot with you till yesterday! 

In an ideal world, everyone is polite but in this world not! 

And in this world there's also someone who doesn't show any interest; I'm frank with people and say "not interested" if appropriate, but no one show same feelings in same way. It's the power, and limit, of Internet. 

3 minutes ago, Badguy56 said:

The thing i dont understand is if you have hooked up with a guy a couple of times and had a great time, then arrange to meet on a certain day and time and the guy just never shows up and totally ghosts you.   It’s  especially mind boggling  when he says he hates when people ghost him. Is this person just playing mind games or is he not good with confrontation? i would rather he just say that it was no longer working or something.  its the total silence that hurts so.   it is very cruel.

Agree! "I hate ghosting when I receive it but who said I hate making the giving part?" 

Clarification, even if it's sex-only. At least you know who you're hooking up with!

Rejection is a topic we've discussed for long, here. Everyone has their way to deal with it, many of us have been rejected even by their biological family so, it's easy to be more sensitive to feelings. And, if you feel a piece of trash yourself, being rejected even in a chat could be very very heavy to handle. 

There are people like me who manage to get rid of their vulnerability and after bad experiences become stronger. Others who feel bad by a ghosting from an Internet contact you had no friendship with. 

I always say it, respect and communication are the key. 

I hate ghosting too, but considering it as such or not, depends on the context of the correspondence we have, especially on this site or, generally, in sexting-related chats. Do you take sexting as a deep confidence? Do you consider it just fun? Does it start with fun and become confident? Anything can happen and you'll react to people disappearing, in different ways. 

I'm a computer professional and know as things works, having seen the worst of humanity on the Internet, I tend to take things as they are; anyway I'm always polite with people corresponding with me as I know there's a human with feelings, behind the screen! And I can't be aware whether they feel it just a sexting chat to relax our mind and body, or the beginning of something else. 

I tend to say "I'm not into this" when it deals with substances for example, but that's not judgmental, it's like saying "no, thanks" if someone offers almond biscuits if you don't like almonds! What's wrong? 

Then, there are many reason people might disappear from here. I've made a close friendship here with a guy, called Evilqueerpig. He stated himself as "poz not on meds", we wrote daily for months, then he simply disappeared without a word... Do I judge him? No, he has every right to abandon this site and not giving me other contact methods, I also prefer not to give those around here. But in that case I'm scared he has something worse as he wrote a story fiction about a hospice and a dying man... 

Yes, mostly I say "be a man", like you; keyboard warriors are rubbish. But as far as we know, anyone can have their reason! Delete telegram chat? I personally hate Telegram so who knows, but he could also have come to a nsfw situation. 

That is the reason why I compiled a detailed profile here. Just people wanting my own fantasies, chat with me. Others won't even approach. Then, I can talk about anything else beyond sex, with people having different tastes. I don't bite! LOL

Computers have absolute calculations. Zero-false, one-true but human life is complex! Can't talk in general, but many homophobics are repressed queers wanting self-punishments. Like the abuser's philosophy "if I can't have you, no one must be able to". So I'd gladly out some of those, but then? I become violent as they are. What satisfaction could I get from there? 

I have my biological father who's passed away at beginning of this year; we had very few contacts as he was homophobic-serophobic, and in last stage of his life, advanced brain cancer, he called me -and also his assistant despite she was a lady-, with another man's name. I played along to know if in his cognitive impairment he could say something about who that man was as I have suspected his hidden homosexuality for my whole life. 

But should have I spied on him, then out him? For what? Revenge is not in my lifestyle. 

And, about married men, my current partner was a married man -not any longer!- but from there to now, it took 12 years to admit to himself he wanted me. I knew it but forcing him could have caused to lose him also as a friend, at that time. He came out, when he's been ready. 

I generally am against outing; what people do, is not my business; when it deals with politics, I'm conflicted instead. 

How many people of all genders, races and ages, have a double life? Talking in a very strict manner about sex (especially homosexuality) and then, behind the door, they act the opposite? 

I heard about a man in Hungary, in the parliament, he was arrested with 25 men, and substances! 25, not one... 

In this case I'd be more in favour of outing: if now YOU can have a double life, including being in gay places with guaranteed privacy, it's thanks to the community you're fighting against. So you have no right to spit on us and then use us for your own fun. 

That's the matter. 

But, on the other side, I really don't know if it would be a good way to act; violence generates violence, always. I am not religious but think that I shouldn't do to others what I do not want to be done to me. 

And, if it deals with politics, opponents would say "look at this movement, they share private information because they've nothing else to tell the world". It's something to pay attention for!