VersatileBreeder

Just to update, I went for my follow-up at Planned Parenthood this morning. I had to wait over an hour in the waiting room beyond the appointment time they set for me, but whatever. They sat me down in the office and laid everything out for me. It was all paperwork that needed to be signed and filled out. You guys who commented about Planned Parenthood were totally right. The case worker (though a very nice woman) had no knowledge about resources where I can find any kind of assistance for meds if I should need it. All she knew was how to process the paperwork and give me a stack of papers with my lab results and referral doctors in the area. I think Planned Parenthood is really only good to go to if you're getting tested for HIV (and the result is negative) and other STI's that they can treat you for there. Of course, their other services for women are probably OK too. But HIV positive support? Not so much. Today is basically where the diagnosis got real for me. I mean, I knew what it was and it wasn't a shock or devastating sitting in that office, but today is when it started feeling REAL. That I am part of the system now, the HIV system. And there's no going back or changing that. But I'm not going to get down about it or start feeling depressed. I am going to hit it head on and move on with my life. The only worries that I have at this point are: 1) Of course, the most paramount worry- my health. And of course that the treatment will be effective and that I won't be the "special" case that doesn't respond to treatment. 2) That I will be able to afford the meds or at least be able to find some kind of assistance program to make them affordable. 3) Keeping this a secret from my family/friends. They cannot know. I and they will be devastated if they find out. 4) The fact that I was on PEP from another encounter 5-6 months ago, worried that that treatment could interfere with further treatments going forward. Is that a valid worry? 5) Playing with guys going forward. Worried about the possibility of re-infection. Any advice on those worries guys?

bbv4u, what you are talking about sounds like PEP. That is only effective if taken within 72 hours after exposure, not 6 weeks, so sadly, it is too late for me.

Well, the Planned Parenthood test results came back and they were posted to the online patient portal system that they now have available. It's no surprise that the test results were positive. So, that settles that. I am HIV positive. I need to schedule a date to go in and discuss the results with them. I'll keep you guys posted on what's next. Thank you so much to everyone who has been commenting on this thread and helping to calm me down and offer some advice as to what to do next.

RawTop, thank you. And yeah, you got that right, I can't stand the thought of this virus running wild in my system. So I am gonna hit it hard and as fast as possible. I don't want to have my immune system start to fall apart before deciding medication. Paying for the medication at first looks like it would be a lot of money but the deductible is the biggest hit ($1,500), though after that it should be fine ($70 copay for a month of Atripla or Truvada, and I know those are the expensive ones). In September, I am going to be starting a new job that has phenomenal health insurance, along with a prescription reimbursement plan that reimburses out of pocket costs. If I'm correct, you cannot be denied health insurance in the US for pre-existing conditions, right?

Well, bearbandit, you definitely sound like one of the lucky ones. That's not to say that it doesn't sound like you have had some definite struggles along the way, but 34 years later, you're still here. I hope that in 34 years (I'm 29 now), I am still around and healthy. With the right mindset and medications, I should be.

PissPigBrooklyn, thank you for the encouragement. It would be nothing short of a miracle if this Western Blot came back negative, but I am not very hopeful of that. I will go back for the results fully expecting them to be poz. Problem is, I don't have many gay friends and I don't really have anyone to come with me. But it will be fine. I will be fine on my own. All I am hoping for at this point is that whatever strain I have is a treatable one and not a drug resistant or problematic one. I also hope that everything will work out with getting the meds and that it doesn't cost me an arm and a leg. I am kinda broke right now, making ends meet and paying off debts so the last thing I need is are med expenses that will kill me financially.

bearbandit, thank you for the response. I have to figure out how this system works with the healthcare and HIV meds too. It boggles my mind. It seems like some guys pay a fortune, others pay some co-pay to their insurance, some pay very little and others pay nothing. If you don't mind me asking (and this is something that I always wondered)... How did guys like you who had gotten infected in the very early 80's make it to still talk about it today? I always thought that anyone who got it back then when there was little to no knowledge and treatment for it had basically been handed a death sentence.

Hungry hole, I am 29.

billybtm, thank you for the reassuring words. I have always kept a positive (no pun intended) attitude in life and I don't intend to quit now. I keep telling myself. One pill a day, one trip to the doctor every couple of months and everything will be fine. PS- hot ass in your profile pic!

abearinsac, that's $70 after I pay $1,500 for the year, so it's a big hit in the beginning. I'm just trying to get an idea what other guys pay for their meds.

Well I did my research and found out what the drugs might cost me through my insurance. I have to cover a $1,500 deductible in the beginning of the year, after that, it's a $70/month co-pay for the meds. Does that sound reasonable or should I explore other options?

Thank you for the encouraging words Tiger. This whole thing has me feeling totally sick. I have no appetite and have been hardly eating. I am praying for the day that things start looking up for me. When it comes to the insurance thing with the meds, I know my insurance will cover SOME of the cost, how much I don't know. I'm scared to know. It's a high deductible plan and not the greatest in the world. I am already working two jobs to make ends meet and pay off some debt, the last thing I need (or can afford) is another big monthly expense. So that's one big fear I have right now. As for my location, I am in northern New Jersey, near New York City. I am sure there are plenty of resources there but I would prefer to find them in my area.

I went for a follow up screening after I tested neg at three weeks from a risky encounter I had. Now it's been 6 weeks and the test came back inconclusive (faint line on the OraQuick T). They tested again and we had the same exact result. They told me they have to send the test for Western Blot, but I know it's going to come back poz. I am freaked out, scared out of my wits and don't know what to do right now. I never wanted HIV or chased it. But now that it seems pretty clear that it's on the horizon for me, I am scared, confused and I have no idea what to do. My health insurance is so-so and I don't know how I would afford treatment. I feel like I have a death sentence awaiting me. What should I do???

Here's a good one... When guys advertise themselves as straight. When you contact them, they insist that they are straight and never do this, but just need to get with a guy and get it out of their system... Like they just woke up that morning and some strange force that defies their "heterosexuality" just possessed them and tomorrow, they will be completely hetero again after this one time shot with a guy and they will never want to be with a dude again... Anyone ever get that? Who are these guys trying to kid? And who do they think is judging them?

My advice is to disclose whatever information you are comfortable disclosing. If you aren't comfortable talking about your sexual practices, then either tell them that or you could lie and tell them that you have been with only a few partners. I used to go to a county health department where there was a case manager, she was an older woman who would chastise the hell out of you no matter what you told her. When she asked me how many partners I had in the last six months, I lied and said 4 (the correct number was more like 24) and she gave me hell for that. I don't go there anymore because of her. I've been to Planned Parenthood a few times and have had no questions asked, just in and out testing. I have been to another county's health clinic I liked. The woman there was very conversational and as the rapid test was in the works, she was discussing the risks involved in unprotected sex. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but I appreciated her talking to me like a human and delivering her information in a non-invasive, non-judgmental way. That's the kind of place you need to go to.

I think the absolute worst is guys who completely misrepresent themselves. As much as some guys here might not like it, I have had to make it a rule that if I am meeting up with another guy (unless it's an anon encounter), we are trading pics. Doesn't necessarily have to be face pics but at least good enough pics that give me an idea of who I'm about to meet. The whole "very discreet, so no pics" thing is total bullshit. I made the mistake once and let my guard down for a guy who claimed that he was 46, very dominant, rough, aggressive hung top and said when he came over my place he would force me on my bed face down, ass up and own my hole. Sounded to good to be true, but he wouldn't trade any pics because he's married. He got to my place and couldn't be ANY further from what he described. WAY older than 46 for sure (I specified I was looking for a guy up to max 50), not dominant or aggressive at all. In fact, he got to my place and started commenting on the wall color of my kitchen, like he was some sort of interior decorator. He had a very soft personality. No signs of dominance or aggression in this guy at all. I told him we weren't a match and this wasn't going to happen. He asked if he could use my bathroom. I told him sure and when he came out of my bathroom, his pants were around his ankles, exposing the tiny cock he claimed was 8 inches and thick. He asked if I could at least give him some head. I told him he had to leave right now.

Having had sex with women before, I have to go for the pussy. There's something about it. One of my many rules in sex (and this is one that I haven't broken to this day) is that with women, I enter through the front, dudes in the rear (like there's any other side to enter, lol). Basically, ass is reserved for guys only. When I fuck dudes in the ass, it turns me on the same way as when I fuck a woman's pussy. I just don't feel that I can get that same feeling taking a woman from behind.

Very easy- two 6 inch cocks to get the fun started then a nice (can I ask for thick?) 8 inch cock to close the deal.

Sounds good. I'm not sure what the standard HIV testing procedures are in Australia, but are you able to go somewhere that offers rapid testing (blood draw or oral swab antibody test with results in 20 minutes)? I would highly recommend that for you so that you can get the testing over and done with as soon as possible. If you have to wait a week for results, it's going to be a nerve wracking week for you, and perhaps even more nerve shattering if they call you to tell you that you have to come in for your results, which some places will do even if the result is negative. The first (and last) time I ever got a test like that done, the nurse who drew my blood told me (incorrectly) that I can call for my results after a week, but if I didn't hear from them then "no news is good news." Well, you can imagine how I nearly jumped out of my skin when they called me a week later to tell me that my results were in and they can't discuss them over the phone and that I have to come in to get them... An hour later of waiting under the assumption that I was poz, they told me the neg result and I could have killed them for putting me through that... So I hope that you don't have to go through a similar situation.

I have been fucked once by a black guy who was 11 inches and pretty thick. The thing was, he wasn't completely hard when he first penetrated me. He was JUST hard enough to get it in. Once he got inside, I thought "eh, this feels alright," but I wasn't blown away. After he started getting a few strokes in, his dick started getting harder and longer and I started feeling him hitting spots I never felt a dick hit before inside me. It actually hurt like hell because he wasn't being gentle. I asked him to stop and take a break, he asked me what was wrong. I told him that he was hitting a spot inside me that was hurting like hell. That's when he did something I never felt ever with another guy. He slowly pushed his dick into me and pushed against the second sphincter. He asked, "that spot?" I told him yes. He pressed against it a little harder, pulling my hips in. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, POP. His massive cock got past that second sphincter. And it felt AMAZING. He continued fucking me, slower at first and then started really ramming me, but now I could take him all the way in. After a few minutes of that, he blew his load deep past that second sphincter. I swear, his cum was still coming out of my hole two days later.

Hey man good to hear back from you. You say it's frustrating not being able to do anything, but you are doing something. You're taking PEP, which is just about the best you could do. And being that as it is, I still believe (and many people would agree) it is highly unlikely your next test is going to test positive. Like I've said, I have been in your shoes before and I know how much the waiting until the next test sucks. Just keep your chin up, concentrate on other things and all around just try to stay positive (no pun intended). This whole ordeal will be over soon.

Though I have never been to any bathhouses in Europe, I have been to Europe enough times and hooked up with enough guys there to know that there is never a shortage of action. And it always seems to be bareback. I don't think any culture on the planet fears STD's less than Europeans do, especially those in France and Spain from my experience. When I was in Barcelona, I visited a park called Montjuic where guys would cruise and have sex openly and it was totally legal. That's just an example. You will find sex and probably bathhouses very easily in Germany, France and Netherlands for certain. This I know from experience. Italy I am sure you can too, but I'm not sure which cities are best for that. Milan is a very gay city, Rome has its scene too, but not sure about elsewhere in Italy. I've heard things about the gay scenes in Hungary and Czech Republic but couldn't say from personal experience. Switzerland I have only been to very briefly, Zürich to be exact, and the only thing I saw and smelt there was money, not sure how great the gay scene is in Switzerland. Good luck though!

I have absolutely been in your shoes and I know how it goes. I have gotten horny and had risky (no protection) sex with guys of unknown status. Not only would I feel worried after the fact, sometimes, I would also get that worry while in the act and wouldn't even enjoy it as it was happening. I guess you can say I've grown up a bit (I'm 29 now) and I've decided that no sex is worth me getting a lifelong disease that I don't want. I have considered getting on PrEP, but I'm not sure yet. Until I figure it all out, I'm only doing BB with a couple of close fuck buds. Good luck to you, hope it all works out in your favor.

Thanks for the responses guys. I actually under quoted the time it's been since the exposure, I later realized it was actually 4 weeks since the sex took place, which should be enough time for an OraQuick to pick up an infection. I did go and buy the OraQuick test out of panic, and it came up negative. The temperatures I was showing earlier this evening actually came back down into the normal range, took my temp a few times and it ranged from 98.5-99.1, which is normal for me. Honestly, I am looking at this from different perspectives as to what could have caused this random spike in my body temperature. A few weeks ago, I had pneumonia and though I took the antibiotics, a minor respiratory infection has started rebounding on me this past week, it is quite possible that my body just needed to raise its temp a bit to chase it out. I otherwise feel fine, I am not showing any other signs of what could possibly be a seroconversion. And doing a little bit of research, I've seen that the temps I've been showing aren't concurrent with seroconversion. I will see how I feel over the next few days and I'll keep you posted.

Since he is undetectable your risk is very low, but you may want to consider looking into getting on PrEP. That will put your mind at ease and your chances of getting infected would be virtually 0.