VersatileBreeder

My last thread about possibly having contracted syphilis from a fuck buddy who advised me that he had tested positive for it has come to a conclusion... A bit has happened since then, so here goes.... About three weeks ago, I visited my ID doc. He took a look at the blister-ish sore on my thigh and quickly dismissed it and said that syphilis chancres don't usually look like that or grow in that area. But still, he wanted me to get tested so he wrote a script for me to go get tested at a Labcorp. That weekend (two weeks ago now), I noticed that the lower part of my shaft felt irritated. I took a close look and noticed that there was a red bump with a pubic hair growing out of it. Thinking it may have been an infected hair follicle, I yanked the hair out (maybe shouldn't have done that, I don't know) and there was a slightly raised bump about the size of a pinhead with a hole in the middle it looked like. It bled a tiny bit. Days went by and it started looking EXACTLY like a syph chancre, which I have seen many pictures of. So here I thought, that's it... That's the chancre right there. I was certain that it was, so I was fully expecting a positive syphilis result. Last Tuesday, I went and got the blood drawn and was told the results should be in in a few days. My doctor called me late this afternoon. I was FULLY expecting he was going to tell me it was a positive result. He told me just the opposite. Test came back negative. I was shocked and relieved. I was able to go out with a few friends now even more amped up to watch the USA-Ghana game (GO USA!!) and have one less thing on my mind. But now this has me wondering... What IS this thing at the base of my shaft? It is a bit painful when it's touched or pressure is applied to it. I have attached a couple of pictures here, one of which is a close up. I am not expecting to get a diagnosis here, but has anyone seen or had anything like that before?

JD- I am glad to say that the medication (Stribild) has been very easy on me so far. I hope that my next blood test, which will be in early July, will yield undetectable results. Once I am there, I will feel really good. If it's not yet, but as long as my VL shows a downward trajectory, I will still feel better and hope for UD on the next one. To answer your question, no I don't think the way I was thinking back a few months ago. Seeing how easy it is to take a single pill in the morning that is very easy and non-disruptive on my body is very reassuring, whereas I know that people with diabetes have to inject themselves with insulin every day and that must be much harder. However, my thoughts on the stigma have not changed. That part is hard for HIV+ people as opposed to people with diabetes. No one will ever look twice at a person with diabetes and think, "ewww, that person is so gross and dirty- they have diabetes!" But we all know how that works for people with HIV. I am not letting it bother me either way.

jtonic, the first month was a piece of cake. The first week, it felt a little foreign to me but now (5 weeks in), it's all gravy. To be honest, I have so much going on with work and my other job bartending, I don't even have the time to worry about taking a pill as an emotional issue. It pretty much is a non-issue. I wake up, I take it, I eat something small, done. My day goes on like any other. Instead of harping on what the rest of my life is going to be like taking a pill everyday, I just started wondering about the other things in my life like where will I be in my career in 10 years, where will I live, where will I travel to, etc.... A little turquoise pill that takes all of 25 seconds to take out of the container and wash down with water is not my life's main concern. I'm going to turn 30 next Friday (FUCK!!!), so it's time to be a man and start getting my life together and not sweating the small stuff.

jtonic, it is extremely hard in the beginning. No question about that. I read your posts and it literally feels like I've gone back in time five months. It feels almost like I could have wrote those posts for you. But I will tell you this... I have come a LONG way in five months. I hope you will also come that long way. It may take you longer than five months, it might not. Everyone copes differently. Some say that HIV will shackle you in life. I say that HIV will only shackle you if you let it. The way you live with HIV completely depends on how you choose to live with it, the attitude you take to it. My attitude is basically this: "HIV is a condition I have. It will be well-controlled with medication and the guidance of my doctor. HIV is NOT who I am, it is not the definition of me. Many people have been down this road long before me. I am not alone. I am young, I am free, and I have a long exciting life ahead of me. I have no regrets about my past and I forgive myself for any mistakes I have made. My past will not be dwelled upon. My future will not be compromised or dictated by a controllable virus. I am a stronger and better person since I have found out I am HIV+, certainly not less of a person. I thank God every day that I have been faced with this obstacle in the year 2014 and not 1994, or even 2004. Whatever issues that may come my way in the wake of this condition, I will fight and I won't give up, and I will help others who are in the same boat as me." You will learn to adopt these attitudes as time goes on. It may seem daunting right now, but you will get there. I didn't think I would, especially in such a short period of time, but I did. Also, you have mentioned your concern about taking meds every day and you are worried it will be a constant reminder of your "stupidity." I just started taking meds about 5 weeks ago (Stribild, a one a day pill). I was worried about it too when I first started. Dude... It is the easiest thing in the world. Some guys I have spoken to have a timer set on their phone to remind them to take it every day at the same time. Though that's not a bad idea, I prefer not to do that. I just take it first thing in the morning around the same time when I wake up, then eat something small. I forget about it after. It doesn't bother me or start my day off with any negative reminders. I also have not forgotten once to take it, not had any mid-day "oh shit I forgot" moments. You will be fine man. Trust me.

I got as far as "tror på gjennormbrudd." Unfortunately, Norwegian is not one of the four languages I am proficient in.... Maybe I'll check it out with Google Translate later. Until then, I'll take your word that it's a good article. There is hope for the future

I agree with the consensus here. I had a guy once try to blackmail me. When I first met him to hook up, he wasn't ANYTHING like his pics or description, I was completely turned off by him and I told him I was gonna have to pass on hooking up. He used my phone number to find my Facebook and he threatened to expose me to family and friends for backing out on him. I told him that I knew where he lived, his car, etc, and the day he exposes me to anyone will be the sorriest day of his life. I ended that conversation with a polite "fuck off and have a nice day..." He didn't do it. Flakes and jokers (never had someone say it was a joke) are unfortunately just the shit we have to put up with to hook up. Playing blackmail games though can definitely backfire on you, so I wouldn't recommend it. Just grin and bear it and let it be.

Bad breath is always a turnoff no matter what. I get turned off majorly when a dude has horrendous breath, especially if he wants to kiss. I always mouthwash- swish and gargle when prepping for a hook up or at the very least pop a couple of Altoids right before. Not sure why there are so many guys who ignore that detail.

Jtonic, I was in exactly the same boat as you five months ago. I found out in January that I was poz and it completely devastated me. I, like you, felt trapped, scared and hopeless. I didn't know where to turn and I turned to the guys here on BZ, who were a great help. Still though, things were feeling really hopeless for me. I even got hammered drunk one night and made an attempt on my life with pills and vodka (please do not do the same). I never thought my life was going to get better, but amazingly, it does. Here are some things for you to think about... 1) I'm sure you've heard this many times, but HIV is NOT a death sentence anymore. Studies are showing that newly poz people that adhere to their meds can expect to live a normal lifespan. 2) Meds are really not a big deal to take these days. I just finished a month's worth of Stribild, a one a day pill. I take it in the morning as soon as I wake up with a small bite to eat and I'm good for the day. I don't think about it and I can go on with my life for the day. The drug thankfully has had virtually no side effects on me (occasional relatively minor headaches). 3) Cost of the meds and treatment should be little to no worry to you as you live in Canada. It should come at little to no cost as you have universal healthcare. I'm in America and have to pay based on my health coverage. My new health coverage is very good and I pay $40/month co-pay for Stribild and the true cost of it is nearly $3000 a month. 4) Who you choose to tell is your business. Right now, the only person who knows is my girlfriend (I'm bi) and she still loves me regardless of the disease. We rarely ever talk about it and we have a great relationship. My family/friends don't know because they don't need to know. Likewise, you only need to tell those that you are comfortable telling and those that NEED to know (e.g. Sex partners). 5) Most importantly, just know that you CAN live a long, normal and peaceful life with HIV. The drugs are only going to get better and a cure may be on the near horizon. Five months ago, I thought my life was doomed to be a dark gloomy cloud forever. I never thought I would reach the healthy, stable mental state I'm in now. I know it seems like a reach for you right now, but keep it mind, this is just a fresh wound that needs to heal. You'll make it, trust me you will. If I did, you can too. If you have any questions or want to chat, PM me.

In my honest opinion, there are many benefits to being fit and healthy, one of which is the ability to have greater sexual prowess- harder erections, more stamina, better endurance, and let's not lie- a nice fit guy is easy on the eyes when he's standing in front of you naked. BUT....... I wouldn't say that this is the be all end all of being a good fuck. I am about 20 lbs overweight, but it had never stopped me from having a good fuck. Being slightly out of shape does have other drawbacks though- one of which was getting my ass kicked playing soccer with my 8, 10 and 12 year old cousins at a family party last weekend, just because they can outrun the shit out of me. But I digress... Still though, in the situation of being in the sack, I have been with my share of guys who were out of shape and some of them were phenomenal fucks. On the same token, I have been with some fit guys that were terrible in bed. Case in point- I once hooked up with a 31 year old guy who was a personal trainer. Beautifully sculpted body, muscles, huge 9" thick cock, the whole package. I was so turned on by him but he was TERRIBLE in bed and literally had no shame for it probably because he figured his looks compensated for it. Seriously... He had no idea how to suck cock, was the worst at trying to take cock and lasted about 10 seconds when he fucked me. In all, I would say that it's hard to equate being in shape with being necessarily good in bed.

I wouldn't say anything to him, especially if your sources can turn this situation into a legal liability due to the HIPAA laws. Yes, he should have told you he is poz, but you also need to take responsibility. I found out I am poz back in January and it devastated me. I never confronted the guy who gave it to me. I notified all guys I was with in the previous 3 months. One of them was a 19 year old top guy, a regular fuck bud, that flipped the fuck out on me and threatened me in all sorts of ways- threatening legal action and he vowed to wreck my life. He tested negative and then calmed down. But the fact of the matter is, he wasn't taking responsibility for where he stuck his dick. You also need to take responsibility for who you're allowing to penetrate you.

Sorry to be tardy to the party... I just watched this video for the first time last night and I have to say, it really struck a cord with me. Not a bad cord, but it resonated with me in a way I wouldn't have expected a short 15 minute film to. I think the reason it resonated with me was that I felt the main character in the film is just like me. The similarities I found with him and I were astounding. It almost felt like I was watching a movie about myself in the past few years. Some of these similarities are: - In the beginning of the film, they mention living in or moving to Rockland County. Rockland is a suburb outside of NYC and it's where I grew up and lived the first 26 years of my life before moving to NJ. So it started feeling close to home. - The main character comes from a seemingly conservative Jewish family. I come from a conservative Italian Catholic family... Religion aside, the family dynamics of the two are almost synonymous. - The main character, like me, is a teacher. Very engaging with his students and thought provoking. His classroom manners are very similar to mine. He presents a very well-adjusted, likeable front to his friends, family, students, etc, like I do. None of the above would ever guess that he likes taking loads from random strangers. - The sex party he went to felt almost like déjà vu watching it. I have been to parties just like that in NYC. One in particular felt like the one portrayed in the movie. I let myself go at that party, which was unusual for me at that time. Face down, like the main character, five guys tag teamed my hole and bred me. All in all, the movie just presented a very real sense of familiarity and reality to me. The only issue I had with the movie was the title, "Chaser," used connotatively to imply that the main character was chasing HIV. There was nothing to support this in the movie, other than showing his letting himself go and get bred, which if he does repeatedly, he almost certainly will end up with it. Otherwise, to me, he just seemed like a regular guy that loved to get fucked and bred, not necessarily looking for the bug.

Hey man, sorry to hear that things didn't work out with you and your bf. I gotta be honest with you though- I have read quite a few posts you put on this site about him and I have to tell you, this relationship just sounded like it was never meant to be. It sounded toxic and doomed to fail one way or another. I'm sorry for putting it so bluntly, but it's the best way I can. I was in a relationship some years ago with a girl (I am bi) and I was so madly in love with her. For months, I thought she was in love with me too, but what I failed to see was that I was basically a rebound from her break up with her ex. She just needed someone to get her over the hump of the heartbreak. I was that someone. I didn't see it at the time. Once she was over the heartbreak, she didn't need me anymore. When she started pushing me away emotionally, all I did was try to pull myself harder towards her. And the harder I pulled, the more she pushed me away. It didn't make sense to me at the time why things weren't working out, but I see it now. Likewise, one day, hopefully sooner than later, you will see too the reasons why things didn't work out with this guy. But really dude, no good relationship is ever going to encompass as much drama and be as complicated as the one you described with this guy. All relationships have their ups and downs, but this roller coaster ride you were on with this guy was excessive. You will be much better off with out him. Trust me. One day you'll understand.

I once was sucking this hot muscle daddy's cock and he farted. It seemed that he didn't do it I intentionally, but he didn't really care that he did or try to stop it from coming, he just kinda let it go. It smelt pretty bad and I had to stop for a minute to let the air clear. I didn't tell him at the time, but I was actually fairly grossed out by it. Farts, scat or anything else that gives off a nasty smell isn't my thing at all. I really don't know how some guys get off on it, but hey, to each his own...

I agree with all of the above statements, especially from Poz1956- that was very well said. My best friend is a straight dude, has been with a fair share of girls/women throughout the years, usually used condoms, but has had his few instances where he went without one. Now, looking at this, all things put aside, he IS in a low risk category. There was one day that I went and got tested a while ago and I casually mentioned to him that I did. He told me that I "have balls for going to get tested." I asked him why he's never been tested. He said it is because if he has anything, he doesn't want to know. I mean, if that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is. There are too many guys in way higher risk categories than he is that also refuse to be tested and I can just never understand it.

I am pretty certain the consensus is correct here- those tests are made specifically for testing antibodies in saliva. IF you were to try it your way, the test will probably either 1) not produce any lines because the incorrect body fluid was used OR 2) potentially create a false positive because it might be triggered by something else in his semen that is not HIV-related. Either way, it won't be a reliable test. If I were you, I would try to find out what is stopping him from going to a doctor or clinic to get tested. If he is just scared about what the possible result could be, he needs to get over it. I got tested for the very first time six years ago and I was PETRIFIED going in. I was convinced the test was going to be positive, but I was wrong. If that is his fear, he needs to get over it. Anyone who is sexually active, using protection or not, should be getting tested on some sort of regular basis.

Tiger, I'm not really sweating it. I just wasn't sure if there were any complications that could arise with having this is conjunction with HIV. I'm not worried about the shots. I'm not crazy about needles either, but I have a pretty high threshold for pain. I tried making an appointment with my ID specialist today but I kept getting an answering service, which is unusual. I will try them again tomorrow. I would much rather go to him than a clinic, even though the clinic is free. For the same reason you stated- I'd rather go somewhere I am treated like a person and not some dirty whore. Anyway, cost isn't going to be a deterring factor for me in this case. I just got a new health insurance policy that is awesome- 0 deductible, $25 specialist co-pay and free blood work. So if $25 will make the difference in the experience, it's worth it for me.

PunkBear, sorry to hear you got hit with the double-whammy two years ago with both syph and HIV. Sounds like you got through it well though. I have heard of this Herxheimer reaction. Basically what you said- you feel like shit for a night and it goes away. I think it's very rare that it gets any worse than that. I actually JUST started meds for HIV. Literally took my first Stribild pill this morning. I guess at this point, since I am treating this and Stribild is known for driving viral load down very fast, I should be in better shape to get the penicillin shots done by the time the tests are done for the syph.

GermanFucker, I took another look at this sore today. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, but it looks VERY suspect to me. It is kind of a dark, hard nodule like sore and it looks like it opened up on top. I get ingrown hairs here and there, but they look nothing like this. I know that syphilis is easily transmitted, easily caught, but also easily treated. I am going to go under the assumption that it is syph. If it's not, then great. But I am going to hit at this issue with the expectation that it is and that I have to get it taken care of. As for my immune system, my last bloodwork was done in February. I'm sure I am due for another round of bloodwork now that it is three months later. When my labs were done back then, the CD4 count was 700, which my doctor said was good for a new diagnosed case. Assuming that my CD4 hasn't dropped immensely since then (I'm guessing I would have started noticing if it did), I would say my immune system is still in pretty good shape. Since we are just a month into it (and this is probably the earliest it could be detected), I would say I'm hitting it at a good time. I'm familiar with the four stages of syphilis. I have seen pictures of people with secondary syphilis. It's not pretty. The last thing I need right now is to walk around with a rash covering my whole body. I'll stick with the one chancre that will eventually go away. And of course the VERY LAST thing I need is to ignore this and let it go to stage four syphilis. Manageable HIV would seem like a walk in the park at that point. Also about my doctor- so far, I have had a good relationship with him. He is regarded as one of the top docs in the area for HIV treatment. He hasn't come across as preachy to me by this point. I am wondering if I should set an appointment with him to have this taken care of, or should I go to an STD clinic to have this taken care of instead. It will probably be at least a week until I can get an appointment with my doc, but I know I can go to a clinic somewhere local any time. It's not MY doctor I am worried about being preachy, it's these other docs and clinicians I would encounter at one of the walk-in clinics. I would feel better under the care of my doctor, but I am not sure if I should wait the week or so to see him, or rather, go to a clinic ASAP. Thoughts?

Just when things started calming down with having coped with being poz and getting on meds... This happens.... One month ago today, an old fuck bud I used to play safe with when I was neg (he's poz/undetectable) hit me up and wanted to play. We flip fucked. I got a text from him this morning that said he's so sorry but he got a call from his doctor yesterday that his latest blood work showed positive for syphilis and I need to go get tested. I did a little self exam this morning and noticed what looks like a blood blister on my thigh about six inches or so away from my shaft.... First thought is possibly a chancre? So I'm not really freaking out... I know I have to get tested and have it taken care of ASAP. I know it's a couple of penicillin shots in the ass. Question is- is syphilis any more of a worry for poz guys than neg guys? Or any more difficult to treat? It's just such a pain in the ass (literally) and so embarrassing that I have to go to a clinic and tell them I'm poz AND had a syph exposure. I'll be expecting lots of lecture and judgment from the doctors. Any thoughts?

So after months of grappling with health insurance issues (long story) and the possibility of taking ADAP, I finally got situated with a great health insurance plan and got my prescription for Stribild filled at the pharmacy. My ID doctor ordered the prescription for 90 days. I got to the pharmacy and the woman behind the counter picked up the bag with my prescription. She almost fainted when she saw what the total was on it... $8,950!!! HOLY SHIT!!! She looked at me and said nervously, "you have new insurance right?" I gave her my new insurance info and she processed it. $8,950 turned into $120 out of my pocket. When I got home, I took the meds out of the bag and put them away. I looked nervously at one of the bottles of Stribild. I know what to possibly expect as far as possible side effects (though I heard that with Stribild, they are relatively mild). I have two long work days ahead of me, so I think I'm going to start Monday in case the side effects kick my ass. Though I should be relieved I finally got the meds in hand, I'm kind of thinking like, "eh, alright... Here goes the rest of my life. Gotta do this everyday and there's no going back." I'm just nervous about it. Has anyone else felt this way when starting off fresh on meds?

Poz1956, yeah stress is a bitch. I'm definitely having those "every cough is something serious" worries. I haven't gotten on meds yet and I haven't been living with this virus long enough to know how my body would and should feel once I get to the UD stage. I am not worried so much about the ARVs. I have heard that most guys experienced very little, if any, side effects from Stribild in the beginning. I have a pretty strong stomach. Also, I have had some experience with ARVs before, some time ago I went on PEP after I had a regretful encounter with a guy of unknown status. I believe the drugs given to me at that time were Truvada and Sustiva. The Truvada made me slightly nauseous in the very beginning, but I have heard that Stribild is a cleaner drug than Truvada in that respect.

Tiger, you have mentioned that your body had a rough time getting used to the meds. I am just hoping that once I get through the initial stages of getting used to the ARV's, I will start to feel healthier, like how everyone mentions on here that they have been undetectable for X number of months/years, and they have felt fine. Not only will this help me feel healthier physically, but also mentally.

newlypoz, how has Stribild been working out for you when taking in the morning? Most people have been advising me that when I start taking it, I should take it at night before I go to sleep. I would MUCH rather take it in the morning if I can. I could easily make it part of my morning routine- shower, brush teeth, take pill, eat breakfast, and be done with it. I really don't want to go through my whole day constantly telling myself "remember to take that pill later!" I can see myself forgetting to take it at night. I would rather do it in the morning and not have to worry about it after.

wood, this is about the sickest I've felt since being diagnosed. Before, it was an annoying and persistent cough, but now it's that dry hacking cough that feels like I'm getting stabbed in the throat with 5 knives everytime I cough. True, the body does fix itself and that's how I always felt when I was neg. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape worrying because I knew that it would just heal itself. But now, being poz has me constantly wondering things like "is it going to get better? Is it going to get worse? How much longer? Is this going to land me in the hospital?" Etc... I know smoking does a number on the respiratory system and I know, I know, I know... I need to quit for good, not just cut back. Once I get situated with Stribild, I am going to ask my doctor about prescribing Chantix to help me quit. Cold turkey has never worked for me, and I'm not a gum or patch or e-cigarette kind of guy.

I've FINALLY got a prescription to start taking meds (diagnosed in January). I am picking them up tomorrow because the pharmacy I go to doesn't have Stribild in stock so they are ordering them. I am coming down with something that feels like it's either something in the way of a bronchial or sinus infection. I'm not really worried because I have always been prone to getting both. What I realized is that in the four months since my diagnosis, I haven't had a very great period of time that I've felt truly healthy. I have had a recurring cough that keeps coming and going. And now, there's this. What I am wondering is: has there been anyone on here who felt this way, like they were constantly sick, before going on meds? Did the meds make a difference in your immune system? My numbers when I got blood drawn back in February were 70K viral load and 700 CD4. My doctor put me under the impression that 700 CD4 was a good number and means that my immune system is strong. But I haven't felt that strong, just constantly sick. Am I reading too much into this? Or do meds make a big difference?