I was making weekend visits to The Cellar for about 3 months before it closed. Some men would use condoms and I would not stop men from fucking me bareback. It was always on my mind when a man fucked me bareback that he might be HIV positive. On one visit, a man came into my room with a condom on. I said I prefer bareback. He said he is HIV positive. I said I am neg. He tells me he only recently found out he has HIV and has not yet seen anyone about meds. I can't explain it but I felt an unusually strong desire to have him fuck me. He turned to face the door and took one step before I blurted out, "Please, don't leave. I really want you to fuck me. Please?" It was totally out of character for me to beg like that, the words just came out. He hesitated for a moment, removed the condom, and fucked me. This fuck was a turning point for me. Moving forward, any load might be toxic so no condoms ever again and take any load. And actively look for toxic loads, which is my sole purpose for being on here. It is not looking good that I will actually find any here but I have to stay because I do not want to miss any that might come my way.